My Gift
14
We are now walking home and we have not said anything to each other.
“We had se-x”
The words live my mouth out of the blue. I don’t know why I’m telling her this but I can’t keep it in my chest.
“Lindiwe!”
She screams and I laugh. I thought she was just going to look at me and say nothing or start preaching to me about what I did.
“I don’t know how it happened but it happened I don’t know how to feel really.”
I tell her and she nods not saying anything. I don’t blame her I’m also shocked in myself and I don’t know what to do.
“Why is love so complicated?”
I ask her and she looks at me then laughs.
“You will be fine don’t worry about it.”
She says and before I know it I’m now home. We go our separate ways and I go inside the compound. The bedroom hut is open and I know that my mother is back from work. I wanted to sleep and not do anything today because my day turned out to be the second-worst day of my life. The only good thing that comes out of it is the great se-x that I had which I think gave Lwandle the upper hand in this whole situation. I get inside the hut and my mother is sitting with Mandla’s mother having tea.
“Sanibonani”
I greet them while heading to the closet to place my bag.
“Yebo sisi how was your paper?”
My mother asks.
“It was fine nothing major”
I tell her while paying throu-ghthe closet looking for something I could wear for the rest of the day. I finally find it so I change from my school clothes to my home clothes.
“I will go start with the pots.”
I tell my mother and she nods. I don’t want to sit there and listen to them talk about everyone in the village and all the wrong things they are doing. They always do that in their catch-up sessions and I don’t want to be a part of it. I enter the kitchen hurt and hut on the bench looking at the ashes from yesterday’s fire. I feel lazy to do anything but I don’t have any choice. So I take the dustpan and start clearing the fireplace by the time I’m done I’m black and white and I think I look ridiculous. I start a new fire which does not take me a lot of time. I place the medium-sized pot with water and let it boil. I won’t go to the house to change because cooking with fire is no game I will be dirtier by the time I am done cooking.
“Iphekani vele?”
I hear my mother’s voice say from behind me. I thought she was still sitting with Mandla’s mother.
“Chicken I want to finish fast I’m a little tired.”
I tell her and she nods her head and goes out. I’m now left alone and I continue cooking. After some time I’m done *cooking and we are now sitting eating. My mind is very far I keep on thinking about the predicament that I put myself in by letting Lwandle sleeping with me. I don’t know w* hat I was thinking but I think she took advantage of me because she could see that I was not fine emotionally. She was emotionally fine so she should have done the thinking for the both of us but she did not.
“Are you fine?”
My other brings me back from my train of thought.
“Yebo Mah I’m fine just thinking about exams that’s all”
I tell her and u hate the fact that I’m now a professional at this lying thing. I want to go to heaven but with the rate, I’m going I don’t think I will go to heaven.
“You should not stress you have been studying a lot so I don’t think you should stress you have been dedicated.”
She tells me and I nod my head. A lot might have been happening in my life but I know that I have been concentrating on my studies a lot.
“I will try but I can’t help it. How was work today?”
I asked her changing the topic.
“You know those children they never want to see me at peace.”
She says and I have opened a door for her to talk non-stop about the kids from her work. She has a lot of hate relationships with them and I find it funny.
As soon we are done eating I start with the dishes and my mother goes to our bedroom hut. I have not used my phone since I came back from the royal house so I’m not sure if Lwandle tried to call me or not. Another part of me wishes that she did try and call me but another one wishes that she did not. I don’t want to be like those women I always hear about who are in toxic relationships. When I started falling for Lwandle I saw my soulmate in her but now I’m seeing an “I have been throu-gha lot” situation with her. Imagine hating the word love because of people who died a long time ago and don’t want to accept that they died. They still want to control the living and make them live the life they never lived. My father believed in ancestors and my mother didn’t. She believed that when someone dies they die like die and I was neutral. I believe in both but now I think I underestimated the power that these dead people have.
I’m done with the dishes after a while and I’m now going to the bedroom hut. I’m not writing tomorrow so there is no need for me to stay and study. I will go to Nandipha tomorrow and come back then start studying. When I get there my mother is already sleeping and I’m tempted to take my phone and be busy with it but I don’t want to risk it. I don’t want the whole village to be called on me and they interrogate me with heavy questions that I would not be able to answer with my Ph.D. in lying that I just obtained.
…………….
I open my eyes and I’m alone in bed. I think it’s around 7 am. I can tell with the sun that pecking throu-ghthe crack on the door. I’m sure my mother long went to work and I don’t know why I didn’t hear her when she is getting ready for work. I’m not much of a light sleeper but I can hear this and that at times. I hear again the knock at the door. I thought I woke up because I just wanted to wake up but now I can tell that I woke up because of the knock at the door. I don’t know who it is but I don’t think it’s Nandipha because she says we don’t write every day because they want us to rest so I won’t *wake up early mina. I get out of bed and head to the door.
When I open the door I see her. She is standing there and is now looking at me. She looks different not in a bad say but a good way. She is wearing a mid-thigh summer dress and I can see ho* w flawless her legs look. They *look like she never played a day in her life and she was always indoors where she could not get hurt. The beads are still there but they look more like jewelry now than ancestral beads and I’m ashamed to say this but it’s the first time I’m seein* g her toes. They were covered with white nail polish and if there was su-cka toe dare I would not mind su-cking hers.
“Unjani?”
I ask her because it looks like she won’t say anything.
“Ngiyaphila. I just wanted to come to check on you since you have not been answering your phone.”
She says and I nod my head moving away from the door and going back inside the covers. She comes in and closes the door.
“I’m fine I didn’t switch on the phone since I came back from seeing you.”
I tell her and she nods her head. I don’t know what to say to her now and I’m sure she also does not know what to say to me.
“I’m sorry.”
She says out of the blue and I know what she is apologizing for.
“It’s fine don’t worry about it.”
I lie with a straight face.
“It’s not nje MaLindi. I never wanted abafazi abawu 2 kodwa its happening I don’t even know how to deal with it. Maybe it would have been better if ubaba had many wives but he does not smell only has uMah making me clueless on this whole thing. Angazi Lutho Kodwa I know I don’t want to lose you or MAKHUMALO ngiyanithanda.”
She says and I don’t know what to say. I’m just looking at her and I want to throw myself into her arms and hope everything gets better.
“I know it’s going to be ha-rd Kodwa I promise ngifunga emathuneni wakwaZulu you will never feel like you are in competition with MaKhumalo. I will treat you guys both equally ”
She says giving me her and I hold it. I know what I’m about to do is stupid but I’m following my heart and doing what it wants because I don’t think I can live without Lwandle.
“Please don’t hurt me.”
I say in a breaking voice and she nods her head pulling me into a hug.
“Ngiyakuthembisa.”
She says and I nod my head. I’m following my heart and I hope I don’t regret it in the long run.
I don’t want to move from the position that I’m in right now because I feel like if I move then I will realize that this whole thing was a dream and Lwandle is not next to me.
ONE MONTH LATER
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Tbc