JESSICA??
(My story of faith and pain)
Episode 16
©Miriam Edem
I felt a tap on my hand and opened my eyes to see my father, I sat up immediately cleaning my eyes,
“Sorry I disturbe-d, he calmly said.
“Don’t worry I won’t urinate on your son be-d, I said.
“That’s not it, are you pressed? He asked and I rolled my eyes.
“Are you seriously asking me that because the last I checked you never cared if I was pressed or not, I replied.
“Jessica please let’s not fight, I only wanted to tell you that you’ve not eaten and your food is cold already, he said and I looked at him and blinked my eyes sitting up well.
“I can’t believe this, is this really my father talking to me right now? I asked and he bowed his head as he leaned on the wall just close to the be-d.
“I know I’ve been bad and I confess that I’ve been terrible. I planned of talking to you but I didn’t know how to, am so ashamed of myself, he replied.
“Wow that’s interesting but please not today am not in the mood for this drama, I said.
‘Jessica……… “Dad not now please, there’s nothing for you to tell me. You said you didn’t know how to talk to me huh? Don’t you have my number to call? What am I saying, have you ever called! I shouted still pressed with the secret of my grandmother.
“Jessica am sorry, he said.
“You’re sorry? You’re really sorry huh? I asked.
“I know my sorry won’t do but please believe me when I say am no longer the man you used to know, am changed now, he replied.
“Should I applaud you for that? Don’t tell me that you expect me to be happy when you taught me how to live without you. And don’t forget am just a mistake you had with my late mother, congratulations in advance for my sibling that will be born soon, I said and quickly left the room to the sitting room thinking so much and still angry about my grandmother.
The next morning I left the house straight to my principal house and he was so surprised to see me,
“Is this your twin or something? When did you arrive? He asked making me to sit down and he didn’t take long to see I was not okay.
“What did your father do this time around to you? He asked getting angry as if he wants to give my father a punch on his face right away.
“It’s not him sir, I replied.
“Why do you keep covering him up even when you’re suffering? He came to me about two weeks ago asking about your address and I chased him out my house, he has no right to ask for your address after all did he do to you. He lost that right as your father when he treated you as an outsider, My principal said and I looked at him.
“My father came to you asking about my address? I asked.
“Yes, he was giving me some apologies whatever and I put it to him that he has failed as a father and if I have my way I can get him locked up for all the sufferings he made you go throu-ghwhen he’s alive, he replied and I sat up not un-derstanding anything at all.
“My father apologized? I asked and remembered he tried talking to me in the night.
“Why what’s wrong? The principal asked.
“Sir he did nothing and am not sad because of him though am surprised with what you just said now. My dad kind of looks different to me, he’s sober, I replied.
“You want to believe that cunning man? By the way what’s making you sad? He asked and I breathed out.
“It’s grandma, I replied.
“What about her? He asked worried and I li-cked my li-ps not knowing where to start.
“Hey Jessica talk to me, is she okay? He asked as I began shedding tears.
“I no longer be-dwe-t sir, I said.
“You mean you’ve stopped? He asked and I nodded.
“Then that’s good news, why are you now crying and why your grandmother? He asked.
“Because she’s responsible, I replied and his eyes bulged out.
“I don’t get it, I thought the man at your mother school caused that to you why your grandmother suddenly? He asked and I sniffed.
“I’m so shocked myself when she asked of my forgiveness yesterday when i confronted her, I can’t believe she could do such thing to me. It’s hurts more than anything knowing I trusted her so much, I replied crying and he held me.
“Jessica tell me what happened, am confused here, he said and I told him everything.
For some minutes my principal could not say anything but kept his head bowed and his phone began to ring. He took his phone and saw it was my grandmother calling,
“It’s her, he said to me.
“I don’t want to talk to her else I may say something to her that I’ll regret, I said knowing I switched off my phone after leaving her place.
The principal ignored the call twice and decided to pick up when my grandmother insisted,
“Hello, he picked up.
“Hello Ola, Ola please help me talk to Jessica she’s so angry with me, I heard her say.
“What did you do? He asked.
“I know I did bad but I didn’t know it will result that way, she replied.
“What did you expect will happen when you took your granddaughter property to an evil man, what if he killed her? Would you have asked for her forgiveness in the grave? I respected you so much and thanked God for bringing you into Jessica life after her mother death, we thought you wanted to take over your daughter role in her life but you made it more worst for her, what kind of a mother are you! The principal shouted.
“I had no choice because I was threatened! She shouted back.
“Threatened or because you were greedy! don’t even try to pla-y victim here because you didn’t only hurt Jessica, you equally hurt your late daughter and made her spend so much of money with sleepless night just to see her daughter gets better. Oh I remember that day she embarr@$$ed herself in her graduation pa-rty and ran out in shame, Jessica mother came the next day crying and explained her condition to us, she was in de-ep pain and blamed herself for Jessica suffering when you were the one at fault. How do you manage to look into Jessica eyes after what you did to her? How do you manage to sleep soundly when someone else is suffering because of you? Don’t say you have been kind to her, that was no kindness but hypocrisy! You should be ashamed of yourself! My principal shouted while I sat down bathed with my own tears when I remembered how I do suffer with my mother and how she died thinking she brou-ght that pain to me.
“You are not helping matters at all, I tried to help her out of that condition but I could not but she’s okay now right isn’t she? Please give her the phone, I want to apologize to her. Jessica! Jessica please believe me I am sorry! My dear please believe me at that point I was helpless but I regret what I did! I should have known I wouldn’t have accepted that deal to make you suffer that way! She shouted on phone knowing I was there but I just ran outside.
The principal met me later outside when I was calm just looking at the trees,
“Will you like to eat? He asked.
“I’m not hungry sir, I feel so weak and tired with all that has happened, I replied and he smiled.
“It’s the wrong time to feel that way when it’s already over can’t you see? He asked and I heaved.
“I should be celebr@ting my healing and I planned to surprise you and grandmother with it, everything is ruined now, I replied.
“No it is not, you still surprised us didn’t you? Don’t be too ha-rd on yourself, God simply exp-osed what really happened so that we will be more careful even around the people we trust with our life. Jessica, don’t even trust me because am only human, I may never know where I may stab you tomorrow even when I don’t want to, he said.
“God why will you say such a thing? I asked shocked with what he said.
“You shouldn’t be surprised with what I said, first it was Tunde and now your grandmother, he said.
“How did you know about Tunde? I asked surprised.
“I do talk with your pastor, he tells me everything especially when you try to hide some things from me, it’s just that I didn’t want to tell you also, he replied and I breathed out.
“Maybe they were just meant to hurt me, I said.
“It’s okay Jess come join us for breakfast, he said.
“Okay, I said going in with him.
I arrived home and got in to see my father waiting for me,
“Where did you go to? You got me worried, he said and I just opened my mouth,
“Worried? Wait a minute am I in the right house or am I missing something? I asked opening the door to look if I entered the right compound.
“Jessica don’t be like this, can we talk? My father asked.
“Actually yes, why did you ask of my address from my principal? I asked back.
“Because I wanted to visit you, he replied.
“Visit me? I asked and gasped
“You really don’t have any conscience do you? I asked and his wife walked in.
“Jessica you …….. “Don’t Jessica me. So you wanted to visit me despite I was hooked with my rent and nee-ded help so I won’t be kicked out and again I had to pay my fees, I called you crying for help but what did you tell me? I asked breathing ha-rd.
“I’m sorry, he whispered.
“You’re sorry? Would you have said that if I was kicked outside to sleep on the street? I asked.
“Jessica please listen to your father, he’s no longer the person you used to know, his wife said.
“Really? What changed him huh? I asked her
“Jessica I un-derstand your anger and I deserve all of it. Right now I will take anything you will say to me but please my daughter give me the chance to be the father I have never been to you, he said.
“Oh you’re calling a leaking…… What did you called me that day again can you remember that? I asked and he breathed out sitting down with his head bowed.
“I’m sure you can remember that name you called me and how you keep ringing to my ears that I am nothing but a mistake to you, now you call me daughter? I asked.
“Jessica please, he’s suffering with guilt already for all he has done, don’t add to it, his wife said
“Don’t even say a word there, I have not forgotten what you did to me and because of you I got scared of coming home after vacation. Talking about suffering I was the one soaked and drunk with it, you have no idea what I’ve been throu-gh! I shouted on her.
“Okay! We accept and we apologize, at least we are sincere to that. Please don’t hate your father, give him a chance again everything will fall back to place, she said and I smi-rked.
“It’s so easy to say because Jessica is a fool with no feelings right? What if it’s too late for that, someone has already taken that place in my life, I sternly said to her and my father lifted up his head and slowly stood up,
“I am asking you to accept me, but please even if am just kept at the side of your life, give me a chance to make up for all those times I hurt you, my father said and I looked away shedding tears.
“Why is everything in a straight line this way? I should be happy to hear you say that but right now I am for-ced to remember all you did to me and my mother and to think you abandoned your own daughter in school without putting a kobo make me wonder the kind of heart you have. I never did anything to you, all I did was to be your daughter yet you despised me so much, If you were in my shoes what would you have done tell me daddy? I asked.
“I know, I know, he whispered nodding his head to hold me but I shifted backward.
“I’m sorry, I said and ran to Cyril room crying ha-rd…………
Tbc