SO NOT LOVE
Author’s Note: This story is based on what some people go through in their marriages or relationships, so read and learn. Some scenes might be too hard to believe but trust me, they really happen. This is a true life story.
I got married to the worst man on Earth. He was the exact definition of the devil’s incarnate. I never loved him but my parents had forced me into the marriage. I rued the day I had finally succumbed to marry him since my mother wouldn’t stop lamenting and telling me how ungrateful I was while my father threatened to disown me if I didn’t accept the proposal. I had met my husband while I was going to Jamb lesson in Lagos. He had been 29 then, precisely 10 years older than I was. I was just a naive little girl who wanted to focus on her education and be a TV presenter. My husband, Daniel, had refused to give me a breathing space. He would come over to the Jamb lesson center and begin to confess how much he loved me and how he couldn’t get me off his mind ever since he laid his eyes upon me.
He had pressured me but I stood my ground until he suddenly appeared in my house unannounced. I had been in my room when my younger brother, Emma, had told
Things became worse after Daniel became financially helpful to my family. My father praised him and called him his son. My mother worshipped the very ground he walked on especially when he helped her stock up her provision shop. Against my wish but with the support of my family, Daniel had single-handedly sponsored my education and now he was the one paying the tuition fees of my two younger siblings, Linda and Emmanuel. I didn’t have a say to decide my life at this point. My opinion was tagged useless and childish. My father would blackmail me with the Bible verse which read: “Children, honour thy father and mother so thy days shall be long.”
He called my father a stupid old gold digger and my mother, he tagged them an uneducated fool. If I tried to talk back at him, a punch immediately sealed my mouth so I was left to suffer in a loveless marriage which also came with domestic and verbal abuse. Yes, I was married but I wasn’t happy. Most girls eager for marriage didn’t know the pains that came with it when their desperation or the society’s persistence of “all your mates are married” pushes them into settling down with the wrong man. Most claim that they would rather cry inside a Hummer Jeep than in an auto-rickshaw but they have no idea that even money could never buy happiness or peace of mind.
I thought that was the worst of it until my husband woke me one night, a few months after our wedding and said: “Victoria.” He shook my arm vigorously since my back was turned to him.
“Uhmn?” I sleepily answered, wondering if he wanted to order me to go cook him something in the middle of the night as usual.
He partially lifted the duvet covering me in the partially dark room. “Are you naked under there?” He asked and began to grope my body with his hands.
I frowned but thankful that he couldn’t see my face. “No, I’m in my nightie.” I answered reluctantly.
“Are you wearing any panties?” He asked me and I gave a puzzled look.
“What is it?” I asked, trying very hard to hide my irritation from him to avoid a severe beating.
“Answer me my friend!” He barked.
“No, I’m not.” I managed an answer.
He partially sat up with his upper back propped against the pillows. “Good, I want you to grab the jar of petroleum jelly and bring it here.”
More confused, I sat up fully and turned to face him. “What do you need that for at this time of the night?”
He simply threw the duvet off his body to reveal his erection. Although my husband was sexually endowed but I wasn’t sexually attracted to him. Instead of turning me on, the sight of his erection makes me cringe.
“Are you planning on masturbating?” I carefully asked.
“No… I watched a p–n movie in my office today and I just dreamt of it and that was why I woke you.” He answered.
“But what have I got to do with the p–n movie? Do I in anyway share resemblance to the p–n star?”
“You wish? You are nothing like her.” He said coldly. “Your type should be selling tomatoes in the market because you lack the charisma or seductive body of a normal woman meant to pleasure a man.”
I was angry now. “Then let me go back to sleep.” I said and began to adjust to lie down again when he roughly pulled my arm.
“Are you mad?” He shot. “Did I permit you to sleep? You see me this way…” He gestured at his erection. “And all you want to do is ignore it and go back to sleep?! May thunder strike you dead there!” He cursed.
I swallowed hard. “But what am I supposed to do? I can’t simply sit up and listen to you compare me to a p–n star!”
“You are only useful for a few reasons. Go bring the jelly and coat it around your anus.”
My eyes widened now and all traces of lingering grogginess disappeared. “What! You want to have anal sex with me?!” I spat in disgust.
“And so?” He sounded apathetic. “What is wrong with that?!”
“Everything!” I spat. “How can you say that you want to have anal sex with me?!”
“Oh…” He gave me a disgruntled look. “So what are you trying to say then?”
“I’m not going to do it.” I stared and angrily averted my face.
“You are not going to do it?”
“No!” I vehemently answered.
“Do you realize that I’m your husband and your body is mine to do what I please with?”
“And it is against God’s wish too that I allow you sodomize my body! it’s only proper that a man penetrates his wife the right way.” I protested.
“The right way, uh? And where is it written in the Bible that I can’t go through the back if I choose to?”
“Me, I don’t know…” I grumbled. “All I know is there’s no way I’m letting you inside my anus.”
“So you are going to deny me my right?” He sounded more pissed now but his voice was still calm but harsh.
I mumbled some words under my breath and kept my face averted with my jaw and and chin placed in my hand, supported by my elbow which was on my thigh then I heard him say in a warning tone: “Victoria, do this thing now before things will get out of hand.”
“I have told you, I can’t and I won’t do it. You just can’t keep making me do everything you see in p–n movies, I’m your wife not some prostitute!” I said resolutely then angrily laid back on my side, turning my back to him, eager to go back to sleep and forget that my husband ever demanded such abominable act from me. I could hear him exhaling repeatedly in anger as he shook his right leg continuously which he often does whenever he was agitated. I tried to ignore him but I was also apprehensive. What if he decided to beat me up this night? What if he decided to grab the Vaseline and force himself into my sacred orifice, what then would I do?
In trepidation, I soon fell asleep and I forgot all about my worries until when I felt a warm torrent of liquid hit my face. I jolted up, gasping for breath and running my hands over my face but the warm torrent only shifted to aim at my face again. It didn’t smell like water at all and when I shielded my face with my arm, wondering where the liquid was coming from, and much to my shock, I realized that it was my husband, standing above me on the bed and urinating on my face.
That day, I packed what I could and dashed to my parents house. When they saw me, my father’s countenance already showed that he was not pleased, having noticed the bag. He asked me to sit in the living room then asked me what had sent me running back or if I had offended my husband and he had angrily kicked me out. From the way he sounded, he was ready to accompany me back to seek his forgiveness.
“What did you do?” He asked me. “Did he throw you out?”
“No.” I mumbled.
“Does he starve you?”
“No, papa.” I answered.
“Does he beat you?”
I hesitated and my mother suddenly cut in. “Beating kwa, what’s ordinary beating? Papa Victoria, please some men only beat a woman to show just how much in love with her they are.”
I stared at my mother in disbelieve but I was not ready to go down an argument lane with her, her wrong perception of how love was shown by a man to a woman was the very least of my worries now. My father simply grunted and continued. “So what did he do?” He asked again.
“He…h…” I stuttered, too ashamed to say the word.
“Don’t you have mouth?” My mother suddenly snapped at me. “Can’t you talk? You left your husband and came down here not minding that he’s all alone and a woman needs to take care of him. Has he even eaten?”
“Mama, Daniel urinated on me this morning.” I mused.
My father sat up now. “Urinated how? Does he bed-wet?”
“No papa, he urinated on me just like that when he should have used the toilet.”
My parents exchanged puzzled glances and my mother asked this time, gesticulating with her hands. “You mean Daniel brought out his John Thomas and released urine on you?”
“Yes Mama.” I could sense their agitation and I just couldn’t wait to see their anger against my husband.
Instead, my father sighed and leaned back into his chair. He looked pensive for a moment and when he finally spoke, he did without looking at me. “Go back to him.”
I couldn’t believe my ears. “Papa?!”
“Yes, you heard your father!” My mother cut in harshly. “Go back to your husband!”
I was panicking now. “Mama, didn’t you hear what I said, I said Daniel urinated on me.” I said each word carefully so that it sunk in just in case they didn’t understand me the first time.
“And so? What’s the big deal? When you married that good man, you said for better for worse! Are you the first woman whom her husband would urinate on? Why are you trying to disgrace this family? Why Adanna? Better take your bags and go back to your husband’s house because there’s no room for you here! That man is a blessing to our family, anything he does to you, take it that way after all, he has the money to pacify you afterwards.”
I was shocked and I didn’t know when I blurted. “But papa, he wants to have anal sex with me!”
“Victoria.” My father called calmly.
“Yes papa.” I mumbled.
“Victoria.” He called a third time.
“Yes papa.” I said, frowning deeply.
“How many times did I call you?”
“Three times papa.”
“I don’t know what anal sex is supposed to be and I really don’t care. All I know is the Bible said a good wife must be submissive to her husband and if you want to be a good wife, then you must do anything and everything your husband wants you to. After all he’s your husband and he’s entitled to do anything with your body. If he doesn’t uses it, who else will? My in-law has promised me a car this December and I’ll not be pleased with you if he should change his mind about that car simply because of your stubbornness. Victoria, all I can say is that you take your bag back to your husband’s house because as far as I’m concerned, there’s no room for you here.” Without another word, he rose and left.
When he was gone, my mother quickly moved to the seat he had just vacated. “Have you missed your period?” She asked me.
I frowned at her. “What kind of question is that?”
She gave me a disgruntled look and mimicked me. “Don’t you know that all your mates are already pregnant by now? What are you waiting for? Don’t you know that to secure your place in a man’s house, you have to get pregnant? Do you want him to assume that you are barren and throw you out?”
Honestly, I had been secretly taking pills to prevent my taking in for my husband. The last thing I wanted to do was raising a child for that monster. “Mama, please, I’m not in the mood.” I said dismissively and turned away.
“You are not in the mood? Are you mad? Why do you take everything with such levity? Do you realized that Daniel is the best in-law yet? He’s Godsent! Don’t jeopardize this good opportunity for us or I myself will make sure I bury you with my own hands. By next month, you must get pregnant! In fact, you must conceive twins! If you have any doubts, don’t worry, all I’ve to do is go down to the village and visit the dibia.”
“Mama, if the dibia was so good, why didn’t you go for a charm that will make papa rich instead of selling me off into a loveless marriage?!” I retorted.
“You are very stupid.” She told me. “You think if I was as educated as you at your age I would have settled for your father? See, Daniel has bought me all the good things of life which your father has been unable and will never be able to get for me. I have tasted riches because of Daniel and I’m not about to stop any time soon, so if you know what is good for you, discard any useless thoughts about love and focus on making your husband a happy man. I don’t know why God gave me such a dull daughter to be my first. You are just not sharp at all! You didn’t take after me in ways you were ssupposed to! I know that if it were your sister, Linda, she would have made me very proud!”
I glared at my mother. “If Linda was so good, why didn’t you make her marry Daniel then?”
“Simply because Daniel chose a dull one and we had no choice than to give him what he wanted. It still baffles me why you are yet to love this man. When there’s money, love should be easy and yet simply because he urinated on you, you came running back.”
Then and there, I had had enough of my mother. I rose, grabbed my bag and walked away without another word. She called out to me but I ignored her. When I got home, my husband was waiting in the lower balcony. He was leaning forward with his elbows on the railings and he was busy with his phone, probably chatting up with one of his numerous girlfriends as usual. As I got down the car and started for the main door, pulling my bag behind me, he smirked and said:
“I knew you’d come back. Your hungry parents can’t bare to lose a wonderful and generous person like me. I know your father is still looking forward to the car. I pray he gets crippled from it and that your mother with her incessant demand for money so she could buy the latest clothes and jewelries for her women association meeting, I pray the next jewelry she’s expecting chokes her to death. Your family of stupid gold diggers!” He hurled at me.
Tears sprang to my eyes but I said nothing and simply walked into the house. I wondered if my parents were aware of the degrading words he used about them if they would still want me to remain married to him. But Daniel was right after all, my parents were gold diggers. I was in the kitchen preparing semovita and vegetable soup when I heard footsteps. I turned to look over my shoulder and saw him leaning against the door jam of the kitchen door completely naked and his eyes were fixed down on the screen of his phone which was in his right hand while his other hand was stroking himself.
I stiffened now and swallowed hard and quickly pretended not to notice him as I stirred my steaming soup in the pot. I could hear a white female’s voice moaning loud from his phone and I could tell he was watching a pornographic video. He had a ton of them of different races and types.
“What are you doing?” He asked me without taking his eyes off the screen of his phone.
“Cooking.” I managed to say then began to move around doing a lot of unnecessary things to pretend that I was very busy.
“Stop whatever you are doing and undress.” He ordered. I pretended not to hear him and after a minute, he looked up and frowned. “Are you deaf?”
I stopped now and slowly turned to look at him. “Daniel, please this can wait, I’m almost done.”
“It’s like you are mad!” He said coldly and suddenly approached and turned off the gas. “You are my wife! If you’ll not let me go up that wretched hole that you are so protective of, the least you can do is at least let me have my sexual rights any time I want it! Undress!”
I slowly began to unzip my dress and soon I took it off and tossed it on the floor. “Can we at least be civil about this and go to the bedroom?” I suggested.
He snorted. “This girl here is having kitchen sex and that’s what I want.” He stated and suddenly grabbed my head and shoved me down to my knees. I was scared to have sex with him. Besides, hating our sexual life, I had contracted sexually transmitted disease from him on three occasions and I had had to go for treatment but I still had yeast infection which came at intervals and then disappeared for a while.
Right there in the kitchen he forced me and did whatever he wanted to do with me to satisfy his selfish desires without considering the way I would feel. I felt broken and even hated myself for marrying him in the first place. There was nothing like thinking how he can make me happy or satisfy me. He even complained I was to dry after he did whatever he liked with me.
As he was doing it, all I felt all through was pain and I couldn’t wait for it to end. When he eventually did, I got up, hurried to the bathroom to take my birth control pill then dashed into the bathroom to vigorously wash my the affected part which after I had a warm bath to wash his touch off me.
Oh what a marriage full of pains and sadness!
What damages my parents has caused me!
To Be Continued…