Wingless and beautiful episode 15

WINGLESS AND BEAUTIFUL
EPISODE FIFTEEN
 
 
“Are you okay?” Chaise asked me in a
gentle tone.
I simply nodded. I couldn’t speak, afraid
that if I did, I
would cry or scream my heart out.
This was so frustrating! I wanted to run
after Hunter to
as-sure him that it was still him. It would
always be him. But I didn’t know how or
where to start fixing this mess.
Chaise looked down at me and studied
my face.
“Why are you crying? Did Vaughn make
you cry?” he
asked. He sounded alarmed, like he was
re-ady to punchHunter’s teeth down his
throat if I said yes.
I managed a fake giggle. “No, silly. I
was just glad thatyou guys finally c@m£
back for us.”
That was a stupid lie. But I couldn’t tell
Chaise the truth.
Not yet. He would be hurt and I owed
him so much. I owed
him my life.
But on the other hand… Hunter was
heart-broken
because he thought I didn’t wait for him.
Before he left, he
never really knew how I felt for him.
Chaise looked at me with a serious
expression on his
face. I felt uneasy because I suspected
that he was trying to
re-ad me. Suddenly, I felt a tug on my
n£¢klace. When I
looked down, I saw that he was holding
my pendant in his
hand, feeling the inscriptions with his
f!ngers. I immediately
snatched it away from him. He was
staring at me with
shielded eyes and I couldn’t re-ad the
expression on his face.
I stepped away from him and turned to
Denise. “Are we all set to go?”
She smiled at me and nodded. “Get your
bag. We’re leaving.”
directions, I thought we actually spent
more time ma-king
out.
But I would never admit that to Denise.
Not yet. I had to
plan this throu-gh. And I thought Chaise
deserved to know
about Hunter and me first.
“Why… why were you in the same room
when we found
you?” Denise asked.
I turned away from her to hide my
blus-h. I’m about to lie
to her, but I didn’t want my expression
to give that away.
“There was only one room in the house,
Denise,” I faked
a laugh.
“Well, yeah. But the living room was big
enough. Surelyyou didn’t sleep on the
same be-d.”
No. I don’t think Hunter sle-pt at all.
“No. I sle-pt on the be-d. He c@m£ in to
wake me up,” I
lied. “Then you guys c@m£.”
“Okay, good. Because I will not forgive
him if he insultedyou or took advantage
of you.”
“I don’t think he’s capable of taking
advantage ofanyone.”
Denise nodded. “Yes, but he’s very
much capable of killing anyone with his
sharp ton-gue alone,” she said. Thenshe
gro-an ed. “This trip was a total disaster!”
“What happened when we weren’t here?
And why didyou leave me there?”
“Well, Mica was sick. I think she’s
mental to be honest.
Apparently, it was the first time
someb©dy shouted at her
and told her off, she couldn’t take it.
When she c@m£ back,
she couldn’t st©p crying that she found
it difficult tobreathe. They had to give
her a brown bag to breathe intoso she
could calm down.” Denise rolled her
eyes. “Ipanicked when they told me she
was on the verge of havinga nervous
breakdown so I rushed back without
telling you. Ididn’t know it was going to
have a storm so soon that wecouldn’t
go back for you. The signals were out
so wecouldn’t call you.
“Chaise wanted to go back for you even
when it was
raining. We all had to convince him that
it was a terrible
idea. I told him that Hunter would take
care of you,” Denise
said, then she looked at me wearily. “I
think that worried
Chaise even more.”
I knew what she meant by that, but I
kept quiet.
“I think that Chaise was jealous of
Hunter. He didn’t like
it that Hunter jumped into the water first
when Mica pushed
you. It only meant one thing. Hunter had
been watching you
when that happened. And Chaise
thought it was his job to
save you.”
I shook my head. “It was never his job.
He’s not my
b©yfri£nd.”
“Alice… if you really have no intentions
of returning
Chaise’s feelings… you should just tell
him.”
“I did. Plenty of times. But he’s also my
friend, Denise. I
wish he would just give up. I owe him
for saving my life… for
looking out for me even when I thought I
didn’t nee-d him to.
I just don’t know what to do. I want him
to stay away from
me. But how could I tell him that
without hurting him?”
Chaise was a good guy. He was my
guardian angel.
Unfortunately, my friendsh!pwith him
cost me… the most
important boy in my life.
“You’ll figure it out one of these days.”
Denise smiled at
me encouragingly.
“I hope you’re right,” I said.
We heard someb©dy tap on the door.
Chaise peeked in.
“Breakfast is re-ady.”
Denise and I looked at each other.
How long had Chaise been standing by
the door?
Denise gave me a slight shrug, as if she
re-ad my mind.
“We’ll be there in a sec,” Denise replied.
Chaise nodded and then he left quietly.
“Do you think he heard us?” I asked
Denise.
“I don’t know. But if he did, then maybe
your problem is
solved. You wanted to find a way to tell
him to bugger off.
There you go!”
“Denise!”
She laughed. “Sorry, hun. f0rç£ of habit.
You know there
will be no love lost between Chaise and
me.”
All of us, with the exception of Hunter,
had breakfast in
the dining room. Mica was all sobered
up and I hoped
Denise would tell her parents about the
incident. She
nee-ded to see someb©dy about handling
her emotions
properly. I know suicidal instincts when
I see the signs. I was
the girl whose mother killed herself
when things got too
much for her to handle.
Hunter locked himself in the master’s
be-droom, which
made me feel both worried and glad. I
was worried because
he didn’t look happy when Chaise
hvgged me in front of
him, and glad because I didn’t know
how to behave in front
of him and my friends together.
I wish I could tell Hunter about all the
waiting I did for
him. I wish I could make him believe
that for eighteen long
months, I held on to his promise of
coming back to me. My
friendsh!pand gratitude for Chaise had
nothing to do with
my feelings for him.
I should have told Hunter everything last
night, when we
were alone. But now, it’s gotten more
complicated with
Denise and Chaise around. I had some
serious explaining to
do to them too. I wanted to be as
careful as possible
because this would kill Chaise. And I
alre-ady killed him
every day that I couldn’t return his
feelings.
When we left, Hunter decided to stay
behind. Before I
hopped into Chaise’s car, I looked back
and found Hunter
standing in the balcony. He was
watching me. I couldn’t
make out the expression on his face. He
looked frustrated,
sad and angry all at the same time.
I wanted to come up to him, to tell him
that I just
nee-ded a little bit of time to set things
right.
“Come on, Chaise. Drive!” Denise called
from the carbehind us.
“Alice, let’s go,” Chaise demanded from
inside the car.
I looked up at Hunter one last time. He
gave me a slight
nod, as if silently giving me permission
to go. I gave him a
sad smile and then I hopped inside
Chaise’s car.
On the way home, Chaise was silent
too. He was happy
to leave me to my own thoughts, while
he got lost in his.
When he dropped me off in front of my
house, I thanked him
silently. He just nodded and then drove
away.
“How was it?” Meredith asked me
cheerfully as soon as I
went inside the house.
It took me a minute to snap out of my
thoughts and
answer her.
“Okay, I guess,” I replied curtly. Then I
headed to my
room.
I changed into a comfortable pair of
shorts and a big
baggy shi-t. Then I threw myself to be-d
and took a pillow to
cover my face.
A few minutes later, I felt a tap on my
arm. I turned and
saw that Meredith was sitting on the
side of my be-d.
“Do you want to talk about it?” she
asked.
“Not really.”
“Come on, Alice. I thought you have
learned to trust
me,” she said. “I know something was
going on. I could see
it on your face. Something was
bothering you.”
Tears rolled down my cheeks. I sat up
on the be-d and
stared at her for a long moment.
“Is this about a boy?” she asked.
I sighed. “Boys.”
She was taken back a bit and then she
couldn’t help
grinning. “Sweetheart, half the girls your
age would kill for a
problem like yours.”
“Well, they’re welcome to take my place
any day,” I said
dryly.
Meredith smiled at me gently. “Tell me.”
I didn’t really know where to start except
from thebeginning. I told her about my
new job, and how I walked those streets
alone at nights. Then I told her about
Chaise
who was persistent from the beginning
and how he stalked
me as I walked home at nights. But he
was doing it with
very good intentions. He was ma-king
sure I got home safely.
Then I didn’t see the point of not being
honest to
Meredith about the potheads I
encountered on the streets
and how they could have had their way
with me if Chaise
didn’t come to my rescue. I saw her
flin-ch but she didn’t
interrupt my monologue. Then I told her
how Chaise bec@m£
a good friend after that and how he
picked me up from work
and took me home every night to make
sure I was safe.
Finally, I told her that Hunter returned to
school after a
successful corneal transplant and how
he was ignoring me
all this time… hating me even. Then I
told her how Hunter
told me that I broke his heart because
he thought I was with
Chaise now and didn’t wait for him. Of
course, I left out the
p@rt of ma-king out with Hunter while we
were left in the
cabin by ourselves.
“I don’t know what to do, Mer,” I said in
between tears.
“Chaise had grown dear to me… but only
as a friend. I owe
him a lot for saving my life. But I
couldn’t return his
feelings.”
“Because of Hunter?”
I nodded. “It will always be Hunter.”
“But because Chaise was on your side
like a diligent
b©yfri£nd, anyb©dy would think that
something was going
on between the two of you. If anyb©dy
could as-sume that
Chaise was your b©yfri£nd, could you
really blame Hunter
for thinking that you chose to move on
without him?”
I shook my head slowly. “I waited for
him every day. I
was able to survive all this time with a
smile on my face and
not worry about how difficult and lonely
life was… because Iwas always looking
forward to Hunter’s return… I
waswaiting every day for him to keep
his promise to come backto me.”
“And he did. He c@m£ back for you. But
when he did, he
saw that there’s someone else alre-ady
taking care of you.
He thought he was too late. He must
have been blaming
himself for taking too long, but that was
not his fault too.
You were the reason why he chose to
move on and live his
life again… but when he c@m£ back, he
found that Chaise
was alre-ady doing the job that gave him
a reason to
un-dergo transplant in the first place.”
Meredith was right. I couldn’t blame
Hunter for this. Itwas all a
misconception. But if Hunter and I got
backtogether, I would lose Chaise and
his friendsh!p. I would losemy guardian
angel and I knew I would hurt his
feelingsbeyond belief. I didn’t think he
deserved that. But if I didn’tchoose
Hunter, then Hunter would continue
hurting and hedidn’t deserve that either.
I heaved a frustrated sigh. “Why does
life and love haveto be complicated?
Why can’t I love without obstacles?
Without getting hurt or hurting anyone
else?”
Meredith smiled at me. “You have a big
heart, Alice. It’samazing how you
always… always put the feelings of
othersaround you before your own. And
sometimes… that’s yourproblem. You
never thought about yourself. You were
neverselfish. Because if you were… you
would have gotten backtogether with
Hunter last night, to hell with whoever
gothurt in the process.”
“I want to love Hunter and be with him…
without feelingbad or guilty about
hurting Chaise’s feelings. Chaise is
agood guy and has done a big deal for
me by saving my life.Even though it’s
inevitable that I break his heart, I
don’tthink I have the heart to do it,” I
said sadly.
“Either way, you’re going to break the
heart of one ofthem, Alice.” Meredith
said. “You know whose heart youwould
rather break. But right now, it’s the heart
of the boyyou didn’t want to hurt that is
breaking.”
“If I hurt Chaise, wouldn’t that mean I
was ungrateful forthe hvge sacrifices he
made for me? He risked his own life to
save mine. It was bad enough when I
couldn’t love him.But now it’s worse
because I have to tell him that
I’mchoosing someb©dy else over him.”
“If Chaise really loves you… then he
would set you free.He would be happy
for you even if he was hurting. If
Hunterdeserves you… he would either
set you free to fall in lovewith someb©dy
who would love you more than him… or
hewould fight for you because he felt
that nob©dy else woulddo a better job at
protecting you but him.” Meredith
smiledat me ruefully. “You have to be
honest with Chaise, Alice.
You have to tell him how you feel. If he
doesn’t know thatthe guy you love was
just around you all this time, then
hewon’t back down. If he kept on
thinking that the guy youwere in love
with doesn’t give a damn about you
anymore,he would do all he could to win
you for himself. But if herealizes that he
was in the way of your true happiness…
hejust might set you free.”
I thought about Chaise and all the good
things that hedid. I wanted to give him a
chance… but I couldn’t. Becauseall that
I was… and all the love that I could give
in my heart,I had alre-ady given to
Hunter.
“And you have to be honest with Hunter
too.” Meredithcontinued. “He had to
un-derstand that when he left, therewas
another guy who took his place. Not in
your heart. bu-tthat guy did a great job
protecting you, nevertheless.”
When Meredith left me in my room, my
head wasclearer. Chaise had to know
about Hunter, even if it hurthim. He just
might back off and give Hunter and me
achance to continue our story. And if
Hunter still wanted to bewith me, he
was free to come back to me. But if he
didn’twant me anymore, then he
couldn’t use Chaise as anexcuse not to
be with me.
I knew I couldn’t tell Hunter everything
in a space of tenminutes, which was
probably the amount of time he
waswilling to spare me if I asked to talk
to him. Jealous Huntercould be irrational
no matter how smart he was. But he
had to know everything. From the day
he left, until the day hereturned.
It was time for him to re-ad my diary…
the diary that hemade me promise to
write since the day he left me withhopes
that he would someday come back to
me.I stood up from my be-d and took my
bag. Even though Ihadn’t written on it
much since the day Hunter returned,
Istill brou-ght my diary with me all the
time.
I took out all contents of my bag. I
scanned throu-gh myclothes, however, I
couldn’t find what I was looking for.
Iturned my bag inside out just to be sure
I didn’t just miss it.I tried to remember
where and when I had seen it last.And I
distinctly remembered putting it in the
bag before Iwent to the lake house.
Then I remembered leaving it there,when
I took a few pieces of clothes to change
to before wewent to the cabin. When we
c@m£ back to the main house, Ididn’t
remember taking it out from my bag at
all… I didn’teven remember seeing it or
thinking about it. I was sopreoccu-pied
with my mess with Hunter and Chaise
to thinkabout anything else.
As I looked at the pile of stuff scattered
on my be-d, Irealized in horror that it
wasn’t there… Hunter’s diary
wasmissing.
 
 
Tbc