WHAT DOES MY HUSBAND WANT?
By the writer of morenikeji
I saw that my husband was not going to change his word for anything. I even pleaded for him to reconsider but he was so determined. He kept giving me reasons that doesn’t make sense to me.
Our sweet home looks divided because Ladi seems to always be at war with me over getting rid of the pregnancy.
Salami, a friend of mine visited me, she saw how quiet and troubled I look and wanted to know what was wrong.
I needed to speak to somebody, the burden on my mind was too much to bear alone.
I told Salami that I was pregnant, she was happy and asked me if that was the reason I looked disheveled? I told her that was not all the story.
I opened up to Salami who was also a wife and a mother of four children. I told her what my husband asked me to do because he doesn’t have plans for another child.
Salami was speechless at first, she also did not expect such word from my darling husband.
“Is very bad of Ladi to ask that of you. My own husband wanted us to have another child. My last child is just two years old. I
Salami said encouraging me to do as Ladi said to avoid all the arising trouble that
I told her to give me time to think about it.
“Miwa, there is no time, the more the delay the more complicated it will become. You have to hurry up now that is still very early.
“I have the right to think over all this Salami. Is my body and is the life of my unborn child we are talking about. I don’t know if I’m capable of such. That is why I need time to think it through.
I said with tears in my eyes. I wish all this never happened. I wish I did not conceive this fourth baby. How can I even agreed to murder my own baby just because my husband doesn’t want the child? I will not be able to forgive myself or live peacefully with the guilt. How can a blessing seems like a curse? This was supposed to be an addition, a blessing to me and Ladi but my husband will not accept it as one.
All this trouble wouldn’t have taken place if the child was not conceive at all. i feel like hating Ladi for making me go through this emotional trauma.
He feels is okay because he is a man and not the pregnant one who is asked to abort his child. I know what all this feels like for me but it seems Salami is right.
I want my husband and home back to normal. Since we already have three kids, we will focus on them.
I try to encourage myself but no matter what I say or do the guilt held down at my stomach.
One night, I try to see if I can persuade Ladi for the last time to change his mind.
“Allow this baby to be born and grow with the brother and sister. Ladi, please….I’m begging you. Don’t let me go through knife and fire in the process of removing our child. Children are meant to be a blessing. This baby deserved to live just like everyone else, stop trying to be God over this child that is perfectly forming in my womb…stop Danladi. Don’t make it seem the baby’s life or death is in your hand and you can do whatever you pleases with it. Consider me and this innocent child who has done no wrong to anyone. Please my husband….think this through. I don’t understand this your decision, you concluded so fast and is very wrong. I have loved and respected you ever since my teenage days and I obey your every word and ready to support you with my last drop of blood. But I can’t agree with you on this because is very wrong and you have to see it that way. Please do this for me. This is all I ask, let us have this baby. Let me carry this pregnancy to term and give birth to this child. Please…I want to have this baby. I really do….i hate the thought of removing my own flesh and blood because you don’t want a fourth child. I know you want only three children but this fourth one is God’s gift to us. Ladi please….
I pleaded strongly, I was even crying to make him see and understand how much I wanted to keep the child. I went on my knee right in our room begging him to reconsider his decisions.
He gently raised me from the ground and make me sit very close to him on the bed. He place a hand on my body as he try to talk calmly to my ears.
I thought all the words, the tears, the kneeling and begging took effect to his hardened heart but I was wrong.
“Miwa…we can’t keep this baby. You are making this more difficult than it seem. Is not like we don’t have other children and this is your first pregnancy, we do have and a fourth child is not needed. I wish you will understand and see reasons with me like you have done over this years. Stop making this difficult for everyone. Please Miwa. I’m also begging you to get rid of this one and let’s concentrate on our present family. I know how school fees, lesson fess, feeding, shopping allowances and many more expenses I pour on our three children. Is not easy because we want to give them only the best but with a fourth child, the best we plan for the children will reduce to nothing. I don’t want that. I want to be able to take care of my family with nothing less than the best things life got to offer and I don’t want what the general public have, I want every of my kids to be in the best school and in their best at all time. But all this will change if another baby comes in. I don’t want another child…I’m okay with what I have. Miwa ever since you came up with this issue, I can’t even concentrate again at work or happy in my own house. You keep insisting that you want to keep this baby. All I hear this days is how much you want to go ahead and defile my words and keep the pregnancy. I have made it clear enough to you that I don’t need another addition. Please let’s stop arguing and quarreling over this. Do the right thing Miwa….I beg of you!
It was pointless trying to make him change his mind. It seem no matter what I say or do Ladi will not have a rethink over his decisions.
I finally succvmb to pressure and decided to do what he wants.
I asked Salami to come and take me to the hospital after two days and she agreed to do so.
She was around just as promised and we drove down to the hospital where the abortion will be carried out.
Salami try to make me feel better by saying it was only a fetus and not yet a child but I felt worst with such word.
Everyone one of us used to be a fetus in our mother’s womb but gradually we formed into a perfect being. We were given a chance to life. If our mother’s had aborted us we will not be able to see the rising or setting of the sun. We won’t know what daylight looks or feel like.
After I returned home, I couldn’t carry on with my usual self. I was bitter and swollen in anger. The realization of what I did and the guilt of it all held me down. Everything I did was to please my husband and displease myself.
How could he force me into committing such sin and he feels is okay. Now I’m left with the guilt and pain and he moves about freely without an iota of guilt.
Is been two weeks I was at the hospital where the abortion was carried out and I can’t seem to forget or feel fine despite Salami assured me that I will be alright.
Ladi was trying to play the nice role and even got me a gift to cheer me up but I wasn’t cheered. I can’t just forget, is hard for me to forget.
Last night he try to touch me but I told him I was not in the right mood, he did not push like he will do. He just let me be.
Things are not as they used to be. I don’t know if is going to get better or worst.
I still wonder why my husband will ask me to terminate the pregnancy. His reasons are not genuine enough for me.
We can take care of five and seven children if we want to do so. Money is required but is not everything. I’m a hardworking woman and a good mother that loves children generally. Even if we have more than five kids it won’t still be a big problem but Ladi’s heartless decision got me wondering if he was the same man I got married to. Same man I fell in love as a teenage girl and has never stopped loving him ever since.
I’m trying to recover from all that just recently happened. Is a long recovery process for me but eventually I will be fine. All I need is time.
By Amah’s heart
Things are gradually changing. The home is not as it used to be again.
My husband sometimes returns late and goes to bed straight after taking a shower.
I was happy at first that he wasn’t disturbing me in bed but is beginning to get me concerned of whatever maybe happening.
I needed time to mourn my aborted baby, I needed time to forget that my own husband has a hand in all of this. I wanted to forgive him wholeheartedly for leading me into such a dreaded road.
All I needed was time and Ladi gave me enough of it to sort myself. Although is hard for me to forget I still have to put it behind me and forge ahead.
I was overlooking Ladi’s behavior all this while but I’m no longer comfortable with it.
We had our time in bed last night but I can’t call it our usual because I sense Ladi’s mind was far from the moment.
He was distracted and is unlike him.
While at my shop today, Salami visited and we got talking. Is 6months already and if I have kept the pregnancy I would have been 7 to 8months gone. And within the next month I will be planning to welcome my child.
But Ladi made me do the unspeakable.
“You are still struggling to get over this Miwa? Try and let go….your worries will not do any good to you. i hate to see you like this. I’m sure Ladi has forgotten…
“Salami, I don’t know if I will ever forget. Ladi was not the one that went through knives and emotional torture. Ladi started acting like nothing happen right after a month the deed was done. It was my flesh and blood and we should be in our seven or eight month’s pregnancy journey by now if Ladi did not play God over that innocent baby. I have forgiven him even though he doesn’t really feel sorry for it. But I need to forgive him so that I will love him like I used to. Anytime I see pregnant women or nursing mothers the whole unforgettable experience will start flooding back. It would have been better if the child was never conceived at all or I naturally lose the pregnancy along the way but sending me to get rid of a baby who has done no wrong to anyone. Is what I can’t seem to forget but I’m trying Salami, I’m really trying.
Salami went about consoling me.
“Miwa, I understand how painful and difficult it was. I thought it was for the best…to save your marriage since Ladi did not want another child and the issue was already causing division in your home. I’m really sorry. Is over five months, please try to move on and focus on your three children and also your husband. Ladi loves you and I know you deeply loves him. Don’t lose yourself over this past incident. Focus on the blessing at home and let things return to normal.
I nodded absent minded as one of my sales girl brought in a material, asking me how much it will go last because a customer was pricing it below the price.
I told her the last price it can be sold and she left with it.
After sometime she returned again with the same material. That the woman wants to buy it but she is asking for a better bargain.
I stood from my seat to meet the woman outside and began to explain to her that the price I gave her was very reasonable.
I looked down her stomach and saw her protruding Belly. She was a young woman and looks happy as she placed one of her hand on her stomach while insisting on a bargain.
She is probably seven or eight months pregnant just the same time with me if I have kept the baby.
Because of her condition, I gave her the price she was asking for even though I was at a lost. The material was below the cost price. It was very expensive foreign material but the stubborn pregnant woman insisted on a certain price which did not favor me.
Salami came out to see the woman who stood her ground and refused to have a change of mind over the price or even walk away.
After standing there with me, Salami walked back inside to wait.
I have to give the material to the woman, mainly because of her unborn child. She rubbed her hands on her stomach, smile and looked at me before walking away.
Was she trying to mock me or what?
Why will I even think she is mocking me when she doesn’t even know who I am or what I did?
I watched her leave. She turned back and looked towards my shop,
Smile again and continue on her way to another side of the market.
I waved the negative thought and feeling off as I return to Salami.
“Women and drama, how can she be insisting like that when she knows that her money was not upto the said price? If I was the one, I wouldn’t have given her that material. She will have to stand there until she is ready to go. I wanted to whisper to your ears not to give it to her but you were already moved by her condition. Listen Miwa, stop feeling guilty over what you did or you will run down this your business in self-pity. Giving out your expensive material to every pregnant woman you see just because they remind you of the past. You have to move pass that. Your husband and children and even your business needs your full attention. Okay?…
I agreed with Salami as we talked about other things.
A month came and pass and I was regaining back my full self. I was again loving my husband, my children and focusing on my business too. After three weeks of the following month, Ladi said he was going to travel for just two days and will not stay away for more than two days.
He said it was a business trip and he want to do a survey in another state as he plan to open another branch but looking for a perfect place that will favour his business.
I wish him good luck as he left.
He calls the following day that he has arrived and has settled in and we spoke about the children and also what he will be doing within the day.
He did not call again after then. I called him in the afternoon but my husband did not answer the call. I assumed he was probably busy and I decided to call at night but his line was off.
I managed to sleep that night and very early the second day I called and he said he will call back that he was checking out a place.
My mind was at rest knowing he was alright.
I waited for him to call the whole day but he didn’t. I decided to call him again in the night and his phone was off.
He did not come home as he promise to do the second day and same thing on the third and fourth day.
He called and said he was so occupied trying to figure out the perfect place. He apologies for not returning home as promised. He asked how I was doing and also the kids and I told him that we all miss him and will be looking forward to having him back soon.
He promised to come home once he was done.
After a week and few days, I was on phone with him when I heard a female voice saying something to him or somebody close to him but I can’t figure out what exactly was said and then a cry of a baby was heard.
This was the second time I will be hearing a baby’s cry close to him. The first time I did not take it serious because he said he was in a place filled with children but the second time was in the night and the baby’s cry was heard very close to him
I was about to ask who has the baby that was crying but he ended the call and his phone was switched off immediately.
I waited the whole night for him to call but he didn’t.
When he later called the following day he said he was preparing to come home and will be arriving the next day.
I was happy that finally he my husband was coming home and I hope his business journey was a great success as I look forward to having back.
I did not take the baby’s cry that i heard or the female voice serious. My husband do not like baby’s fusing continuously and must have felt so tired listening to a stranger’s baby crying close to where he probably lodged, while he was trying to rest.
I made his favorite meal as I looked forward to having my husband back home. He spent almost two weeks, even though he had promised to spend just two days but end up using two weeks.
The days he spent out there is not a problem, is only for the best. He is working hard to give us the best and that is all that matters to me.
I love my husband and I have try to move past every bad feeling or sadness which he caused me. I want my home back as it used to be.
Ladi loves me and the children. Everything he is out there doing is for our own good and nothing else.
I try to focus on the positive side of life while setting my husband food on the table. The last time I called him he was close to the house and very soon he will be home.