By AMAH’S HEART.
I stood looking at him.
“Yes, you said you had something to tell me? I have to leave office early and drive straight down to see you. You make it sound so serious and urgent… hope, you are not leaving me? You found a better guy and want to break up the engagement…I don’t know why this thinking occupied my mind… I’m scared. Hope is not what I’m thinking Keji? Please, don’t leave me. I know I can be annoying but I will work on my temperament and be a better man that you will be proud of… Keji, please? I have been scared all day after getting your several messages and calls on wanting to see me. Hope is not because of my refusal to touch you? Keji we are putting head together for our wedding. The plans is ongoing and soon enough you will have the very thing you have wanted badly and I will have you like I have desired… please? Just a little patient…I love you very much. my world is incomplete without you Keji…
I have sent several messages to Phil from early in the morning till noon telling him that I have something important to tell him which I can’t keep anymore. I was tired of keeping it to myself and
He probably misinterpreted it and thought I want to break up.
Which lady in her right mind will want to break up with a sweet loving man like Phil.
“I’m not leaving you Phil… never. is about Lukemon.
“Thanks goodness. I’m a bit relieved. that your friend, that sells jeweleries? Did he touched you inappropriate again….
His phone beeped. He checked and put it back
His phone beeped again he checked and apologies.
“Maybe you should attend to your call or message first.
I thought I was ready, I thought I can fully confess like Uzo suggested that I do.
After telling Uzo of what transpired between I and Lukemon.
Uzo has advice I find a calm atmosphere and tell Phil. Because he won’t be happy if he finds out in the future.
Dammi said I shouldn’t. She has her good reasons though, I thought of buying into it but Uzo was right. Guilt is a silent killer. Even if I choose to endure the guilt feeling and pretend like nothing happen what if Lukemon decided to run his mouth as usual and what we did gets into Phil’s ear. How will I start explaining myself.
Uzo said whatever that will happen now should happen. Atleast I will be free from guilt.
The trust won’t be totally broken if I confess it.
For days I have been thinking of how to go about it until I made up my mind today and sent him a message followed with calls because
But watching him standing before me makes all the fear to come rushing back.
“Is from the office. I have some expatriates waiting for me in the office. But I asked the manager to keep them busy I will be there soon. Keji, please speak… what did your friend do?
I told him to go and attend to his office people. Maybe later tonight or tomorrow I will tell him.
He kissed me and rushed out.
We have agreed in going for Lukemon’s jewelry store by weekend and I want to clear the air and the reason for that but I just couldn’t do it.
Even that night when Phil stopped by from work I told him that I was thinking of not going to do the shopping again due to expenses.
But Phil said I shouldn’t worry about it, if getting those things will make me happy then we should go.
He asked if that was all I wanted to tell him and I said yes.
He stayed a little before leaving.
We went to Luke’s store that weekend.
He was happy to see us and started running his mouth as usual, pointing out expensive stuffs only.
He was calling huge amount for each of the things he shows us.
If cares is not taking Phil may end up giving him a million cheque.
Even Phil was careful with the expenses and asked him to return back some but Luke wanted to sell his jewelries and tries to convince Phil to buy them.
He has seen a prospective client and thinks I will fold my arms and watch him drain Phil with his over hyped price
He showed us two stones worth four hundred thousand.
I asked him to return them, we have already picked items that’s almost five hundred thousand.
He frowned at the way I cautioned him.
Phil asked him to return one and keep the other.
He brought another expensive one again, still trying to convince Phil to buy it.
The amount was getting to almost a million bill.
I told him outrightly that we don’t need it.
Phil wrote cheque for the picked items which is almost nine hundred thousand.
Instead of Lukemon to be very happy he still wanted Phil to complete it a million.
I’m not even in need of the whole expensive stones I bought. But just to fulfill my own part of the bargain that I had with Luke I decided to convince Phil to get them.
And Luke remains ungrateful despite the whole amount we spent which is even so painful.
He thanked Phil for the patronage and followed us outside while running his mouth again.
“You really cherish your woman sir, for you to have gotten all of this means that you put her needs ahead of yours. Is a good thing sir. Keji likes nice things even while we were dating and I gave it to her and never denied her anything, including the bedroom rites… hahahaha you understand. She sometimes keeps me all day at home. Our sex life was top notch and she was satisfied to the brim. Keji can’t practice celibacy, not for so long anyway. You have done everything obviously except in that area. I almost thought you were impotent when I learnt of it. Hahahaha! I cares about Keji and knows when she is happy…she is just pretending to be hap…
“Luke, just shut up your mouth…
I said angrily. Phil turned and looked at me before carrying the bags in his hands to the car.
He got into the car and sat waiting for me to enter.
It was a very long silent drive back home.
Immediately we got inside, he dropped the bags on the chair and said.
“You were once in a relationship with Lukemon?
He said it calmly.
“Yea, he is my ex. Forget everything he said Phil. Lukemon is just enthusiastic because of the shopping…
“You never told me he was your ex Keji. You kept saying he is your friend. When did you mention to him that you were on celibacy… that I wasn’t satisfying you like he used to and probably thinks I’m an impotent man? Was it the day he came visiting and stroke your bum or you have been seeing him before the event? Don’t go mute…answer me Keji…start talking.
He said, still calmly.
I guess is time to do a “by force confession”. This is what I have dreaded most. Here I stood face to face with an angry Phil who is trying to be calm.
“Luke called during my last birthday after many years. He later asked me to send address he wanted to visit and give me a birthday gift. I sent it and he was here with the gifts. Then we just went talking like old times sake. I unknowingly mentioned to him that we were not practising the intimacy part of love…. everything happened so fast and…
He sat hard on a chair held his head in his hand.
He was breathing hard while his head remained bent.
I gently went to him, I know he won’t push me away
Immediately I touched him he rose from the chair and said with so much emotion in his voice.
“Don’t you dare touch me. I…i can’t believe you will do this to me Keji…? How could you. c’mon… with your ex? You had sex with him… For how long…?
He said still not looking at me
“No…no. no sex was involved. Just few touches and kisses. He came around like three times but I can swear it that we never had sex. I couldn’t do it Phil. I tried to tell you but I was afraid…
He picked up his car keys and held to the door but I blocked him.
“…Phil, please don’t do this… don’t leave. I’m very sorry. I know I shouldn’t have invited Lukemon, I know I shouldn’t have allowed him to touch me… there is a whole lot of things I shouldn’t have done. Please, forgive me… I’m begging you on my knee. Don’t leave like this…
“I only needed time Keji and I begged you to be patient. I never knew you were already throwing your self cheaply into your ex arm and talking shit behind my back. Making me look like fool by accommodating him and even take you shopping at his store….?
He bite his lips angrily. I remained silent begging him. He continued
“…i thought you truly love me, or was it the money you love? I did everything you asked of me so you won’t have reason to give another man a second look. I just wanted to please you by all means because I loved you…I loved you Keji…
“I know Phil and I love you too. Not because of the money or the gifts…I love you with my whole heart… for the good man that you are. I made another mistake and I’m really sorry… please…
He made another attempt to walk past but I stopped him.
“…I just couldn’t take it anymore Phil, You deprived me of sex and it was hard for me to adapt, I wasn’t used to adapting but i still tried for almost a year plus that we have been together. Celibating was hard for me but pleasing you was all I’m after. I didn’t have sex with Luke… I’m sorry for engaging in a romantic affair with him. I’m sorry for even mentioning to his hearing that you weren’t touching me… I’m sorry, so sorry for many things Phil. If you don’t want me, then I will totally understand that it was all my fault…
“Leave the way Keji…let me go.
I stood and was beginning to foam angrily for his lack of understanding.
“…fine, you want to go. That’s okay. You just wasted another year of my life doing a stupid experiment with your manhood. I’m not even angry at the wasted year I’m just angry that you never consider my feeling, you just bluntly refused to touch me with no reason at all only your fear of God and home training. I resisted another man’s advances, an ex for that matter and you refused to forgive me for only kissing him. Philip if I want to cheat on you, i will do it and you will never know but I chose not to. Forget about the money and your fine face you are plainly wicked…
He scoffed annoyingly and said calmly with a sarcastic smile.
“You did something wrong and still tries to guilt trip me? Wow! Does it mean that If we happen to get married Keji and I traveled out for months and probably a year is this how you will run into your ex arm because you are sex starved? I thought you are truly different, I thought I have finally found the one for me. You are talking about your wasted year, I wonder what you expect me to be talking about. Maybe my time, emotions, resources… you don’t obviously worth any of that. You can run back to your ex Keji tell him your impotent boyfriend… like two of you tagged me is no more obstructing the way..
He tries to leave and I moved aside. His body unknowingly hit mine.
I pretend to have fallen on the ground. As I slapped the floor hard making it seem like it was my body that hit the floor.
I screamed out, still pretending to be in pain.
“Philip has killed me oo. Ah ah… Philip ooo. You have broken my ribs…I can’t breathe well…I can’t breathe…
He suddenly stopped and stood few feet away looking at me confused.
My drama side was fully activated immediately I saw him standing and unknowing what to do.
He sighed loudly before coming to me. He bent over and tries to touch me.
” No, leave me alone. Leave me to die in peace… just be going to your house. You decided physical abuse me by hitting me with your body. No problem Philip Kanu, please don’t touch me… leave me alone and go like you were doing. My mother will never mourn over me oo. Oh, I can’t breathe..heyyyy!… Philip…. don’t touch me…
He didn’t even listen he tries to lift me from the ground.
“,It wasn’t intentional. Let me check it…
At that moment I wish there was truly a physical injury. I didn’t allow him to check anything as I continued with my drama.
He tries to lift me from the ground but I refused standing up.
I slapped and hit him to leave me alone to die.
He was truly broken from everything happening. The betray feeling of what I did with Luke and then me on the ground pretending to be in pain.
I started crying heavily.
I was truly bruised inside, if Phil leaves what will I do? Where will I start my life from again.
He doesn’t deserve this drama but I just can’t afford to loose a good man like him now.
Tears poured uncontrollable from my eyes as I held onto my side, pretending to be in a serious pain.
“I’m sorry Keji, maybe I should take you to the hospital. I didn’t intentionally do this… let’s go to the hospital.
“I’m not going to any hospital. Please be going… let me just die here because the pain is unbearable. Please go ooo. I never knew you can hurt me both emotional and physical…I didn’t know you are that type of man. Don’t touch me… don’t. My ribs are killing me badly…
He forcefully lifted me from the ground to the nearest armrest chair.
My cry turned into a whimper. He looked at me. All his ego was broken.
He was feeling sorry for me already.
He tries to touch my side but I screamed out so loud as if he just touched the most wounded part of my body.
He sighed heavily.
“, Please let me take you to the hospital.
I refused to oblige. He stood and went to the fridge came back with ice and started massaging my side gently.
I continued to flinch in pain.
“What do you want me to do…I don’t know. I…hmmm… I’m tired…. hmmm..
He said combing his hand into his head.
I told him to set a hot bath, I will massage myself in the bathroom.
He quickly did that.
I gently walked into the bathroom like somebody who is about to drop dead.
I locked the bathroom and sat on the bathtub .
He called out to me if I needed help, he said I really need to go to the hospital to avoid internal injuries.
Ignored him and wasted a whole lot of time bathing before stepping out.
It was already 10pm. He won’t be going back to his house today. I pray so.
I will do anything to keep my man and if this my drama will make him reconsider then I feel no guilt in it.
I wore one of my sexy nighty.
He lowered the room air condition before covering me up with a duvet as I lay on the bed with one arm on my side.
“If I feel worst by tomorrow, then I will go to the hospital… I’m exhausted from this pain.
I said gently as he supported by head with pillow and caressed my face gently.
“I’m sorry Keji, I didn’t even know when I did this. I was just angry…it was not my intention to hurt you or put you in a serious pain as this. If by morning you feel worst then we can go to the hospital please. Let me fix something hot for you to drink…?
I just coiled up under the duvet pretending to be falling asleep.
He came back and tries to wake me up to take a cup of tea but I pretend to be deeply asleep.
He moved the duvet and gently tries to check where the fake pain was coming from but I flinched in pain again. I mourned quietly and he covered me back up.
I moved the duvet aside and stretched out my bare thigh so that he can see them closely and clearly.
He entered the bathroom, showered and came out in towel. He took one of the unisex robe he got for me and wore.
I watched him with one eyes which I opened a little.
He sat on a chair and put his head back, his eyes was shot.
I felt so sorry for him.
He looked towards me for a while and stood.
He sat beside the bed, touching my forehead while looking at my legs.
I still pretend to be asleep. He kissed my forehead gently before looking at my body all over with desires in his eyes.
He combed his hand into his hair before straightening up.
Phil, quietly climbed the bed beside me.
I smiled inwardly.
I gently crawled up to his side and used his hand as pillow.
My little drama was paving way finally. My man was lying beside me, staring at me like an idol. He kissed my lips fully.
I wonder what was going through his mind as he began to caressed my arm gently but steady.