9/10
JUST AFTER I SAID I DO (episode 9)
My heart beat was at it peak, my sweats were so visible despite the fact that the AC is on. My mother inlaw was speechless, ra-ph himself was astonished and all he could do was to rest his chin in his palm while he put his elbow on the long arm of the chair to gain support… I looked at both mother and son and my fear began to spring up again, but the sign of amazement coupled with great shock on their faces got me right back on track and then I felt this is just the perfect time to speak up for myself even if my husband couldn’t do that for me… Right from the start, I had always thought I couldn’t control my tears, but right now, I discovered that as my fears were gathering up from within, another p@rt of me began to whisper silently to me… ‘omolola you won’t want to cry now, you won’t want to show these people you are weak, will you?’…. And then all of a sudden my strength c@m£ from nowhere and for the first time in my life, I said no to my tears, I refuse to let my tears out, my face and eyelids were as dry as ever and then the sound of ‘you can do this’ began to echo over and over again in my heart… I faced my mother inlaw, I made sure my eyelids were in contact with hers and I was as pas-sionate as ever… “mama, what exactly have I actually done wrong, why have you decided to hate me this much out of the three daughter in-laws you have. You treat the other two like an egg, you cherish them like the apple of your eyes despite the fact that they are not even Yoru-bas. And you keep treating me like an outcast despite the fact that I took you as my own biological mother. Why mama”… My voice began to shake, my courage and tears began to wage war against each other and it appears my tears is going to win, I held on to my f!ngersso ti-ghtly and I began to encourage myself from within. I looked at mama in the eye again and I began to ask her questions as though I am a baby. …”mama, am I not respectful to you enough? Am I not polite and gentle enough, or has my husband been complaining to you that I’ve been a bad wife? Or is there anything other wives are doing that I have not been doing mama?…. I paused for a while and all I could do was to look at her, I really want her to talk, I nee-d her to say something, and for minutes we both looked at each other without saying anything. Her eyes were running over my face and I just stood still and I kept on staring at her.
My husband was still standing, he couldn’t say a word, and it’s quite obvious that he is still trying to get over the shock of seeing the timid and shy omolola in a new dimension. The whole house was just so quiet as if no argument has been going on couple of minutes ago. We all stared at each other one after the other until mama broke the silence …”I think I have truly overstayed my welcome in this house”… ra-ph and I stood still without a word as we watch her walk out of sight towards her room. Guilt and condemnation began to arise within me, my mother inlaw has never been this soft and so I began to feel I have over reacted.
I wish I didn’t say all that I said in the first place, I wish I didn’t tell my mother inlaw she has overstayed her welcome in her son’s house, I began to blame myself for those words I exchanged with her… I looked at ra-ph, I expect him to say something, I was expecting him to have beaten black and blue by now for talking to his mother, but no, he didn’t… I know he’s hurt, I could s-en-se he’s hurt from within because I reminded him how I have been coping with his meanness and infertility all this years…. While you’re re-ading this, I know alot must have been going throu-gh your mind, you might also be thinking I have over reacted, you might be thinking I’m rude…. But don’t forget I am also human, I am not a super being, I have blood running throu-gh my veins too, I also have the limits I can reach before I explode… Yes I am meek and Godly, but that doesn’t st©p me from getting frustrated too… If you were in my position, will you wait this long before you take your stand? I looked directly at ra-ph who was still standing mute looking at me as though I am a stranger, I expected him to have followed his mum while she was going inside, but here he is, standing and looking at me. I managed to gather the few courage i have within and i walked towards him. I fell weakly on my knees and I held his left leg so ti-ghtly with my two hands. ….”plea-se, forgive me. plea-se, ra-phael plea-se, I am so sorry for talking to you and mama in that manner.
I was only frustrated, i couldn’t take the pains any longer, I wanted to speak up for myself since you couldn’t speak for me, I felt I should defend myself, plea-se forgive me….. I held onto his legs and all I kept on saying was “plea-se forgive me” until he managed to re-move his leg from my hands and he walked directly to mama’s room. I sat helplessly on the floor as I watch ra-ph walk into mama’s room, I was lost in thought on weather to go and join them in the room or I should wait behind. I wish I didn’t react the way I reacted, I wiped my face with my hands and as I was about to stand up, I sighted mama coming out with her luggage while my husband followed her without saying anything. I quic-kly jumped on my feet and ran towards her. I tried to block her from moving forward and off I went on my knees, now my tears were loosed, I can’t cage them anymore, I tried my best to collect the luggage from her, and I began to plead ….” no mama, plea-se. I didn’t mean a single word in all that I have said to you. plea-se ma, this is your sons house and you haven’t overstayed your welcome here, this your territory, plea-se don’t go, plea-se”…. No single word c@m£ from her mouth despite all my plea, she wasn’t talking neither was she looking in my direction, my husband was not saying anything too and then I began to move from mother to son pleading on my knees in tears… In no time they were both out of the house and all I could do was to stay helplessly and watch my mother inlaw and my husband walked out of the house.
episode 10
I stood still at the main entrance as I watched my husband drive out my mother inlaw out of the compound with our second car, for minutes I was thoughtless, my br@in seems to have gone pale and all I could do was to stare at the direction of the gate as I watched our gateman who was in his early 50s close the main gate as soon as my husband drove off.
My tears began to show up gradually, I was confused than ever before, it all seem things are no longer working for me, my world is falling ap@rt and I could feel my heart pounding and racing so very fast and in no time I found myself sitting on the floor at the entrance as I whisper silently in tears with my head stocked into my knee length short. …”Lord Jesus, plea-se this is just too much for me”… I kept on repeating the word endlessly over and over again until the masculine voice of the gateman calling “madam” caught my attention… I quic-kly raised my head and there he is, standing right beside me with his two hands folded, I gently cleaned my messy face with my palm as I tried to call out his name with my broken voice without even ma-king an attempt to stand up from where I was sitting…. “baba olorunwa”… And just immediately I called out his name, it was as if the name was a catalyst that triggered my tears again, I broke down in tears and I began to ask him in a meek tone in Yoru-ba language ….” se looto niwipe olorun Sewa?…. (is it true that God still exist?) He gently bend towards my direction and helped me on my feet without saying a word, he opened the door leading to the sitting room and all I could do was to follow him gently like a robot as he guides me and made me sit in one of the couch. He made sure I st©pped crying and I was in a perfect order before he asked. ….”can I take my sit Madam?”…. I’ve always been shocked at the meekness of this man, he’s old enough to be my father and yet he won’t st©p calling me Madam even after several plea-s from me that I’ll prefer to be called by my name. And now, he’s asking for permission before he could even take his sit after helping me st©p crying outside and finding my way inside. I couldn’t say a single word and all I just did was to not my head in agreement as I looked at him in amazement. He carefully took his sit on the couch right in front of me and in no time he began to talk to me like a father in his lowest tone. ….”Hhhmm, my dear, I must commend your strength. You are a very strong woman…. And then I looked at him directly in the eye, forgetting my relationsh!pwith him and all I could see was a father and I muttered so softly feeling my tears on my cheeks …..”No baba, I am not strong anymore, baba I am not. My strength is failing me, my frustration is taking over me, I am becoming weak in all aspect and I am afraid I might break down anytime soon”…… Now I could see his face light up at the sound of my voice, and a de-ep smile appeared on his face and I began to wonder what was actually funny with all these emotional words I have poured down, and I began to look at him. ….”yes, your strength will definitely fail you, infact I never expected your strength to have brou-ght you this far in this marriage, and that is why I said you’re a strong lady earlier… And you talked about frustration, yes they’ll definitely take over you, because you allowed and gave way for them. And you think you can pu-ll throu-gh all these with your human strength. No way!… My dear, no human strength can stand the frustration that comes along with a wrong marriage.
I haven’t come across such strength. And you see, your weakness. They will definitely attack all areas of your life, and that’s because all you do is to cry away your God given strength in the place of prayer… (he pursed for a while, and gently re-moved his old looking security cap and place it on one arm of the couch and he continued talking) I have been working with your family ever since you both got married and I am aware of all that you’re going throu-gh in this house. I use to think you’re a Christian who knows what Christianity really means, yes I used to think you have a full un-derstanding of who you truly are in the hands of our maker, not until I see you cry about endlessly in the house thinking you’re pouring your heart to God.. “My dear, Your tears doesn’t show God how bad you nee-d him to intervene in your situation, it only show him how little your un-derstanding of his word is”… I was surprised to see baba olorunwa talk this way and all I could just do was stare at him as he was talking. ….” you should know by now that your marriage to that young man is a life time contract. Now, I nee-d you to ask yourself these questions.. Am I going to continue in my tears in the place of prayer for this life time contract that I have signed. Am I going to keep on pitying myself throu-ghout my life time because I got married to the wrong person? He paused for a while and looked at me and all I could do in return was to allow my tears flow in amazement as I alre-ady lost my words and in no time he continued again. ….” yes, initially he was not meant for you, but your vows at the altar has automatically made him yours whether you like it or not. And your tears can never change that even if you cry 24/7 in the place of prayer”…. And all of a sudden I found my words as I stood up as though I was been triggered from my couch and before I knew it, I alre-ady found myself at his feet crying like a baby ….”baba what should I do, I have been asking for mercy, I’ve been asking God for mercy”….. He then smiled at my words and drew me closer a little bit. ….”my daughter, no amount of plea for mercy can change the fact that you’re married to the wrong person. All mercy can do for you is to sustain you throu-gh your journey in this marriage, plea for mercy can not change who your spouse is”…. My face lighted up in great surprise and I looked at him with great shock to affirm if I just heard him right. He looked back at me with a smile and nodded in as-surance that I heard him perfectly right. ……”Yes, it can’t.
Plea for mercy Can not change him, My dear daughter, the earlier you un-derstand the fact that your husband is still a cl@yin the Potter’s hand, the better for you. Now I am going to leave you with these words from Papa Zion breed ” tears is a sign of weakness and lack of knowledge, instead of crying, why not speak in ton-gues, infact gr0@nin ton-gues, the solution isn’t in crying like a baby. Cry in ton-gues!… Cry in ton-gues!!….. He stood up, dusted his security cap and placed it gently on his head and I watched him as he walked gently out of the house… And for several minutes I was just there with my head bowed. It’s been several weeks now that mama left the house and ever since she left, my husband and I have practically become house mates and not soul mates.
I couldn’t look at him directly in the eye and he couldn’t do the same. My home bec@m£ a place where talking and happiness is forbidden and the only thing that talks is our TV. I tried my best to plead over and over again with ra-ph, but he wouldn’t even say a word to me. Food were wasting every blessed day because he has st©pped eating ever since his mum left and I won’t st©p cooking too just because I was hoping he’ll eat one day. Gradually our differences began to show up in the society and even in the church and that’s because he has even st©pped his pretence about all being fine with our marriage as he no longer wait for me to follow him to church or follow him back from church, no more same attire and sitting together on sundays and weekly services.
And before I knew it, female ministers and the pastors wife began to ask if all is well with my family, and all I’ll always say is “we’re perfectly OK ma” with smiles. I practically lost everything when I started my prayer seven days ago and all I kept on saying was…. ” lord, ra-phael is a cl@yin your hands, plea-se mold him into your perfect will for me, mold him into the man you have always wished for me, plea-se remold him into the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh “….
Yes I had st©pped crying, I had st©pped pitying myself and I have taken up the courage and strength to keep on interceding for him for several weeks now, and all of a sudden my husband st©pped slee-ping at home, all he does is to come home very early in the morning to take his bath and change his clothes, then off he went till the next morning again.
I have been up all night like I have always been, praying for him. But this time around I prayed my way all throu-gh without sleep, and that’s because, today happens to be our 3rd wedding anniversary. … I quic-kly jumped up from the be-d as I heard the horn of the car from my sleep, I had actually fell asleep in the place of prayer very early this morning. I looked at the time and it’s past 10:00am alre-ady. I rushed to the window to check throu-gh if it was my husband who has actually come home to have his bath as usual.
I felt so disappointed as I saw the mechanic driving out our second car, it has been faulty for days now. It’s after ten alre-ady and even though I had sle-pt off I am very sure my husband hasn’t come home to take his bath yet. My tears gave way and I began to wonder why ra-ph has been coming home as early as 6:00 o clock every other day to take his bath, but he hasn’t showed up by 10:00 today which happens to be our third wedding anniversary.
I walked gently to the sitting room in my pyjamas with tears as I whisper softly ….” Lord plea-se, it’s our third wedding anniversary, three years ago, by this time we were alre-ady ma-king our marriage vows, plea-se remold my husband into your perfect will for me and bring him back home “… I walked slowly towards our wedding pictures hanged on the wall and all of a sudden I froze, I felt my pulse increasing and it was just as if the ground should just open and take me up. I began to de
Yes, it can’t. Plea for mercy Can not change him, My dear daughter, the earlier you un-derstand the fact that your husband is still a cl@yin the Potter’s hand, the better for you. Now I am going to leave you with these words from Papa Zion breed ” tears is a sign of weakness and lack of knowledge, instead of crying, why not speak in ton-gues, infact gr0@nin ton-gues, the solution isn’t in crying like a baby. Cry in ton-gues!… Cry in ton-gues!!….. He stood up, dusted his security cap and placed it gently on his head and I watched him as he walked gently out of the house… And for several minutes I was just there with my head bowed. It’s been several weeks now that mama left the house and ever since she left, my husband and I have practically become house mates and not soul mates.
I couldn’t look at him directly in the eye and he couldn’t do the same. My home bec@m£ a place where talking and happiness is forbidden and the only thing that talks is our TV. I tried my best to plead over and over again with ra-ph, but he wouldn’t even say a word to me. Food were wasting every blessed day because he has st©pped eating ever since his mum left and I won’t st©p cooking too just because I was hoping he’ll eat one day. Gradually our differences began to show up in the society and even in the church and that’s because he has even st©pped his pretence about all being fine with our marriage as he no longer wait for me to follow him to church or follow him back from church, no more same attire and sitting together on sundays and weekly services.
And before I knew it, female ministers and the pastors wife began to ask if all is well with my family, and all I’ll always say is “we’re perfectly OK ma” with smiles. I practically lost everything when I started my prayer seven days ago and all I kept on saying was…. ” lord, ra-phael is a cl@yin your hands, plea-se mold him into your perfect will for me, mold him into the man you have always wished for me, plea-se remold him into the bone of my bones and the flesh of my flesh “…. Yes I had st©pped crying, I had st©pped pitying myself and I have taken up the courage and strength to keep on interceding for him for several weeks now, and all of a sudden my husband st©pped slee-ping at home, all he does is to come home very early in the morning to take his bath and change his clothes, then off he went till the next morning again. I have been up all night like I have always been, praying for him. But this time around I prayed my way all throu-gh without sleep, and that’s because, today happens to be our 3rd wedding anniversary. … I quic-kly jumped up from the be-d as I heard the horn of the car from my sleep, I had actually fell asleep in the place of prayer very early this morning. I looked at the time and it’s past 10:00am alre-ady. I rushed to the window to check throu-gh if it was my husband who has actually come home to have his bath as usual. I felt so disappointed as I saw the mechanic driving out our second car, it has been faulty for days now.
It’s after ten alre-ady and even though I had sle-pt off I am very sure my husband hasn’t come home to take his bath yet. My tears gave way and I began to wonder why ra-ph has been coming home as early as 6:00 o clock every other day to take his bath, but he hasn’t showed up by 10:00 today which happens to be our third wedding anniversary. I walked gently to the sitting room in my pyjamas with tears as I whisper softly ….” Lord plea-se, it’s our third wedding anniversary, three years ago, by this time we were alre-ady ma-king our marriage vows, plea-se remold my husband into your perfect will for me and bring him back home “…
I walked slowly towards our wedding pictures hanged on the wall and all of a sudden I froze, I felt my pulse increasing and it was just as if the ground should just open and take me up. I began to develop goose bu-mps as I heard my husband’s voice from behind. I couldn’t look back, I bec@m£ extremely scared and my shock took over as I have never heard ra-ph talked like that before in my three years of getting married to him …” I am home baby, I am back home finally. The Potter has worked on me, I had an encounter with him alre-ady, he has molded me into your perfect will darling. He has broken me for the past seven days and now he’s giving you the go ahead to mold me into whatever you want me to be as a husband…..
I managed to turn around to confirm if I wasn’t dreaming, could God be this real! My sight bec@m£ blur due to my tears and I couldn’t see clearly, I tried to wipe them off and standing right before me in the reality was my very own ra-phael Ajibade. My tears c@m£ afresh and I couldn’t even tell if they were tears of joy, shock or pains. He walked towards me as gently as ever and for the first time in my life, I saw a line of tears on my husband’s cheek. ….” no you’re not dreaming baby, it’s your ra-ph (I didn’t remember to tell you I fondly call him “my ra-ph” when we just got married) yes it’s your ra-ph baby. I’m very sorry, plea-se forgive me. I know I have not been your dream husband for three years now, but right now, the Potter has taken over…. He paused for a while and off he went on his knees …” yes, the Potter has taken over, and I am renewing my marriage vows to you this very moment just the way I did three years ago, to love and to cherish you like the queen that you are, in sickness and in pain, at all times and seasons, to respect you always, I’ll be your pillar of support in all your endeavors, I’ll speak and stand for you, i’ll protect you like a father, I’ll guide you jealously like a brother and I’ll love you endlessly like a husband till death do us p@rt…..
In no time my tears bec@m£ so real, I was shocked at how God does his things, I was shivering and within the twi-nkle of an eye I found myself on my knees too but this time it wasn’t for prayers, I fell on my knees in my husband’s arms we both fell on the floor together in tears and all I could say was …”thank you jesus, thank you Jesus for seeing the depth of my heart and loving me the same”…. I looked directly at my ra-ph in the eye, and I held his cheeks in my palms as soft and gentle as I can and I muttered these words ….” Baby, I won’t mold you into what I want, I’ll allow God himself mold you into what he wants for me…. I am re-ady to spend the rest of my life with you and Jesus with or without kids”… And then our tears were just ma-king ways, I could feel his warm and tender palm ma-king it way into my hair and I began to feel like the real wife I have been craving for, for years now! Yes I found grace, my marriage was resto-red, my husband was remolded…. Dearie, you might not have the opportunity to pu-ll throu-gh the way I pu-ll-ed throu-gh, God might not give you the second chance to remold when you make your mistake and that is why you have to take your time to PRAY, HEAR and DISCERN very well before you say I DO, before you make those marriage vows be very sure you are doing it with the right person.
Now to those who have made the vows alre-ady to the wrong person, no amount of tears can change the fact that you’re married to him or her alre-ady, Pick up the clays of your spouse and return it right away to the potter for remolding. It is never too late!!! Thanks for going along with JUST AFTER I SAID I DO’ Series My prayer for our singles is that they won’t miss it in the place of choosing.
The End