JESSICA??
(My story of faith and pain)
Episode 4
©Miriam Edem
My legs began to shake as I felt we-t,
“Jessica what’s wrong? Sandra asked looking at me and I stood up immediately and ran out of the hall.
My family were already in the hall when it happened and my mother quickly ran after me and shouted on me to stop as I kept running.
“What happened? My mother asked holding me as I cried and she felt me we-t. She closed her eyes ti-ght and breathed out,
“I begged you to sleep at home didn’t I? You would have avoided this, my mother said..
“All I wanted is to miss a night without urinating, what have I done to deserve this? How will the school see me now? I’m such a disgrace, I said.
“Ssshhhh darling its okay, take off your gown, my mother said taking off the graduation robe from me revealing the white short gown I wore and tied the robe on my wa-ist.
“Let’s go home, my mother said drying my face and held my hand.
My father and Cyril came home later and met me in the sitting room with my hands on my cheek. I had already switched off my phone to avoid calls that will make me commit suicide,
“Look at you, just look at you! My father shouted and dropped the award I was to get on the center table.
“Congratulations for embarr@$$ing yourself in public, look at your life everyone knows now, you’re a disgrace! My father shouted and my mother walked in.
“That’s not necessary now, you should know better than that, where’s your conscience? My mother asked him.
“My conscience? Are you asking me that? Oh I am so glad that the big mouth you always have with me, you took it outside and got served hot. You are lucky it was not with my son, your daughter just disgraced my name! My father shouted and I looked at him.
“Then take the name I don’t want it anymore. Are you even my father? What did you tell the school you are to me when you stepped out to get the award? You are not my father and I can’t be related with a heartless father and a cheating husband like you! I shouted standing up facing my father and he raised his hand to slap me but it fell on my mother instead who went in.
“Please I’m begging you don’t hit her, she’s going throu-gha lot already, my mother said holding him.
“She has the guts to say that to my face huh! My father shouted as tears streamed down my face as my mother pushed me aside.
“I apologize on her behalf…….. ‘No you trained her that way, you gave her the right to talk to me as she likes. You feed her with your lies and made her your ally! My father shouted on her.
“She told me nothing and I have always respected you. Mom has always protected you and my silence does not mean I don’t know what’s going on in this house. You stopped paying my fees for some time now right? I knew about that, what about the women you do bring home? Arent you shameless yourself? Mom does not deserve all of this from you, she has been a good mother and wife you’re embarr@$$ing us also! I shouted.
“Jessica its enough he’s your father! My mother shouted on me.
“Just by blood, I said and ran to my room.
I was on my be-d when my mother walked in and raised me up,
“I’m sorry, I let dad hit you, I said to her.
“Jessica, whatever is going on between I and your father you should not interfere because he is your father, she said.
“And who are you to him? I know you do see the women he brings here when you’re not home right? Why are you quiet watching him torture you this way? I asked and she cleaned her face.
“Mommy won’t you talk to me? Why does dad hate me? I asked when she was quiet and she breathed out.
“Because it was a mistake…… I mean he sees you as a mistake because he was not ready but then my family insisted he should take the responsibility. Jessica I have accepted what is going on because of you and Cyril, I can take all his doing when I see you two so please don’t interfere anymore, my mother replied.
“But dad wasn’t this bad, he just changed and grew worst, i said and she heaved.
“Everything turned sour when I got tired staying at home doing nothing. When I went out to look for a job was when he turned a tiger knowing I’ll start making my own money. He snatches my salary from me whenever I get paid and I still beg for my sweat. Then I told him its enough and he said I’ve grown wings and left all the responsibilities to me. This is the mistake I will have to live with for the rest of my life but I’m fine okay, she replied.
“But mom you can go, we can go away. I can’t stay here anymore, I can’t stand my own father and he doesn’t care about us, I said and she shook her head.
“No I won’t separate you from your father, I don’t want to be like my mother who abandoned us, she said.
“You’re not abandoning us, I said.
“Jessica i know what i am saying, you wont un-derstand what i p@$$ed throu-ghand I don’t want Cyril to get caught up with this when he’s close with his father. Dont worry you’ll be fine here, you can’t change the fact that he’s your father and you have to apologize to him, my mother said and I gave a frown and looked away.
“The school gave you a scholarship, my mother said showing me an envelope.
‘Really? I happily asked taking the envelope from her.
“The school will pay my first two years and the acceptance fee into any school I want. That’s great! I shouted after reading it and hu-gged my mother knowing the burden will be less from her shoulder.
“Before the two years is over I’ll be able to save some money and make sure you finish okay, but Jessica I won’t let you study here, I want you far from this environment if that will make you feel better, my mother said.
“And you? I asked.
“I’ll be fine Jessica don’t worry about me, just study ha-rd as you’ve always done and make me proud okay, my mother said touching my cheek and I smiled.
“I will mommy, I promise you that, I said and hu-gged her again.
While staying at home waiting for admission, I spent all my time in the church believing God for a healing. I fasted and prayed for days without food nor water and the good looking Jessica turned to a different specie of living thing. I ha-rdly recognized myself in the mirror and hated the way I smell, but in order not to stink with bo-dy odour I had different br@nds of deodorant in my room to help my life. My mother complained about how skinny I was, but it got to the stage where I didn’t worry about my looks but how to get healed.
One fateful day the church had an all night which I told my mother about it. She could not say no to me because I won’t take that as an answer either,
“But Jessica what if you wee in church if you dose off? My mother worriedly asked when I was ready to leave.
“Dont worry mommy, I won’t sleep I’ll stay awake until I get home, I replied arranging my bag that contained my wrapper to protect me from mosquitoes and was set to go but I met with my father.
“Where are you going to this night? He asked.
“To an all night, I’ll be back in the morning, I replied but he didn’t say anything to me.
“Be careful okay and don’t come home if its not morning so you can clearly see people faces, my mom said opening the door for me and I smiled at her,
“Mommy I’ve heard you good night, I said and left.
At exactly 1a.m in the morning I felt very uncomfortable. I went out and eased myself but I noticed I was having difficulty in breathing. I tou-ched my che-st and leaned on the wall outside the church wondering what’s going on, but I rebuked it and got into the church to join the service.
At exactly 5am the all night was over and I didn’t want to risk it, I quickly took my bag to locate myself home to avoid national disgrace in church.
When I arrived in the compound I felt something was wrong as I switched on my phone so I can use the torch light. I saw stains of blood and got alarmed increasing my footsteps to my door and knocked on it but got no reply.
“Who’s there? I heard my neighbor asked.
“Aunty good morning, I replied.
“Jessica! She shouted in an unusual way and struggled with the door to open up.
“Aunty what’s wrong? There’s no bo-dy at home? I asked when she came to me.
“Hmm Jessica the compound was attacked, it was a m@$$ operation, she replied.
“Okay, what about my parents? I mean where’s my mother? I asked very scared.
“Your father has been trying to call you, she replied.
“Okay but where are they now? Please aunty what happened? I asked shaking already.
“Jessica, your father said you should meet him in the hospital, the woman calmly replied looking at me and another neighbor came out when she heard my voice.
“What are you saying? Who was hurt? Who! I asked.
“Just be calm, your mother was hurt Jessica, she’s in the hospital, she replied as my eyes bulged out and I suddenly developed che-st pain……
TBC