CAN’T HOLD MY TEARS*
EPISODE 3
“Well there is no nee-d for any preparation because I would not marry Corper Bello” I declared.
“You must he out of your mind”, Dad said with unconcealed disbelieve and rage.
“Oh no, I am not mad papa, in fact, I am very normal. There is no way I would marry this man” I said f0rç£fully, with silent finality, expecting everyone to accept my resignation. My face is as ha-rd as granite.
Alex hooted in mock laughter which was soon replaced with a frightening snarl but I was past feeling intimid@t£d. “You would pas-s for a talented drama queen, only that I doubt if your looks is good enough for a royalty position. St©p pretending as though the prospect of marrying me does not sound tantalizing to your ears. Is that not your ultimate goal in the first place? I know that marrying me is the dream of poor wretched village local champions like you who are seeking to change the weight of their purse with my money” he hissed throu-gh clenched teeth.
I swallowed and smiled bitterly. “You can insult me Corper but it would not change what I have just said. I have no interest in marrying someone who thinks of me as nothing but a pr©st!tût£to be used for S-xual satisfaction”
“He called you what you called yourself” The s£nator’s wife said in anger.
“Don’t you dare insult my daughter, you witch” my mum retorted.
“Perfect” Alex yelled suddenly. “Since it is evident that none of us is re-ady for the bondage of being married, and she obviously won’t flush the thing out, the best thing is to give you money. I would write you a cheque enough to change the status of your family and give your child a good life”
I smiled painfully as the pain I felt increa-sed several degrees. “Now you want to pay me. That certainly makes me a s–t, doesn’t it? I don’t want your money Corper” I said f0rç£fully and turn to walk out of the choking room before I suffocate.
“And where do you think you are going?” My dad boomed, st©pping me in my track. “I think that pregnancy is beginning to affect your br@in. Come back here this minute” he roared.
“As I said, the only option is marriage. No one in my lineage has had a child out of wedlock and it would not start with me. She is pregnant now but must definitely give birth to the child in her husband’s house”. Dad faced me with a stern glare that had me squirming a little. “If you won’t agree to this marriage, you can very well forget about being my daughter because I would disown you” he roared.
I g@sped as his words registered. “Papa”
“I mean it Amara” he said sternly and if I still knew my dad well, he was not kidding. Mum did not even have a say because dad silenced her protests before it even left her mouth.
“Don’t bother saying anything woman” he said to her. “When I disown her, you would follow her.”
Real pain and feelings of betrayal bubbled up and tears rolled down my h0t cheeks.
“You either marry this boy or pack your things out of my house along with your mother. I won’t have a disgrace in my family”.
I was sobbing now. If it were up to me alone, I could let it all go to hell but I definitely would not let anyone suffer for the mistake I foolishly made with my eyes open. I was vaguely aware of Corper Bello pacing the length of the extremely large sitting room. The s£nator and his wife seemed to have gone mute. Corper Bello’s eyes caught mine and he st©pped pacing, glaring at me with more anger than I have ever seen in anyone in my nineteen years of experience. His hands were squee-zed very ti-ght and all I could see were veins scattered all over his still too handsome features. I vaguely thought that he would march towards me and punch the child out of my tummy and my hands instantly went to my tummy, trying to protect my baby; if anything, he looked angrier. Instead of feeling fear which would be expected, my anger matched his and I thought I would fly into pieces due to excess bottled up anger. Well, anger was definitely better than the feelings of hurt and betrayal, I told myself.
I swallowed ha-rd , wishing I could swallow my ton-gue as well. “When is the marriage taking place?” I asked.
**********
*Weeks later*
I stare at my fragile self in the mas-sive full length mirror and I almost start crying again but I sternly steel myself against it. I have just spent the longest one week of my life, mostly crying myself to sleep. I have not eating enough to keep an infant alive and as I stared at the mirror, I looked ghostly and spent. I knew that I was not an exceedingly fair girl but I looked white and pale, with my eyes de-ep in their sockets. Ever since I accepted marriage to Corper Bello, I have not set my eyes on him, and I can only be grateful for that miracle. Though, we were made to stay in one of the boys quarters in the mansion by the s£nator, I wished I was back in my peaceful and happy village, either going off to the stream or fetching fire woods. I should actually be writing my WAEC.
Fresh tears coerced down my cheeks as yet another dream died; the dream to get married to a man happily; a man who I loved and who loved me in return. As fate would have it, I am not only getting married to a man who loathed me and saw me as nothing more than a dirty village s–t, I am also marrying a man who was not re-ady to accept or father my unborn child. The time ticked and my heart beat accelerated, moving at the same pace as the seconds-hand of the clock.
In a few minutes, I would no longer be Amara Peters, I would be Amara Bello. This filled me with so much pain and I had to gr-ab a nearby table to keep my weightless form from falling. I had imagined marriage to Corper Bello over and over again in the past, while he wooed me and made me feel like the most special woman on earth in the village. I had imagined us living happily ever after like in the fairy tales. Never did I think that we would be getting married for all the wrong reasons, with so much hatred and pain.
The door opened and I quic-kly dried my eyes as my mum entered. “Ama, you nee-d to get dressed my dear” she said softly.
I nodded vigorously. All I want to do is flee, run as fast as I can until the world looked normal again. As I stood, I noticed my mum holding a white silky satin material in her hand.
“I was able to get you this” she explained shakily. “It is not a proper wedding go-wn but it would serve. It was all I could afford” she said softly.
I blinked. After staring for some seconds, I shook my head. “I am not getting married mama, I am being s£ntenced to life in prison” tears dropped. “I can’t wear this. It should only be worn for a happy occasion; this is not a happy event. I am not destined to be happy”
Mum pu-ll-ed me into her arms and hvgged me ti-ght and I felt her tears. “Oh, my daughter. If it were up to me, you won’t marry that useless boy. I hate seeing you sad, I want you to be happy Ama” she said tearfully and pain sliced throu-gh me again.
I pu-ll-ed out of her embr@ce and without looking at her, went to my sack of clothes. I re-moved the only go-wn I had and shook it. I looked faded but I didn’t give a d–n, after all, it is a sitting room wedding, which only had our two parents in attendance as witnesses. I sli-pped the go-wn over my head and the once firm and fitted go-wn fell loosely around me, due to the fact that I was not eating.
“You should eat something Ama, if not for yourself but for the baby’s sake, plea-se” she pleaded. For the past few days, the only way she was able to persuade me into eating was by using the ‘baby’ tactic. I have done all I possibly could to avoid my dad all week long, and I have managed thus far, because I was not re-ady for another level of insults.
I heaved a sigh and walked out of my room, for the first time, all week. Mum f0rç£d me to eat something but I couldn’t manage more than five spoons of rice because my appetite was definitely on zero level and I was exceedingly nervous.
I walked beside my mum towards the mansion at the exact time that we were supposed to be there. I felt nothing at all. I was almost like a zombie on displa-y. I saw the small altar setting in the large sitting room and my heart raced when I saw someone that looked like a pastor in suit, standing by the altar. I saw the s£nator and his wife as they climbe-d down the stairs. There was no sign of Corper Bello and I silently prayed that he would not appear. My dad was alre-ady seated and I quic-kly took my eyes from him. I sat down with my mum squee-zing my hand.
After waiting for twenty minutes, Corper Bello finally showed up and I swallowed ha-rd immediately he entered. It would have helped if I was not so awfully aware of him and stupidly in love with him. But despite all, when he entered, I felt the sudden change in the atmosphere as his perfume drifted to my nostrils. He looked very angry and tense because his veins were pronounced; even more pronounced and visible than they were a week ago. He looked as though he had spent hours running.
Corper Bello did not spare me more than a glance which did not last for even a second. He marched towards the altar like a sacrificial lamb. “Make it as fast as possible Pastor, I nee-d to be out of this place in five minutes” he said authoritatively.
Mum urged me to my feet and my legs almost gave way as I looked ahead like someone who was about to face the firing squad. I walked on stiff legs until I was beside Corper Bello who was completely still, glaring at the pastor. The pastor moved uncomfortably, staring at us in horror and sympathy.
“Do you Alex Bello, take this woman Amara Peters, as your lawfully wedded wife, to love and to cherish, in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, in lack and in plenty, till death do you p@rt?” the pastor asked unceremoniously.
“Yes, I do” Corper Bello answered instantly, without wasting time.
“Do you Amara Peters, take Alex Bello, as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in good times and bad times, in sickness and in health, in sorrow and in confort, till death do you p@rt?” the pastor asked me.
The word ‘sorrow’ stuck to my head as the world crashed around me, and I knew de-ep down that I was totally destroyed, about to face a life full of sorrow. My mum squee-zed my shoulder, reminding me that I nee-ded to respond. I swallowed. “Yes” I squeak.
“Where is the ring?” the pastor demanded.
“What ring? Is it necessary?” he growled.
“Here it is” the s£nator’s wife declared, magically producing two rings. The pastor gave one to Corper Bello and said, “Repeat after me…”
“Is that necessary? Can’t she just put it in her f!ngers?” his voice rose a notch and I stood stock still. Without waiting for the pastor’s approval, he took my left hand f0rç£fully and sli-pped the ring into my fourth f!nger. He took the other ring from the pastor and put it on his own f!nger. “Is that all?” he growled.
The pastor’s face showed disgust and total disapproval. “By the power vested in me, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife” he said. “You may now k!ssthe bride”
“That is irrelevant,” Corper Bello hissed in annoyance and left the altar. “What do I sign” he asked impatiently. The pastor brou-ght some do¢v-ments to be signed and he signed hurriedly, while I scale throu-gh shakily. When everything was duly signed, he straightened and looked at me with full f0rç£ anger. “Satisfied now?” he growled. “Someone would bring you to my house in the evening. I hope you can handle being my wife” he said and marched out of the room without a backward glance. I placed one stiff leg in front of another until I got to my room where I cried myself to sleep. Before sleep enveloped me, it occurred to me that this was just the beginning of my tears and sorrow.
This will be one of the best story you’ve ever re-ad. Don’t be left out.
EPISODE 4
I opened my eyes to the tap of my mum’s hand. I felt a bit h0t and feverish, having to swallow ha-rd before uttering a word.
“Mama”
“Amara, your husband has s£nt someone to pick you up” she said.
My heart beat escalated and she t©uçhed my hand, coming instantly to t©uçh my n£¢k. “My God, your temperature is so high, are you sick my dear?” she asked, jumping up at once.
“I am fine mama” I murmured.
“You are not. You are as h0t as a boiling kettle. You can’t go anywhere today. Let me get you some drugs, I will tell the guy to come for you tomorrow” she said hurriedly.
I shook my head, “No mama, I would leave this place today” I said.
She frowned. “You are not well Amara, let me take care of you, I know that that useless husband of yours would not do anything” she said with obvious anger.
Her anger was starting to irritate me. “Whether you like it or not, I am leaving this place now. I have signed the contract of this marriage, it is high time I st©pped postponing the inevitable and start living the life I signed up for” I tried to get up, hiding my slight discomfort. My tummy hadn’t started protruding because I was just two months gone but as I sat up, I could not escape the sudden wave of dizziness that gr!pp£dme. I shut my eyes ti-ght for several seconds until I felt safe to open them.
“plea-se be reasonable Amarachi” Mum pleaded as I pushed off the be-d and sli-pped on my sli-ppers.
“I am the only one being reasonable here mama” I st©pped. “Wait, what am I saying? I am the most unreasonable and s-en-seless person on earth, but I knew mama, I knew marriage to Corper Bello was a terrible idea.” I turned hurt eyes at her. “Mama, I made a mistake, even God knows that I made the worst mistake of my life, but don’t I deserve forgiveness? Do I have to spend my whole life paying for this one mistake that I made?” I cried. “When I discovered that Corper was a wicked man, I was re-ady to take care of my child alone, I wanted to, I only nee-ded the support of my parents, even if it was only you” I swallowed and shook my head. “But you did not support me mama, you could not stand up to your husband; you never could, even if it was for your only child” I exhaled. “Now, I have done what papa wants me to do; plea-se don’t try to st©p me because I would not listen to you”
I opened the door and walked out, leaving my mum white-faced, with tears streaming down her cheeks. I knew I was transferring the aggression I was feeling but I really could not help myself. I had blamed myself too much for my misfortunes and I felt it might ease my burden and guilt if I blamed someone else. As I walked, I discovered that it did not work, if anything, what I just did was ma-king me feel guiltier for ma-king my mum sad.
My dad stood up and approached me immediately I entered the sitting room and I wished I could have escaped him somehow. Anger took over me again as I wondered what the hell he was about to say to me. No doubt, he would insult the living daylight out of me again, and I obviously deserve it.
Immediately he got to me, his face lit up in a broad smile. I was momentarily stunned. Ever since this drama started, I don’t think my dad has ever smiled. He placed his hands on my shoulders and I was f0rç£d to look up into his eyes.
“My sweet daughter, you have no idea how much I am proud of you” he breathed out. What? I blinked. This is definitely something you don’t see every day! If not for the fact that I could not perceive the smell of beer, I could have sworn that my dad was drun!k. “Oh my dear, I know that I have been ha-rd on you since this started, but it is for a good cause”. He continued, completely ru-bbing me of my power of speech. “You know, I am so lucky that I have a daughter who uses her head properly. Now, st©p beating yourself over this pregnancy issue, it is a gift from the most high. It is definitely the key to our breakthrou-gh. Look my girl, you are rich” he declared. “Very rich! You always wanted to lift the poverty in our family, now; God has just answered your prayers. Unknowingly, you have taken our family out of the gutter and you have placed us right inside the palace.”
“What are you saying papa?” I croaked out.
He put his arms around my shoulders as he propelled me towards the exit. “Amara, you are a wise girl, I am sure you un-derstand me perfectly. Now, what you have to do next is to make full use of this opportunity that landed on your l@ps on a platter of gold. You think Alex is so mean and wicked? He might be. But it is just a matter of time. It just takes a beautiful woman with enough s-en-se like you to bend him. We men, we pretend to be strong and invincible, but trust me, all women c@m£ throu-gh Eve, and inherited her cunning talents. Make use of it my daughter and you would be able to totally change the fortune of our family. All the dreams you have of being a doctor, can still be achieved. Think about it my girl.” He gave me a bright smile. I just could not believe all I was hearing. Vaguely, I saw the car that was waiting for me. “Now go my daughter, your husband is waiting in your new house. Be a good girl. He k!$$£d my pale cheeks and led me to the waiting car. I walked like a remote control robot, still not believing that everything I just heard c@m£ from my own father. My mum met us, dabbing at her eyes. I didn’t know what to feel. Was she also aware of dad’s tactics? It was too much to take in.
I slid onto the soft leather in the car and closed the door. The person who seemed to be a driver, started the car. I stared at my parents in disbelief as the car sped off. They vanished from my sight and I was left with the words of my father. I felt as though I did not know my parents again but measuring everything, this seemed like the smallest of my problems as I looked forward to the next phase of my life.
**********
The car entered a large compound that left me momentarily stunned. It was not as big as the s£nator’s house but the design was exquisite. I would not have imagined, despite the fact that I had seen many houses on my neighbor’s television, that such an exquisite building existed. And to think that someone as young as Corper Bello lived here was so unbelievable. I instantly felt out of place.
When the car was finally parked, I stepped out of it, looking a little frozen. Am I expected to live here? In this mas-sive house? How would I cope with this? I had sle-pt in the BQ in the s£nator’s compound and even that had been too much luxury for me, even though I ba-rely stepped out of my room. But here, if what I saw outside was any indication, the house itself would be mind-numbing. Getting used to this place would be a great deal of work, no doubt. The only problem was that I would not be able to find joy here, the thought was so painful. Even my shabby village was filled with joy and a hope of a better tomorrow, there seemed to be none of that here. The man I thought I loved, cherished and respected was gone, replaced by this terrifying monster that would do anything to make my life miserable.
The driver took my sack of clothes, holding it with two f!ngerslike it was trash, as he led me into the mas-sive building. I was right. The house was spectacular, so breathtaking that it had me gawking like a fool. A young pretty girl of about my age approached me with an apron tied to her b©dy. The driver gave her the sack and left her as she stared at me vaguely.
“Hello” she said softly as if she were talking to a child. I looked at her silently. “Mr. Alex told me that you were coming and that I should show you to your room” she explained. I smiled briefly and followed her lead.
She took me throu-gh a narrow pas-sage in silence, and as we walked, it occurred to me that the girl would be a staff. Still in the narrow pas-sage, we pas-sed by two doors which faced each other and took three steps further before the girl st©pped in front of a door which she opened. There was also a door facing the door she opened but I disregarded it and followed her inside.
A mattress was on the floor, enough to fit one person comfortably. There was a small table beside it, and a big box l@yat the far end of the room, by the wall.
The girl smiled, and then frowned. “Oh, forgive my manners, I am Tina” she said. “I am the cook, even though I look small, my food is always very sweet, you could eat your ton-gue” she boasted with a grin. “My room is opposite yours. You would meet another girl, Tola, she is the cleaner. She went out to get some things. I am sure you are Amara” she ranted.
I was feeling awkward because something seemed very wrong and out of place. I nodded stiffly. “Yes. Amara” I responded. “Where is corper… I mean, Mr erm.. Alex. Where is his room? Does he stay in one of the rooms we pas-sed?”
The girl laughed. “Of course not. His room is upstairs” she leaned forward to whisper. “It is a very mas-sive room. This place is not as big as his toilet” she grinned. “This is where the staff stays”.
What? What the hell is going on? Before I could voice my panic and question, we heard a car horn and the girl startled. “The boss is here, I have to go and serve his food. He asked me not to talk to you, plea-se don’t tell him I said anything, if he asks.” With that, she vanished.
I stood, still reeling from the implications of what I had just heard. Am I to stay with the staff in my own husband’s house? It can’t be real. The drama just never seemed to end. I don’t know how long I stayed there, at the middle of the room, but suddenly, the door opened and I spun round to see corper Bello crowding the entrance. He entered and closed the door behind him.
“I see you are fully settled” he said with clear indifference. “Well, since you have obviously pushed your way into my life, let me l@ydown the rules and regulations. You are in this house as maid and not a wife. Don’t ever mention it to anyone that we signed a marriage contract, or worse, that you are carrying something of mine in your tummy” he said with obvious disgust. “Everyone here has been informed that you are the new staff employee, and that is what you would be in this place. You would join Tola in doing the cleaning and other house chores. Never interfere with my food because I won’t want to contact cholera or food poisoning. You would be given the staff uniform, so you don’t have to go around in your pathetic clothes. Do you un-derstand me?”
I stared dumbfounded. He seriously did not mean all he just said, did he? “You expect me to work as a maid in my husband’s house?”
His eyes flashed with fury. “First of all, you are not my wife. Even though we signed a bunch of miserable papers, you can never be my wife. Secondly, you should be glad that I dignified you with a maid’s position. You either do this or leave. You chose to marry me, whatever you see is of your ma-king, not mine” he growled out.
I swallowed. “What did I ever do to you? What is my crime Corper?” I breathed.
“You got pregnant. That is your crime” he turned to leave then st©pped. “And while you are here, you should never call me Corper, you call me boss” he opened the door and left.
Tbc