water strike episode 6 & 7

?Water Strike?
?.(Crazy compound)?

Genre: Drama (Comedy)
Setting: Lagos, Nigeria

Tags: comedy, R0m-nce??

By: Vickie Dora

Episode 6

(No water)

(Very early in morning, the third day, Emeka could be seen sprawled on the bed, sleeping soundly before Segun spa-nk him on his bu-tt)
Segun: Bros wake up, wake up. Ahn which kain sleep be this one (staring at emeka as he yawns loudly)

Emeka: (yawning loudly) haaaa, ooohhoh, why are you waking me up now ( he mumbled)
Segun: You better stand up now, remember that you are starting lectures today
Emeka: (getting up, and ru-b-bing his eyes) Jesus, what time is it

Segun: It 5:30, and I believe your lecture will start by 8:00, so hurry up we have about 2hrs and 30mins to prepare and head to school
Emeka: (getting on his feet) where is james and Douglas

Segun: They left already

Emeka: ahnaha so early

Segun: (scoffs) do you think this place is your village, oo, this is Lagos o, shine your eye. Their wicked lecturer fixed his lecture time at 7:00, so they nee-d to leave early, because they will still have to trek to school

Emeka: ok….Let me….but wait oo, there is no more water, how are we gonna take our bath
Segun: Mtcheeww, leave that one to me, I have planned my stealing this morning

Emeka: Stealing, what do you plan to steal?
Segun: Emeka, just head to the bathroom, I will meet you there ( he whispered and left the room)

Emeka: hmmmph, strange
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*At the bathroom*

(Emeka sighted Segun coming towards the bathroom with two big buckets of water. Where could he have gotten much water, he thought, because the last time he checked, there was only a small bucket of water remaining, which is for drinking)

Emeka: Ahnahn segun, where did you get this water (he asked as segun got closer)
Segun: woo, just enter the bathroom, stop asking questions…lets take our bath fast before other tenants will start coming

Emeka: ok oo, but this water is a bit cold oo, this one that harmattan has started like this, can’t we warm the water first

Segun: E be like say you don drink, o boy enter bathroom joor, bath with it like that
Emeka: oh Jesus (he whined) Emeka don suffer

(After their bath, they ready up and headed for school, returning the empty buckets. Segun still refused to tell Emeka about where he got the water from. He told him that the answer will reveal itself when they are back)
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*That Same Morning*

Landlady: somebody will die in this compound today oo, somebody will die ooo ehhn (She shouted, as other tenants came closer to ask what the problem is)

Baby Sussi: Ahnan Landlady, why you are shouting now….what is it

Landlady: hey,,you say I shouting abi, ok oo, don’t worry, when somebody die in this house, you will now know

Mallam: (coming out from his quarters) Good morning oo baby Sussi

Baby Sussi: morning oo Mallam the Mallam
Mallam: Ahn w£tin happen na, iya Landlady, what is the matter

Landlady: heei heiei, Oga landlord, come and see oo, come and see what your stupid tenants are doing oo

Baby Sussi: Who is stupid ehn, who is stupid, abeg stop that thing joor…w£tin happen you no won talk, now you say we are stupid, mtchewww( She hissed)

Oga landlord: (coming out from the his room) What is it my darling wife, why are you shouting this morning in the early

Landlady: Ekaro oo Oko mi( Good morning my husband) hiiee, shey you remember the water that I told Sanda to fetch yesterday ( Landlord nodded)

Baby sussi: Her name is Sandra, not sanda, ahnan, no spoil pesin name

Landlord: Gbe enu e soun jare, omo komo( shut up) You that is studying English, and you cannot speak it well. Instead of you to be in the school at lecture time, you will be following men kaakiri( Everywhere) stupid fool

Baby Sussi: Oga landlord, don’t insult me oo, can your wife here speak English reach me…

Mallam: Baby sussi, cool down okay…me ehn I sue welle welle, that you are the best englishian in the world, just wait let us hear what Landlady want to say

Landlady: hmm as I was saying before this ashawo( prostitute) distracted me

(Baby sussi glared ha-rd at her, while Mallam warned her not to react)

Lamdlady: So the water that Sandra fetched for me yesterday, the water that I want to use to baff those my sister children, they have taken the water oo….

Landlord: wait, are you saying that you can not find the water again

Landlady: this is the bucket na, look at it e, they come and turn it away, ahh

Landlord: haaa, so somebody still steal my wife water in this house, now that water is scarce like this…you is that idiot that perform that rusticated act

Baby Sussi & Mallam: Ehhh ehwoo( putting their hands on their head) See English

Landlord: My darling wife (he called, facing her)

Landlady: Sirrr

Landlord: Don’t worry, I know what to do, you see that theif that use to steal water in this house, we go catch erm, don’t cry okay. mange the water that is in that drum, I will send Wasui to go buy some water at Alhaji house

Landlady: (Nodding) ok oo, let me go and make your food
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Baby Sussi: Mtcheewww, stupid woman ( she muttered as they went inside)

Baby sussi: (talking to herself) I wonder what that oga landlord see in that useless woman body, fine o she no fine, she can’t even cook well, she is not even good in bed sef, and oga landlord allowed her to insult me…mtcheww,ok na, I will make sure I starve him in this compound

(Sighting Chioma as she heads out of her room, looking graciously dress, with a pink off shoulder top, blue jean and white snickers. She wondered how she suddenly gets the money to buy all this. Chioma that use to come beg for maggi and pepper from her before, what caused the sudden change, she thought)

Baby Sussi: Chioma, wait for me…ahnan.. you are looking Stanley oo (Putting her hands on her wai-st, gazing at chioma from head to toe)
Chioma: Stanley???

Baby sussi: Mtcheww, don’t mind me jare, I mean you are lokking….erm..you know now…fine and shinning, w£tin you dey chop now
Chioma: (Fli-pping her hair to the back of her ear, smiling) Oh you mean I’m looking pretty, well its God’s grace oo

Baby Sussi: Ehn, ahn, this god’s grace dey work well for you oo, ahn ahn Chioma chioma, baby ( She praised)

Chioma: abi ooo, that’s how we roll, anyway are you heading to school now, cos I’m having lectures by 9:00, and this is just 8: 30, I nee-d to hurry up, cos I don’t wanna be late (She mutterd brining out her phone)

Baby Sussi: Ehn, I’m also going to school naw, lets go

(They went out of the gate, with Baby sussi’s stares all over Chioma)

Baby Sussi: (thinking de-eply) Ehnnehn, ehhiiee, so chioma can now speak big big English with me, look at the way she was even talking…are you going to school now, I don’t wanna be late ermm (Mimicking her) Hmmm, so because she now have one man that is making her look good, she now see me as a leftover. Me that I use to give her cloth before, hmm this life ehnnn, anyway we shall see, I must know the man that is buying all this things for her, she thought)
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?Water Strike?
?.(Crazy compound)?

Genre: Drama (Comedy)
Setting: Lagos, Nigeria

Tags: comedy, R0m-nce??

By: Vickie Dora ✍️

Episode 7

(Fresh pepper)

*That same day*

*Late in the afternoon*

(Sylvester, popularly known as Big Prof arrive from his work place where he teach as a lecturer.

He got the name Big prof due to the way he speaks and the numerous English he has formed. Worn out and drained, he rushed home to have a shower and nice lunch before settling down to mark some script of as-signment.

He rushed towards the drum where he do keep his water but found nothing, the water has been exhausted. He couldn’t afford to stay that way, his body has been itching him right from work and he nee-ds to cool it down.

He picked up a bucket to go fetch water at the public borehole, but sighted a bucket full of water close to Landlady’s kitchen. No one was there; he decided to have a quick look)

Big Prof: hmm, this is water here gosh, should I just take it and use that perhaps I return it back when I go get mine (he thought)

Big prof: (shrugging) well that’s the best option, whereas no one will know that I use it anyway. I will just bath with it first, before going to fetch mine, simple ( he muttered and took the water to the bathroom)

(Not up to five minute, he ran out of the bathroom with just his boxers, well he won’t afford going out nak-ed; screaming and ru-b-bing his body. Immediately, his students, the boys arrived together with Chioma and baby Sussi.

They were marveled at the way their lecturer was screaming his lungs out. Landlady and Oga landlord also came out of their rooms, together with Baba and Iya Sade. Other tenants from different angles also came to peep)

Big Prof: fire ooo, fire,,,,,there is fire on the mountain

Douglas: (Smiling) Run run run…Oh sorry my lecturer, but what is it sir

Oga landlord: Wentin happen na Big prof
Big Prof: Ahh Oga landlord, Landlady….Ahn my body is on fire, fan me fan me oo

Baby Sussi: Make una fan erm na (gesturing to the boys)

James: Emeka, get me that big hand fan inside the room

Emeka: ok (he dashed immediately to get it) This is it

James: thank you (he collected the fan and started fanning him with all his strength)

Chioma: Erm Slyvester, what’s wrong why are you out here half nak-ed ( she mocked as he glared at her, breathing heavily. Well it’s not her fault, he has a crush on her and she has been playing with his feelings, now she is making mockery of him)

Big prof: heii, that water….water ….the f*¢king …. water

Mallam: talk naw,, w£tin do the phucking water
Oga landlord: Shey water offend you ni

Big Prof: nooo, not that..Landlady water….beside the kitchen..i used it to take my bath…and my body was set on fire

(Immediately he said this, Landlady busted into a thun-derous laughter, as other joined her but stop when hers was becoming too much)

Oga landlord: Ahhnnann, what is happening, why are all of you laughing like a parrot naw, we are talkinh serious issue here. Big prof can not just run outside nak-ed, if the matter is not serious

Landlady: haeeei, laugh will not kill me, my husband oo, we have catch the thief
Oga landlord: Which theif ( At the mention of theif, segun shifted back a little while Emeka gave him a suspicious stare)

Landlady: Hmm, you see that water that you used, I use it to wash pepper na, atta rodo (Fresh pepper). I wanted to use the water to wash that gutter beside the kitchen, that’s why I did not throw it away, because water e have scarce naw

Mallam: Ehiie so Big prof, na you bin dey steali water for this house

Big prof: No no, don’t tag me as a thief, I can never steal, I only borrowed the water to use and promised to return it back when I fetch mine. Oh God I should have just fetch mine instead (He cried, as they watch him pitifully)

Baby Sussi: Eehyyyaa, so Big Prof fit cry like this, ehn, sorry, you hear. An landlady, why you naw keep that water there now, what if a small pikin go and enter it, you are careless oo

Chioma: Well sorry Sylvester, I will head to my room now, bye everyone (she muttered and left)

Douglas: Hmm na wa oo, that girl get mind oo, se as she dey follow a whole lecturer talk

Emeka: Woo, I’m hungry, I nee-d to eat something, lets go in (he gestured to Segun and douglas, as they both left too. Other onlookers laughed and left, leaving only Landlord, his wife, baby sussi and James with Big Prof)

James: (still fanning Big Prof) Sir, I’m really hungry oo, I can’t continue fanning you like this
Landlord: Erm jemisi, you can leave, I will give him something to ru-b…

James: ok sir (he left leaving the fan, as Big prof picked it and continue fanning himself)
Landlord: erm,,baby sussi you too can leave….ahnahn baby sussi….

Landlady: baby sussi!!!!!! (She yelled as baby sussi je-rk back to reality, she has been in de-ep thought, staring at Big prof big di-ck with bulge out in the boxer. This guy carry erm well well oo, she thought)

Baby Sussi: maaaa!! ( she said out of shock) Ahhnah, why did you shout my name like that na

Big prof: You zoned out

Landlord: ahn baby sussi, so…you were looking at big prof cucu-mber…ah, you did not even hear when I was calling you

Landlady: Mtchewww, don’t mind her, ashawo (Prostitute)

Baby sussi: Which…which Cucu-mber, something that I cannot see, shebi he wear boxer

(Big prof glared ha-rd at her)
Landlord: And so…why are you looking at it, have you not seen bigger Cucu-mbers

Baby sussi: And how is that your business, his cucu-mber is big, fine accept it like that, anyway im leaving. (She muttered and winked at Big prof)

Big Prof: Mtcheww, spoilt br@t.
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*The boys room*

(douglas and segun bursted into laughter immediately james enetered)

James: (Shaking his head) This life eehhnn.,who will believe that almighty Big Prof will run out of the bathroom almost nak-ed..as in

Douglas: (laughing hieratically) I swear, look at the way he was even begging you to fan him
Segun: (Also laughing) As in, Landlady wicked oo, so you mean that she actually dropped that bucket of pepper water for a next use…in this time of water scarcity.

Emeka: Im not sure if that is her motive, she actually want to catch the person who do steal her water..and we all know who that person is
Segun: Hey hey bros, shey you know follow use the water?

Emeka: Well what can I do, we were late for school already and mind you babay Sussi metioned something about Landlady planning to get who the thief is. She noticed her missing bucket of water this morning while we are away

James: So segun stole her water

Douglas: Bro, why you do that kain thing na
(Looking at segun who hissed loudly)

Segun: Where did you expect me to get water, even landlady deserves more than that sef…that woman that is very wicked. Remember the day I went to buy garri in her shop…just 10 naira that remains to complete the money, she did not leave it for me, that idiot collected the money by for-ce..and I will now see her water and walk away like the lost serpent abi…oboy I go caryy erm take baff,..i don’t give a damn menn

James: Hmmmm Segun, hmm you know that this who is a Yoru-ba woman….

Douglas: ehne what is wrong with that
James: haa, I fear Yoru-ba people ooooo haaaa, juju…she go just use charm comot your peninsula (pe-nis )

Emeka: serious???

James: yes na, don’t you know

Segun: w£tin forget it joor, am I not also a Yoru-ba boy, I carry something oo, ma so be oo, omo Oshogbo ni mi (Don’t say that, I am an Oshogbo boy)

Douglas: guy chop knuckle jare ( He jabs his knuckles with that of Segun) una no dey back jare

James: So are you saying that you also know all this charms or is it that hers wont work on your body

Segun: Ogbeni forget it joor, I don’t want to know the babalawo she will go and meet, e no go work

Douglas: Chaii, such an interesting film we watched today, I wonder how he will be able to face us tomorrow (referring to Big Prof)

Jmaes: do you even think he will make it to school, that pepper will really cost him a lot of pains before it subside. And we all know how peppery Landlady’s food use to be, the day I ate it, I almost died

Emeka: Was the pepper too much
Douglas: Haaa, it was ten much…(yawning) woo, I wan chop oo, emeka prepare something lets eat

Emeka: When did I become the cook
Segun: Your food dey sweet jare, no let this idiot cook oo, erm fit burn this building with his burnt sacrifice

Douglas: Abeggi, you nko, you sabi cook? Idiot
Segun: Gbe enu e soun joor (shut up) dog glas-s (he muttered as Emeka busted into laugter)

(meanwhile, outside their door stood bola, the landlady’s annoying daughter. She was sent by her father to call Douglas but stopped to eaves drop on their conversation)

Bola: Hmmmm, so Segun think that he is wise abi…he stole maami water and still boast on top of it. He does not know what maami( my mother) is capable of..anyways…that his peninsula will sure go missing…ko ti mo nkankan (he does not know anything) (she muttered, before knocking on the door)

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TBC…
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Segun don finish ??