MY JOURNEY IN LIFE.
EPISODE 21
“Like I said, Ogechi continued; I kept cool and hid my fears and suspicions. I had been doing that all my life until it bec@m£ p@rt of me. So when he asked if I wanted him to help me relax, I simply replied him with two words; LET’S PRAY. Again, he joined me in prayers without argument or hesitation. After we prayed, for some reason I had peace within me and believed he wasn’t the kind of guy who would do what I suspected he would do. So I sle-pt off after handing over myself into the hands of God.
Next day I discovered he didn’t have a place to stay and invited over to my house to stay with me. I know you’ll be wondering how I could have done such a thing. I wondered so myself back then. He turned out to be a good acquaintance and I bec@m£ very fond of him. He was supposed to stay with me for a period of two months but would have ended up staying with me forever if my brother had not called in to say he was coming over to my house. I guess I didn’t want him to go anymore; neither did he want to go. But before then, things happened.
Initially I tried to starve his eyes of some sight that could awaken the hulk in him. But I soon got tired of that and lived freely with him as though he was a girl. Many times I caught him admiring my b©dy extravagantly when I got careless with the adjustment of my clothes, but he would sit back as though such sight had no impact on him. I thought it was because of his promise to be of good behavior while in my house, but when two full months pas-sed without any advances from him despite my unintentional ex-posure of some s-en-sitive p@rts of my b©dy, I got worried. In fact, I felt bad. I know there are men who can control themselves but not this much. He made it seem like he was living with a man in the house and that tempered with my self-esteem. Not that I had some de-sires I nee-ded him to gratify, but I had expected that as a guy living with a girl, he would lose control of himself one day, not because he was lvstful, but because his eyes had seen too much of my b©dy than he could resist, then I would call him to order. And if calling him to order was unsuccessful, well I didn’t really think about that. I just believed I could do so whenever the pressure was too much for him to handle. I wouldn’t have been disappointed at him if he did, because he had alre-ady proven himself to be a respectable guy. So if he ended up ma-king such advances towards me, it would only be a natural reaction. And I would have st©pped him. So I believed.
But when I wasn’t getting that from him or even getting a sign that such might occur soon, I felt so bad about myself. I started thinking that my charms weren’t strong enough to woo this guy. Note: It wasn’t my plan to woo or s£dûç£him. I only expected that he would one day lvst after me, and want to have his way with me since he was beholding my b©dy every day. Instead of curiosity consuming him, he always sat still and stared. I know some thoughts were definitely running throu-gh him mind, just that he wasn’t acting. I wonder how he managed to do that.
When he finally moved into his ap@rtment after nearly four months of staying with me, I went with him so we could spend some time together before I returned home. At that point, I had alre-ady developed feelings for him. He also had developed feelings for me but hadn’t spilled out the words yet, but I knew. There was a heavy down pour that night that I couldn’t make it home again. Spending the night with him wasn’t something to be afraid of, neither was my mood of dressing something to be careful about when with this guy because it never got to him. After all, he’ll just sit still and stare without ma-king a move. The most he would do is rain complements on me until my ear had its fill of complements. I took off everything I had on me and got a T-shi-t from him to cover my b©dy without any un-der wears. I then l@ycarelessly as usual on the be-d as I fli-pped throu-gh the music libr@ry of his l@pt©p for songs to cheer me up when suddenly he bur-st out of the bathroom with h0t red burning lvst in his eyes while his b©dy vibr@ted. “BINGO!” I said in my heart. I thought you were not a man.” Why did it take you this long to lose it?” I asked in my heart. Or was he trying to be respectful by not ma-king and advances towards me while in my house?”
I had been expecting that the day would come when he’ll want to feel my warmth, and had planned to forbid him when that day c@m£. Finally, the day c@m£ and I just l@yon that be-d not knowing if I wanted to st©p him or actually wanted him to go ahead. The more time I wasted trying to figure out what I wanted, the closer he got to ma-king it happen. My mind went blank, my heartbeat accelerated, and I got really soft. All I could do was l@yback helplessly on the be-d without ma-king any objections or giving a go ahead. What good could objections do at that point? Apparently, they guy had lost it and wasn’t going to try to hold it back. I, on the other hand was exceedingly happy because he finally fell for my charms, but I wasn’t sure if I really wanted him to go ahead with what he was set to do. I just couldn’t st©p him like I thought I would. I guess I shouldn’t have driven him that crazy.
But then, I was amazed at the outcome of things. As he was bending downward to lie on me, he suddenly retreated and l@ybeside me on the be-d. I was confused. Then everything about him that was out of place gradually returned and he was normal again. He changed his mind. He wasn’t going to go throu-gh with it again. I was somewhat happy that he st©pped himself. How ironic? When I couldn’t st©p him, he st©pped himself. But why? I asked in my heart. Was it something ugly about me he saw or observed? How was he able to climb that high and return without a single sweat? Then it dawned on me that he had resisted me again. He definitely did! I was dumbfounded. All I could say was; “I’m proud of you” though I was disappointed. At that point, my regard for him tripled up. But I wasn’t going to give him any more chances to resist me. If he actually got to that point and could still hold himself back, he was definitely going to do it over and over again if I gave him chances to.
I left his house the next morning pretending to be alright. I was definitely sad about the whole thing. A pretty girl feels so good knowing that the guys are falling for her charms even though she’s not interested in any of them. But when it seems there’s some guy somewhere who’s not falling for her charms, it makes her wonder why. Sometimes, she might even begin to think there’s something about her that isn’t in place. Those of you ladies can bear me witness to that. That was exactly the way he made me feel. Even though I wasn’t re-ady to let him have me just yet, I wasn’t also re-ady to be resisted by him, so I st©pped seeing him. I couldn’t believe myself. I had found the exact kind of guy I always de-sired. But then, I st©pped us from seeing each other for two reasons; Firstly, I didn’t want to be resisted by him anymore. Secondly, I couldn’t resist him anymore. If I had continued our usual visits and time alone together, soon enough, I would have ended up being the one to suggest the idea of commitment and union, the very thing I had kept myself from doing right from the day he moved into my house. I had always been a decent girl and wasn’t going to let that go. It appeared he also wasn’t re-ady to be anything less than his name depicts. In case you’re wondering what his name is, he calls himself Jesusboy. And he says he doesn’t do so for fun. The good thing about him was that he had mastered his b©dy and could starve it of its lvstful cravings, but I couldn’t say the same about myself. So the best way out was distance, at least for a little while until I got a hold of myself again. Nevertheless, I loved him. In fact, that was when my love for him was sealed. He didn’t know that. He thought I was angry with him and didn’t want anything to do with him anymore.
Jeez! I couldn’t believe my ears after I heard Ogechi confess all that. So that was why she st©pped me from seeing her? I asked myself in bewilderment. And all the while I thought she was disappointed at me because of my actions that night. After she narrated the things that went on between her and me, I got to know her hidden feelings and fears which I had no knowledge of before now. I bet she wouldn’t have voiced them out if she knew I was there. “I NEVER KNEW, I NEVER THOUGHT, I NEVER SUSPECTED THAT OGECHI EVER MADE ANY EFFORT TO RESIST MY CHARMS. ALL THE WHILE, IT WAS ALWAYS LIKE SHE NEVER FELT THAT WAY TOWARDS ME. BUT SHE DID, EVEN MORE THAN I DID TOWARDS HER. HOW COULD SHE HAVE HIDDEN IT TO A POINT WHERE EVEN I, WITH MY PSHYCOLOGICAL KNOWHOW COULDN’T COMPRHEND? THAT QUESTION HAS REMAINED UNANSWERED TO THIS VERY DAY”
MY JOURNEY IN LIFE.
EPISODE 22
She went ahead to explain that my action that night did not take her by surprise. She had always seen it coming. She only said she prayed it wouldn’t come sooner than later. How I managed to overcome my lvst that night remains a mystery to her, she said. She even said she was disappointed when I didn’t pu-ll throu-gh that night, even though she gave me a good remark for not pu-lling throu-gh. I didn’t really un-derstand that statement of hers. She also went ahead to tell them all I went throu-gh just to win her heart afterwards. Things like me joining the choir after she had st©pped visiting me and all that. It was so much fun listening to her talk about me like I wasn’t there. The feeling is d–n good! If you’ve not been in such position before, try to.
“My brother’s pres£nce at my house helped matters a lot, Ogechi continued her story; Prince charming couldn’t visit me like he would have done if my brother wasn’t around. Neither did he ask me out anymore. He was so busy trying to gain a place in my heart without raising any ill suspicions. Little did he know that he owned my heart. Though I was pushing him away, I was afraid he might leave. So I was careful not to suggest to him with my actions that I didn’t want him around anymore. My brother left a while later and we resumed all that was paused.
It wasn’t long before he broke his silence to me at a bar he took me to one of those days. He asked me to be his girl in the most poetic way ever. Like I said, I was alre-ady in love with that guy, so when he poured out his heart to me, I couldn’t pretend to be glad about the development, and that made him think I was still contemplating on whether to give him a chance or not. However, I knew that with he and I formally d@t!ng, things between he and I would escalate to another level where I wouldn’t have to think twice should he demand for a piece of me. Was I re-ady for that? The answer is no. But who was I to decline when I had fallen head over hills for him. So I cons£nted verbally in due course and we sealed it with our first k!ss. It may have been more if the atmosphere was conducive enough but you dare not try that inside Oliva Twist no matter how much more you want.
The Romeo and Juliet started in earnest between us. There was no end to our public hvgs and k!sses on campus, especially as he had switched to my school and was in the same dep@rtment with me. That was my idea, and I reaped the reward dearly. Six months pas-sed and he hadn’t demanded for the cookie yet. Apparently, he was afraid I might push him away again if he made such advances towards me. I don’t know if I would have been able to withhold my b©dy from him if he asked for it, but fact remains that my fears didn’t let me do it, as much as I would have loved to. All he nee-ded to do was suc¢v-mb to the pressure for just once, and it would have been a different ball game.
I’ve heard of some girls who clearly defined the terms their relationsh!pwith a guy to be without love ma-king before entering into it, and that was only if the guy agreed to such terms. In my case, there was no such agreement, but that’s exactly what it was until we graduated from school. Never for once was anything done towards that direction and we got so used to being that way to a point where we forgot that we could choose to do it and face the consequences later. I guess none of us was re-ady for such consequences. Instead, we started chasing dreams. He motivated and encouraged me a lot. He took me to studios and opened me up to some set of people I was normally afraid of. One of those days we c@m£ across a singer called Ck. Some of you here know him. Ck proposed that I work with him as his backup singer. I agreed and that was how I hit the wall of fame and started living my dream. That was also the initial point of my separation from my Prince Charming.
To be frank with you all, I got a little selfish. Never in my life had I been so celebr@ted. I was treated like I was a diva. The attention was much more than I could handle, the love people showed me was intoxicating, and the preferential treatment I kept getting everywhere I went got into my head that I halted my affair with Prince Charming in order to get enough of the good feeling, but I still loved him. Suddenly, everyone wanted to identify and curry favor with me. I was ba-rely alone so we couldn’t spend time together anymore. I wasn’t afraid of losing him because I had gotten to know over the years that it took more than a nice b©dy and features to get his attention. I also knew that I had eaten too de-ep into his soul for him to let go of me like that, especially with the fact that we hadn’t known each other beyond the surface yet. I took advantage of all those and left to explore the world I had always dreamed of over the years.
I c@m£ to America after graduation to join Ck as his backup singer. Communication between me and Prince Charming was flowing decreasingly. I tried to wra-p things up in America and go back to him but was informed by Ck’s manager that I won’t be going back anytime soon because Ck was getting numerous invitations to perform at different locations all over the world, and I would have to go with him to back him up. I couldn’t believe that was happening to me. I had to choose between my dreams and Prince Charming. I called him and told him the situation of things except the p@rt that I wasn’t coming home anytime soon. The last thing Prince Charming would do is to st©p me from pursuing my dreams, so I didn’t want to put him in a situation of having to choose whether to pursue my dreams or come back to him. I summoned courage one day and told him I wasn’t coming home soon and that was when things between us went obviously bizarre.
I got so busy that I couldn’t even take Prince Charming’s calls anymore because I was somewhere performing or rehearsing when he called. I only found out that he called from my manager or his voice messages. I got rich, I got famous, but I got lonely. I wanted to ask him to come over to me here but my manager objected, saying my label won’t condone such and that he was going to draw me backward with his loser’s mentality. It was clear my manager didn’t want him around and if I got stubborn and went ahead to bring him over, he and my manager would always be involved in a clash. I didn’t want that for anyone, so I just stayed back in America and hoped that fate will keep what is mine for me.
For a long period of time, he and I did not communicate and I couldn’t help but wonder if he had replaced me with someone else alre-ady. I had no means of getting such information, so I just believed that he will still end up in my arms no matter where he had strayed to. After a while of not communicating with him, it seemed like I had gotten used to being without him. And since there were so much to do, it kind of skipped my mind that Prince Charming existed. But I knew in my heart that I was in love, and with no one else but him.
Things gradually unfolded as Ogechi kept pouring her heart out unreservedly. My eyes got we-t and tears nearly rolled down my eyes when I br@ced up myself as a man and gnashed my teeth as I snapped out of that emotional state. So Ogechi didn’t really abandon me after all like I thought. She was just suc¢v-mbing to pressure she couldn’t stand against. Then I found out all I nee-ded to find out. She had always loved me all those years and was yearning for us to get together again. But why was she telling these people all these things? I asked myself. Why did she go as far as telling them about the r0m@nç£aspect of it? She even talked about bleeping! Like seriously, that was way out of the box. I started wondering why and couldn’t believe that Ogechi would let strangers in on such details. But it appeared I was greatly mistaken because she did more than talk about her r0m@nç£with me. She went ahead to tell them a whole lot more about her r0m@nç£, but this time, not with me.
.
“I went with Ck everywhere he went, Ogechi continued the story. Accommodation was made available for me in an estate belonging to the owner of the recording label Ck was un-der. That same recording label signed a contract with me later on when they found me to be an as-set. My name began ringing a bell in America and people started speculating that Ck was my man, while others said it was his manager. The rumor that Ck was my man spre-ad wi-dely that Ck himself sought to make it a reality. He wasn’t expecting me to be though at all, so he didn’t think he nee-ded to pu-ll so much string to get me to pl@yalong with him. I told him about Prince Charming which he alre-ady knew about but that didn’t mean anything to him. Little by little, Ck got really serious about ma-king me his girl and did a lot of ro-mantic stuffs just to win my heart.
He bought me flowers and showered me with gifts unceasingly. When we go to occasions together, the press normally addressed us as soon to be couples and Ck would concur just to put me in a position where I would have no other choice but agree to his proposal. For some reason, I never had any feelings for Ck. Not even a feeling I had to fight. I just liked him because of his personality. His charisma was adorable, he is a great singer, and I felt like I owed him for bringing me to the height I found myself then. He however thought I would repay him by becoming his girl, but my love for Jesusboy was still burning inside me like wild fire. I wished it was Jesusboy in Ck’s position; then my life would have been complete.
But then, the things Ck kept doing got more and more interesting until it found its way to my heart. My friends advised me to go with Ck who’s a star like me and forget my Prince Charming who was still struggling to arrive. They also told me that his arrival at the t©p wasn’t certain because not everyone who embarked on that journey made it there. They said many things to disqualify my Prince Charming but I refused to pay attention to them. Anytime I remembered how far I had gone with him, I couldn’t bear the thought leaving him. I know he will make it one day. Even if he doesn’t, I’ll gladly share all I have with him. After all, what is wealth without love?
I remembered giving him N100, 000 back then to start up something with and pay back on a set d@t£. He paid back on the exact same d@t£ we agreed on. After then he was able to foot his bills unlike when I first met him as a homeless fellow in another man’s town. I was glad to have been the angel who rescued him from the cruelty of ha-rd sh!p. He has valued me since then like nothing in the world because he truly knows my worth and how much I love him. Ck might be a nice guy, but he may at some point think that he picked me up from some studio in Nigeria and made me what I am today. He may even ru-b it on my face sometimes. I remember having a misun-derstanding with Prince Charming back then, no matter how much he yelled, he still apologized afterwards for yelling, even if I was the one at fault. As time went on, we rarely misun-derstood each other anymore, and saying I’m sorry to each other was as easy as saying I love you. We never crossed over into a new day with unresolved issues. I’m used to that kind of guy alre-ady and I wasn’t re-ady to try out another kind of guy. It took me years to build what I and Prince Charming share and I’m not re-ady to start all over again with someone else when the first hasn’t ended.
Everyone got uncomfortable with my decision to hold on to my feelings for Prince Charming until fate permitted us to meet and be together again. Ck and his manager p@rticularly took that really personal. I bet they would have been tem-pted to shut me out if I hadn’t secured a contract with the label before then. However, they all let it be. But I could see something whenever I looked at Ck’s eyes. I also heard that same thing in his voice whenever he spoke to me. He still hoped that I would come around one day. We however pla-yed along as soon to be couples before the press and the people but knew between ourselves that we had nothing going between us.
The familiarity between I and Ck got a little intense. We had come to agree that we would only act in accordance with the speculations of the press and the people but then, our constantly spending time together began to provoke unwanted feelings. I know Ck still wanted me. I was the only one who now had to fight such feelings. It got to a point that I couldn’t spend a day without seeing or talking to Ck. Of course he was the only guy that was close to me, so I called on him when there was any matter that nee-ded the attention of a guy except those that had to do with my feelings, and I was gradually getting there. Whenever I thought of Prince Charming, I would call on Ck, thinking that would help stabilize my feelings at the moment but it ended up trying to get me to replace the preferable with the available.
I would never do that! I kept telling myself. I opened up myself to Ck, who gave me the best treats ever. I must confess, Prince Charming had never given me such treats as Ck did, probably because he couldn’t afford it. So when Ck started doing all these to me, those things my friends had told me about my Prince not being liable to succeed as a star despite his gifts and talents began to ring in my head, and I wondered if he was ever going to give me the kind of life Ck had given me so far. I mean, I owe my fame and wealth to him. I shook those thoughts off my head and still placed Prince Charming in the tenderest p@rt of my heart. Nevertheless, I decided to give Ck a try, not because I was considering ma-king him a replacement for my Prince but because I was missing the company of a man like hell.
Ck maximized that opportunity and spoiled me with gifts and treats which I cherished so much and couldn’t st©p desiring for more. Ck sort of thought I was trying to get Prince Charming off my mind and was really helping me to achieve that. He never did anything that would make my Prince appear like the better man among them both. He wanted to beat my Prince in all ramifications. He was wealthier, famous, expo-sed and now wanted to add things like; more loving, more caring, more respectable and more serious to the list. There was no end to what Ck did in order to get me to see him more deserving of me than Jesusboy. I hate to say this but it worked. I was gradually falling for Ck but all the while convincing myself that I wasn’t.
Well, as long as Ck continued treating me like a queen, I was okay. It went on and on till he asked me to join him on a trip to the Bahamas. I cons£nted without a second thought. I had been hearing about the Bahamas and watching people go there in the movies. So I quic-kly obliged when an opportunity to go there c@m£. Not that I couldn’t afford to go there on my own. Of course I had money enough to do that, but it feels a lot more different when it is a guy asking you to go there with him. We reached the Bahamas and settled. Took a tour around and visited a few places we could before returning the heart of the area. It was so much fun there. We danced together and even got recognized by some folks there who knew us to be celebrities. They interviewed us briefly and still considered us soon to be couples, which we didn’t object to. We got all caught up in the enjoyment there that we nearly tarried just to groove all night. Around 1am Ck drew very near to me and told me to come with him to somewhere. I said okay and we left. As we walked to where he was taking me he held onto me with his right arms across my back. Well, I also held onto him in like manner with my left arm while we walked away together like newlyweds. He led me to a room illuminated by florescent bulbs and richly furnished. The thing that stood out the most in the room was the heart shaped be-d which was covered with red linen from Egypt. After we got in he locked the door with a smart card only he had access to and inser-ted it into his pocket. I couldn’t believe it had gotten to that. Was this really happening? I thought to myself. How the hell was I supposed to get him to change his mind? How was I supposed to st©p it from happening? There was absolutely no way I could st©p him. It definitely happened.
WATCHOUT FOR EPISODE 23