Tales of two funny ritualist episode 9
The landlord ran out in anger while we all
laughed him, useless man. Come collect your
ru-bbish house rent make we see na.
Just then, Halima c@m£ out with a flask in
her hand and she was laughing, its obvious
she over heard all the discussion and
quarrel that just happened.
Halima: abeg una no fit stay?
Me: why you say so?
Halima: if una go compound go dull well well
o.
Me: aya, make una just manage na.
Halima: ok we go try, Donflex, you know dey
talk?
Flex: I dey talk o. Just don’t know what to
say.
Halima: I go miss una.
Me n Flex: me too.
Baba Ayo: e don do, make una carry una
problem dey go abeg make we fit
concentrate for this game wey we dey pla-y.
Halima: *eyed him and hissed* mtcheew!
Halima: abeg make una come make I esc-rt
una.
*****************************
Halima esc-rted us till we got a bike that will
take us to PEACE Mas-s TRANSIT. She hvgged
us again and bade us farewell.
PEACE Mas-s.
We got down from the bike and did what
we should have done since before engaging
on the journey.
Me: donflex!
Flex: yes!!
Me: na where we want travel go?
Flex: wait o, hahaha.
Me: flex, why you dey busy dey laugh.
Flex: I dey laugh your foolishness.
Me: how?
Flex: I think say you don alre-ady plan the
place wey we go go?
Me: I no plan o. I think say you don alre-ady
figure out the place wey we go go?
Flex: I no think na because I think say you
think!
Me: you are stupid o. Me too I know think so
because I been they think say you don
alre-ady think am o.
Just then one young babe pas-sed us.
Flex and me: chaiii!
We said simultaneously.
Babe: yes mummy.
Caller: *******
Babe: am at the car park now.
Caller: ******
Babe: Peace mas-s transit.
Caller: *****
Babe: I don just know today o. Pas-s£ngers
going to port Harcourt are not complete,
just only two seats remaining.
I looked at Flex and Flex also looked at me
too.
*****************************
MEANWHILE
KILLER’S HIDE OUT…
Killer: so na me wey those two idiots do like
this abi?
Girl: honey no vex. But we-tin carry you go
church today?
Killer: * showed her a small knife*
Girl: *g@sped*
Killer: yes, I been want give them our
signature. The last time, that yeye man save
them dats why I go church today.
Girl: so now we-tin you go do?
Killer: I dey go their compound go Kill them
once and for all.
Just then, Arrow and other rou-gh looking
guys c@m£ in with a sad expression on their
face.
Arrow: capon, we greet you.
All: na only you we see.
Killer: so how far with una investigations?
Arrow: we succeed to find out their
compound, the place wey dem dey live not
too far from here.
Killer: very good, tonight will strike.
Arrow: dat one no go fit work o.
Killer: how?
Arrow: I hear from one of the tenant say
dem don travel this morning.
Killer: noooo!!! You know the place wey dem
go?
Arrow: the tenants say dem no talk. Them
say they suspect say the two Idiots dey run
from something.
Killer: na worry, make dem run but I promise
dem with my life. One day, I must catch them
and I must revenge, that is a promise.
Girl: *sighed again*
Killer stood up and left in anger. The rest of
the gangs knew that when he say
something, he always keep to his word.
PORT-HARCOURT
we arrived at Port-Harcourt for no reason and we have nowhere to stay.
Me: flex, na we-tin even carry us come here self?
Flex: na that girl na, we must sample that girl o.
Me: flex na true talk you talk o. we-ther devil like it or not we must sample that girl.
The driver drove to Peace Mas-s Transit, port harcourt br@nch and st©pped, everyone c@m£ down including the girl.
*girl’s phone rang*
Girl: hello Alhaji Danfodio.
Alhaji: ******
Girl: aya, am so sorry I didn’t inform you on time oo. Am currently in Lagos now.
I turned and looked at Flex and Flex also gave me this, “we don lost look”.
Girl: I don’t know but I will be back before this week ends.
Alhaji: *******
Girl: ok good bye, love you.
She dropped the call and me and Flex walked up to her to say hi.
Me: hello.
Girl: hi, how can I help you.
She said, chaii, this girl too fine like mad. She too fine enh. Me self come fear to talk to her oo. See as my whole b©dy just dey busy dey shake.
Me: erm, I just come ask you we-ther na, na, na, na,
Girl: talk na, you dey craze.
Me: no ma.
Girl: you be stamerer?
Me: yes ma.
Girl: abeg do fast talk we-tin bring you here, I no get time to waste.
Me: na phone dey your hand so?
Girl: no, na plasma television, mtcheew!!!
Flex: hey!!!
He called at the girl as she was about to go away.
Girl: I hope that you too are not here to waste my time.
Flex: no o. Me and my friend are new in this place.
Girl: which of your friend? This dummy?
She said pointing at me.
Me: **chaii, I don suffer o.**
flex: hahaha, he is just being shy. As I was saying, we are new here and we don’t know anywhere to spend the night. Do you know any place where we can stay?
Girl: yes I do, followe me.
*****************************
MILE 2
We got to a place called Mile 2 in port harcourt.
Girl: welcome the family of Poolvallers.
She said as the ushered us into a compound. Me and flex laughed uncontrollably.
Me: na we-tin be the family of poolvallers.
Girl: na worry, you go un-derstand very very soon, by the way, call me jummybabe.
Flex: jummybabe, na which kind name be that.
Me: na swhaili?
Flex: abi na Portuguese?
Jummybabe: lol, actually the short form of jumoke.
Me n Flex: ok o.
*****************************
she climbe-d on a staircase and knocked at a certain door. Just then, one hvge man c@m£ out.
Man: haa jummybabe, you don come back?
Jummybabe: yes o oga val.
Oga val: na who be this two?
Jummybabe: Idris and Flex, shabi that room for back still dey vacant?
Oga Val: yes o, they want rent am?
Jummybabe: yes of course.
Oga Val: ok, night don do for now. Tomorrow mu go talk. I dey come make I go bring the keys.
Jummybabe: ok, thank you very very much.
Oga val: you are welcome.
He said and entered inside his room. He later c@m£ back with the keys which he gave to jummybabe and she gladly took us to our new ap@rtment.
Me: thank you.
Jummybabe: you are welcome.
Me: and am also sorry for what I did earlier.
Jummybabe: you are forgiven. Meet you guys tomorrow.
Flex n me: ok, thanks and goodbye
.
Tbc