JUST AFTER I SAID I DO (EPISODE 7)
If I was given the second chance to make right my wrongs, I would have hidden my heart so deep in the lord in the place of prayer that it will take a man to engage in serious and genuine prayer before he can find me.
I know Raph didn’t pray about me too, he only saw me in the church, and he took his time to study my kind of lady and then he feels I have all it takes to be a godly wife… Well, should I say he was lucky, I mean despite the fact that he didn’t pray about me, I still turned out to be the kind of wife every man would have prayed for, or should I just say our grace differs?
…. I blinked and tears began to flow down my cheeks again….
My marriage is apart already, my husband and I are still physically together, but emotionally? We are divorced already…. We’re still together because, how will it sound when people who didn’t even get married in the lord hear about our situation. Our feelings for each other is gone, the connection and the bond have actually disappeared long ago. I have tried to love my husband as a wife even though I am not getting his love in return, but right now it’s not even working again. I am also not feeling anything for him again.
My husband once told me that, my love in his heart has seized for no reason, he said he’s not just feeling anything for me anymore, not even a common like.
…. I paused for a while to allow my tears flow cause they were just too much for my eyelids to hold and I continued shortly after then….. People see us in church putting on the same attire and sitting beside each other and they covet our own kind of couples without having an idea of what I am actually going through in the secret place. …..
While I was still single, I have never for once thought of having a little delay in making babies for my husband, and that’s because I have been speaking fruitfulness into my womb ever since I was single, I took my time to speak fruitfulness into my husband’s reproductive system while I was still single, and now, my mistake changed it all for me. Yes, it changed it all for me.
…. I broke down totally in tears as I couldn’t control myself anymore, in no time, Amaka joined me in tears too and we both cried endlessly for minutes before she finally pulled herself together and then tried to calm me down too. I adjusted myself and reached out for my handkerchief to clean up the mess on my face and I continued so softly and faintly because I’ve lost my voice already……..
My mother inlaw has been on my neck saying I refuse to make babies for her son because I had wasted the days of my youth despite the fact that Raph met me as a virgin ooo. And the most painful part is that Raph will not even say anything about his mum’s attitude and challenges not to talk of consoling me myself even when we both know it that I am not the cause of our childlessness….
…… Amaka’s face brightened up with great surprise and I could read it from her countenance that she’s actually shocked about what I just said. Her reaction triggered a deep pity for myself and I soon find myself crying all over again…….
I know you’ll be surprise to hear this. I am not the cause of our childlessness, my womb is perfect and intact to carry babies, my reproductive system is working perfectly fine. But my husband.
… I paused for seconds and I looked at Amaka as she gave me this “I’m just so short of words” look…..
Yes, my husband has been suffering from low sperm count ever since we got married. And yet, I receive all the blames for our childlessness from my in-laws because I married the wrong person
…. Lines of catarrh dripped down my nostrils and of a truth, each of my words hit me so hard in my heart and I couldn’t help myself from crying……
Yes I have been battling with my husband’s low sperm count all this while as if I was the one barren here…. Ofcos I questioned God, I questioned his answers to prayers, I asked him why he’ll allow my husband have a low sperm count despite the fact that I have already spoken fruitfulness into his reproductive system while I was still single. I asked God about those nights when I specifically asked him to work on my future husband where ever he is…. And then God told me loud and clear, Amaka, I heard him like never before
….. I paused for a while and I shook my head in pity as I muttered few words…..
Oh how I Wish I had prayed to God with all sincerity When I was about to say yes to Raphael like I am doing now…… Amaka, God spoke to me while I was challenging him, yes he did….
…..My tears became more intensified as the whole scene began to play back again in my head”……
God’s first response to me in the place of prayer was: You asked me to work on your husband’s reproductive system, Ofcos I did just that, I worked on him, I changed his malfunctioning reproductive organs and replaced all with a new one….. Hhhmm, and then I was just like : God, if you have actually changed it, then where has low sperm count originated from?….. And he asked me this simple question: is Raph your husband???.
……. I gently dragged myself from the chair and I soon found myself on the floor placing my face on my laps and in no time, my skirt was already soaked with the mixture of catarrh and tears…….
Amaka, did you hear that?
I took my time to prophesy fruitfulness into the life of my future husband and when it was time for me to say yes to him, I missed it!!!. And now he’s somewhere with a wise lady who has waited patiently on the lord and now they are both enjoying the answers to my own prayer in his life…
Hhhmm I turned my left hand and I glanced through the face of my wrist watch …” Amaka, I have to go now, I need to get something ready for my husband before he comes back from work, and I am sure my mother inlaw will also have been wondering where I’ve been all day”… I stood up to adjust all that needs to be adjusted and I finally reached out for my handbag and I walked towards the entrance. …” I’ll see you before the week runs out”…. She nodded in satisfaction with a pretty smile on her face even though it’s so clear that behind those smiles are invisible tears, and then she finally managed to mutter few words …”it’s OK darling, just make sure you’re fine and please be strong, don’t worry, you’re going to pull through all these very soon and your marriage will begin to experience the happiness and joy it has never experienced before”… I tried to hide my tears by bottling up my breath but at the sound of my “amen” to Amaka’s prayer, they found their way through my eyelids down to my cheeks and finally to the corners of my lips. I gently used my hands to clean away the tears at the corners of my lips and I kept on nodding my head from time to time as Amaka’s prayer rang in my head. By now, she couldn’t take it again, she stared at me in pity and her tears were also making ways on her cheek. We both stood there for minutes in silence and all we could do is just to stay calm and give way for our tears. Amaka finally broke the silence as she walked straight to where I was standing and all she could do was to open her arms wide and I couldn’t hold back myself, in no time I had found myself in her arms with tears, I gently placed my head on her curvy chest because she’s a bit taller than I am, and I just allowed my tears flow freely. She held on to me so tightly like a mother to daughter and she parted my back so gently. Her hands made it way into my neatly packed hair and then she began to assure me, and for the first time in a long time, I felt so loved again …”don’t worry darling, you’re a strong lady and you’re not going to break down in this.
Your prayers of sincerity will work for you,… Fine, you’ve made the mistake already, but we’re going to correct it together in prayers, you failed to commit Raph’s heart into God’s hands while you were still single, now that you’re married, we’re not only going to commit his heart alone to God, we are going to commit his totality to him. Don’t worry, by the time we’re through, your mother inlaw will not see you as her daughter inlaw again, rather, she’ll begin to see you as her first and only daughter…. I had set the table already, everything in its right position and all my hubby needs to do is to have his normal nice bath and resume to the dinning table. I quickly ran into the kitchen to clean up the whole place as I couldn’t do proper cleaning while cooking because I just have to rush everything. Yes I was extremely happy today when Raph called from his office that I should make his dinner, I was surprised, and that’s because his mum has resumed cooking ever since she came around, and so when he called me out of the blues to make his meals, I was just short of words and all I could do is to storm the kitchen and make his favorite. In no time I was done cleaning, I reached out for one of the kitchen napkins that was neatly arranged on the rack and I cleaned my wet hands. I quickly rushed into the dinning room to sit with my husband so I could at least watch him while he eats… As I got to the door post leading to the dinning room from the kitchen, I froze, I couldn’t take a step further, my bones began to get weak and it was as if my body system is undergoing paralysis as I stared at the tray of food I had earlier arranged on the table has been neatly set aside at the other end of the table. I need not to be told that my mother inlaw is at work again, there she was, sitting on the next chair beside her son and watching him as he eats with all satisfaction. I managed to gather all courage from within, but I couldn’t hold back my tears because it seems that’s the only thing I can’t control, I have always tried to prevent myself from tears, but it has never worked. I walked gently towards them with my arms crossed and I tried my best to be meek and gentle. My mother inlaw quickly adjusted herself and her look alone had told me all that I need to know, Raph on the other hand, continued with his food with all seriousness as though he was writing an external examination and he was acting like he’s not aware that the third party is present in the dinning room. I gently used my palm to clean the tears on my nose and lips and I never knew when I began to talk …..”Raph! I am your wife for crying out loud! Your fully wedded wife! What exactly have I done wrong to deserve all these mean treatments from you? Raphael why are you treating me like this! Why?……. At this time, it was as if my tears were cooking up so fast at high temperature, they were gushing out and I Could feel their warmth on my cheeks. I lost my meekness and endurance and in no time my voice began to increase at its peak, my anger has totally taken over and I just want to pour out all that I have within, my boldness appeared from nowhere and I looked directly into his eyes because by now he has actually stopped eating. ……”Raph, enough is enough, I think I just have to remind you about who I am and my position in this house! I am your wife, and right from the first day I said I do to you on the altar, I have automatically became your mother, sister, friend and daughter! And so nobody, I repeat, nobody whatsoever has the right to make your meals or see to your welfare in this house without my permission!…. And at this time, Raph was in another dimension, mama could no longer take it again, it was as if my words were hitting the most delicate part of her heart and all she kept on saying is “Hey, ema gbami oooo, where exactly is all this confidence coming from”…… I deliberately ignored all her words as I tried to calm myself down because I know I am still coming back to her but I need to finish with my husband first. My courage began to rise again and I soon find myself talking without fear again ….” you stopped me from working, you punish me emotionally, you deny me my full right as a wife, you made me feel less to nothing in my own house just because I loved you!!!… Raph, for good two years I have endured and loved you in your weakness, meanness and even infertility! And I kept on taking all the blames as if I am the bad one here. Raphael why???….. I was just repeating the word “why” over and over again and each time I repeat each word, my courage began to disappear gradually and the tempo of the word “why” began to reduce little by little and all of a sudden, my tears began to make way again. At the sight of my tears, my mother in-laws courage brightened up again and before I knew it, she was up in her words again. ….” hey hey, Egbami ooo, edakun erami kale, you this good for nothing girl, after wasting your God given youth, you still have the right to accuse my own able bodied son of infertility”….. My tears seized at the sound of her voice and my courage appeared from nowhere again, I tried my best to put my fear behind and for the first time in my life, I looked at my mother inlaw directly. ….” Now listen to me mama, enough is enough. You have overstayed your welcome here, this is my husband’s house and it is automatically my territory and so I will not allow anyone lord over me in my God given territory. I and my husband has been joined together and nobody has the right to put asunder!!!…. My heart beat began to race at it peak as I couldn’t believe I was the one who just finished talking. My mother inlaw was short of words and all she could do was to stare at me with her mouth wide open for some minutes. And finally when she gathered her courage to talk she came in with a full force in a full dimension and before I knew it we began to exchange words… …”omolola, I have overstayed my welcome in my own son’s house… Egbami ooo”….. Now my confidence is disappearing little by little….. ” yes mama, he is your own son, but don’t forget that he’s my own husband too”…. She quickly faced Rapheal and I know she just wished he could say something and stop looking at us like a deaf and dumb and she called out his Yoruba name. …..” oluwadamilare!, I carried you in my womb for nine months, I backed you for good three years and your wife said your house is not my territory!!!…… I quickly turned towards Raph too without even minding his facial expression. …..”Raph, I also carry you on my chest and you ride me every blessed night too”….. All of a sudden, my mother in-laws hands were already on her head and she shouted with all seriousness ……”Rapheal!!!! Your wife has the gut to talk back at me after breastfeeding you for good two years!!!…. And now, I turned away from Raph, facing my mother inlaw squarely. …..”oh! Mama, you breast feed him for good two years abi? …..then I should be praising myself oooo, cos I breastfeed him almost every night, even against my wish, especially when his hormones are high!!!….
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