JESSICA??
(My story of faith and pain)
Episode 5.
©Miriam Edem
“Jessica she was not the only one, but you have to believe that nothing will happen to her, the other neighbor who came out said.
“Please take me to my mother, which hospital? I asked and quickly called my father number before they could reply and he picked up.
“Dad, daddy where’s mommy? I immediately asked.
“Why was your phone switched off? He asked.
“But i was in church daddy, please how is mommy? I asked.
“Come over here, he replied telling me the hospital and dropped the call. I ran off saying nothing to my neighbors leaving my bag of wrapper just close to the door.
I ran in crying to the nurses to please tell me where my mother is,
“Calm down who is your mother? A kind nurse asked.
“She was brou-ght this morning, I replied.
“Oh okay go that way, you’ll see your father, the nurse said and I ran to the direction she pointed.
I saw my father carrying Cyril on his lap-s slee-ping with his head leaned on the wall,
“Daddy, I called tapping him and he opened his eyes.
“What happened to mommy? How did it happen? I asked.
“Don’t ask me any question, he replied and a doctor came out which he stood up carrying my slee-ping brother.
“How is she? My father asked as I anxiously looked at the doctor.
“The wound is de-ep and she lost lot of blood, the doctor replied.
“Wound? What wound doctor? I asked.
“Shut up! my father shouted on me.
“But she’s not wrong to ask, the doctor said to my father.
“So what are you saying now? I mean what should we do? My father asked.
“Something very vital has been punctured where she was stabbe-d, the doctor replied and my eyes bulged out. I didn’t want to hear them anymore, so I ran into the room I saw the doctor came out from.
There were two nurses with her and I saw my mother in be-d with blood stains all over her,
“Mommy! I screamed out and fell on her and one of the nurses held me, that was when I saw the wound on her ne-ck.
“What happened please? Please tell me she will be fine, I cried to them.
“She was stabbe-d on her ne-ck and wasn’t brou-ght here on time. When she was finally rushed here, unfortunately there was power failure and she has lost lot of blood, the nurse replied and I looked up to see a bag of blood above her.
I closed my eyes painfully and held my mother hands and fell on my knees,
“Please Lord don’t take her away from me I beg you, do this for me and I won’t ask you for any thing again, I cried.
“You will have to go out please, the nurse said.
“Please let me stay here I beg you, let me be with her. I promise I won’t disturb her, I said and the nurses looked at themselves and heaved.
“Okay, but we were about cleaning her up, one said.
“Its okay, I said getting up so they can have the chance to attend to her.
Despite I fought sleep while in church, my eyes was just open looking at my mother and waiting for her to wake up. I didn’t want to hear all the whisperings of the doctor with my father neither did I want to be scared, my faith was just strong that my mother will come out of this alive.
‘Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from all evil, I slowly heard as I placed my head on my mother palm.
I quickly raised my head and saw my mother mouth moving, she was reciting her favorite verse of the bible, one she always say every morning whenever she wakes up.
“Mommy, mommy, I happily said touching her cheeks and she slowly opened her eyes.
I was so overjoyed but pains was written all over her,
“Jessica, she slowly called me and I took her hand and placed it on my face.
“Its me, how are you feeling? Sorry I was not there for you, I’m so sorry, I said.
“Ssshhhh, I’m glad you were not there, who knows what they would have done to you, she said and I closed my eyes.
“God will judge them, they won’t go free for doing this to you, I said.
“Jessica, listen to me carefully. On your reading table, in one of your textbook there…… She said and paused breathing ha-rd.
“Its okay mommy don’t say a word again, I said touching her che-st.
“Listen to me. My ATM is there, its pin is the combination of your birth date and month. I trust that you will use it wisely, please take good care of yourself, my mother said and I shook my head.
“No no no no what are you saying! We are going to take care of ourselves together have you forgotten that? I asked.
“Jessica, my mother called out as tears streamed down her face. She was struggling so ha-rd in pains just before my eyes and great fear gripped me,
“Mommy please I’m begging you don’t do this to me, fight this, fight for me please let me call the doctor, i said crying very seriously as she held my hand ti-ght.
“Jessica, you’re a strong girl, and I always know you’ll make me proud, I love you two so much, my mother said and began to breathe in an unusual way.
“Mommy! No Mommy! Doctor! i screamed out and fell in the process as I wanted running to get the doctor but that didn’t stop me. I stood up immediately shouting with every strength that I had and the nurses came running including my father.
“Please help my mother! I cried as they got in and tried stopping I and my father from going close to her when the doctor walked in.
I let myself down crying out my eyes to God,
“You can’t take her away from me now, she’s all I have God. If you’ve ever heard the cries of the helpless, please hear me this once, i said on my knees but heard the cry of Cyril who shouted MOMMY!!
I stood up immediately to see my father covering Cyril face on his shoulders as he carried him and the nurses pitifully looked at me. I shook my head and pushed my way in to see my mother la-id with her face turned to the side showing the wound on her ne-ck. I couldn’t voice out when reality dawned on me despite I rebuked and rejected it. My backbone and friend is gone. There I remembered when my mother opened the door for me just last night, and to think I will miss her when I nee-d her so much broke me and I didn’t know when I let myself on her shaking her violently to wake up.
“This isn’t what you promised me mommy! Didn’t you say you will be with me? Didn’t you say you will always be there for me? Wake up mommy its not yet over! I screamed as the nurses tried holding me but i struggled firecely until I p@$$ed out.
I got revived and woke up in my own urine. I didn’t say a word but la-id on the be-d looking at the ceiling with so much bitterness in my heart. Life is so cruel. There is no God, all they ever preached is nothing but a lie when he could not safe my mother despite I was in the church. How could he let that happen to me despite all the prayers and services I rendered? I thought as fresh tears streamed down my face with my heart in pains that I closed my eyes ti-ght wishing the pains can just go away.
The door opened and my father walked in with Cyril and I sniffed cleaning my nose as I still la-id down,
‘You’ve urinated, he said.
“As always, I replied and he heaved.
“Sister, Cyril sadly called out and I looked at him and sat up stretching my hand to him which he took it and came close,
“Mommy said she loves you so much, I said and sniffed touching his face.
“She will come back right? Cyril asked and I nodded.
“We’ll see her again, we’ll see her again, I said crying and drew him close cleaning his tears.
“Here’s your cloth, change up before they notice and clean up. Cyril let’s go, my father said dropping a bag and took my brother from me and left.
JESSICA??
(My story of faith and pain)
Episode 6
©Miriam Edem
I got home and my neighbors trooped in to console me. That was when i heard what really happened. A 400level student in the compound was shot when he refused releasing his laptop to the guys after collecting all the money he had. The young guy is still unconscious in the hospital and rumour has it that the guys must have come because of him after he received a hu-ge sum of money from his uncle who base in Turkey, but greediness made them to invade the whole compound to take more.
“How did my mother got stabbe-d? I really don’t un-derstand how it got to that point, I asked them.
“Your father hasn’t said anything to you? One of the women asked.
“He does not want to talk about it and its driving me crazy, I don’t know what to think anymore, I replied.
“I heard the guys shouting, “I will chuck her oo, i am not joking. Where is the money! My next door neighbor replied.
“I know my mother, if she had the money she would have released it, I know she would have released it, I said and cleaned my tears.
“What about your father? A woman asked.
“I don’t know, I really don’t know, I replied controlling myself as I got so pained again.
“Its okay Jessica, it is well, a woman said touching me and I shook my head.
“No it is not well, I should be the one to die….. “Jessica! A woman shouted on me.
“Not my mother, not her, what is my life without her? I can’t imagine me living with my father alone, I’m so miserable right now, I continued and heard a knock on the door.
My neighbor was the one who opened the door blind to see who it was but my church members walked in. Seeing them I got so angry, I have never been that voilent my whole life.
‘What are you doing here? I asked getting on my feet.
“Jessica we came…… “To do what? Raise my mother back to life huh? I asked interrupting the pastor wife.
“My dear you see, life…… “Please keep your preaching to yourself and get out! Oh I cried and begged your God to safe my mother but what did he do? She’s laying cold and lifeless in the morgue and you’re here to say what exactly to me that he lives huh? Its a bloody lie! I shouted.
“Jessica we can’t question God, in everything didn’t he say we should give thanks to him? The pastor asked.
“Please I am begging you to leave me alone! Why should I give him thanks huh? Is it for the job well done or the healing he can’t heal me? Please just go all of you, I said.
“Jessica my dear I un-derstand your pain……. “Don’t to-uchme! I screamed when the pastor wife drew near to to-uchme.
“Jessica calm down, my neighbor said.
“Please aunty tell them to go before I’ll lose my mind, I don’t want to see or hear anything they have to say. They should leave me alone, I said and my neighbors sadly looked at them.
“I think she’s not in the mood for this, why not come back another day? A neighbor told them.
‘I don’t want to see them ever again, they should go with their God he is obviously not for me, I said and the church breathed out.
“May the Lord console you, the pastor said.
“Thank you please go, I said so unconcerned.
That week my grand mother came to see us and offered to take us with her. I smiled hearing that and shook my head,
“Why didn’t you do same for my mother when she was going throu-gha lot in marriage? You made my mother endured all she saw because there was no home for her to run to, by the way where was home when you left her early? I asked and she bowed her head.
“I want to make things right now, aren’t you my grandchildren? She asked.
“I am not disputing that fact and thanks for your concern, I replied.
“Jessica, I know you’re not in talking terms with your father that is why I am doing this, she said.
“I can manage, but Cyril won’t agree to follow you, he’s close with his father, I said and my father immediately walked in.
“Are you taking my children from me? He asked immediately after eavesdropping on us.
“After what you did to my daughter I am rescuing them from you, she replied.
“That was your daughter and this are my children, my own flesh and blood and you have no right to take them away from me, my father said.
“You better not hurt this kids, my daughter has been protecting them from you, this is the memory of my daughter and I won’t forgive you if you hurt them, my grandmother said while I sat down watching them. My father smi-rked and laughed,
“You’re worrying about irrelevant things, why not channel your worry on how to bury your dead daughter because I don’t have money and she shouldn’t be there for so long. My advice to you is think of better things that will give you money, my father said to her and I looked at him.
“What are you saying? Won’t you lay my daughter to rest? She asked.
“Well I don’t have money, that’s the sad pa-rt of it and I can’t kill myself, he replied and went into his room while I sat there trying to control my anger.
Sometimes I wonder if my mother death tou-ched him even a bit, I never saw him sad nor drop a tear for her neither is he looking as if he’s mourning. He dresses up very well early in the morning with sunshades and steps out taking Cyril with him before and after school like nothing happened, and am not wrong to say my mother death is a big means of freedom for him.
That night I was still awake thinking about my mother as I looked at her picture when I heard noises in Cyril room. My mother shares the room with him before she died for peace to reign while my father sle-pt alone. I left my room and decided to peep to see my father scattering seriously looking for something, then for the first time I remembered the ATM card my mother told me of when I wondered what he was looking for because I could not ask.
I went back to my room and checked my textbooks and was surprised to see every thing about her bank in my textbook,
“When did she put all of this here? I asked myself and kept them safe.
The next morning I was in the kitchen when my father walked in and asked if I knew where my mother kept any details of her bank.
I shook my head and told him I know nothing,
“You are lying to me, where will she keep it then? Are you not her ally? He asked.
“Wrong word dad, i am her daughter not ally. You are sounding as if there was a calendar marked and set to tell my mother when she will die so she will hand everything to me, besides was I at home when it happened? I asked him.
“Look here, we nee-d money to bury her and you know that right? he asked.
“of course, So you’ll use her money? For once take up your responsibility as her husband, I replied and he fiercely came to me looking at me as if he wanted strangling me.
“Don’t forget that you’re alone now, you’ll surely nee-d me and you won’t find me, you are alone now and will always be alone, he said and left the kitchen and I breathed out.
I didn’t want his threat or words to bother me, and for my mother to put everything about her bank in my hands was for a reason and I knew for sure my father won’t put a kobo into my education.
That day I ran to my principal because I was close to him and showed him everything my mother left behind.
“You will have to open an account Jessica, its a good thing she gave you the ATM card so it will be easy for you, my principal said and I cleaned my face.
“Don’t worry I’ll help you and if you’re worried about your education the school will keep to its promise, the principal said and I nodded.
“Thank you sir, I said.
“Its alright, do you have any school in mind? He asked.
“Yes, my mother wanted me to school outside the state and for sure I will have to rent an apa-rtment outside school, i won’t stay in the hostel because of my condition, I replied.
“I un-derstand, I pray you get the admission so it will get you distracted from what you’re going throu-ghnow, don’t worry you’ll end well and make her proud, my principal said and I covered my mouth holding myself from crying whenever I hear that statement.
“Why do people think I am really strong? I asked.
“Because you are Jessica, be more courageous than you’ve ever been everything will be okay, the principal replied and I bowed my head.
When I got home after leaving my principal, I felt so dizzy with my head aching badly because of lack and sleep and all that has happened this few days.
I took the Panadol extra in my room and swallowed but heard a car drove in and parked at the backyard,
“Ahhhh daddy Jessica, you don marry new wife? I heard my neighbor voice and quickly climbe-d on my be-d to peep throu-ghthe window but saw a br@nd new car. My mouth flew open in shock. So my father has the mind to buy a new car yet he was asking about my mother money and complaining there is no money to bury her? I thought as I quickly left my room to have a better look.
Cyril who was with him ran in and met me about opening the door,
“Sister come and see, we have a car now, Cyril said and I felt like landing him a dirty slap for saying such ru-bbish to my face.
“Who is the we? I asked him and decided to sit down to wait for my father to come in.
Minutes later he finally walked in with all smiles feeling himself with all the congratulations the neighbors poured on him,
“Congratulations daddy its beautiful, I said getting up and he looked at me and knew that congratulations was filled with anger. He ignored and wanted heading for his room,
“But mommy is lying cold in ice and you complained that you don’t have money to bury her. And again when the heartless guys held mommy with the knife close to her ne-ck telling you to bring out your money, did you care about her life? Did you exchange mommy life so you can drive a car? I asked with tears streaming down my face and he looked at me.
“Tell me daddy, did you beg for her life and would you have released the money to them to see her alive? I continued and he rolled his eyes………
TBC