My Gift
13
It’s from her. It’s from Lwandle and this is the de-epest I have ever heard her voice become.
“Hlala phansi.”
She says and I’m stuck between continuing to walk away or to just sit down and sit. I fee like if I go I would be disrespecting everyone sitting in this room and if I don’t I will be giving them the upper hand. I wish I knew what to do right now but i don’t and when I look next to me Nandipha looks as lot as I am. My mother always said one day I would be in a situation where my voice would he heard and I’m not sure if this is one of the situations.
“Why should I?”
I ask her now moving closer to her.
“So that you can tell me this sit you telling me and I will have to accept it. Cabanga nje what would my mom say I mean its enough that I’m les-bian manje I have to share that girlfriend kungavuka ubaba ethuneni if I ever share a partner with someone.”
I shout the words out of my mouth and I’m shocked I said that. I didn’t mean to say all of that I just said. I did but not for it to come out rude.
“Lindiwe!”
Lwandle says and I drop on the couch. I feel defeated and I now feel like crying. I don’t know what to do with my self.
“Why would you do this to me Kodwa. Your ancestors don’t even know me Kodwa bazongivelela kanje?”
I say not understanding the whole thing. Not understand how this whole this is done because this feels likes a punishment. It feels like I did something to them that I don’t know about and now they are punishing me.
“Don’t says it like that ngani yami it’s really not like that. They choose someone they see fit and strong.”
The sear says and I look at him like he is talking some foreign language.
“Wena MaKhumalo you are allowing this whole thing? I’m sorry I even dated her trust me if I knew I would have never dated her.”
I ask and tell. She does not answer we and they keep on talking like I’m not there and I don’t care now. I don’t care what they are talking about all I want now is to meet God. I want to meet him so he can help me stop loving this soul that is hurting me so bad.
“Lindiwe!”
I hear Lwandle call me and she I look up she is standing up. I don’t know why but I find my self standing up and following her. She leads us to her room. I know the way because I was there last time. When she opens the door I enter before her and she follows me inside before I hear the sound of the door being locked. I sit on the bed and look straight ahead. I feel the bed being pressed down due to weight and I now know that she is next to me .
“I’m sorry.”
The words live her mouth and I want to slap the living hell’s out of her but I won’t. I want to deal with this whole thing in a rational manner.
“How will that help me Kodwa Lwandle. How will you being sorry help me because I can not change the way I feel about you?”
I ask looking at her and I think I catch a glimpse of hurt in her face but this is Lwandle she played me like a fool so I don’t believe whatever I see in her face.
“I know what I did was wrong. I know I should have told you as soon as I found out but I could not not because I wanted to but because I didn’t want to hurt you but most importantly I care about you.”
She says and I feel like her saying she cares about me makes me feel better even though it should not.
“It hurts.”
I say as a loud cry escapes from my mouth. I can’t help it all the hurting I have been feeling is now coming back to haunt me and I don’t like it. I feel her pull me into a hug and it’s like she opening a tap of tears and I’m not able to close it.
“I’m sorry please don’t cry ngiyacela.”
She says but I can. I can’t stop the tears that are profusely pouring out of my eyes.
“I can’t okay its hurts that I have to share you. That you love someone else other than me well it’s not like you love me”
I laugh at how stupid I sound right now.
“I know it may seem weird Kodwa I care about you and MaKhumalo in different ways and I know I went about this the wrong way but please forgive me.”
She says and I li-p my face to look at her. I want to ki-ss her so I go for it. I lean towards her face and start ki-ssing her. I can tell that she is not sure at first but after some time we start ki-ssing fast and before I know it clothes are flying all over the room. I don’t know what I’m doing but going with the flow.
…………
We are now lying in bed and I feel…. I don’t know how to right now. I’m lying on her chest and we are not saying anything. We where int-imate with each other and it was the best feeling I ever felt. What I did with her is something I should never do again because I just gave her the upper hand.
“It feel like I’m your mistress.”
I tell her and I can feel her breath changing. I think her breath is changing due to her mood.
“I’m sorry.”
I say when her breath is become more fast.
“We still need to talk about this MaLindi uyazi we can not sleep with each other and everything becomes fine”
She says and I don’t want to talk about it.
“Can we not talk about it? I don’t want to cry again because of pain because it hurts and I just slept with you which makes me the biggest fool.”
I fell her and bit on my li-p trying to stop myself from crying.
“I know you are hurting Kodwa please work with me ngiyacela.”
She says with a begging voice.
“Ngiyathembisa I won’t make you feel other wise. I promise I won’t make you feel like you in contention with MaKhumalo or anything like that.”
She adds and my heart is telling me to listen to her but my mind is telling me the other.
“I’m scared.”
I tell her the truth.
“I know but just let me hold your hand and I promise I will never hurt you.”
She tells me
“Please don’t make promises you can’t keep.”
I tell her because last I heard this I found out that she has a girlfriend.
“I promise you.”
She says and I move out of the bed. I need to get going before my mother comes back home or else I will get in trouble with her.
“Uyaphi?”
She asks me and I shake my head at her question.
“Going home uMah will be home soon.”
I say getting dressed and not waiting for her to answer me. I’m out the bedroom before she can even catch up with me and my heart starts pounding when I meet MaKhumalo by the pa-ssage.
“You going?”
She asks me and I just nod my head and continue walking. When I get to the living room only Nandipha is there.
“Asambe”
I say to her and I think she can feel the tension right now so she stands up and takes her bag and we go out the house.
.
Tbc