My Journey in life Episode 36 & 37

While I was still drowning in self-pity, Cynthia walked into my room and met me shedding tears. I heard footsteps and turned, only to see her in another nightie standing behind me remorsefully. I wiped my tears immediately in order not to show any weakness. She c@m£ and sat close to me, and apologized for her words and actions. She felt so sorry for ma-king me shed tears like a child. Her words of apology t©uçhed me, and my eyes gave way to the tears it couldn’t afford to hold anymore. This time I sobbe-d and eventually cried out loud, as I had gotten so emotional and couldn’t hold myself anymore. Cynthia also got emotional and began shedding tears as well. It bec@m£ like a sobbing competition. She tried to console me, taking my head and laying it on her l@ps in the process. I wasn’t crying because of Cynthia’s words of apology per say, but for the loss of Ogechi’s love and Cynthia’s t—-t which took me years to build. We retired to be-d in my room that night in the same emotional state, holding unto each other to comfort ourselves in our warms. That was the last real warm I was going to have in a long while, so I went for it big time.
The morning finally c@m£ after what seemed like an endless night in Eden, and I aro-se to prepare to take my leave as Lady Cynthia had ordered. I had alre-ady taken my bath and was packing my stuff when Cynthia awoke to see me doing so.
“What are you doing J?”
“I’m preparing to leave” I replied.
“J, I’m really very sorry for having asked you to leave. Believe me, I didn’t mean that. I was just angry, that’s all. plea-se quit the packing and do your normal thing. You don’t have to go. I don’t want you to go.”
“Don’t worry about it Cynthia. I’ve made up my mind to leave. Come to think of it, it’s better I leave. I mean, that way we get to avoid more problems.”
“What problems are you talking about?”
“You never can tell what may come up at a later time if I don’t make this move now. And I wouldn’t want to wait and find out.”
“Look J, I know it hit you ha-rd when I asked you to leave. But plea-se don’t let your ego get the better p@rt of you. Even if I meant what I said, I have changed my mind now. Isn’t that enough to calm you down? Okay, let me put it this way; J, plea-se don’t leave. I really nee-d you to stay in this house with me. And if you really want to leave, let it be after you’ve completed your Masters’ Degree Program. At least, then I would know I’ve finished what I started. Don’t deny me that chance, I beg of you.”
“You’ve done a lot alre-ady for me. Nothing I do now or later can change that fact. I un-derstand that you want to finish what you started, but my mind is made up alre-ady. I owe you the world Cynthia, and I hope that one day I’ll be well positioned to repay all your kindness to me.”
“Is that how desperate you are to go for her?” Cynthia asked with a relaxed tone of voice.
“Cynthia, don’t start.”
“Why?” Isn’t that the only logical reasonable explanation to this sudden strong will to leave? You’re going to Oklahoma for Ogechi aren’t you? Have you st©pped for a moment to think about what her life has been like these past years that you’ve been ap@rt? If I may ask, where was she when you nee-ded the support of your life? I’m not disputing the fact that you love her, but love is more of a practical thing than mere feelings and words. From what I’ve gathered, she had become a star singer in America while you were still in that radio house trying to get known at that local level. I don’t mean to run her down with my words, but you’ll certainly see reasons with me if you don’t let emotions becloud your reasoning.”
“That’s enough Cynthia. You lie there painting an evil picture of Ogechi, little do you know that you are alive today as a result of her sacrifice. She could have chos£n to let you die and continue her relationsh!pwith me. Instead she chose to sacrifice our love for your life.”
“What are you talking about J? What sacrifice for my life?”
“Listen Cynthia, while you were in coma, I and Ogechi fasted for seven days to ensure your recovery. In the process she had what I would term a “revelation” that had it that she must quit her relationsh!pwith me in order for you awake from that coma. Or she could choose to cling to me and let you die. Guess what she did; she quit! That act brou-ght you back to life. You should be grateful to her for what she did, but you lie here slaying her with ill words.”
“St©p it J! St©p it! Wait a minute; I do not really un-derstand all you’re saying. You mean you guys fasted for my recovery? Well, thanks for that. But Ogechi quit things with you for me to awake from a coma? plea-se come again. What sort of a theory is that?”
“Yeah, she did. It’s no theory. It’s more of a spiritual thing. And before you start doubting it, just know that you awoke from that coma the moment that instruction which you refer to as a theory was implemented. I and Ogechi had to be no more for you to live. Now you’re alive, but only at the expense I and Ogechi’s true and undeniable love for each other. The least you can do now is appreciate her. “
“C’mon J, why didn’t anyone tell me about this?”
“Did you care to listen to anyone? Weren’t you barking at her like dog back at the hospital? And when I tried to talk to you, you asked me to leave your house. Well that’s fine because I’m leaving. Just know that Ogechi made a br@ve decision to prevent your death. As for me, well, you can see me as Beelzebub, I won’t bother much. After all, it’s my fault all these ever happened. I should have told you about her long ago.”
“J I’m sorrrrrrrrrrry” Cynthia apologized with tears. “I never knew she did that for me. My grudge against her didn’t let me see anything good about her. plea-se forgive me.”
“I’m not the one you should apologize to. Ogechi is.”
“I will do so to her as soon as possible. In fact, I’m going to Oklahoma to see her and sort things out with her. She’s my sister for Christ’s sake, and we even have unfinished business. And that includes you doing a song with her. J, I would like you to accompany me to Oklahoma to see her and do the nee-dful. plea-se come with me.”
“Don’t include me in whatever you plan to do henceforth Cynthia. I am no longer interested. The only reason I would want to see Ogechi is to pl@ylove with her. But now that we can no longer do that, I don’t see the nee-d. That would be like feeding a hungry man with the aroma of his best meal.”
“Are you really this mad at me? You won’t even oblige to a thing I say anymore. What ever happened to the role of forgiveness? Cynthia plead.
“I hold no grudge against you Cynthia. The truth is that my world has fallen ap@rt, and I nee-d to find a way to rebuild it instead of whiling away precious time chasing ghosts. Ogechi was my world, and without her in my life, nothing can ever remain the same again.”
“I can’t say I un-derstand how you feel right now, but I certainly can relate to your suffering. From what I’ve heard you say about Ogechi, it is obvious enough you really love her. And losing her will have such a major impact on you that will destabilize your inner being for a long period of time if not forever. As bizarre as this may sound to you, I will have to go throu-gh the same if I lose you. And the knowledge that my unconditional love for you went unreciprocated wors-en-s the whole matter for me. J, I don’t mean to be selfish here, but I think we can do something to save ourselves too much hurt. I still love you J, very much. Even if you set me on fire, I will still love you. Forget all I have said or done to you recently. It was just a natural reaction. Instead of going our separate ways to continue with our suffering, we can stick to each other and make a better life for ourselves. I’m a woman J, and would never come between the union of a fellow woman to her man. But the situation here is different. You and Ogechi cannot be together anymore, and I love you so much that I cannot let you go. I would have, if this thing between you and Ogechi didn’t come into pla-y. But now that it unfortunately has, we can come together and work something out to avoid unnecessary emotional trauma. I know you don’t love me as much as you love Ogechi, and neither will you ever find a woman to love that much. But think of this; I love you and you know it. Isn’t it better to stick to the woman who loves you with her life?”
“Cynthia, I know you love me. But you don’t expect me to jump on you like that just because I can no longer have my dear Ogechi. C’mon, how would my baby girl even look at me? Like I’m such a cheap guy who couldn’t even mourn the death of our love for long before jumping into another woman’s arms? Not in this world!”
“J, let me suggest something that will make this whole process easier. How about you and I visit Ogechi at Oklahoma to tell her all about this and get her cons£nt to go ahead? I know she wants you happy. And you can only find happiness in a woman that truly loves you. If Ogechi sees me to be that woman, then we can go ahead. If she doesn’t, then I guess it is goodbye forever.”
“Are you even considering my stand on this? I asked. Or are you just suggesting what is good for you? What makes you think that you and I getting together is Ogechi’s decision to make? What about me? Can’t I choose whether or not I want to be in a relationsh!pwith you?
“I know you love me J. That is undeniable. You only love Ogechi more. If I let you decide, your ego will becloud you reasoning. That’s why I’m coming all out to ensure that another loss isn’t recorded. The only woman I would let you go for is Ogechi. But an unfortunate incident has rigged things to my favor, and I will not sit back and watch you vanish into thin air except you deliberately choose to punish me for my ill words and deeds to you. Ask for Ogechi, I know she wouldn’t deny me this favor. If she could sacrifice her love for my life, what will she not do to make sure that her once true love finds love again? It’s left for you J. But whatever you do, never forget that Cynthia loves you, and will always love you. I am going to Oklahoma, with or without you. And I will tell Ogechi all I’ve told you. If she cons£nts to my proposal, I will come looking for you wherever you may choose to go until I find you. That’s how much I love you.”
“I wouldn’t advise you to go throu-gh that. If I wanted to stay, I would have stayed without you having to do all that. And that doesn’t mean I don’t love you. But you see, the loss of Ogechi will never permit me to concentrate on anything else in a hurry, not to mention another emotional attachment. It is of a fact that I and Ogechi can’t be together again, granting you and me the access to do whatever, but it just can’t happen like that. If we were meant to be together un-der circu-mtances as these, then it will surely be. No nee-d to hurry it.”
“So you’re really leaving J?” Cynthia asked crying.
“My mind is made up” I replied and concluded parking my stuff. I then made to leave and Cynthia tried to st©p me by holding me back with much tears. I wasn’t moved by her tears at all. I continued on my way till I reached my car, which Cynthia bought for me. I put my stuff in the boot and then hopped into the driver’s seat. I kick started the engine, and off I went. I watched Cynthia throu-gh the side mirror of the car as she wept profusely. It was then her tears moved me and I shed tears too inside the car. But I couldn’t turn back. I was alre-ady on my way. I guess it was never meant to be. GOODBYE CYNTHIA.
Three months pas-sed and I was done with my Masters’ Degree Program. During those three months, I hadn’t communicated with Ogechi or Cynthia. I had plans of meeting Ogechi at least once before bidding her an eternal farewell. But I didn’t think there was nee-d for that anymore, so I planned to go back to Nigeria to see what I could do for myself with my Masters’ Degree.
Just four days to my dep@rture, a call c@m£ in and I gr@bb£d my phone to see who was calling. Low and behold, it was Ogechi.
“Hi Jesusboy” Ogechi greeted.
“Hello. How are you doing?”
“I’m fine thank you. Where have you been all these while? I had expected to get a call from you. But when it took a while without getting one, I concluded we might never get to talk again for a very long while. Nevertheless, something really important has come up, and we nee-d to talk”
“Alright. Go ahead. I have all the time in the world.”
“Not on the phone. We nee-d to see and talk. That means you’ve got to come down to Oklahoma. I would have come over to Regina if you were still there. I’ve been communicating with Cynthia lately, and she told me you left after an argument you had with her, and she doesn’t happen to know where in the world you are. I could still come over if you tell me where you are.”
“Don’t worry Oge, I’ll just come over to Oklahoma. It’s not quite luxurious here, and I wouldn’t want to try fixing a square pe-ck in a round hole.”
“Don’t be silly Jesusboy. We’ve come a long way. I would find my way throu-gh a rat hole to see you. But since you’ve chos£n to come instead, we have to fix a d@t£.”
“I was actually going to travel to Nigeria in four days’ time.”
“What? plea-se Jesusboy, we have to see before you travel. Were you planning on coming back to United States afterwards?”
“Not exactly.”
“Thank God I caught you before then. In that case, we have to make it as soon as possible. Tomorrow, to be precise.”
“Tomorrow? I’m not even prepared for a trip”
“If you can’t make it here tomorrow, then you have no choice but to tell me your location so that we can come over”
“We? You and who?”
“I, I meant to say I.”
“Ogechi, what’s up? Is there a problem?”
“No problems Jesusboy. So are you giving me your location or what?”
“Don’t worry; I’ll be in Oklahoma tomorrow”
“Promise?” she asked
“Promise” I replied.
I wondered what she wanted to tell me in such a hurry that couldn’t be spilled out on the phone. I got prepared for the trip and left for Oklahoma the next day. That was my second time of being in Oklahoma, and it was for the same purpose; to see Ogechi.
On my last visit to her I had to disguise myself and hide among people, but this time around nothing like that was going to happen. I just wished there hadn’t been anything like the “renouncing” of our relationsh!p; I would go there with a great joy. But no nee-d to dwell on such thoughts since I couldn’t become a reality un-der any circu-mtances imaginable.
Ogechi gave me a big hvg when I arrived at her house. We were careful not to involve our emotions in whatever we did in order not to arou-se feelings that might mar us irredeemably. The radiance of her light skin did not go unnoticed though, but I just had to hold back my complements before one thing led to another. One thing never really led to another between us, but the fear of danger made me overly cautious of even the least of the things that could spell doom. We simply exchanged courtesy and humor as we made for the VIP, which was where she normally received t©p sh0ts. I guess I was a t©p sh0t to her, even without attaining any enviable height in life per say. She offered me all she had to offer me, as we sat in that VIP discussing random t©pics for nearly an hour and half without getting any closer to what would seem like the reason for her inviting me over.
Then Ogechi inser-ted a CD into the home theater there and one of those jazz songs we used to listen to back in Enugu on rainy and cold nights started pla-ying. That brou-ght back the very memories that were supposed to remain indefinitely suspended, and triggered abominable de-sires. Was she trying to bring back the good old days? I asked myself. That would be a very dangerous thing to do and she knows it, so why would she even think of such? The light she saw in her dream may not have mentioned what would happen if we decided to get back together after Cynthia awoke from coma, but I’m pretty sure something would happen; something really bad. And I wasn’t going to risk finding out what would happen. So I br@ced myself and sat back, waiting for her next line of action.
“Do you remember this song?” She asked.
“Yeah, I do. Why are you pla-ying it? You know you aren’t supposed to do anything that would endanger us don’t you?”
“C’mon Jesusboy, I’m not endangering anyone here. No matter what has happened, we still deserve to be happy don’t we?”
“We sure do, but not a kind of happiness that won’t last for long.”
“Don’t worry my dear. I know better than jeopardize our lives. I just want you to take your mind back to the days we wish never ceased. Jesusboy, you know that I love you and will love you till the day of my death. It is true we can’t be ro-mantically involved anymore, but that doesn’t st©p us from being ro-mantically involved with another p@rtner who’s re-ady to show us the love we deserve. My mind will never be at rest until I know there’s someone in your life that will take care of you like I would or even do better than I would. For this reason I summoned you here today to persuade you to take another woman for yourself. A woman I know and am sure will take good care of you till the end of your life”
“Ogechi, even my mother wouldn’t dare choose a wife for me. Why are you doing it? Don’t you believe I’m capable of finding myself a woman? I might be broken at the moment because I’ve lost you forever, but trust me; I’ll get over it soon and move on. Don’t worry about me falling into the hands of the wrong woman because I won’t. I didn’t the first time, neither will I the last time.”
“As sweet as that may sound, I disagree. I really want to be sure the right woman takes over the egg that didn’t hatch in my care. I will die if I hear that you are troubled or shattered in the future as a result of the woman you ended up with. So I have to secure you a sure future with the only woman I can trust to take care of you. The only woman I know she loves you as much as I do.”
“What exactly are you driving at, Ogechi? You alre-ady have a woman prepared for me? Oh my gosh! Do I look that vulnerable to you? Of course you know I won’t subscribe to that idea. I wonder why you brou-ght it up in the first place, Like you’ve forgotten it’s the same old me.”
“You’re right there. I knew you won’t cons£nt easily, that’s why I made it a do or die affair. I never knew I loved you this much. Now I know, and I’m very much unwilling to let you fall into the hands of a woman I’m not sure will love you like I would. If you choose not to go along with this proposal of mine, then today might be our last on this planet.”
“Ogechi, what has come over you? Do you intend to kill me and kill yourself if I don’t?”
“Exactly, but in the sweetest way ever.”
“Has there ever been a sweet way to die?” I asked.
“I can’t say for sure. If there hasn’t, this will be the first. And if there has, this will be the best. But if you go with my proposal, we won’t have to go throu-gh this”
“You mean you’re really going to kill me? I asked surprised. “I don’t see any weapon that will aid that. Or do you have a short gun hidden somewhere?”
“Weapons and guns wouldn’t make it sweet would they? Now listen my dear, we aren’t supposed to do anything born of true affection after I renounced my love for you because of Cynthia. If we ever happen to do anything that shouldn’t be done between people who aren’t lovers, we will die the death Cynthia would have died if I had not denounced our love. But believe me Jesusboy, if you refuse what I ask of you today, I will make sure we make sweet love for the first time and die afterwards. I’d rather call down death upon me than let you settle for some strange woman who might not truly cherish the beauty of your soul.”
“Ogechi, I would never believe your mind would conceive such thoughts. You want us to die after ma-king love? And what future would await us after death?”
“I don’t care. If you really care about that, then accept the woman I have chos£n for you. You know I would never do anything to hurt you. I chose this woman for you because I know you’ll find the happiness I would have given you. But if you won’t, then I have no other option than to bleep you and die.”
“You sound as though you’re going to r@p£ me. We both know you can’t overpower me, so where is all these confidence coming from?”
“You’re right. I can’t overpower you, neither will I try to. But there is one thing I know you can’t do anymore, and that is re-sisting me. Do not try to draw strength from past glory, for you only successfully resisted me back then because I never had any intensions of getting la-id like I do now if you refuse my offer. I give you to the end of 60 seconds to decide which it’s going to be. Take the girl I have for you, and live happily with her ever after. Or reject her, and we make out pas-sionately before dying.”
It was of a fact that I lacked the strength, or even the will to resist Ogechi if s£dûç£d by her. The girl was the kind Kings will give their kingdoms to have. I wondered what c@m£ over her that made her resort to such option upon my refusal to go with her idea of choosing me a supposed worthy replacement for her, and the more I pondered on it, the closer it was to 60 seconds. Finally, it was past 60 seconds and I hadn’t said a word, which only meant one thing; that I was re-ady to board the abomination that would drive me to my grave.
Ogechi stood up from her position opposite me and advanced towards me with the “I’M SORRY” look on her face, and my heart skipped three times in a row. Death was coming, and I could do nothing to avert it. I wished I had time to write about my life before I pas-sed away. At least, it would serve as caution to the wise, and a lesson to the strong. But I never had that opportunity, and there I was, heading to hades in the most unusual way ever, driven down there by my one and only true love.
I had alre-ady lost it before Ogechi performed her first three arts of se-duction on me, and it was nothing but a go. She c@m£ to me on the sofa, and began un-bu-ttoning my shi-t. Being fully aware of what the ultimate future held for me, I bent my head and said a prayer in my heart;
Dear Father,
I tried my best to climb up the ladder,
That would have led to where the saints gather,
A place designed only for men that truly matter.
I had made it so far into the skies,
Was supposed to reach the heavens before the set sunrise,
For I was much afraid of how the sun’s heat fries,
But now gravity calls to me, promising safety, but it lies.
Even at the verge of doom, they can still be safety,
Pardon the garment of weakness I’ve put on lately,
Save my soul before it transcends to depths so lengthy,
For Your love is unconditional, and Your grace is always plenty.
Redeemer! Redeemer! The great Lord of the strong,
You are the strength of the weak; You’re merciful all day long,
Look down upon me with mercy, and forgive all my wrong,
Take me to paradise like You did to the thief beside the cross You hung
After ma-king that prayer, I relaxed every bit of me on the sofa with absolute calmness. All of me responded positively to Ogechi’s t©uçh, but all of a sudden, from nowhere I managed to gather the strength to say the words; “I WILL.” Only my mouth spoke the words. No other p@rt of me was in agreement with the idea. As soon as Ogechi heard that, she retreated hurriedly like she never really meant to do it in the first place.
“Thank you so much, Jesusboy. My joy will now be complete” she said extremely glad”
“After I managed to return from the height she had taken me to without crashing, I opened my mouth and asked;
“Now you’ve got what you wanted. I just pray the girl in question is as pretty as you are from inside out. If not, count me out.”
“Of course she is. And you’ll definitely love her” Ogechi said confidently
“If you say so. So who is she? And what’s her name?”
“She’s someone you know quite well. Her name is Cynthia”