t©pE’S HEART TALE
p@rt 8.
I nee-ded to buy something for my baby one day in a town close to ours, they said I can’t take my baby boy with me that I should go alone.
I went alone and bought what I nee-ded to buy on time so I could get back early.
I got home and I was accused of not going where I went because I c@m£ back too early.
They said I had gone to meet the man at a h0tel that I had s£nt him those things before and he bought it down, so I went over to the h0tel to see him and pick it up.
And before then, I had not even been in contact with the Evangelist.
No matter what I say they don’t believe me.
My b©yfri£ndand his Mom went as far as telling my Mom about what happened between me and the Evangelist and how he took my vir-ginity.
they told my Mom about the whole past issue that was supposed to be a secret between me and my guy.
My mum was so angry that she called the Evangelist’s l wife and also the man to ask if it was true.
The man admitted that it was true and started begging but my mum won’t have that.
My Mom was very angry that a whole Evangelist who was well respected could stoop so low to do such.
The man kept pleading to be forgiven But after sometimes my mum just had to let it all go because she wouldn’t want the issue to go round town.
My b©yfri£ndand his Mom find fault in everything I do at any given time. They even said I don’t know how to bre@stfeed. The baby cloth I wash is not always clean. I don’t come to shop….
Everything I do was filled with complains and If i don’t they will still complain.
Each and every pas-sing day, they’ll always find a fault in whatever I do.
They st©pped giving me food finally.
I have to open up to my mom and It was my mum that will always bring food for me if she comes around. I could not tell my brothers because they will mock me.
My mum blamed me for opening up to my guy about that kind of a hvge matter.
She said even if I was scared of her, why didn’t I open up to any of my brothers. She was very disappointed in me.
My mum said she thought it was my b©yfri£ndthat disvir-gined me not knowing I’ve being disvir-gined a long time ago.
I was treated like a criminal because of my past sins.
I blames myself for opening up at all to my b©yfri£nd.
It was something that has happened long before I met him. Why will he judge me with my past. Many people blamed me for doing such.
I hated him for that and I I wanted to leave at all cost but I was helpless because my parents had their own issues.
I continued to endure until I was re-ady to go back to school for my HND.
My parents wanted me to go back and do my HND since I’m done with my OND.
When I opened up to my supposed mother-in-law and his son about going back to school they said I can’t go to school with their child which is my baby
My Mom even offered to baby sit for me, she said she will follow me to school because she was retired and will help me with the baby whenever I have clas-s to attend until my little son is properly weaned.
My supposed mother-in-law and her son did not agree. They bluntly refused.
They later gave me an option to be going from their house everyday to school.
My mum said that was too risky to be going on the express to and fro everyday.
She said she didn’t pray for any bad thing to happen but one has to be careful.
I had to choose between going back to school and staying back to take of my child.
They insisted that i can’t go back to school with the baby that I have to leave him behind.
But I can’t stay back, I’ve been frustrated several times. They have made my life miserable and I’m tired, at same time I did not want to leave my baby with them.
They continue to frustrate my life.
I have to make a decision, although it was tough and painful to me but that was the only option that c@m£ to mind.
I agreed I was going to leave my little boy behind with them and go back to school so that I can do something meaningful for myself.
I will come to check him every weekend.
I made that painful decision of leaving my child behind but I don’t if it was the right thing to do or not.
p@rt 9.
By Amah
Two weeks before I will leave, I just finished bathing him and was dressing him up when the mum c@m£ to carry him to her shop.
I Thought it was the normal thing she used to do that she will bring him when he cries for food.
I waited till 12pm when I heard him crying so loudly then I went to her shop to carry him myself.
She s£nt me away saying when I have decided to leave him behind, will I come to bre@stfeed him from school.
I cried and begged her to let me at least feed him but she pushed me away and people were looking at me and could not come close because they know who she was.
I left there and went back to the house. I cried until I could not cry again.
At that time I thought of running away with my child but to where? No work, no source of income. But then, I want to go back to school and make something out of myself. Because I could not even afford to eat not to talk of buying stuffs for my child or for my self.
Eventually, they brou-ght him back in the evening around 6pm. I fed him, bath him and we sle-pt.
They continue the act for the remaining weeks. When they come to pick him like that, I will sit and think of the past with my b©yfri£ndand all the promises he made when everything was still rosy.
I regretted so many things. I regretted telling him about my past, I regretted loving him despite all warnings, I regretted not walking out totally when he called it quit the first time. There and then, I decided I was going to leave.
Feb 14th of that year, was the day I was to leave.
I woke up early to bath him and prepare.
I was still bathing him when the father c@m£ in, hurrying me to be fast with whatever I have to do because he has come to take him. I finished bathing him and was about to bre@stfeed him when he took him from me that I should not feed him.
I begged him to let me feed my baby for the last time but he didn’t allow me.
My baby was crying, I was crying. It was as if the little boy knows that I was leaving.
I finally left. But with a heavy heart.
I went back to school to resume and I couldn’t concentrate on anything.
My mind was on my child, I long for his face and to hold him again. I hear his cry even in my sleep. I couldn’t stand it.
I traveled back to go and see him after a week but I was not allowed.
I was told he has not forgotten bre@st and my face. they said my bre@st milk would have been contaminated since I didn’t feed him for a week.
I begged just to see him. I didn’t Just come to bre@stfeed him only, I wanted to hold my child but my so to be mother in law would not agree.
She pushed me out of the way and told me to come back after three months that he would have forgotten me by then.
I left and c@m£ back everyday for one week, still I was not allowed to see him.
I was threatened to be arrested. And then people from the area started telling me to leave him that the child will get to know his mother eventually.
I went back to school and still c@m£ back after the three months but it was still the same. I bec@m£ frustrated.
My mum started calling on people to go meet them to talk to them to allow me see my child. My mum even went herself, she was insulted and was not allowed to see the boy either. It continued like that for a long time.
Then my elder brothers st©pped me from going there again.
They said I should face my studies and don’t allow myself to be distracted.
even my Dad was after me completing school.
My family gave me their support to make sure I concentrate in my studies so I can make something meaningful out of my life so that my b©yfri£ndand his mother won’t have an upper hand against me in the future.
I agreed and left for school but my mind was still there, I will call my b©yfri£ndon many occasions, he would insult me before ending the call.
It got to a point I st©pped doing that and faced school squarely, I wanted to become a better person.
I didn’t even have time to d@t£ anyb©dy. I was single for along time.
My brothers advised me that if I see a reasonable guy interested in me I should open up my heart to love and try again.
I promise myself I will try to love again but this time around I will have to be careful with whoever I love.
I try to occu-py my mind with studies because anytime I think of my child and how I was not allowed to see him anymore, it breaks my heart.
A year has gone by and I know my baby must have gotten used to them.
He may not even recognize me anymore.
I was doing well in my studies, I channelled all my anger and pain into becoming a better person so that I will get to claim back my son someday.
I tried d@t!ngagain.
I met a guy from Akwa ibom. I told him I have a child since its something I can’t hide forever.
He likes me and wanted us to d@t£, he was even talking about marriage and I was willing to try again but after telling him that I have a child
He said he nee-ded to inform his mother and sisters first to know if is okay.
After he said that I knew within me that I won’t d@t£ him talk less of marrying him.
He just proved himself to be a “momma’s boy” he doesn’t have a mind of his own to make decisions for himself.
After going to inform his Mom, he c@m£ back to tell me that his mother didn’t say anything after telling her but throu-gh her facial expression he can tell that she doesn’t like the idea of him marrying a single mother.
He said I shouldn’t worry that his mother will eventually be fine and settle with his choice of a woman because he does not have a problem with me having a child.
But I alre-ady made up my mind that I don’t want to proceed with the relationsh!pso I ended things immediately with him.
I met another guy who was a Muslim but he flir-ts, he likes women alot. He claims to love me and re-ady to do anything I want him to do but I can’t deal with his womanizing lifestyle so I flee.
I met few other guys who can not deal with the fact that I have a child. while some, I can’t handle there excesses.
My baby’s father and his mother thought me a bitter lesson and I was thre-ading carefully not to make another hvge mistake again.
I just did not hide the fact that I have a child from any guy that I meet at any point in time.
despite the fact that I haven’t seen my baby for sometime now but he is always in my prayers.
I later met a new guy who was re-ady to take me as I am even after telling him about my son.
He was okay and he treats me well.
I did not tell him the main reason why I ended things with my baby’s father because my mother blame me for telling my baby’s father about my vir-ginity that made us go our separate ways.
And made him and his mother to treat me the way they did.
I’m some times scared to tell my pres£nt guy about my other past.
if I don’t tell him and he happens to finds out in the future, It might be worse than my ex.
Although there was no way he would find out if I don’t tell him. He is not even the type that cares about my past live.
He said whatever happens in the past is none of his business because he wasn’t in the picture then, he won’t even be interested to listen to anyb©dy that has details of my ugly past.
all that matters to him is our pres£nt and future together.
He feels this way but sometimes I’m scared of my past terrible mistakes.
I guess like he said, let the past remain where it belongs.
About the Evangelist, they moved out of town. They relocated to another Faraway state, I guess because of shame or something more personal that I don’t really care to know.
Up till now, I have not seen my baby. Is over two years.
I was told to st©p going there because of all the embarras-sment.
I was told to bring something good out of myself first. So at least when the boy asks for his mother, I will be pres£ntable.
I know some day, soon enough I will get to see my child.
I still pray everyday for them to have a change of mind and my baby to have a forgiving and loving spirit.
I never chose to leave him behind, I could have forgotten about school Just to stay and take care of him but I was f0rç£d into letting go and I didn’t have anyb©dy to fight with me to retrieve him from my ex back then except my mother who they insulted.
Time is flying, three years and counting.
I’m doing my NYSC. And very soon I will be be rounding up with my youth service. I’m a graduate alre-ady, it remain to put the proper things in place before I can proceed for my child.
I’m doing really fine now. sometimes I regret that phase of my life, I wish I can start all over again and right my wrongs and mistakes.
I encourage myself to do better everyday.
After my youth service, I have plans and one of them is getting back my son.
THE END.
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