?♀️MARRIED?
Episode 9.
©Miriam Edem
That evening Mary c@m£ and signalled me and I quic-kly ran out to meet her outside the compound,
“Did you see the pills? I asked.
“Yes na, but the problem is I don’t know how many you should take o but I think you should start with 1, Mary replied.
‘Oh Mary you don’t even know the right dosage for it, I said.
“Is it me that is doing the ab-ortion? Will you try it or not? Mary asked.
“Fine, thanks, I said getting the drugs from her.
“Remember I said one o, when we meet tomorrow we’ll talk, she said but I just waved at her to go and ran back. I alre-ady had something to eat, so I just fetched water and kept looking at the drugs,
“It is not this super glue kind of wo-mb 1 of this drugs will work na, I nee-d to take like 2 each so it can be active, I wondered and that was how I took 2 of the drugs each and breathed out. I safely kept the rest where my mom won’t see and settled to rest.
After 2 hours I began to see stars and I’ll close my eyes and shake my head. I started feeling dizzy and tried getting up from where I sat so I can rest my head, but I saw myself on the ground.
“Sharon! Sharon! I kept hearing my name and everywhere bec@m£ blackout.
I woke up only God knows how to see myself in the hospital. My head was still aching when i turned and saw my mother sitting with her head leaned on the wall.
“Mommy! I called out and she opened her eyes looking at me. Her face was so red as if she wanted beating me blue black,
“Why did you do that Sharon? You wanted killing yourself right? She asked.
“What happened? I asked.
“Are you asking me that? What drugs did you take? You really think that the child you are carrying can be flu-shed out? I have warned you to st©p it else you’ll hurt yourself or end up dying but you won’t listen to me. You are believing Chinenye mother abi? If she was that all knowing why didn’t she take away Chinenye? Why won’t you learn from your sisters death and take corrections? This is the last time i will warn you about this and I won’t beg you anymore, go ahead and keep taking in drugs and see for yourself the result of it, my mom angrily said while I looked at her with my mouth opened. I still couldn’t un-derstand what she was saying, or is she trying to say the drugs didn’t work and the baby is still doing odeshi inside? I wondered and just gave up.
I was discharged and my mother took me back home, I was so quiet and confused as I started imagining me small Sharon will soon be a mother. How will I train such a child when I am not in my right s-en-ses to start with. Why should I bring a child into such a family knowing she will still meet my fate and will share in my pain. Despite I hated what i was carrying, but I still believe my baby does not deserve to inherit what he or she does not know about. I should not transfer insecurities and instability to her knowing it is inevitable as long as I am giving birth to her.
Will i be able to face motherhood and the village? Was this the same fear my mother had when she carried me? I wondered as I cried alone and my mother t©uçhed me.
“You know am here for you right? She asked and I sniffed.
“I don’t un-derstand anymore, and it hurts that this cycle will still continue and I wish it can just end with me and not my baby, I said and my mother smiled tou-ching my hair.
“I’m so happy to hear you say my baby, my mother said.
“I know I hated the child but then I can’t help it and I can’t st©p myself from being scared. What will I tell her when she grows up? I asked.
“Wow you alre-ady know the S-x of your child huh? My mother asked not concerned about my worries at all.
“Mommy you know we are the girls family na, I replied and she kept my head on her shoulder.
“Just keep calm, Everything will be alright and besides i told your father about this and he promised to support you, my mother said and I scoffed.
“I don’t nee-d his help, I said.
“You should be happy at least you know your father what about……… We heard a scream outside and we ran out at once to see one of my sisters rolling on the ground crying.
“What happened! My mother asked..
“She had a call that her son was machete when he went out with his friends for a job, one of my sister replied and I just looked at my mother.
“Machete? I asked and found somewhere to sit down because i wasn’t strong myself after i just escaped my own death as I watched my mother slowly going to comfort the lady.
But I thought the males in my family escaped this death fate? I was envious of them that they had no worry unlike the females, but I think I was wrong, I wondered as i watched them cried.
When we got in I saw my mother very quiet and I knew she must be thinking so ha-rd about something,
“Mommy what is it? I asked.
“2 deaths in less than a week, my mother quic-kly replied and I heaved.
“That’s the first male right? I asked and she looked at me.
“Who told you that? Anyway you were so young then so you won’t remember, this is the 4th male in this family that has died by the machete, my mother replied and I jumped up.
“What! You’re joking right? I asked and my mother cleaned her face still down with thoughts while I kept blinking my eyes with my mouth still opened in shock………….
No matter how ha-rd I tried to hide the pregnancy, it didn’t st©p my stomach from shooting out and everyone knew about it. Everyone told me to st©p going to school, but I was stubborn and continued until I wrote my SS2 mock exams. My clas-smates knew I won’t return back to school, to them my education has ended.
“I applaud your strength Sharon, as in you over try, you no just mind the shame you still dey carry the belle come. Too bad I could not help out, Mary said after the exams and i smiled.
“Its alright, there’s nothing to be ashamed of when everyone knows who we are anyway, I replied.
“I’ll miss you in school o, chai God, Mary said.
“I am still coming back o, Sharon must finish her secondary school and I mean it, i said and Mary screamed out.
“That’s the spirit, give me hi-five girl, Mary said and we gave ourselves a high five and I slowly looked at my protruded belle.
“I know I don’t have much to give to you, but I’ll sure give you a better life somehow, I slowly said to myself and gave a weak smile.
2 months later at 3a.m my water broke. Fortunately for me I had a sister who helps women give birth, and it was indeed war. For good 3 hours I was still in labour and extremely weak. My mother ran around with her sisters to get me what to drink for strength until my sister fearfully told her to take me to the hospital.
“At this state? My mother asked.
“Sharon might not make it plea-se and I don’t know what else to do, my sister told my mom.
“I don’t want to die plea-se, i cried to my mom in pains and she held my hands.
“Wait here let me go find a taxi, wait for me Sharon I’ll be back, my mother said in tears and ran out.
“What exactly was going on? My sister was the best midwife in the village and there was no case she could not handle, but why is my case different? Or is it that my baby does not want to be delivered here? I thought breathing ha-rd as my sister decided to try her luck again.
“Okay Sharon one more time, you’re a strong girl you know and you can do this. Take a de-ep breath, she said p@rting my legs and i shook my head.
“plea-se no, I cried.
“Just one time, push Sharon now! She shouted and I did but it was not working. I weakly threw my hands g@sping for air and saw Chinenye, she couldn’t stand my sight and she ran out of the room.
“The taxi is here, I heard them said outside as I tried keeping my eyes open……….
?♀️MARRIED?
Episode 10.
©Miriam Edem
“Sharon wake up! The taxi is here, keep your eyes open plea-se, I heard my mother said tapping me on my cheeks as I tried staying awake. I was carried into the taxi and I felt my sister who is a midwife with me, as she kept encouraging me to be strong. The hospital was indeed very far from the village and my mother was very scared if they will attend to me because the nurses there behaves like possessed beings. They get very harsh if they notice any local midwife tried her best and failed, they will have to suffer you for while with no human sympathy that the woman life is at risk.
“Are we not there yet? I asked.
“Don’t worry very soon, my mother replied and anxiously told the driver to hurry up.
“Can’t you see the gallops? I can’t enter them na else na another wahala, the taxi driver said when the pressure was too much on him while my w@!st was on fire.
“Hey! Hey! Mommy o, I said holding my sister ti-ght when the pains bec@m£ unbearable.
“Sharon plea-se we are almost there, my mother replied.
“Its coming o, its coming out o! I cried out and my sister inser-ted her hand in my legs and shouted on the driver to st©p.
“What is it? My mother asked running from the front seat to the back where I was,
“She’s about to give birth, my sister replied.
“Eh? For my car? The taxi man asked.
“So what? Don’t you have pity at all? My sister asked back.
“plea-se not in my car take her out I take chineke beg you, the man seriously said and my mom didn’t waste time to spre-ad a wra-pper at the side of the road where the car was parked, just close to the bush,
“What are you doing? My sister asked her.
“plea-se I don’t want trouble, she can deliver here, plea-se help us, my mother replied and they helped me out of the car to the wra-pper.
Women who were pas-sing by helped with their wra-ppers to cover me, and right there I delivered of a girl child but she didn’t come out crying.
“She’s so weak, my mother said as I was trying to catch my breath.
“What happened? I asked seeing their faces but a woman who st©pped to help got the baby from my mother and began beating her and turned her around stretching her b©dy and she gave a cry. I breathed out hearing my baby cry, though I was too weak to express my joy.
“She’s fine now, theres no nee-d going to the hospital, the woman said giving the baby back to my mother while my sister attended to me. We got back to the taxi because the driver waited at a corner watching us, and we returned to the village. My sisters were so happy but we were rushed in so we can be taken care of.
5 months later, I and my baby was very fine. But every day I get scared looking at her with all that was happening in my family, Cecilia still got R@p£d despite she was very fierce and it was a mother burden that I don’t want my daughter to equally end up like us. I had this thought of running away from the village, but whenever I bring it up my mother will kick against it, but I knew somehow I will escape from here.
One p@rticular day I heard of a traditional marriage going on somewhere and decided to feed my eyes, its been something I had always admire. I wanted leaving my baby behind but she woke up crying and didn’t want to follow any of my sisters, and I didn’t want to miss the occasion also because I fancy it a lot, I had to carry her along. I stood outside the compound with the rest of the uninvited villagers watching but the heat was becoming too much despite I covered her with a baby blanket but she was very uncomfortable, I had to leave.
With the cars parked outside the compound, one wanted reversing and almost hit me behind,
“Oh sorry sorry it was not intentional, he c@m£ out at once apologizing.
“It was not what? If you had knocked me down will your English solve the problem? Can’t you use your eyes anymore to see where you’re driving? I asked transferring all my frustration on him.
“Hey calm down okay I apologized right? He asked and my baby began to cry.
“Oh she’s cute, hold on, he said taking something from his car while I tried ma-king my baby st©p crying.
“Use this to get something for her, at least you won’t cut off my head right? He asked stretching some notes to me and I took it.
“That shouldn’t st©p you from watching next time, I replied and left immediately before he will change his mind.
“Thanks ma’am, I heard him shout behind but that was not my business.
I got home and saw it was 5,000 naira he gave,
“Ewo! When he didn’t hit me o, it was only the horn that startled me and he’s throwing away 5k like that? I said smiling at the money and i remembered my plan of escaping,
“But what if i safe this money and use it to utilize my plan? I thought about it and kept it safe so my mother won’t learn about it. Right from that day I began saving any little money I was given, especially Mary who loves giving my daughter money, when she leaves it goes straight into my saving box until a p@rticular day my dad dropped by when the gods t©uçhed him to support with upkeep. My mother was not home, after staying for a short time looking at me while I attended to my baby, he stood up when he was tired and dropped a bunch of money on the be-d and left. I peeped when I saw he zoomed off with his motorcycle and counted the money and saw it was 20,000 naira, right there I stole 5,000 naira and my saving box was very okay for me to run away with but to where?
That was another question I never asked myself, but anyhow I consoled myself that anywhere is manageable and I’ll sure survive as long as am out from this God forsaken village. I began to think about my mom, but I didn’t want to be weak because I had to go and my mom will manage somehow without me, after all I won’t run away forever. I just want to find solution and keep my baby away from all that is going on but my mother won’t un-derstand that, and I pray she does very soon even though I won’t wait for that time to come.
When my mother returned I informed her about her husband dropping by and she gave me that killer eye,
“my what? She asked.
“I don’t know o, I replied her and she counted the money on the be-d and hissed.
“Will 15,000 naira carry us till the next 2 months he will draw himself down here again? ru-bbish! She shouted leaving the money on the be-d and left the room.
“Sorry it was 20,000 sha, I said in my heart and couldn’t st©p myself pitying her.
2 weeks later I was more than determined to run away at all cost after binding the voices of Chinenye mother voice telling me I can’t run away from my shadow, but I told myself I have to hide from it at all cost. I kept this to myself waiting for a very good time to take off with my daughter praying so ha-rd we should succeed together.
I was secretly hiding my stuff in the bush, and one day my mom left the house and I saw the compound kind of dry, I took my 7 months old daughter and left telling my sisters especially Chinenye that i want to see Mary. Since I didn’t carry anything, no one suspected but indirectly I was telling them goodbye even though I couldn’t tell my mom that but I dropped a note for her.
I left to the farm where I hid my stuff at a corner I know no one goes but only me, took my things, st©pped a bike and took off. From there I got a cab that will take me to the bus station where I will enter any city I will hear first, I wasn’t bothered about my safety at all if I will leave the village safely and I have to go really far. Though dusk was falling on us, I decided to st©p at a nearby city so I can find somewhere to sleep and take off the next morning where no one will reach me.
In the bus I noticed my daughter has a fever and I was very scared, I didn’t even know who to complain to when there were young people with me who probably knows nothing. I tried bringing down her temperature but it was not working and it got me more scared though I had to pretend until the pas-s£ngers began to ask why she is crying too much in the bus.
“Is she your daughter? Then st©p her na, a woman at the back said.
“Sorry but she’s not feeling too well, I told them.
“Then take her to the hospital, I don’t know what’s wrong with small girls getting pregnant without knowing anything about motherhood, the woman said and I heaved and told the driver to st©p me.
“Wait we are almost there, the lady sitting beside me said and I nodded. After few minutes we arrived and I just looked around confused, it was my very first time outside the village and every determination I had quenched. My daughter fell asleep as I strolled carrying her with my bag going to no where exactly until I saw people coming out from a building. I re-ad the banner there and saw it was a church, then I weakly looked at my daughter, she was still very sick and I suddenly blamed myself for running away.
I decided to enter the building and sat at the back, people were still in the building despite many were leaving. I soa-ked my handkerchief with water placing it on my daughter head as I kept watching, and when I saw the building was almost empty, I wrote down a note putting it in my daughter blanket as I wra-pped her and it re-ad,
“I once believed in your God but he failed, but plea-se beg him to save and take care of my daughter for me. From a teen broken mother”.
I was crying very seriously as I cautiously left where I sat to the middle of the church and la-id my daughter on the long bench there without anyone noticing. I k!$$£d her on her forehead fighting ha-rd not to leave her but I had to because I saw I couldn’t take care of myself, how will I take care of her?.
I closed my eyes and left without looking back …………….
TBC