JESSICA??
(My story of faith and pain)
Episode 17
©Miriam Edem
I honestly can’t explain where the rage and bitterness came from, maybe I got confused with all that was going on and lost it and immediately my pastor called me.
“Hello daddy, I said with a voice that was so obvious.
“What is it again? He quickly asked.
“Is it not my grandmother, she does not want me to be in peace, what’s the nee-d of her begging for my forgiveness? What will it change? And my father, suddenly he is a changed man who wants to take up his responsibility, I don’t want him anymore, I replied.
“Are you okay? The pastor asked.
“No am not, I replied.
“I can see that because it’s not you talking, he said.
“I don’t un-derstand, I said.
“Yes, was that not your prayer that God should change your father heart and stop him from despising you? What has come over you now? I rebuke that devil talking in you! He shouted.
“After what he did to me, is that so easy to forgive? Will you blame me for being angry? I asked.
“Do you realize what you’re saying? Your voice has changed and I can imagine what you look like right now, this isn’t right neither is it you. Don’t forget you just got healed and whoever got you imprisoned is still mad at you, why are you opening the door wide for them to sneak in? Do you know what anger does to a man life? Just imagine Tunde hurt you that way yet you were not angry and you got your healing instantly, that’s because you had a clear and pure heart now you want anger and bitterness to ruin it for you. You have to let go of it and embr@ce your new life now Jessica else this will p@$$ you, my pastor said and I let my self down in Cyril be-d shocked.
I was so overwhelmed and lost control with anger, but come to think of it I was actually praying for my dad to change for the better. Even if it’s not for me, I wanted him to pla-y a good and godly father role in the life of Cyril so he won’t end up like him and just when God has answered my prayers anger has taken the best of me.
“Jessica, my pastor slowly called out as I was speechless crying to myself.
“You’re right daddy, I’m sorry, I whispered.
“No apologize to your father and make amends with him, you don’t know what is coming your way and God is just setting things right on time. Don’t remember the pains he caused you, I know it’s difficult my dear but try your best to put it behind you, can you do that for me? The pastor asked and I sniffed nodding my head.
“I’ll do that now, I replied.
“Thank you, he said.
“And my grandmother? I asked.
“Is she really sorry? He asked.
“How am I to know? I asked back.
“It’s okay Jessica, if you don’t want to talk to her right now that’s fine, but try your best to take away bitterness from you and forgive her. Whatever the reason was when she sold you out, I am sure of one thing that she loved you but didn’t know how to tell you what she has done. Just take things easy and let God continue to fight the battle for you, he replied.
“Okay pastor, thank you very much, I said.
“You’re welcome, and I hope the next time I will call you will sound better than this. Cheer up, he said and I gave a weak smile as he dropped the call.
I dried up my face and slowly left the room to see My father touching Cyril tummy,
“Is it paining you too much? You eat a lot of sweet things that’s why, I heard him said and I slowly left the door I was approaching them.
“Jessica thank God you’re out, won’t you eat? You’ve not eaten since you came back, he said but I just breathed out and drew Cyril close as I sat down.
“Your tummy hurts? I asked carrying him on my lap and he nodded.
“It started last night, he replied.
“Sorry about that, maybe you eat too much with this big belly of yours, I said smiling at him and looked at my father who just looked at us.
“I’m sorry dad, I said to him.
“No Jessica I am the one sorry, I should ask for your forgiveness not you, he said and I nodded.
“Finally it’s over, I said.
“Does that mean you’ve forgiven me? He asked.
“Do I have a choice? I asked placing my face on Cyril bo-dy and my father stood up and lifted Cyril from me and held my hand for the first time since I can remember.
“Thank you, he slowly said and hu-gged both of us as I cried on him and a knock came on the door. I sniffed cleaning my tears as Cyril left to open the door and my grandmother walked in.
“Welcome ma, my father said and I looked at him. Hmmm this is really a miracle and I didn’t want to know or ask what led to this change in him. My grandmother didn’t even look at him but kept a sober face looking at me scared to call my name or come close.
“Is there a problem? My father asked seeing the way we looked at each other.
“I’m here to ask for forgiveness from you and my granddaughter, my grandma replied.
“Why? What happened? My father asked and I just tou-ched my forehead.
“To show you that am sorry Jessica I’ll tell him, where do you want me to confess it I will do that to prove to you that I have nothing to do with Kayode father. I don’t even know if I was charmed or in some kind of remote control but trust me when I said I regret everything that happened to you. I’m sorry Jessica, this short time I’ve known you I don’t want to lose it my child, my grandma said and I looked at her and looked at my father and breathed out.
“I don’t know the game that God is trying to pla-y on me but I know he knows better. I don’t even have the strength to get angry knowing I will just hurt myself the more. I forgive you, I said and a tear from her eyes.
“I see my daughter in you Jessica, you’re just like her, thank you, she said and held my hand but I hu-gged her instead.
We all settled down after that to talk things throu-ghand that was when my grandmother carefully explained all that happened and how she met the old man.
“Is there anyhow we can go back there before he will cause more trouble for my daughter? My father asked.
“I went there already but I could not find them, looks like they never existed or something, my grandmother replied.
“But we have to stop them else they won’t leave Jessica alone, my father said.
“Daddy there’s nothing we can do, we have no power to stop them and with the look of things I don’t even know if they are humans at all or some kind of hovering restless demons looking for where to perch and cause trouble. We just fell victim but I can @$$ure you that they can’t harm me anymore, am no longer that weak Jessica they were able to imprison, I said and my father tou-ched my shoulder.
“I won’t let them harm you either, my father said and my grandmother was just looking at us.
“The multiple miracles this days are alarming, hope am safe? My grandmother asked and I smiled and my step mother walked in meeting us.
“Did I miss something? She asked after greeting.
“Yes dear a lot, come sit down, my father replied adjusting for her to sit beside him.
Everything went back so peaceful and when the vacation was almost over I didn’t want it to end. I will miss the peace and happiness I enjoyed at home, something I only experienced with my late mother. Just a week for me returning back to school, my step mother gave birth to a baby girl. That gave me more reason not to go back, and I wondered why she didn’t give birth since not when I have few days here. My step mother hearing that laughed ha-rd at me when it was just two days left,
“Jessica you can always come down when the lectures isn’t hectic, she said.
“No don’t tell her that else you’ll see her here every week. Jessica just study ha-rd and concentrate, the baby isn’t running away okay, my father came in.
“But I can come during weekends nau, I said.
“No, even your mother won’t like the idea of you parading on the road, my father said and I breathed out and nodded my head.
“She’ll be marking another year after she left us tomorrow, I haven’t forgotten that, my father slowly said and I gave a weak smile.
“She’s resting in peace, I said……….
I returned back to school different. What followed me behind was enough to start a shop and my father paid the remaining rent to my landlord and gave me the money to return back to Sandra and also extra money to get a new mattress and put my room in order. When Sandra finally resumed, she had thoughts of helping me with foodstuff thinking it was like before, but alas I was looking for where and who to share foods with, and just like that the people who ganged up on me in the compound became friends with me. The turn out of things was funny to Sandra and there was no nee-d for hustling anymore but I dedicated my time to my studies the more.
One day in school just when I was in cl@$$ with Sandra, my course mates complained of our course represe-ntative not sincere to lead them anymore. They wanted him to step down and they were very serious about it, but it was not my business when the shakings started initially. My mouth flew open when all hands pointed on me to be their new head.
Hiannnn with what I saw in secondary school I didn’t want any post again knowing the stress it carries but it looks as if it was following me anywhere I go, and just like that small Jessica took over the post. That was when the lecturers came to me and they were so happy to finally know the girl who tops the cl@$$ in the depa-rtment of Dentistry.
With my activities in school I was not having time anymore for church during the week and I was not liking it. One Sunday the pastor announced that the church will be having an open air crusade outside the church. I committed myself into that crusade to make up for the times I missed during the weekly activities. And that day I was there early to arrange and clean up the chairs when I noticed a guy kept parading the area as the brothers in church we’re fixing the instruments and appliances up.
When the open air finally started, I noticed he also joined and as one of the usher I led him to a seat and gave him the church flyer.
“Thank you, he said taking it from me.
“You’re welcome, I said and left to where I was.
After the crusade I was stocking up the chairs when he came to help me,
“Don’t bother I can carry this, I said to him.
“Let me help you, he said taking the chairs from me.
“I’m Daniel, he continued.
“Jessica, please excuse me, I said and left to get other things done because it was getting dark.
I was in my room that night when my pastor called and I wondered what the problem was,
“Hello daddy, I picked up.
“Sorry Jessica were you slee-ping? He asked.
“No daddy not yet, any problem? I asked.
“Not really, just that I want to see you tomorrow, there’s something I want to discuss with you, he said.
“Sure no problem daddy, I said.
“Okay we’ll see tomorrow, good night, he said and dropped the call……..
Okay una too goodnight o???
Tbc