-Chapter Twenty- one
My meeting with Mr. Sika and his fiancé took longer than I had anticipated. After the meeting I hurried back to the office before finally driving home.
The drive back home took me almost an hour and thirty minutes because of the traffic.
I pulled up in front of my house ten minutes past nineteen and Jason’s car was already in its spot.
Stepping out of the car, I nervously walked into the house, I didn’t know what to expect from Jason that evening.
The twins were watching cartoons with Jane.
‘’Hello,’’ I said.
‘’Hey auntie,’’ Jane responded.
‘’Where is my husband?’’ I asked.
‘’In the bedroom, he has been there almost the whole day.’’
‘’What time did he get here?’’
‘’A few minutes past lunch time, he said he wasn’t feeling well and he didn’t want to be disturbed.’’
‘’Okay, have you prepared anything for dinner?’’ I asked.
‘’I just prepared Nshima and some vegetables but I have defrosted the chicken,’’ she said.
‘’Thank you,’’ I replied. ‘’What vegetables did you cook?’’
‘’Rape,’’ she said.
‘’Cut some okra and impwa for me, Jason is not so fond of rape, let me just change I will join you shortly.’’
I walked up the stairs to the bedroom, my pulse quickened at the thought of facing an angry Jason. I stood at the door for a minute or two before I pushed the door open then I stepped in and shut the door behind me.
Jason was sitting on the bed, a bottle of beer in his hands.
‘’Hey,’’ I said.
He looked up at me then he glanced at the watch on the wall.
‘’I am sorry for being late, my meeting took longer than I had expected it to.’’
‘’Okay,’’ he responded.
‘’Okay?’’ I wondered, I expected him to yell or respond back to me rudely.
‘’How was your day?’’ I asked.
‘’Fine,’’ he said.
I placed my bag on the table, kicked my shoes off my feet and changed into a t-shirt and a pair of loose shorts.
‘’I am going to prepare dinner, do you need anything.’’
I walked out of the room and went back to the kitchen.
In the kitchen, I cut the chicken into small pieces I placed the pieces into a bowl and poured some spices which I mixed thoroughly before I put them in the oven.
As I waited for the chicken I fried the okra and impwa together.
An hour later, dinner was done and the table was set.
I dished up for everyone else before dishing up for myself.
Then I said Grace and we were ready to start eating.
‘’Who cooked this Nshima?’’ Jason asked after eating for a minute or two.
‘’Í did,’’ Jane responded.
‘’I thought as much.’’
He pushed aside his plate, stood up and walked away.
‘’Did I say anything bad?’’ Jane worriedly asked.
‘’No, please excuse me,’’ I washed my hands and followed Jason to the bedroom.
‘’Babe! Are you okay?’’ I asked.
‘’You expect me to be fine after serving me that hard Nshima?’’
‘’I cook another pot of Nshima for you,’’ I responded.
‘’You have to stop working,’’ he said.
‘’We have talked about this already, I am not ready to be a housewife.’’
‘’You will do as I say.’’
‘’No!’’ I responded.
‘’You realize that I am the one who took you to school? Without me you would have been a worthless school leaver with no hope of a bright future ahead.’’
I looked at him and shook my head he always uses this against me whenever we argue.
‘’Do you want me to pay you back your money?’’ I asked.
He burst out laughing and for a minute there I thought he was insane.
‘’where could you possibly get the money to pay me for everything I have done for you ba Wendy mwebchushi mweehh,’’ he said.
I looked at him hurt by his words, I opened my mouth to respond but no words came out. Suddenly, the tears fell from my eyes rolling down my face.
‘’Now you are crying?’’ he asked
I walked to my closet and grabbed a suitcase which I threw on the bed and started throwing my clothes in it.
‘’Are we going somewhere?’’ Jason asked.
Tears were still rolling down my face I did not even bother to wipe them away because I didn’t have strength and energy to do that, I just wanted to get out of this place.
‘’I am talking to you,’’ Jason said.
I continued packing my clothes and all this while I had not spoken another word.
He sat on the bed and watched me pack, when I was done I zipped the suitcase closed and hoisted it off the bed. Then I grabbed my phone and started towards the door.
‘’And where do you think you are going?’’ he grabbed my hand.
‘’To my sister’s house,’’ I responded.
I laughed, ‘’You don’t expect me to seat here and watch you disrespect me, you can as well find yourself a woman that you will push around because I am so tired of you.’’
‘’And so you want to leave?’’
‘’Over my dead body will allow you to leave me,’’ he yelled blocking my way.
‘’I am leaving and there’s nothing you can do about it.’’
‘’It’s him right?’’ he asked
‘’The man I saw you with, you are fucking him and he told you to leave me right?’’
‘’I am tired of your accusations Jason so I won’t argue with you anymore, believe whatever you want.’’
‘’It’s like that now?’’ he asked
‘’Get out of my way,’ I said.
‘’You are not going anywhere,’’ he yelled.
‘’Please get out of my way.’’
Upset, I pushed him aside and tried to run down the stairs but he caught up with me before I even got far.
‘’What was that for?’’ he yelled before grabbing me by the hair and slamming me against the wall.
‘’You think you can leave me? After everything I have done for you?’’ he screamed.
Then he pulled me back to the bedroom.
‘’Let me go, please,’’ I pleaded. My head was beginning to hurt terribly and I was feeling dizzy.
‘’You are mine, you will never leave me. Never!’’ he screamed hitting me hard.
He continued to punch, slap and kick me again and again.
‘’Please stop!’ I cried as I felt an excruciating pain in my abdomen and a lot of blood dripped onto the ground. The blood must have scared him because he stopped hitting me.
Then he grabbed his car keys and walked out of the room.
I lay on the floor until I heard his car pull away from the house.
The abdominal pains were getting worse, they were period like cramps.
I didn’t understand what was happening but I was terrified because the blood continued pouring out. Luckily Jane rushed into the room a minute later and I asked her to call Julia.
Julia arrived some thirty minutes later and when saw me, I didn’t have to explain what had happened, I could tell from the look in her eyes that she knew her brother had beaten me.
She helped me get to her car and drove me straight to the hospital.
We arrived at the hospital and were directed straight to a small room where the doctor examined me. When they doctor finally finished, I didn’t expect to hear what he said next.
‘’I am sorry you lost the baby,’’ he said.
‘’What?’’ the words stuck out of my mouth and tears fell down my cheeks.
‘’You lost the baby,’’ she said again.
Julia held my hand and squeezed it tightly, I was shattered to pieces. It took me a few minutes to understand what was happening, I couldn’t believe my child was gone and I didn’t even know I was pregnant. They were no signs that I was pregnant the past few months.
I cried so hard, I honestly felt like I was going to die from the pain it was like nothing I have ever experienced.
-Chapter Twenty Two-
It’s been two days since the miscarriage.
I was discharged from the hospital yesterday after the D&C.
The doctor told me to take some time off work and rest but I don’t think that will be helpful, I plan on going back for work on Monday, I need to keep myself busy so I can move on.
The miscarriage still feels like a dream, I don’t want to think about it and I don’t want to talk about it.
I am currently at my sister’s house, Jason has been calling and sending me messages none stop but I haven’t responded to him, I don’t think I am ready to face him.
And even if I do happen to see him, I doubt I will ever look at him the same way.
I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for allowing Jason to beat me to a point where I lost our child.
I feel so guilty for what happened, I feel like I have failed as a woman.
I should have known I was pregnant and I should have protected my child from his father.
I am sitting on my bed staring at the photos in my phone.
Most of them are photos of Jason and i together. The photos look so good, we were so happy back in the days, I admit he has always been controlling from the start but I never thought it would get this far.
Previously I thought marriage could change him, I thought he would be more tolerant and loving. But I was completely wrong because he has become worse now.
Over the past two days thoughts of divorce have lingered in my mind but I don’t know if I could go through with it, maybe what Jason and is some space to sort ourselves out.
‘’Hey!’’ Wynita walks into the room and hands me a cup of hot tea.
‘’Hey,’’ I respond talking a large sip.
‘’How are you feeling?’’ she asks
I laugh, what sort of question is this, how does she think I am feeling.
‘’Wendy!’’ she touches my hand.
‘’I am fine.’’
‘’No you are not,’’ she argues.
‘’So if you know I am not fine, why the hell are you asking me?’’ I shrug.
‘’I am just looking out for you,’’ she responds.
‘’I am okay, you don’t have to worry about me.’’
‘’I am your sister, it’s my duty to worry.’’
‘’And so I should thank you for worrying about me?’’
‘’I just don’t want to talk, can’t you get it?’’ I yell, racking my hands through my already disheveled hair.
‘’You will have to talk about it eventually,’’ she says.
‘’And then what?’’ I angrily respond, I wonder why she insists that I should talk about it.
‘’You have been in a dark place before and I know what it took for you to get out of it, I don’t want that to happen to you again,’’ she says, her voice chokes with emotion.
There was s time in my life when things spiraled out of control that I almost took my own life.
‘’I am not gonna kill myself,’’ I respond.
‘’Can I make you something to eat?’’ she asks.
‘’No,’’ I shake my head.
I haven’t able to eat anything apart from drinking tea, I tried to eat something last night but the food got stuck in my throat and I ended up throwing up after that.
‘’You need to eat something.’’
‘’I will later,’’ I respond.
‘’And I would appreciate it if you left me alone,’’ I say.
She stands up and looks at me for a moment before she wordlessly walks out of the room.
It’s been two days and I haven’t talked to Wendy because she seems to have shut me out.
I feel so empty and I have never felt so much pain as I am feeling right now.
When my sister told me Wendy had lost our child, I was lost for words because I didn’t even know she was expecting in the first place. I don’t know if there’s anything I could say to her that could make things right. Currently I am going through a mixture of pain and loss.
Plus the guilt is eating me up alive, I have done the same exact thing my father did to my mother and knowing that Wendy might never recover from this is killing me even more.
I am so over protective over Wendy because I want everyone to know she is mine and seeing her talking to another man, smiling and listening to him so attentively got me mad.
I was so hurt and I allowed the jealousy to take over.
And then when she packed her bags and said she was leaving, I lost control.
I couldn’t let her go, I seriously can’t handle seeing Wendy with another man, it just doesn’t rub off well on me.
‘’Now you want to kill yourself?’’ Julia asks when she walks into the house, I have a bottle of whiskey in my hands and I am drinking directly from it, I just want to get drunk and drown in my sorrows.
‘’What do you want?’’ I ask.
‘’An apple truly doesn’t fall far from its tree,’’ she says.
‘’And what is that supposed to mean?’’
‘’Bravo Jason, you are truly your father’s son,’’ she claps her hands together.
‘’’Don’t you dare compare me to that man,’’ I yell.
‘’You and him, same whatsapp group,’’ she responds.
‘’I am better than him.’’
She looks at me for a moment and shakes her head.
‘’Do you remember the look on mum’s face when she walked back into the house after she had a miscarriage?’’ Julia asks
I close my eyes as the memory of that day flushes through my mind.
There was this emptiness in my mother’s eyes that day that gave me the chills. She didn’t cry not even one bit, the only thing she did was stare while clutching her stomach.
When my mother lost that child, she lost a piece of her and it took years for her to recover.
‘’How can I ever forget that face?’’ I reply as I feel tears flood my eyes.
‘’How can I ever forget? That is what drove to me into killing that bastard,’’ I yell.
This time around I can’t hold the tears in so I let them fall freely.
‘’Why have you allowed yourself to become just like him?’’ Julia asks, tears are also running down her face.
‘’I don’t know,’’ I cry.
‘’When I get angry I can’t control myself.’’
‘’You need to get help,’’ she urges.
‘’I tried don’t you remember?’’
‘’You have to try hard or else you will lose Wendy,’’ she says.
My heart races, ‘’did she say she wants a divorcé?’’
‘’Wendy can’t leave me,’’ I respond taking another large sip from my bottle.
‘’She will if you don’t put your act together.’’
‘’What should I do?’’ I desperately ask.
‘’Seek help and try to make it work this time around,’’ she responds.
‘’I am willing to get help, I don’t want to lose Wendy.’’
‘’I will book you an appointment with Dr. Kabwe, she should be able to help you.’’
‘’Thank you sis.’’
‘’Come here,’’ she says.
I walk closer to her and then she let her hands wrap around me while hugging me tight.