My Gift
16
In this relationship I have to my self into I have learnt that I should stop reacting to everything that happens. A lot if things happened and if I started throwing things around and crying then I have been admitted for depression a long time ago.
“Let me make your food then.”
She says ki-ssing me on the forehead and taking the food with her going to the stove. I watch her move around and it looks that she has a song in mind that she keeps moving to. She can’t dance but it looks beautiful as she moves around getting everything ready for my food. When I come to the palace there are two things I like first its Lwandle and second but not least the food. I get to eat anything and everything I want and the food is always nice. I’m not saying there is something wrong with the food at home it’s also nice but the palace’s food takes the trophy.
“Thatha and I hope you like it.”
She says handing me a plate with four slices. She made her famous cheese, meat loafs French toast. Its always nice when I eat it home because the cheese is stretchy so I start eating immediately. I pay not attention to her and mo-an out while eating my food.
“Stop doing that wena you doing things to me”
She says making me lose concentration on the food.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to”
I say to her and go go back to the eating. If I was dating a guy I would say am pregnant with the rate that I’m eating at. I have always loved food and it gets worse when I’m with Lwandle because she let’s me eat anything and everything that I want. With no nasty comments of you are eating too much or you are finishing the food.
After a few minutes I finish eating and get off the kitchen counter and go place the plate in the sink.
“What are we going to do ? I wish we can go out and take a walk or do something nje I don’t feel like sitting indoors the whole day.”
I say going back to stand next to her but it looks like she is not listening to me. It’s like she has zoned out from the world of the living. I’m not sure if it’s one of her ancestral episodes or she did not hear me.
“Babe are you okay?”
I ask moving closer to her. I touch her on her shoulders and it’s like I have triggered something inside her because she turns and looks at me and her eyes look clear. They look white and as I’m still consecrated on that she drops to her knees and screams. Its different from the other episodes she has became when she has her episodes she normally starts shaking but now all she is doing is screaming.
“You scaring me”
I say in a low voice and I don’t think she can hear me. I have never been this scared in my life and now I can hear commotion from a lot of people but I don’t look up to see who it is I continue looking at Lwandle. I wonder how her throat will be like when she gets better. I’m sure it will be ruspy and she won’t be able to talk probably I’m sure it will be like she has flu. Everytime when my throat becomes painful and I lose my voice because of flu my mother always makes me lemon tea and I always feel better. I don’t know if that’s what the queen is going to do for her daughter. I’m sure they will ask the sear what to make for her.
“Fuze!”
I hear a voice calling out for me and when I move my eyes from Lwandle to the voice I see the royal sear standing next to me.
“Baba?”
I say in a asking tone. Asking him why he is calling me because I was still looking at Lwandle I wanted to see when she will stop with her screaming.
Shared on whatsapp by Martino
“Hamba nenkosana. Don’t worry about inkosazana she will be fine.”
He says all of this fast and the prince gives out his hand for me to take it and I do so. I have no energy in me to protest I just follow him and he leads me to the loving room. I sit on the couch and look starting ahead.
“You not strong for this.”
“It always gets worse sometimes she will have an episode for a full hour”
“Leave now it’s still early.”
The warning from different people come crushing down my mind and I can’t seem to stop them. They keep getting louder and louder that I can not hear my self breathing now. My breathing is changing really fast and the voice in my head are not making the whole situation to stop.
“Ahhhh!”
I hear a percing scream and after the echo of the scream dies down I realize that it was from me and now everyone is next to me. They are crowding me and I try to navigate with my eyes and find Lwandle but I can’t I only see these faces of people that I do not want to see. Nandipha always said that when I feel myself not being able to breath-not the first time I’m having a panic attack I should always go to my happy place. A place with no bad people or bad things that will happen to me and if I do that I will be able to bit the attack so I try that. Thinking about back when I was younger when I would play hide and seek with my father. I keep thinking about that with me running around and going to hide behind my mother’s skirt and my father will act like he can not find me. I can feel my breath getting better and after some time I feel better when I open my eyes and look up everyone has a concerned look on their faces.
“I’m fine.”
I say before anyone can say anything and I hear a few sighs of relief.
“Do you need anything maybe water ?”
The queen asks and I shake my head.
“Okay then. Don’t worry about Lwandle she is not fine. I’m sure you will get used to it sisi”
She says and I just nod my head. How do you get used to something like this because I don’t think I wi anytime soon. They all live the room except for MaKhumalo.
Shared on whatsapp by Martino
“UMah is right you will get used to it. I would also freak out when it happened but not as much as you but I did but now I’m used to it”
She says sitting next to me and brushing my back. We have been civil towards each other since I agreed to date Lwandle with her in the picture. I always thought that we would be fighting every second day but we don’t I think its because Lwandle has not given us any reason to fight. When she is with me we only talk about us and nothing about her and Nomathemba Khumalo and I think she does the same thing when she is with her. She does not bad mouth the other when she is with the other and when he is suppose to see she does come, she does not lie just to spend more time with Nomathemba.
“I hope I do I hate seeing her like that it always looks like she is in pain and she can not breath.”
I tell her looking up at her.
“I get you I also felt that way and I still do but I have found better ways of dealing with it.”
She tells me and I nod my head. She pulls me closer fo her and makes me sleep on her lap. I don’t protest I just lie there and close my eyes.
………….
When I wake up I’m still sleeping on MaKhumalo’s and I can feel her playing with my hair. It feels good because she is not hurting me she moves the hair around very gently.
“You awake. Lwandle is better manje mara she had to go entabeni.”
She tells me and I move from her lap very fast and I bump my head on hers and she screams out loud but I don’t care
“When did she live?”
I ask her I see her rubbing her forehead. I don’t feel like saying sorry so I wait for her to tell when when Lwandle left.
“About an hour ago. She didn’t want to wake you up”
She says and I just let out a loud sob. I can’t control it I just keep on crying. Why would she do that to me why would she live without saying bye after I have not seen her for a while.
“Does she care? How I feel how I’m not used to all this and how its hurting me?”
I ask throu-ghmy tears
“Yes she does. ”
MaKhumalo says and I shake my head.
“I don’t think she does.”
.
.
Tbc