CAN’T HOLD MY TEARS
EPISODE 27
I strolled on the street of my new residential environment, feeling exhaustion. Kelvin brou-ght me to this ap@rtment about a month ago just as he promised and I have been here ever since. The house was of moderate size and there was a woman who was in charge of maintaining the house. Apparently, Kelvin inherited the building from his grandfather but he hadn’t lived there. He had instead hired Mrs. Kalu – a widowed caretaker – to keep the building in shape. The building was very fashionable but with an ancient look to it, showing that it had been built a long time ago; although, one could easily see the exquisite taste of the builder in the structure and design of the building.
But after spending a month there, I was bored half to death. I was about eight months gone and my tummy protruded like a car’s bonnet but I feared the silence of the building was ma-king me feel as ancient as the building itself. Mrs. Kalu was as mute as a fish, going about the house soundlessly like a ghost. Although I wished she would talk more so I don’t feel so bored, my efforts were useless. She is the perfect definition of an Introvert with a capital ‘I’. Trying to get her to talk even wors£ned my state of boredom until I gave up hope. I always looked forward to Kelvin’s visits which were not so often. I always found myself missing him immediately he stood up to leave. I never mentioned my boredom to him because I would not want him to think I am not grateful for his help. Quite the opposite, if not for Kelvin, I have no idea where I would be now. Probably dumped in one of the worst graves in town, I presume. Kelvin is a funny and interesting company and I found myself drawing closer to him with each pas-sing day. He visits once or twice a week, depending on his work schedule.
I sighted a church as I strolled – the only church on the street – and for the first time, I st©pped. I always pas-sed by the church without a glance but now, I st©pped to gaze at the building. I raised my eyes to the signboard and re-ad. ‘God’s Love’. I shook my head again. The name of the church seemed unusual. I had always heard of God’s immense love for humanity which made him sacrifice his only child; but thinking about it, I don’t think I deserve that love. I have made mistakes; the worst kind of mistakes. I don’t think God can love the likes of me. I blinked and turned away from the church.
I walked back to the house and sat in the sitting room. I seemed to have a fixed routine: eat, watch TV, stroll, watch TV, eat, watch TV, sleep. The number of times I watched TV was staggering and tiring. I really wished I had books to re-ad but there was none and I definitely could not imagine myself asking Kelvin for it; he has done more than enough. Although, I tried to while away time by cooking and doing the laundry, Mrs. Kalu would have none of it, stating that she had been given express orders to make sure I did nothing stressful. It was irritating because the woman, though mute, was firm and unshakeable; even Kelvin would not listen to reason. Little did they know that my idle state was posing more stress than any physical activity could. Reluctantly, I accepted my state of joblessness, hoping that I don’t die of boredom.
I s-en-sed a movement close to me and raised my eyes to see Mrs. Kalu approaching me with her face as straight as an arrow. “Lunch is served” she stated.
I don’t think I have ever heard the woman utter a statement above ten words; it was like she was economizing her words. “Thank you ma” I said, smiling gratefully. It was such a burden to have this elderly woman attending to my nee-ds. I missed my mother – or fake mother, as the case might be.
“You are welcome” she said and turned back, retreating to her room, where she almost always stayed.
I went to the dinning and started eating. The good side of her is that her meals are always perfect. I never could refuse any of her meals. As I started eating, I heard the familiar sound of Kelvin’s car and frowned. Kelvin had never visited on a Thursday and having him around now was as relieving as it was worrisome.
I left my half-finished food and walked hastily to the door. As much as I was happy that I would have a great company to drive away the boredom I was feeling, I was slightly worried, just thinking of why he was coming on a Thursday when he clearly stated once that Mondays, Thursdays and Fridays were his busiest days. Was he coming to tell me that he no longer wanted to help me or what? I would not be surprised. I am too much baggage to take on.
I opened the door and truly, Kelvin was walking towards the entrance, looking more handsome than before. It was like he grew more handsome with each pas-sing day. He was carrying a bag and I wanted to collect it from him but I could not do anything but stare at him.
“Hey beautiful” he called. “You still find me handsome?” he asked with a grin.
I shook my head. “You are still too full of yourself?” I returned with a smile. “Can I help you?” I asked referring to the bag he was carrying.
His smile wi-de-ned. “If only I can help you with the one you are carrying” he said.
I shook my head and hid a smile, giving him a straight look that did not last long. He was always teasing me about my pregnancy, never for once mentioning the paternity of the child and I was grateful for that. I only wish it could be easily forgotten, because for as long as I live and see the child, I would always remember what he stands for. “Well, you arrive just in time to join me for lunch. Eating alone can be so tedious” I said as we entered.
I heard him make a sound and I knew he was at it again. “Is it eating with company that you really enjoy or eating with ‘my’ company?”
I shook my head, grateful that he was behind me; he would not be able to see my ridiculous grin. “You are impossible.”
He laughed heartily. “You look spectacular when you grin”
I totally ignored him and my face which flamed at his compliment and sat down at the dinning with Kelvin pu-lling out the chair like a real gentleman instead of the ladies’ man that he was. I st©pped him from serving himself and insisted on serving him. “If having a wife feels like this, I might as well get married as soon as possible” he said and I laughed, placing the food before him.
“It is a wonder you are still single, getting ladies should be as easy as the road to hell” I said.
Kelvin laughed. “Oh, I see. My charm is working on you now, isn’t it?” he raised a brow.
“You wish” I returned. He shook his head with a knowing smile on his face and I wanted to sl@p that smug look out of his face. Oh men! Too full of themselves!
We ate in companionable silence but I noticed the seemingly innocent glances he sh0t my way; probably because I was glancing at him also. I noticed a little tension in him. Despite his carefree flir-tatious attitude, I still s-en-sed a little tension in him; especially when we ate in silence.
Mrs. Kalu miraculously surfaced as we finished our meal and her surprise was evident when she saw Kelvin but it only lasted a few seconds after which her face rearranged into its usual straight form. “Never knew you were here sir” she said with a faded smile on her face. “You are welcome” she said as she cleared the table.
“Thank you Mrs. K” Kelvin said.
“Thank you ma, the meal was delicious as always” I said and she smiled. I have noticed that the only time she really smiled was when someone praised her cooking skills.
“I almost bit my ton-gue” Kelvin emphasized with a boyish smile.
“Thanks” she said smiling and quic-kly retreated to the kitchen.
Kelvin and I sat on the couch in the sitting room, staring at the television without actually seeing it. I had the vague impression that he was hiding something from me and my instincts always prove right; when I follow it, that is. “Spit it out Kel, what are you hiding?”
He smiled. “I love it when you call me that”
I frowned. “I am not smiling now Kelvin, what do you want to tell me? I know there is something” I demanded.
He sighed. “Ok. Someone c@m£ to see me in my office some days back” he began and his face took on a serious look, shedding the pla-yboy look he always had on.
“And?” I asked nervously.
“He is a police officer – Detective Sinja. Following what you told me, I guess that is the man who secured Lisa’s arrest” he said. “Well, he c@m£ asking to see you. I wondered how he discovered that I had any dealings with you but he is a police officer and they have their means of getting information.”
I breathed. “What does he want?” I asked nervously. The last thing I wanted was to face anyone from my past. Kelvin had convinced me to forget about all that happened and try to build new memories, seeing ghosts from the past might be a good step in the wrong direction.
“He wants to meet you” he said with a concerned look. “He said you both have unfinished business. I guess he is referring to Lisa’s case” he said.
I nodded. “I have not visited the station once ever since she was arrested” I said.
“What are we going to do?” he asked.
I looked at him. He always used that word – ‘we’. He always saw my problems as his own responsibility too and I wondered how I could ever repay him for willingly carrying my cross. “I want to see him and be done with it. I am withdrawing my charges against Lisa. If she had gone throu-gh with her plan, as evil as it was, I would have been saved from a great level of pain” I said, internally apologizing to my child.
“Are you sure honey? You shouldn’t go throu-gh any form of stress in your condition”
I smiled. “I am not made of glas-s Kel, I am sure”
********************
Kelvin and I decided that it was best to meet Detective Sinja at an eatery, we did not want a situation where other people like Alex would suddenly show up at the door and that could definitely happen if someone knew where I live. I walked into the restaurant and soon sighted Detective Sinja sitting at a corner of the eatery. Kelvin sat a couple of table away from him and I walked up to the detective. Mr. Sinja stood up as I drew closer. “Good evening sir, it has been a while” I greeted with a ti-ght smile.
Mr. Sinja smiled and for some seconds, I stared at him. Mr. Sinja was definitely not a young man, even though his muscles and b©dy build made him look much more fit than all the young men floating around. He had an athlete’s build and one could not easily predict his age from his appearance. He must definitely be the toast of ladies with his great looks; that is if his domineering and arrogantly indifferent look did not ward ladies off him. If I could guess, I would as-sume that he would be in his forties, but his eyes – those dark eyes which gazed piercingly throu-gh me now – made it seem as though Mr. Sinja had seen far too many things in life.
“How are you Mrs. Bello?” he asked.
I frowned. Oh no! The last thing I nee-ded was for someone to call me Mrs. Bello; that brou-ght only one person to mind – and that is the last person I want to think about right now. “Amara is fine” I said quic-kly and sat down before my legs un-buckled beneath me. The evening was alre-ady looking bad. I caught Kelvin’s concerned look from across the large room and I swallowed.
“Amara it is then” the detective said and sat down. “Do I order something for you?” he asked.
I shook my head quic-kly. “I am fine. I want to get this over with as fast as possible” I said.
He smiled. “Of course. Actually, I thought you would take out time to visit the station but you never did. I am sure you are aware that Lisa was granted bail?” he asked and I nodded. “Well, Lisa’s family has been in and out of the station, pleading with us to drop charges against her. We should have charged her to court but we are waiting for your word. Are you re-ady to pursue the case or not?” He asked.
“I am dropping my charges against Lisa. I don’t…”
“Habeeb” someone g@sped and our heads automatically turned. I blanched and nearly fainted when I saw who was standing, gaping at us. Why did the devil have to materialize? Mrs. Bello stood a few tables away from us gaping mostly at Mr. Sinja. Who would have thought that this woman would show up here? I had always known that meeting the detective was a bad decision but I never knew it would be this terrible. She turned her gaze to me in horror and she seemed to turn paler. The last time I saw Mrs. Bello c@m£ sl@pping back at me and I gr@bb£d the table ti-ghter. Kelvin approached the table with his concerned look trained on me. He looked from one person to the other and for the first time, I glanced at the detective. He had also gone white.
“Do you know her?” I managed to ask, puzzled.
He did not seem to hear me. “Are you Ok Ara?” Kelvin asked when he got to our table. “I think it is better we leave now” he murmured.
“Habeeb?” Mrs. Bello g@sped again.
Detective Sinja swallowed. “Kate” he responded and my curiosity bec@m£ pricked. He must know her on a personal level to be able to call her by her first name.
“Let’s go” Kelvin said again with more f0rç£.
“No, wait” Mrs. Bello said, rushing towards us.
I could almost feel the tension radiating throu-gh Mr. Sinja. He looked completely different. He stood up. “I think I nee-d to leave also” he said.
“No!” Mrs. Bello yelled f0rç£fully, causing some other people at the eatery to turn in our direction. “You can’t go. You know Amara? Oh God! My life is ruined” she lamented, looking scared.
“What about Amara?” he asked with a ti-ght look. “It doesn’t even matter” he dismissed. “It was nice seeing you again Kate, I nee-d to catch up with an appointment” he said and quic-kly made for the door.
“There is something I nee-d to tell you” Mrs. Bello yelled, st©pping him in his tracks.
He turned to face her with his face carefully blank. “And what is that?” he asked.
She looked around at the people gazing at us. “Why don’t we discuss this somewhere else?” she said and looked questioningly at me.
“Amara” Kelvin called softly.
“I have nothing to discuss with you Kate” Detective Sinja said and made to leave.
“You have a daughter.”
The detective froze, along with me and everyone in the eatery. Everyone had their eyes fixed on us. “You are right Kelvin, let us leave this place” I said, alre-ady tired of the melodrama. I stood up and made for the door where Mr. Sinja stood, rooted to the ground, looking at Mrs. Bello like she had just lost her mind; I also wondered if she had. I walked hastily out of the eatery with Kelvin holding onto me firmly.
“Amara! Wait!” Mrs. Bello yelled, running after us.
“Damn it! I never should have allowed you come here.” Kelvin said angrily as we walked on.
Mr. Sinja followed Mrs Bello closely and dragged her f0rç£fully, turning her to face him. “What the hell are you talking about? Which daughter” he growled.
“Amara” she called shakily and I st©pped. How can she even have the nerve to call my name? I turned to glare at her. “plea-se listen to me. I am sorry my dear, I am sorry for all I did to you. I would forever regret my actions. I am not proud of what I did” she said as her eyes watered.
I glared at her. “Whether or not you regret your actions does not change anything now, does it? We are creating an unnecessary scene. plea-se leave me in peace ok?”
“You can’t go” she said shakily.
“Oh? And why not?” I sh0t back at her.
“Because… erm…” she glanced from my face to Mr. Sinja’s and back. Mr. Sinja turned to look at me, then glared at her.
“What daughter are you referring to?” he asked, shaking her like a piece of doll.
“Our relationsh!pyears back produced a child Habeeb” she said shakily. She turned to look at me. “She… Amara… she is that child” she swallowed. “Amara is your daughter.
I blinked. Oh! My ear drums echoed for a while. This had to be a big joke, I thought, staring at them like they were speaking Latin. I gr@bb£d Kelvin’s hand ti-ghter. “Damn it Amara! I am getting you out of here” he said f0rç£fully.
“You don’t mean it right?” I yelled, snatching my hand from Kelvin’s, looking at the two people before me like they had grown horns. Mr. Sinja was frozen to the sp©t with his mouth agape, looking at me like I was an alien. “How can you say such ridiculous nons-en-se uhn?” I yelled angrily and felt a dull pain in my stomach. “You have lost your mind, you don’t know what you are saying… you don’t know…” I bent over as the pain in my tummy grew.
“Ara” kelvin exclaimed, gr-abbing me. “What is wrong? Are you ok?”
“Amara” Mrs. Bello yelled running over.
I tried to stand up but the pain that overtook me almost knocked the wind out of me. “Aaaaarrrrhhhh” I yelped in pain. “My tummy” I cried out. “Kelvin…… my tummy…” I cried out as the pain bec@m£ increasingly unbearable. “Aaaaaarrrrrhhhhh”
“Get the car” I vaguely heard Mr. Sinja bark as he whisked me into his arms effortlessly. The pain took over my s-en-ses and raked throu-gh every fiber of my being. My baby… plea-se be fine… plea-se be fine… I took my numb hand to my tummy but all I felt was this immeasurable pain that took over my br@in, ma-king me yelp and g@sp in pain.
********************
Kelvin paced the waiting room of Corina Hospital in agitation. “How can you two be so ins-en-sitive?” he barked at Mrs. Bello and Mr. Sinja. “How couldn’t you bring up such a t©pic before her, in her condition?” he asked, glaring at Mrs. Bello. “I knew it! I never should have allowed her out of the house. I am so stupid. If anything happens to her, I don’t think I would forgive myself” he said, pacing. Immediately Mr. Sinja had showed up at Kelvin’s office, Kelvin had had the vague feeling that he was related to Amara somehow. The resemblance was obvious, but Kelvin had shrugged it off, telling himself that so many people looked alike without necessarily being related. How wrong that was! If only he had known, he would have protected Amara and prevented her from finding out the horrific way she did. He honestly did not know what he would do if anything happened to Amara. He turned to stare at the detective.
The elderly man looked like he had been struck by lightning as he clenched his fists painfully beside him. Kelvin felt for the man, wondering what was going throu-gh the mind of the man who seemed to have gone throu-gh equal bouts of deceit and pain.
Kelvin sighted a doctor coming out of the dep@rtment Amara was rushed into and moved hurriedly towards him, along with Mr. Sinja and Mrs. Bello. “Doctor” he called hurriedly. “How is she? How is Amara? She was rushed in now” he ranted.
“We are her parents, plea-se tell us” Mrs. Bello said and Mr. Sinja glared at her.
The doctor looked at them in concern. “Her situation is very delicate. I fear she has fallen into labor” he said.
“What? But she is not due till next month” Kelvin said in agitation.
“Yes, but if she doesn’t deliver that child now, her life might be at stake; she is in enough danger as it is. She is in great pain; I guess it is due to physical or emotional stress. I hope the situation does not get worse because if it does, we may have to resort to CS. plea-se take it easy, we are on t©p of the situation; excuse me” he said and left hurriedly. Kelvin stared after the doctor, white-faced.
“Oh God!”
CAN’T HOLD MY TEARS
EPISODE 28 (FINALE)
The waiting room was filled with people seated in different places but waiting obviously for one person and thinking about that one person. Mr. and Mrs. Peters were there and Mrs. Peters was almost out of her mind with worry. She had paced the waiting room until she started becoming dizzy. She felt pained that she had hurt her daughter so much by keeping the truth from her when all she wanted by keeping Amara’s birth a secret was to prevent her from getting hurt. She regretted what she did but knew that regrets and being sorry was not enough to write off the damage that the secret has caused in her daughter’s life. If only Amara could find a place in her heart to forgive her…
Mr. Peters, on the other hand was angry. He felt sorry that Amara had gone throu-gh all these – ending up married to her brother and all – but most especially, he was angry that she was no longer on their side. Why did everything have to crumble just when Amara started bringing home some cash? Despite his numerous threats to his wife that he would reveal the mystery behind Amara’s parentage, he knew that he would never have gone throu-gh with the threat; not when he knew what he could lose. He knew he could always get cash from Alex throu-gh Amara if she was on their side, but now that everything was in shambles, that possibility was totally out of the question. He had no idea what he was doing in the hospital, seated like a jobless man. Even though Amara had been a great daughter, she had made the mistake herself; she should pay for it herself. But still, it wouldn’t hurt to be seen with the s£nator’s family, would it?
Mr. Bello snr sat some distance away from the rest, with his head resting heavily against the backrest. He had a lot of things to do at the office but he just could not turn a deaf ear when he heard that Amara had gone into labor prematurely. Normally, he should despise Amara for being the product of his wife’s betrayal but he was never one to transfer aggression. He does not think and act like other men. He liked Amara a lot. She had a fierce fighting spirit which he admired. He had instantly liked her and that feeling only grew when he saw the way she was handling her odd relationsh!pwith Alex. It was not the girl’s fault that she was not conceived in a respectable way. Actually, he could not begin to imagine the level of pain and sadness Amara must be feeling, all because of the stupid actions of the woman he married. No wonder the child in the wo-mb was reacting to the extreme tension. Even though the s£nator was so worried about Amara, he hadn’t been prepared to meet the culprit who got his wife pregnant. His former employee was seated in the waiting room when he arrived and right there and then, Mr. Bello wanted to forget his position in the society and break Habeeb’s bones with his fists but he strictly had to put his anger un-der control. There would always be another place and time for that, he told himself, even though he continued to clench his fists.
Mr. Habeeb Sinja felt like his br@in had contacted deadly virus. He could not process any thought normally anymore. His daughter was just behind that closed door ahead of him, struggling between life and death. His daughter! That sounded so weird even to his own inner ears. His life had been a disaster for as long as he could even remember. When Kate had pushed him out of her life and out of his livelihood, his life had crumbled. He hadn’t expected to fall in love with Katherine but then, she had dumped him like a piece of trash. It had been expected though; who wouldn’t see that coming when she was obviously married with a child. He should have been wise enough to avoid any dealings with her; or even wise enough to keep his heart un-der lock and key. But then, he had fallen for her and had paid dearly for it. He hadn’t been able to love again. After many years of staying alone, his family had f0rç£d a woman on him. He had married her and even though he did not love her, he respect her and treated her well until he was able to see her as a friend. But then, tragedy struck again and she died in an accident, along with their three years old son. Destroyed beyond redemption, he had joined the police f0rç£, not even considering another marriage. And now, he had a daughter? He could not lose his daughter when he just found her. He just couldn’t. Not even the pres£nce of his ex-boss could st©p him from praying for his daughter’s wellbeing.
Alex carried a bottle of h0t wine in his hand but he was not drinking it. Ever since he found out his true relationsh!pAmara, he had been drinking, just hoping that he would forget everything. But after drinking himself to stupor and the haze cleared, he was left with his problems looming over him, looking bigger than it was the last time. He had instantly got a lawyer to process their divorce, but that still did not change the fact that he had been married to his sister, did it? It did not change the fact that he had treated his sister like a piece of trash to be used and trampled on at every given point in time. She was there right now, laboring to birth the child that he had put in her, but what could he do? He could not do anything but wait helplessly. He turned to look at the woman he called mother and moved farther away from her. She was still crying, b!tt!g her f!ngersoccasionally but Alex could not feel anything but anger towards her. She had been the originator of this mess; she effectively destroyed everyone because of her selfish de-sires.
Kelvin could not keep still, he was either seated or standing or pacing. His thoughts were in complete disarray. He tried to come up with clues of what Amara was going throu-gh in there but had no idea. He had never been in the labor room with anyone but experienced women always said that a woman in labor was a handshake away from death. They had explained the pain that they go throu-gh until Kelvin almost could boast of a mental picture of the entire process, but waiting in the waiting room was giving him too much tension. Tola and Tina were also as agitated as kelvin, pacing the hall with their mouths murmuring inaudible prayers.
The door opened and a doctor walked out. Everyone ran to him, firing different questions which, at the same time, had the same meaning. The doctor, looking completely strained, shook his head. “I am sorry…”
Hushed silence fell on everyone at once. “Sorry for what?” Tina cried…
********************
Pain was the only word I knew. Pain! That throbbing feeling that spre-ads throu-gh the b©dy, soul and spirit until you can’t think about anything other than pain. I squirmed, screamed, pushed and pushed until my lower b©dy felt like it was on fire. The word ‘Push’ was repeated over and over again until the word bec@m£ permanently stamped in my head. I screamed in extreme pain and tears rolled down from my eyes as I gr!pp£dthe sheets on the be-d. I bit down on myl-ips to st©p myself from screaming helplessly in pain but it was not enough to prevent my unconscious exclamations.
Then, the pain subsided and vanished altogether. Complete silence reigned. Even the ticking of my heartbeat was silenced and I could hear nothing at all. It was a complete contrast to the noise and screams that reigned ba-rely seconds ago. Surprisingly, the silence was more scary than the noise. I wanted that noise again. It was like everyone had vanished from the earth and I was left all alone. I don’t want to be alone! I don’t want to be left all by myself! But then, I remembered. I have always been alone! The people who wanted me did not belong to me, yet, the people I belonged to did not want me. What a dilemma. How could a person want to return to that? How can I even want to return to that?
But I am a fighter, I don’t give up. I have things to prove to myself and the people who rejected and abused me. That alone is a reason to live.
********************
I felt a hand brush shakily against my cheeks. The soft ca-ress almost made me sigh but then, as I sli-pped back to a conscious state, I felt that overwhelming pain again. It was not as worse as I last remembered, but it was there nonetheless. I opened my eyes slowly and felt a form looming over me. I raised my eyes and caught Kelvin’s extremely worried look. As our eyes held, relief washed over him but his worried look was still there. “Hey” he whispered with a soft smile. He bent over and k!$$£d my forehead, lingering longer than he ought. He sat carefully at the edge of the be-d and I noticed his heavy eyes which showed that he hadn’t sle-pt for a while. My hand felt weak but I raised it to his face.
“You shouldn’t be so worried about me” I croaked out weakly.
He smiled and k!$$£d the inside of my palm. “I can’t help myself honey” he said softly. “How are you feeling?”
Truthfully, I wasn’t feeling anything but pain, but how could I tell him that when he was so worried about me. “I am fine” I said.
His eyes flashed with something I could not recognize and he bent to k!ssmy cheeks. “I really want you to be fine sweetheart” he whispered. “Be fine for me” he scent enveloped my s-en-ses. That scent that was always clinging to him.
I noticed something different about me, and then stiffened. “Kel, where is my baby?” I asked and he froze.
“Fine. Your baby is fine” he answered hurriedly.
I stiffened. “You are a poor liar Kelvin, where is my baby?” Fear gr!pp£dme as I saw Kelvin struggle. Raising my voice was causing incredible pains but I endured it. “Where is my son Kelvin? I know he is a boy. Where is he?” I cried, trying to sit up, to look around.
“Calm down Ara. plea-se…” he f0rç£d me on my back. “Lie still Ara, plea-se. You are not strong enough”. He pressed a bell closed to my be-d, using one hand to keep me glued to the be-d.
I tried to relax. “I am calm now Kelvin, tell me where my child is. I nee-d to see him” I begged.
“You nee-d to get better first, then I would take you honey, plea-se” he begged.
“Something is wrong, right? Something is wrong with him?” I asked with pale face.
The doctor and two nurses entered then and Kelvin moved away. I was held down firmly by the nurses and I saw the doctor holding an injection. I turned my eyes to the nurses. “plea-se tell me where my baby is… my baby boy… plea-se tell me…”
“He is fine ma. plea-se calm down” one nurse said and then, I felt the piercing pain of the injection. My eyes bec@m£ fuzzy and I blinked as my eye lids closed of their own volition. Before I pas-sed into the state of unconsciousness, I caught Kelvin’s pained expression and got my answer.
********************
Kelvin held onto my hand ti-ghtly and I gazed up at him. “I told you I can walk on my own” I murmured. I was alre-ady discharged and free to go home but how can I feel happy about going home when I wasn’t carrying a child with me. Stillbirth!!! The word rang over and over and I steeled myself against crying. I have cried enough tears to last a lifetime. Tina and Tola had visited, trying to encourage me by ma-king me see the positive side of the situation but I still felt shattered. Even though my child was a product of an abominable act, I still wanted him, because, at least, I would know that I have something or someone who was truly mine. I would know that I have my child to encourage me, but then, I have to face the harsh realities of knowing that I am always alone. Kelvin’s hand ti-ght£ñed and I smiled. At least, there is someone who would not leave me; or some people, I thought, thinking of Tola and Tina.
Kelvin paused as he was about to open a door. I looked at him and he smiled down at me. He k!$$£d my forehead and opened the door, and then I saw them. All of them! Everyone that helped in destroying my life! I stood still and turned my eyes to Kelvin. “I prevented them from seeing you throu-ghout your stay here honey, but I could not prevent this” he explained.
I sighed and faced them. I had no feelings left. I could not even feel anger, hatred or dismay; I just wanted this to be the last time I ever saw them or most of them at least.
“Amara… My baby… Amara… How are you…? I am sorry……” different things were thrown hurriedly by everyone; I did not even bother to know who was asking what. I just wanted to leave this place. But a few last words were in order.
“plea-se listen to me” I said, raising my voice. “I am fine. You all do not have to worry falsely about me. It is too late to worry about what I might be feeling.” I said with a vague amused look. “I am happy that I am seeing you all now, because I might not see you anymore, and I would be extremely happy if I never see most of you again.” Silence fell over everyone and I turned to Alex.
I raised my amused brows at him. “So you can really be worried about me now Corper? It is funny right? Men do things to women that they would not want to happen to their own sisters. When you were mocking me and dishonoring me behind my back, you never knew you were doing those things against your own sister. Well, I am sure you would be a lesson to all men. Before you do things to women because you can, think of how you would feel if the same is done to your own sister.”
I shook my head and turned to Mr. Sinja. The police officer who just happened to be my father. “Sir, I am sure you would forgive me if I can’t call you dad now” I said and he nodded vigorously.
“Of course my dear…” he said.
“I was right in thinking that you had seen so many things in your life. I don’t know half of your story and I am sorry if I would not have enough time to learn them. You look like a good man and I am pretty sure that you would have been a very good father if you had been given a chance.” I said.
I turned to the parents I have known all my life. “Papa, mama… I know that I have overemphasized my anger towards you and I am sorry. Even though I know that Papa never really loved me and accepted me, I still am eternally grateful to you. When I was rejected and tossed into the trash like a messed up diaper, you took me, welcomed me into your home and provided shelter for me. You took care of me for years and provided for me even though you had next to nothing. I would remain grateful to you for as long as I live, and you would never st©p being my parents” I hvgged my dad briefly and hvgged my mum who held me ti-ghtly.
“I love you my baby… I love you so much… I am sorry.” she whispered in tears.
I saw the s£nator and turned to him. “Sir” I bowed my head in respect. “I instantly developed respect for you the minute I saw you. I have never seen a man as principled as you are. Even though I was not in a happy marriage, I saw you as the best father-in-law. You should hate me for what I stand for in your family but then; you are here, worried about me. I respect you sir. I really hope you find happiness because you deserve it more than anyone.”
I really wanted to leave but there was one person left. I turned to Mrs. Bello. I just could not smile at her. She stood shakily, looking at me. “I hated you the instant I saw you” I began without preamble. “You were a terrible mother-in-law but as a mother, you were worse. If there is one person I never want to set my eyes on, it is you”
“Pleeeaaaase… I am sorry…” she pleaded.
“You are not my mother; I can never accept you as my mother. You rejected me then, now, I am rejecting you… You hated me, now; I hate you beyond measure… You did not want me then, now I tell you, I do not and would not have any cause to nee-d you in my life. You have caused so many people sadness” I shook my head. “You are not worthy to be called a mother. plea-se don’t look for me. You won’t find me” I said and turned to face kelvin, who was standing with Tina and Tola now. “I nee-d to leave now”
Despite the protests of those in the room, I hastily walked out of the hospital with the only people who really mattered to me. Who says blood is thicker than water?
********************
I stood with my luggage in the sitting room, waiting for Kelvin to enter. The door opened and he c@m£ inside. Immediately he saw me, his legs st©pped moving and he stood still, looking at everything before him. “Where are you going to Ara?” he asked as his face grew pale.
I sighed, wondering how I was going to handle this. “I am leaving Kel, I am going away.”
He marched towards me in an instant. “What are you talking about? Where are you going?”
“Anywhere. I am going anywhere, I want to rebuild my life, on my own, putting all my garbage behind me” I was now legally divorced from Alex. All I nee-ded was a totally new environment to begin my life from the scratch.
“B… But… but you can’t go” he lamented as his arms fisted beside him. “I won’t let you” he said on raised voice. He looked as if his life had just snapped.
This was becoming ha-rder. I could not quite look into his eyes. It was ha-rd to see him struggling for composure. “I have to do this Kelvin” I said as my eyes watered. “Staying here would make me fade out Kel. I have nothing but bad memories now and no matter how much I try, you have also been linked with those memories. I want to go far away, to a place where I can build new memories and forget all that has happened. You un-derstand me Kelvin, I know you do” I held his face, forcing myself to gaze into his eyes. “I nee-d to start all over again Kel, plea-se don’t st©p me… plea-se” I pleaded. Of everyone in the world, I really wanted him to un-derstand me.
“But… But…” he sighed and walked over to the window. I stood behind him, tense and confused. His muscles vibr@ted with tension. I just wanted him to hold me. Tell me he un-derstand me… tell me… “I love you Amara”
I froze and swallowed as his words sank in, creating a terrible ache in my che-st. Alex turned to face me. “I love you”
“plea-se… plea-se don’t do this…” I murmured.
He smiled painfully and pu-ll-ed me into his arms. My heat raced as kelvin k!$$£d my forehead lingeringly. I have never stood this close to him before and the effect was scary. He lowered his head and k!$$£d my eyes. “Kelvin” I g@sped as my legs threatened to give way.
Before I could think of protesting, his mouth closed over mine. My heart threatened to break throu-gh my che-st as his mouth moved from gentle to insistent. I held onto his n£¢k as we k!$$£d and I was alarmed, just thinking of the effect of what was going on. Kelvin st©pped suddenly and gazed at me with blazing, unre-adable eyes. I was pretty sure my face mirrored his. “Go” he said suddenly. “Be happy” he said and swallowed, moving away from me. He raked his f!ngersthrou-gh his hair and exhaled audibly.
I swallowed ha-rd , dragging in much nee-ded air. “Kelvin…” I called questioningly, not sure I even wanted to leave anymore.
“Pleas-se promise me you would be fine Ara” he asked breathlessly.
I nodded. “I would take care of myself Kelvin”
He nodded. “I would take you anywhere you want”
I shook my head. “I want to do this on my own Kelvin; you have done more than enough.” He nodded again, running his f!ngersthrou-gh his hair again. “I would see you again, I promise. But I would have achieved my dreams by then, so you can be proud of what I have become”.
He smiled. “I would move heaven and hell to see you again honey”.
I nodded and quic-kly wiped the tears that sli-pped off my eyes. I bent to pick up my two bags. I walked to the door with my heart feeling heavier than the bags. I turned to see Kelvin standing where he was, with his hands buried de-ep in his trou-sers. “Goodbye Kelvin”
He nodded. “Take care of yourself”
I nodded and wiped at my tears again. “I will. Take care of yourself” I said. He nodded and I quic-kly opened the door, lifted my bags and walked out. Breaking throu-gh your walls of pain can be very difficult, but when you finally succeed, you emerge stronger and better. I go to make a better person of myself; to pursue my dreams and gain back everything life took away from me because of my mistakes. Falling down in life is expected but how you get back up is what matters. A mistake that does not kill you makes you wiser. I turned to look back at the house, knowing that Kelvin was there, probably looking at me throu-gh the window. I would achieve my goals this time; I would do it for the one person who loves me wholeheartedly – Kelvin
**The End**
WATCHOUT FOR SEASON 2 This is just the beginning.
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