?Water Strike?
?.(Crazy compound)?
Genre: Drama (Comedy)
Setting: Lagos, Nigeria
Tags: comedy, R0m-nce??
Episode 4
(Morning fight)
(Early in the morning, the next day, a loud shout could be heard outside, close to their window. A woman could be heard raining curses on someone)
Iya Sade: Useless man, yeye woman wrapper. How dare you ehn, how dare you bring this useless thing to my matrimonial home (She yelled holding his shirt)
Baba Sade: Woman, leave my shirt alone. Are you not also a prostitute, you that went out yesterday, without informing me, your husband? I’m sure those men out there would have serviced you well
Iya Sade: (slapping him ha-rd) how dare you call me a prostitute, useless man
Mallam: Ahn ahn, iya sad, that one too much, why you slap erm for em face na( why did you slap him)
Baba Sade: Ahhh, iya sade, you slap me, you slap me
Iya Sade: (Still folding his shirt) yes and I will do it again and again, if you don’t kick this useless thing out of my sight (pointing at the runs girl in front of her)
Runs girl: heeiehh, shut up there, who are you calling useless thing ehn, you this ungrateful woman. You should be thanking me for rescuing your husband yesterday.
All his thing was just up,, like this, and you were not there to satisfy him. He was even begging me to do four rounds with him. And you mister man (looking at Baba sade) pay me money now let me leave, before this mad woman bite my ear
Iya Sade: Ehhiieeee, me, mad woman,,ohoooo you now have mouth to call me a mad woman right, after ban-ging my husband yesterday, you now want to insult me abi, ok,,,I will show you that madness that you want to see
(she re- tied her wrapper, and pounce on the runs girl, blowing her and dragging off her wig as they started a fight)
Mallam: eeihhee, Iya sade,,no kill erm naa
Baba Sade: gbe enu e so un jare (shut up) leave them, make dem fight well well. Na we go judge dem ( he said, relaxing on a chair, adjusting his turn shirt)
Runs girl: Leave me alone,,,you,,this,,,mad woman,,,I will deal with you,,,,haaahaaaaaa help me ooo, this woman want to kill me ( she screamed, as Iya sade, pour sand into her mouth)
Iya Sade: ohohh, so you can shout abii, let me kill you first, useless prostitute
Mallam: ehhhh, iya sade go kill pesin oo, make we separate dem naa
Landlord: What is going on here,,,ehn,, this morning in the early, why the noise..ha haa, Iya Sade, you want to kill pesin, in my own house,,haaa, Baba Sade
Baba sade: oga landlord, good morning in the early ooo (he greeted mockingly)
Landlord: shut up that smelly mouth there, your wife want to kill pesin in my house and you are looking
Baba sade: hhaaa, this one is open air wrestling na, you know that I like wrestling very well, come and sit down let us watch. We can now judge after the fight
Landlord: haa, you have turn my house into wrestling ground, if you kill pesin naa, police go kon arrest me sey w£tin I dey look. Mallam??
Mallam: Ofa landlord
Landlord: which one is ofa landlord, I am oga landlord. Now, separate this foolish women
Mallam: ahh ahhh,,,ehii
Landlord: w£tin happen na, separate them
Mallam: landlord,,,,,,,this woman strong pas-s me ooo (reffering to iya sade)
Landlord: so you are telling me that, you are just carrying that big thing un-der for fancy, you can not separate these women. Ok na, let me call jemisi(James) Jemisi, jemisi oooooooo (he called heading towards the guys room)
(in the guys room, they sprawl on the bed, sleeping soundly)
James: (forcing his eyes open) Oooooohh, this man again, what does he want this morning (he grumbled and taps Emeka who slept next to him)
Emeka: hmmuhh, what is it (he Gr0-n, scratching his eyes as he wakes up)
James: Lie down well
Emeka: Good morning (he yawns) Is that not that man calling you
James: mtchheww (he hissed) don’t mind him, he is back with his troubles again. Lets go and find out what he is calling me for
Landlord: ahnahn, Jemisi, I have been calling you since morning, which kain sleep is that one
James: good morning Oga landlord, you know that it is still very early now, I was still on bed
Landlord: still on bed, by this time. 5:30 in the early, when your mate are already hustling, doing jamajama
James: this is weekend now, ok,,enough of that, what do you want
Landlord: ehneh, Iya Sade want to kill pesin child oo, come and separate them for me
James: iya sade again, what is it again oo
Landlord: exactly what is in my mind oo, but come and see for yourself
James: but you are a man na, go and separate them na
Landlord: ahhh, meeee, nooo, I am still managing myself oo, that woman is a leopard. You are a strong youth na, your muscle are not for fancy shey
James: okkk, lets go
Runs girl: (sobbing profusely) Baba sade, can you see what you wife has done to my fine face, can you see it, I will collect my money before going ooo, I will not leave this compound until I collect it
Baba Sade: eheii, sweet bebe (ru-b-bing his tummy, grinning ha-rd) sorry naa, you know that my wife is always like that. Don’t worry just send me you account balance
Runs girl: which account balance, abi you dey craze. I nee-d my money cash, I don’t have account number (she fumes folding her arms)
Baba Sade: wait now,,,ehn, my wife has gone inside and she has lock the door from inside, how do you want me to go and bring it
Runs girl: (holding his shirt) what now concern me, gimme my money oo
Landlord: (arriving the scene) hahann, what is going on here, where is iya sade
Baba Sade: she has gone inside oo, baby leave my shirt now, you are disgracing me (he whispered to her, earning a disgustingly glare)
James: ahnahn, oga landlord, I thought you said iya sade is the one fighting, why am I seeing the opposite
Landlord: this is the girl she was fighting with, young girl, why are you holding his shirt now
Runs girl: hmmm, sir,,this man here came to me yesterday and offered to pay me money for service since his wife could not perform her duty, now he is telling me stories
James: ermm, young lady, what type of service is that
Runs girl: haa, me I’m a runs girl oo, and we did up to six rounds just last night
Landlord, Mallam& James: haaaaaaaaaa (they all shouted)
Mallam: six rounds…haaaa….baba sade,,,,you no try at all ooo, you no try allah
Landlord:: w£tin e no try, you fit do six rounds
Mallam: Allah,, I dey do twelve rounds on the sp-ot,,,ask Baby Sussi naa
James: haaa, mallam, you self don gbense baby Sussi..( he muttered, folding his arms in surprise)
Mallam: ermmm,,,ehnn,, you see..
Landlord: gbe enu e soun jare (shut up), yeye man, you wan lie sey you neva follow em sleep abi
Mallam: no oga landlord, no bi so ooo
Baba Sade: ehn oga landlord, tell this girl to leave my cloth alone
Landlord: you too sef, give her her money naw
Baba Sade: Iya sade has locked the door
James: well I’m out of here, I have work to do. You can go and settle your matter with your wife (he muttered and left, leaving the others to argue on how to solve the money problem)
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?Water Strike?
?.(Crazy compound)?
Genre: Drama (Comedy)
Setting: Lagos, Nigeria
Tags: comedy, R0m-nce??
By: Vickie Dora ✍️
Episode 5
(Landlord Side chick)
(That same day, the three guys could be seen, holding two kegs each, heading towards the public borehole where people fetch water. They decided to let Emeka stay home being a newbie and asked him to prepare porridge yam for breakfast, which they will eat when they are back. He agreed to the wish and they set out on their mission to seek for water)
Douglas: (yawning loudly) Guy, this place is far oo, are you saying that we are going to trek to that public bore hole to fetch water, haa, I don’t think I can go there. Let’s go to Alhaji house and fetch water na
James: Which Alhaji,,,mttchheewww (he hissed)
Segun: So you dint know that Alhaji will collect money from us before allowing us to fetch water
Douglas: kai,,,,this is bloody wickedness
Segun: who wicked you
Douglas: yes,,,now,,how will a whole Douglas like me, be going out to fetch water,,all those fine fine babaes will naw be looking at me
James: How is that now our business, let them look naw. Is it not better than drinking that water from that stupid oga landlord well
Douglas: Abi oo, infact I sighted Mallam fetching it this morning, guess what I saw in the water
James & Segun: (what they asked the same time)
Douglas: A very big co-ckroach, with wing
James: mtchewww, that one is small. I saw a very big rat coming out of it, not to talk of the countless lizard that made it their home
Segun: guys,,,guys,,,guysss,,,,wait wait (he said, dragging them to the corner of a house, and hid behide it)
Douglas: guy what is it naw
Segun: look at that our professor (he said, pointing to a man with bald head and long beards)
James: Ahnahn, is that not baby Sussi with him, are they coming out from that hotel
Segun: guy your eyes is not deceiving you oo
Douglas: she has gone already, let’s continue our journey
*
*
(Back in the compound, Emeka just finshed making the porridge, he kept wondering why his cousin and friends are not yet back. He decided to arrange the room and set everything in place before their arrival. While doing that, he heard a knock on the door and decided to open it)
Babay Sussi: (Putting on a bum short and crop top, she smiled immediately he opened the door) Good morning bros
Emeka: (Puzzled) Goo…..d mor..ning, pleaee how can I help you (Returning the smile)
Baby Sussi: hhha,, im you co tenat, I come to say hi to you, you know naw as a newbie in this compound. My name is Baby Sussi (She said, and stretch forth her hand for a handshake)
Emeka: ohhh, my bad…I’m sorry actually my name is Emeka, and nice meeting you Baby Sussi, so…….ermmm (he muttered, not knowing what else to say)
Baby Sussi: Ahnah, let me enter na, this one that you are just standing at the doorpost like this, I want to know more of you so that you know naa,,,ehn,,,so
Emeka: oh sorry, you can come in, just have you sit (he pointed to the chair while he sat in front of her on the bed, and waited for her to speak first)
Baby Sussi: Okk proper introjucton naw
Emeka: W….ait, what did you say????
Baby Sussi: I say introjuction,,…….you know,,,me I will tell you who I be, and you too wil…
Emeka: oh,,,you mean introduction
Baby Sussi: Yess naw, abi you think me I don’t know English…haa..i am a student of English in Unilag
Emeka: oh really,, so you mean you are a student of Unilag, studying English ( he asked with a funny expression)
Baby Sussi: yes naw, what of you too
Emeka: oh I’m new her, I just gt admitted into Unilag too, planning to study Electrical Engineering
Baby Sussi: Woow,,that course is good oo, you will start your practice by fixing our house wire oo. That stupid Oga landlord as remove the wire that is connected to my room
Emeka: haa, so you want me to fix it, but I just want to begin lectures, I don’t know how to fix wires now
Baby Sussi: hanhaan why naw, or are you fear
Emeka: Blood of Zachariah, wait a minute….did you say that you are studying English
Baby Sussi: Yes naw, I studied the course
Emeka: oh that’s nice (nodding his head)
Baby Sussi: Abi naw, so,,,,,leacture have start already ooo, are you gone to school tomorrow
Emeka: No,ooooo, me ,,,gone,,,no dear, I will not gun to school tomorrow,,,,I will bullet to school
Baby Sussi: Bullet ke,,,,,bullet as how…..
Emeka: Just ask google (I mumbled un-der my breathe)
Baby Sussi: w£tin you talk
Emeka: Nothing oo, just..you know..surprise
Baby Sussi: ok naa, I just came to say hi…see you later in school (she said and left)
Emeka: hm,mmm, blood of Zachariah, what sort of English student is this one…hmm, wahala be like w£tin again sef, this one pas-s me ooo ( he muttered and decided to dish out his food and eat)
*
*
(The boys got home after a stressful journey, with heavy gallows of water. They put down the loads just at the back of their room, which is close to the boys quarters.)
Landlord: (coming out from one of the tenant’s room, he was shocked to see them all but decided to cover up his expression) Ahnahn (adjusting his trousers) where….are you three coming from
.
Douglas: as you can see Oga landlord, we went to fetch water
Landlord: ehnn I can see it,,I,,,I am not blind, but why do you want to keep it here, ehn, what about the front of your room
Segun: Oga landlord, do you have any problem with us keeping our gallons of water here, ehnnn
Landlord: heyy, don’t talk to me like that, remember that I am still your landlord
Segun: whatever….
James: but wait oo, oga landlord, why are you coming out from erm… Chioma’s room
Landlord: which..which Chioma (scratching his beards)
Douglas: oga landlord, don’t lie, we saw you if you don’t know…ahnahn..a whole baba like you
Landlord: shut up there,,,ehen, even if I enter her room, am I not the landlord..i have every right to enter my tenants rooms
Segun: oh,,,,with fallen trousers and loosened belt,,,its okay
Landlord: what do you mean by that, do you want me to park you out of my mysteriously built mansion. Segun, warn yourself oo, and remove your eyes from anything you see me do
James: erm oga landlord, abeg no vex, let me add to it, you also have every right to spa-nk every girl in this compound, abi no be so (he asked segun and douglas)
Segun & Douglas: Na soooo oooo (they both replied and left laughing mockingly)
Landlord: heiii, those stupid boys have catch me ooo…well…I’m still their landlord, they won’t talk about it sha, mtcheewww stupid children of the nigerian century, let me go and drink my palm wine jare
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TBC…