*????COINCIDENCE????*
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*_CHAPTER 1_*
*???? PROLOGUE????*
She could smell him from a mile away, drunk
with alcohol and the way his voice slurred
when he sang one of Don William’s country
song .. ”I will like to see you again “. It always
made her cringe. It felt like nails being pulled
at the ha-rd surface of her mind walls, as every
words came with it the thought of what is
about to happen.
She la-id on her be-d, counting his footsteps
”One, Two,-Ten, Fifteen” knowing that when it
got to thirty, he would be at her door, and
another ten steps he would be at the foot of
her be-d, calling her name as he sings
”Alexandra..my sweet beautiful girl, I would like
to see you again” adding it to the words of the
original song thus distorting it.
She could hear him stagger and laugh at his
own silliness. She could hear the bottle he
held always in his left hand hitting the wall as
he clim-bs the staircase, every step making a
sound due to the cricking sound of the almost
broken steps.
”Twenty” she counts
His breathing is ha-rd, heavy. He is a weighty
man for his age, but it doesn’t matter, neither
does it stop him.
”Twenty-five” She continues.
His faint footstep is getting closer to her door.
She looks away from it, knowing at any time
now he would push the unlocked door open.
He is the reason her door is never locked, he
is the reason there are no ”hide and seeks”
games done in the house with a clear mind,
the only time the game ” hide and seek” is
done is when he wants it to…and she was
always the hider and he the seeker.
”Run my sweet Alexandra, run and I will come
find you. Go to the darkness and the loneliest,
go run and I promise to come find you.” He
says to her.
But, she learnt too early too soon what his
little games were, and it wasn’t for someone
her age, especially when he tells her to seat
and be quiet, and never to scream even if it
hurts and it did. It hurt for days.
”Twenty-nine” she whispers
She could tell what he is doing now; unco-rking
the gin he has in his hand, throwing his head
to the back as he tips the entire contents into
his mouth. Then he would choke as some
spring out of his mouth, trekking to his jaw
and mingling with the dirty beards that had
spr-ead with an unkempt bush evenly across
his face.
Despite him choking he wouldn’t stop drinking
until all is down his large throat, coughing
again he would belch, so loud the cat which
always sleeps at her balcony window would
turn its head in anger, wondering while higher
animals wouldn’t let lesser animals like them
have a good nap, having no idea how many
lives they had had to live for one night.
”Thirty!!” She whispers
He kicks the door open and staggers in
”Alexandra, my sweet beautiful Alexandra… I
would like to see you again” he hiccu-ps, and
then belches again as he laughs.
She lays still, as one who is asleep. But they
both know she isn’t. He had told her once, that
he likes the ”Pretend game, and that pretend
games makes daddy happy; it makes daddy
and his little boy happy ”
She had asked him once who his little boy
was, she wished she hadn’t asked, because he
had made her close her eyes with a cloth, then
he had taken her hands and he had asked her
to to-uchit. He told her to to-uchwhatever she
felt and then whisper to it. She did, she felt it
move and in fear she had screamed ”Snake
Snake!!!” backing away from it and screaming
out her lungs ”Daddy snake!!!!!!” she wailed
even with her blind fold on.Mother had come, and asked her why she was
screaming after removing the blinds from her
eyes, she hadn’t seen him nor the snake. She
felt daddy had hidden the snake or the snake
got scared and disappeared, and carried daddy
too.
She had told her mother ”’Snake took daddy!”
she cried ”Snake took daddy!!!”
Her mother had laughed ”Have you started
seeing things Alexa?”
”But mummy, daddy isn’t here, snake took him.
Took him away, I swear it. I tou-ched it and it
moved and…oh daddy we have to find daddy”
Her mother had taken her by the hand and led
her to the living room, there he was, legs
crossed, with a newspaper reading..”See
daddy, he didn’t move, he has been here all
along. Don’t be scared, there is no snake in
the house, daddy will protect you okay?” she
had left her with him and went to the clinic.
”But daddy, I swear it…” she cried
”Did you now?” he asks her, she had wondered
about the chuckle to his voice and the way his
eyes sparkled and the sly smile to his l-ips
”’I mean, I felt it. It was a snake, you told me
to to-ucha snake and.. and—” She wailed, he
hushes her up, lifts her and places her on his
lap, cooing her to quiet.
She heard his faint laughter, he told her it
wasn’t a snake, he said ”You was just having a
bad dream Alexandra. ”
But she wasn’t asleep.
She was three years old then but she knew
what being awake was and what being asleep
was..
That was a snake, and she could swear it.
But she should have known better, because a
few weeks later, she realized what the snake
was, and she hated it.
But how could she anyways, she was nothing
but a child.
”Always pretend as if you are asleep. When I
come in, close your eyes and stay still, and
remember don’t scream, else I would make it
more painful and I would make sure you get
the belt and the hot water bottle” he had pulled
at her cheeks many weeks later.
And like a good little girl she lays still, eyes
closed..waiting for daddy to come throu-ghher
room door.
”Five steps” she whispers
Praying at the beginning never helped her. She
had hoped that someone, anyone …who could
hear her will come to her rescue. But no one
did. No one ever did. So she gave up praying,
gave up fighting, gave in to acceptance.
”Ten final steps” she ti-ghtens her eyes as she
feels him climb the be-d, his voice slurring the
more as the song he is singing becomes
unintelligent words.
He flings the covers away from her small
fragile bo-dy, holding her legs he spr-eads them
apa-rt as he clim-bs on top of her.
She could feel his cold thi-ghs, cold hairy
thi-ghs and the thing dangling between his legs
as it brushes her skin. That thing that brings
her nothing but pain and makes her sore for
days.
That same thing she felt him grab, and like
usual she felt it take on a more solid sharp as
he moves his hands up and down in a slow
motion over it, as he lays on top of her raising
himself up to get access to himself, he sings
drunkenly
”Oh Alexandra, my sweet sweet Alexandra….”
He sings, breathing into her face bad breathe
mixed with rotten eggs and cat poo.
She turns her face again, bile threatening to
rise up from her throat, she presses it down,
su-cking in her breathe, both eyes shut ti-ghter
than ever, she holds on to the be-d
sheets..waiting for that moment he brings her
nothing but hell, pain and misery for the entire
two minutes and thirty seconds.” Oh my sweet Alexandra” He says.
She had wondered at first if he was completely
unaware of what he did to her. She had hoped
that the first time was a mistake, a drunken
mistake she hoped he regretted.
She had hoped that the tears he had shed that
night so many years ago was a cry of a
broken sad man.
And she had forgiven him, she had when he
went on his knees and pleaded for mercy. She
had agreed not to tell anyone, not even her
mother, not even her shadow.
She had bleed, she had been swollen and yet,
she forgave him.
But how do you forgive a man when night after
night and night after night, that same thing he
asked for mercy for was the same thing he
seeked, and this time… and the times after
that and the times after that..
He wasn’t sorry.
No! infact, she couldn’t tell anyone even if she
wanted to. He beat her, he made her quiet…he
made sure that no one would ever take her
words against his.
And night , after night, he would come home
drunk, he would climb up those stairs, he
would sing that same song with his most
horrible voice slurring as he walks, he would
laugh and stagger, he would stop at her door
and he would empty the contents of his gin,
then with a de-ep breath and de-sire in his eyes
he would come for her, ten steps to her be-d he
would climb it, singing with her name and
adding it to the words of the song, he would
pa-rt her legs..and with a quick painful thrus-t he
would enter her..
Just like now, just like now. She is ten years
old now, yet the pain was never thesame as
every night he came for her it became ten
times worse than before.
If someone had asked her what she knew as
pain, she would have defined pain as ”When
the man you call father comes to your room
every night, while mother is asleep or at the
hospital and ra-pes you.” She would say ”Pain
is what she feels between her legs, inside of
her when he enters her with what’s better his
own legs”
”Pain, is the soreness she feels that never
goes away”. She would say, ”Pain is man, and
all they stand for”
Yes. This was pain.
Now, like always for the past few years, She
holds ti-ght to the be-d sheet as he breathes
heavily on her, Gr0-ning like an animal,
grabbing the little folds of her small bre-ast ,
gr-unting his de-sire while she lays there, bi-ting
her l-ips to stop herself from screaming out,
letting the tears leave her eyes without making
a sound.
Counting the seconds till he eventually
intensifies his movements and je-rks until he
stops suddenly, rolling off her small fragile
bo-dy and letting out a satisfied sigh with his
protruded bo-dy facing the ceiling, his beards
sweat shining, his thi-ghs we-t and his member
back to a deflated balloon in the shell of the
ru-bber clothe it wore, a thickish creamy liquid
la-id at the bott-om of the ru-bber still clinging to
his member.
Yet, she lays there.
Her core in burning flames, her insides in
turmoil and her heart in pains.
Night, after night, he would come, and when it
is over, two minutes thirty seconds of pain and
more pain, when it is over he would roll off
and within seconds he would snore, so loud
that the cat who had been watching the whole
show would hiss and trot away, climbing up to
her safe haven where family would protect and
love you not use you.
Yes, not use you.
Fifteen years old now; She gets up, her legs
shaking , her thi-ghs dripping from blood she
walks slowly to the bathroom, there she puts
on the shower and lets it run over her as she
sl-ips to the ground.
Just like tonight, just like every night like
tonight, while shower is on, she would sit
un-der it, like rain, it washes away her tears, but
never the pain within her legs nor heals the
wounds her core has become conversant with.
And when she is done crying, she would go
back to be-d, not beside him, but un-derneath
it..there only where she finds peace. And in the
morning, he could wake up, gather himself and
leave.
Mother would come and like lovebirds she
would hear them laugh and talk and be happy.
And she? She ..goes about her day like a
normal fifteen year old girl.
That’s what everyone thinks. That she is
perfect, her life is, her family dotes and loves
her.
But no one does, not her family, especially not
him. He just loves what’s between her legs.
And if he is like that, that meant, all Men
where the same.
Is this not what they want? This same thing her
father takes from her every night.. is that not
what they want?
Oh, Men…are pain. And all they know how to
do is to give..Pain.
*
She came to realize that growing up in this
environment, with a father like that..with a life
like this would only result in a few things; It
can either make you, mar you or break you.
And for her, it shaped her as it broke her too.
By the time she turned fifteen, she had had
enough.
Her mother never believed her when she told
her one airy night about her father, instead she
had locked her outside for three days and
for-ced her to sleep on the streets for daring to
accuse her father, the one who loved her the
most in the world. And that was the problem,
he loved her too much and with the most
wrongest kind of love a man should have for
his daughter.
So for three days, she was left to the dew of
the mornings and the hands of the dark and
cold nights. No food, no water, nothing but her
cold skin and one dress to keep her warm.
It was on the third night, that third night, she
knew she had to do anything to survive; So
when he approached her with a few offers; a
roof over her head for the night, something to
fill her starving tummy and a decent shower.
She had asked what he wanted in return for his
generosity since she had no money.
Her bo-dy, he had said.
She had a choice, stay here and die of
starvation and cold. Be a prey for the lingering
eyes and wondering hands, who are eager to
rip her clothes off and take her bo-dy by for-ce
or…
Accept the offer.
She had a night to think about it.
Live to die another day right?
When he came again, she took it. All she had
to do is pretend as if she was slee-ping, lie still
and don’t make a sound while he gr-unts like
an animal like her father right?.
There was surely nothing more worse in life
than this pain,and sadly, She already had
enough practice.
And so she did accept his offer. She had food,
she had water and a ha-rd be-d to lay her head
for the night.
*
Her mother and father gets her back home a
day later, infact, he came looking for her to
bring her back home.
He had found her slee-ping un-der the hood of a
trunk, where other homeless had suddenly
made themselves a makeshift home in the
cold.
He missed her ; He said when her mother
wasn’t listening after he got her into the car
and gave her a pie and water to drink.
”I hope you had learnt your lesson, never to lie
about the ones who care for you. I hope you
will learn to appreciate the love we have for
you? ” Her mother had asked.
She didn’t answer; she remained quiet during
the ride home. He had whispered to her ears
when they arrived home, while her mother went
up the steps telling them to come wash up for
dinner.
”I really did miss you my sweet Alexandra” he
had whispered again and grabbe-d her small
tush and fli-cked her ni-pplewith his other hand
in a quick fashion.
She pauses and stares ha-rd at him.
A night with a strange man from the streets
was a lighter hell than returning to the life with
the drunkard and a rapist who her father was.
She had had enough.
So when he began to walk ahead of her,
singing his song .. ”I would like to see you
again.”
She doesn’t follow him up, she doesn’t dare.
Instead, she turns around and began walking
away, not caring where.
When she heard her name ”ALEXANDRA
BEKINGTON, COME BACK HERE RIGHT THIS
MINUTE ELSE YOU WILL GET THE BELT!!!
ALEXANDRA! ALEXANDRA!!!!!!” his voice like
hands clawing at her skin even from where he
stood.
She covers her ears with both hands, increa-sed
her steps and soon she is running, and running
and running.
And when she saw him running after her,
screaming her name.
She knew he wasn’t worried about his daughter
running away from home, she just knew the
only reason he would never let her go was
because he was going to be depressed about
his s-x slave who would never be there at
night to ”pla-y pretend” and accept his ”Pain ” he
pushes throu-ghher legs every night.
She knew…that was the reason he was
chasing after her.
Men were Pain, and she wanted none of it.
So she ran, crossing the road and jumping into
a bus as it stopped to pick up p@$$engers
heading down town.
She never looked back, No, and she never had
any regrets.
She backed the door, going to seat at the
back. She could hear him calling her name and
hitting the bus’s windowpanes..
The tears that flowed out of her eyes wasn’t
tears of sadness, of never seeing the man who
raised her and the mother who cared for her in
her limitation. No, it was tears of relief, of
peace, of freedom..never to ever see them
again.
Yes, they raised her, but they damaged her.
She risked a look, saw him standing there and
reading her name from his l-ips . She knew that
finally she was free from him, the man who
had damaged her and taken her innocence
from her.
And maybe, she wouldn’t blame them, she
should blame death who had stolen her real
parents from her who had died too early too
soon and left her in the care of social services,
and then the Andersons had come to adopt
her.. or rather she should say, the drunk rapist
and the negligent mother came to make her
their daughter because they couldn’t have kids.
Maybe God knew why he didn’t want to bless
them with one; maybe he couldn’t ba-re to see
the child being mo-lested by her father on a
daily.
And thus She, became the sacrificial lamp.
They had come for her, seen her, wanted her
and had her. And he had had her in a different
way, a perverted way.
And she wished they hadn’t, she wished he
hadn’t but now, she was glad she was running
away.
Her life here on out may not be smooth, may
even be worse off. But it was way better than
the life she was living right now.
*
TO BE CONTINUED….