‘’If they do it often, it isn’t a mistake, it’s just their behavior.’’ Dr. Steve Maraboli
I open my eyes and look over- there is Jason fast asleep with his arm still wrapped around my waist. A smile spreads across my mouth when the memory of the previous night returns.
Oh how I wish this moment could last forever, I would do anything to wake up next to him daily but that won’t be happening.
He has made up his mind to marry Wendy and at this point I know there is no future with Jason, my heart aches even more as his wedding day draws closer.
As a wave of sadness hits me, I ease out of bed slowly so as not to wake him then I make my way to the bathroom.
In the bathroom, I open my cabinet and pull out a pregnancy test kit and open it quickly. I have been trying to get pregnant for Jason for the past few months now but it hasn’t happened.
Jason thinks I am on the pill but I am not, I am not even trying to trap him, I just want something I can hold on to when he decides to leave me.
I have performed this test a number of times so I don’t even need to read the instructions, as soon as it is opened, I remove the stick then I sit on the toilet and hold it in the stream of urine.
After that I put on the sink and wait.
I am pacing back and forth as I wait when Jason walks into the bathroom and his eyes lands on the sink before I have a chance to hid the kit.
‘’OMG! What have I done?’’ I didn’t except him to wake up this early being a Saturday and I must have been too excited to lock the door.
He picks up the test kit and stares at it before he looks at me.
‘’What is this?’’ he asks in a soft and calm voice.
I open my mouth to respond but quickly shut it.
What could I possibly say to defend myself?
‘’I asked you a question.’’
I still choose to remain silent.
‘’What the hell is this?’’ he yells glaring at me.
‘’It’s not what it looks like’’ I finally respond.
He laughs, ‘’Humor me,’’ he says a look of anger blazing across his face.
‘’Babe,’’ I begin but he interrupts me.
‘’Don’t babe me.’’
‘’Okay fine, I haven’t been feeling fine for the past few days and I just thought I could be pregnant,’’ I respond.
‘’And why didn’t you tell me?’’
‘’I dint want to alarm the situation, I wanted to be sure first.’’
A heavy silence engulfs us for a moment as he intently looks at me.
‘’Do you think I am a fool?’’ he asks breaking the silence.
‘’No, I shake my head.’’
‘’How can you get pregnant if you are on the pill?’’
‘’Wait! Are you even on the pill?’’ he asks and my heart races.
‘’Are you?’’ he asks again.
Then he puts back the test kit on the sink and walks towards my cabinet, he opens it and pulls out pills that I am supposed to be drinking, they are still as good as new because I haven’t been drinking them.
‘’I can explain,’’ I say
He whips his hand across my face catching me of guard.
I wasn’t expecting him to hit me.
‘’You hit me?’’ I ask
‘’And I will do more, what were you expecting to achieve by being off the pill? You wanted to trap me?’’ he yells, staring at me accusingly.
‘’No, I respond.’’
‘’Tell me why you haven’t been taking the birth control pills.’’
‘’I am sorry,’’ I respond.
‘’You want to ruin my marriage with Wendy?’’
‘’And to think I trusted you.’’
‘’Jason I love you and I just wanted to have a piece of you.’’
‘’Cut the trash talk already,’’ he yells
‘’I am sorry,’’ I say with a tear running down my face.
‘’You are sorry?’’ he yells grabs me by my hair and pins me against the wall chocking me.
‘’How dare you?’’ he screams tightening his grip on me.
His eyes are blazing red with anger, I can’t even recognize him anymore, it’s like someone has taken over him.
I squirm trying to break free from his hold but he is stronger.
I begin gasping for air as he tightens his grip around my neck. I have never been this scared my whole life and for a moment there it feels like he will kill me.
Suddenly he let goes and I fall to the floor holding my neck while coughing.
‘’Thank you lucky stars that this thing only has one line, had you been pregnant, I would have squeezed the baby out of you.’’
With that said, he walks out of the room slamming the door behind his back.
‘’And I am so done with you,’’ he yells a few minutes later.
I hear the slamming of the door and the car driving off.
Then I rise to my feet and head back into the bedroom. I throw myself on the bed as more tears pour out of my eyes, slowly streaming down my face. I didn’t expect him to react like that.
I just got to Jason’s house and he is not in the house. Surprisingly the house looks clean, his bed is all made up and there are no dishes in the sink. Now I wonder if he slept here because Jason never washes his plates talk less of making the bed, I do all that for him.
Pulling out my phone from my bag, I dial his number and it goes unanswered. I try two more times but he still doesn’t respond.
Frustrated, I slip out of my dress and place it on the bed then I wear one of his t-shirts and tie a wrapper tight around my waist.
Then I head to the kitchen so I can get started with the baking.
We have rehearsals today and I just want to make some scones for the people who will be coming over.
A few minutes later when I am sifting flour in a bowl, I hear the living room door creak open before it slams shut.
Knowing that it is Jason, I stop what I am doing and head out to meet him.
‘’Hey!’’ I say.
‘’Hey,’’ he responds before he walks past me and climbs the stairs to go to his room and I follow him.
I walk into his room and sit on the bed while he starts undressing, he still has on the clothes he wore yesterday when going for work which confirms my suspicions that he didn’t sleep here.
When he is completely naked, he grabs a towel and is about to head to the bathroom but I stand up and grab his arm.
‘’’Where did you sleep?’’ I ask
He laughs, ‘’what sort of question is that?’’
‘’Where the hell did you sleep because I know you didn’t sleep in this house?’’ I ask with a raise tone.
He jerks his hand from mine and shoots me a deadly stare.
‘’I will pretend this little episode just didn’t happen.’’
‘’This is not a joke Jason, I am serious. You’ve got to tell me where you slept.’’
‘’Or else?’’ he asks
I keep quiet.
‘’I thought as much.’’
‘’It’s not fair you know,’’ I whine.
‘’What the hell do you want from me?’’ he yells
‘’I slept out, deal with it.’’
‘’Who is she?’’ I yell.
‘’Who is who?’’
‘’The woman you are sleeping with.’’
He laughs, this time louder, ‘’you are looking for my trouble.’’
‘’I want the truth and that’s all.’’
‘’I don’t have time for this,’’ he responds before he turns.
‘’If you are not careful you will end up like your father,’’ the words rush out of my mouth before I can stop them.
He turns and looks at me, the hurt evident in his eyes.
‘’I am sorry ba—,’’
Before I can finish my sentence, Jason slaps me across my face and almost knocking me down onto the floor.
‘’Don’t you ever in your life compare me to my father.’’ He yells
His eyes are full of rage.
‘’Never!’’ he yells again before he walks into the bathroom slamming the door behind his back.