*My Gift*
09
“Lindiwe get back here this instinct”
I hear her voice shout behind me and my body freezes in position. I want to move I want to go back to Nandipha but my feet are now being drilled to the ground, they are now being buried under the earth and I can’t move.
“I said get back here!”
She shouts more and I feel the so famous salty *water run down my cheeks. I have been always faint-hearted and being shouted at triggers my disease. A disease that I have had from birth and now I have no choice but to turn and look at her. She looks mad and I get scared of what she w* ill do.
I don’t want to see the consequences *of her being mad so I move closer but slowly to her till I reach her. Till I can feel her breath on my face and till I can feel her hands grip tightly on my wrist. It hurts but I’m not about to say that I don’t want to* be pinned against the wall and she goes all mad at me.
“Why did you hit me?”
She asks me and I feel tongue-tied. The words don’t want to come out from my mouth no matter how ha-rd I try for them too.
I feel it. The foreign feeling I last felt when I was 13 *years old and I hand went out with Nandipha. It was her idea that we bunk school and we go to this other party and I got home drunk. I was greeted by a slap the minute I entered the house. The pain I felt was e* ngraved in my mind because it was the first time my mother hit me and that’s the reason I’m able to identify the pain I’m feeling right now. That’s how I’m able to know that Lwandle just slapped me, that Lwandle allowed her hand to land on my cheek and cause pain to run throu-ghmy body.
“You slapped me?”
The words stumble on each other as they live my mouth.
“I…I’m sorry o didn’t mean it MaLindi.”
She says in a voice carrying hurt and I could not care less that she feels hurt.
“You hit me Lwandle.”
I say to her and it still has not settled in that my girlfriend hit me. I know I also hit her but now that the roles are reversed I feel more pain. Maybe she felt pain and she was just making me feel what I made her feel. This is a same-se-x relationship there is no man and woman where a woman hits a man and it’s justified with whatever stupid reason, and when the man hits the woman it’s gender-based violence and they call the whole community against him.
“I’m sorry.”
I say to her because I now see my mistake. I hit her first and I should have not done that. I should have not done that to express my anger like she should have not hit me.
“I’m also sorry.”
She says but her voice is still carrying hurt and pain.
“Do you want to go inside?”
She asks me and I just nod my head and she opens the door leading the way. My feet carry me flowing her till we stop at a white door and we enter.
It’s white-the room and it looks beautiful.
“Is this your room?”
I ask her as I walk to sit on the bed and she sits next to me. I can see that she is very hesitant to move closer to me and I don’t blame her.
“I feel like our relationship is over before it even got a chance to blossom.”
I say afterward are not exchanged between us.
“Don’t say that MaLindi.”
She tells me and I can’t help but throw myself at her and start crying. All the sadness I have been holding in my heart is now out in the open. It’s now out for her to see.
“It hurts. That you didn’t come to see me and I thought you didn’t want me anymore.”
I say to her as I’m crying and she keeps brushing my back.
“I’m sorry I had to do something for the ceremony I’m sorry.”
She says and I get why she could not come to see me but that does not mean I’m not hurt by it. It feels like someone took a knife and stabbed me with it.
“From now on I’m all yours neh?”
She says pulling me closer making me look at her. I see the new beaded necklace around her neck and it’s unique from the others. It has a small white thing hanging and the shape of the beads is different from others.
“Wait here.”
She says standing up and goes to the closet. I’m not sure what she is going to get but when she turns she is carrying a rectangular box I’m not sure what is inside it but when she gets closer I can tell it’s a phone box.
“Wait us that a phone?”
I ask her and she nods sitting next to me. Samsung is written on the box cover.
“It’s yours. I thought I should get it for you and we would be able to talk when I can’t see you.”
She says and I don’t know what to say or how to react to the whole situation. I don’t know if I should take it or if I should live it because my mother never got me a phone, not because of affordability but because she does not want me to lose focus at school.
“I don’t know if I should take it.”
I say to her and I can see that she is disappointed with this.
“What will I say to my mother Kodwa?”
I ask her because I don’t want to lie to my mother and these days I have been lying like I’m getting paid.
“You don’t have to show her. I don’t want a repeat of this week to happen again. I could not come to you but I could have called but I could not so please take it.”
She tells me but I’m still hesitant about taking it. I’m scared that she might find it and she will show me her other side I have never seen before.
“Fine, I will take it thank you.”
I say and she hugs me. I’m now feeling happy feeling overwhelmed.
We spend the rest of the day in her room with her teaching me everything I needed to know about the phone and it’s really easy to use. The only pictures I have posed for are the ones where you meet a photographer by the door and they take you pictures. I have a lot of those pictures with Nandipha from those guys but now I have pictures on my phone with Lwandle and they are beautiful-more than.
“I have to go before Nandipha sends a search party for me”
I feel her getting up from the bed.
“It’s fine I also need to go out because I know my mother will make noise about it.”
She tells me and I laugh knowing how much drama parents can have especially mothers.
“When will I see you?”
She asks me and I don’t know when me and her will meet because I have been busy with exams a lot.
“Maybe After writing Monday?”
I ask her as we are walking out of the room and down the pa-ssage.
“That’s fine I will come to get you.”
She says and I nod my head. We now have to part ways and I don’t want that to happen. I want to be locked in her room with her for the rest of our lives but I know that could never be the case.
“See you keh?”
She says and pulls me into a hug. Feels good being held in her arms and having this feeling that nothing could ever happen to me as long as I’m in her arms.
“See you.”
I say pulling away and walk out. I’m now going back to Nandipha and the phone is in my hand. I have no pockets for the phone so I’m left with just holding it. When I get where I felt her she is chatting up a storm with the group of girls that are sitting there.
“Ubuphi wena?”-where you
She asks me as soon as I get to her and has moved on from the conversation she was having with the girls she was sitting with.
“Toilet.”
I say and she laughs and I can not help but laugh with her.
“Yah you were so tell me.”
She does the hand movements encouraging me to tell her where I was.
“I was with Lwandle…..”
I say and I’m intercepted by her screaming but not too loud for others to hear her.
“And what happened?”
She asks me and I laugh at the fact that she thinks something is interesting that happened between us.
“Well we both slapped each other and it was sad yazi but we fixed our things and she bought me this.”
I say showing her the phone and this time she screams for everyone to hear her.
“Sorry.”
She says to them and her focus comes back to me.
“You joking right?”
She asks me and I shake my head tell her no.
“You so lucky yazi.”
She tells me and when I think of it now I can tell that she is telling the truth. I am really lucky to have Lwandle not because she has money but because of how I feel around her and how I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not. I get lost in my train of thoughts and when I come back it’s time for us to go back home. Now the worry and being scared is sinking in. I don’t know where I will hide my phone and how I will hide it.
We are now at the gate and my mind is not here is inside the house and where I will hide the phone.
“Bye friend.”
She says and I wive my hand going inside the compound. When I enter inside my mother is not there and j feel joy take over me. I hide it between the mattress and the base. The changes of her finding it here are close to nothing and I will also make sure I’m the one who always cleans the bedroom.
Tbc