CAN’T HOLD MY TEARS
EPISODE 15
Mr. Bello sat in his study looking thoughtfully at the wall. What sort of father would he call himself if he could not even say truthfully that he had raised Alex well. All his life, he had made sure that he was never unjust to anyone, he had tried his best to impact the same values into his son, but it seemed his best hadn’t been good enough. Where had he gone wrong? He probably should not have gone into politics. If he hadn’t, maybe he would have had more time for Alex. Maybe, he would have noticed this heartless behavior in him and changed it before it bec@m£ too late. But he had failed. He had failed as a father to be a good mentor to his only son and child. His wife had never been a good role model, he always knew that. It was not his fault that he had fallen in love with her, despite her misgivings. He could not tell the heart what and whom to love. But he should have been the better parent. He should have been the better parent for Alex.
He swallowed ha-rd as he thought of the various things his son had gotten himself into lately. He had impregnated a poor secondary school girl and it had only taken some investigation to find out that he gambled on the girl’s pride. That knowledge had hurt him more than he was willing to express. It was so unbelievable that his own biological son could be so cruel as to do such a despicable thing to an innocent girl. This had informed his threat to Alex several weeks back. He knew categorically that Alex would not lose the company for anything in the world so it had been good bait. He would never allow any injustice to befall Amara. It had been because of the guilt that his son had bet on Amara’s pride that he had gladly given Amara’s father, Mr. Peters, what he demanded for – an ap@rtment, which was well furnished. Mr. Bello had rented the ap@rtment, paying for three years at once. If the press could wind of the scandal his son had caused, his political ambitions would be thwarted. But that was not his problem.
Alex had come to them with another shocking news. He had impregnated Lisa. Mr. Bello had never liked the spoilt girl who thought herself higher than everyone but he had tried to accept her when Alex showed his interest in her. How would he sit back and watch his son marry two wives at this early stage. Even though Alex behaved ten times his age, he is just twenty five years old. Marrying two wives could kill him before thirty. Yet, it would be unjust to throw Lisa away. She is definitely carrying is grandchild also.
He sighed heavily. He had no clue as to what to do salvage the situation. It seemed to have gone a bit out of control.
********************
Two days pas-sed without me seeing Alex. He apparently hadn’t come home at all and I found myself wondering where he was. It would not be surprising one bit if I found out that he was out ma-king other babies, since he had turned into a baby ma-king factory. During the past two days, Tola had become almost as close to me as Tina and I found myself liking her. She seemed sweet and funny but no one would take the place that Tina occu-pies in my heart. She was not just my closest friend but was also like a sister and sometimes, even a mother. If Tina hadn’t been there, I am not sure I would have survived all that I have been throu-gh. She was there when no one else was there to support me and for that I would forever be grateful.
Tola was not the only one that changed within the past two days. I also noticed that Lisa was quiet now. She always looked at me with hatred brimming in her eyes but she always kept her mouth shut. Since she always ran her ton-gue like a parrot, I instinctively knew something was wrong. She must be up to something, and it did not smell good. Living in the village, I knew certainly that two women could never live in peace if they had to share a man. One woman would try to kill another just to make her vanish. Well, I certainly wanted her to vanish from my life, along with Alex and all the problems he brou-ght into my life, but I definitely am not a killer. I can’t kill anyone to achieve that. Although, even though I am not a murderer, I don’t know if Lisa would resort to killing me. It was probably extreme to think that Lisa might try to kill me but the feeling that she was planning something was strong. I have been crosschecking everything I eat and had decided to cook in the kitchen along with Tina. Tina would definitely not do anything to hurt me but, who knows, Lisa might sneak in and…
I laughed suddenly. The movies I have been watching on that mas-sive television were beginning to get the better p@rt of me.
Tina turned and stared confusingly at me, st©pping the rice she was busy rinsing. “What is so funny uhn? Why are you laughing?” she asked. “Considering the fact that you are slicing onions, the opposite should be the case”
I smiled. “I am just thinking that the movies I watch is becoming too much. It is beginning to pollute my good reasoning”
She frowned. “Hmmmm… I see” she eyed me suspiciously. “Is that all you were thinking about?” she raised a brow.
I frowned at her and shook my head. “My God Tina, you are too nosy. Wash that rice before we all die of hunger”
She grinned. “It is my duty as your friend to be nosy. Be sure to tell me what you are thinking uhn?”
I sighed. “Ok, if you are a good girl, maybe I might confide in you” I said cheekily.
“And what is the secret?” I turned to see Tola bouncing into the kitchen as she stared at both of us suspiciously.
“What?” I stared at the two ladies grinning at me with questioning eyes. “You both are so unbelievable. Who would imagine that an ordinary laughter caused this?” for some reasons, I had a reason to think that they were on a totally different page from my line of thoughts. They looked at me with this knowing look on their faces and I started wondering about what was going on in their small heads.
“Well, if you are laughing, there must be something behind it right?” Tola win-ked and Tina grinned as they both gave themselves high-five.
I frowned at them now, looking from one to another. “Tell me you two. What the hell are you cooking up?” I was now confused.
“Aaaarrrhhhh… nothing. Only jollof rice” Tina answered as she returned to the rice.
“Don’t you dare give me that! What is going on?” I snatched the bowl of rice and faced them squarely with a look that said ‘spit it out’.
They grinned. “Ok, let’s see Amara” Tina began. “You suddenly agreed to get a nice wardrobe; you look exceedingly great all the time, you smile more often now than you have done in the past months…”
“And now, you are laughing” Tola finished and raised her brow, even though I was still frowning. “What informed all these changes? Is there… a man involved?” she asked grinning.
“What?” Oh! I stared at the two ladies and suddenly began to laugh. I laughed and laughed and laughed until I ended up crying. Once I started crying, I could not st©p. Just when I thought I had reached my bus-st©p where tears were concerned! The smiles on their faces vanished instantly and they were trying to st©p my tears. “There is a man involved” I said between sobs. “He has instigated all the changes in my life. I wonder when that would change” I sobbe-d and Tina and Tola held me, blaming one another all the way for taunting me.
********************
I walked the street two days after that incident. It hadn’t been easy getting my cheekiness back and getting rid of the emotional side of me, but I had done it. It is not easy to keep my emotions at check because it always comes to the surface every time I am alone but I knew for a fact that I had to be strong; if not for myself, then for my son. He was alre-ady caught in between, I did not want anything to hurt him.
I got to the roadside flower stand I had noticed several weeks back and st©pped again. I stretched out my hand and pla-yed with the striking flower. Only now, the flower seemed to look pale, compared to the first time I saw it It had been so bright and alive with a lively glow the last time I saw it, but now, I could tell that the weather was not being favorable and the flower might die soon. Great sympathy and compas-sion engulfed me as my thoughts took over me. It was probably unfortunate that wherever I go, I would always be reminded of Alex. It seemed impossible to forget. Only one mistake had turned my life around. It was a mistake wished I could undo. If only I hadn’t fallen for him, I would probably be on my way to the university by now. I have not been in this trauma for long considering the fact that I was ba-rely five months pregnant, but it feels like my whole life had been spent in this pain. It feels like I have never known a minute of joy or contentment.
The flash of a c@m£ra brou-ght me back to my s-en-ses and I raised my eyes to stare at the very same guy I had met at this very sp©t weeks back. Kelvin. Yes! That was definitely the name he gave me, that is if it is true, of course.
He was staring at the small digital c@m£ra in his hand and he raised his eyes to mine. He was not holding a smile, neither was he frowning; he just stared at me, ma-king me nervous with the intensity of his gaze.
I felt like punching him. “Do you make a habit of taking pictures of strangers without their cons£nt?” I asked in annoyance.
He stared at me for so long, I in fact thought he would never answer. The picture he took was not my problem though, it was his unsettling gaze. He managed to hold my gaze without even trying and he seemed to see into my soul. He suddenly looked down until he was again staring at his c@m£ra.
I shifted nervously and tapped my feet in annoyance. How dare he take my picture and ignore my question? I opened my mouth to hurl insults at me when he suddenly looked up at me again. “A flower is a symbol of great beauty and love, opening up its buds in the sun, beaming with life and promises” he walked up to me and his f!ngerspla-yed with the flower even though his eyes were holding mine. “But what happens when the sun it opened itself up to gets too h0t for it to handle?” he asked. “The ground dries up, leaving the flower without water to sustain it; leaving the flower to face the vengeance of the h0t sun without support” he glanced briefly at the flower then back at my pale face. “Slowly, the flower begins to fade… then it withers… and if care is not taken… it dies…” his gaze had become so intense and for several seconds, minutes, hours…I have no idea how long I stood there; I just stood, gazing at him as his words ran throu-gh my mind over and over again.
I blinked and shook my head. “What do you mean?” I squeaked.
He looked at me for several seconds then looked again at the c@m£ra. I wanted to see the picture he took now. “You have a faraway look in your eyes. Your b©dy posture and set jaw tells me that you are going throu-gh a lot of pain which you try to hide behind br@very.” He raised his eyes to mine. “You are like this beautiful flower. Radiant with unrivalled beauty, open to life and filled with a lot of promises. Although, I am afraid you might have let in too much sun. I…”
“St©p” I yelled. “St©p filling my head with ru-bbish” I blinked furiously, trying not to lose the battle over my emotions. “Why do I always have to bu-mp into you” I yelled, even though it was the second time I was seeing him. But why does it always have to be at this same sp©t? “I am not a flower, and unfortunately, I did not let in any sun. Do you know why?” I asked. “Because all I have in my life is complete darkness” I screamed and turned instantly, heading home. I did not hear him following and I was extremely grateful. At least he knows when to back down. I refrained from looking back and marched home.
I opened the door of the sitting room and did not even pause when I saw Alex for the first time in days. I was in no mood for anyone, least of all him.
“Where are you coming from woman?” he boomed.
I paused and turned to look at the man who destroyed my life. I shook my head and turned towards the stairs. “When I ask a question in this house woman, you answer me” he was marching towards me. “You are definitely a slut. You are now spre-ading your legs for everyone in Abuja, isn’t it?”
I turned and swallowed ha-rd . “What if I am uhn? At least, I am not in the danger of impregnating someone, am i? You should really think of opening a baby-ma-king company, I think you have the talent of spre-ading your sp-erm where it is not nee-ded”
His arm swung with alarming speed and connected with my cheek. Before I got my balance, his other hand connected with my other cheek, s£nding me crashing to the ground at once. I heard running feet approaching but the pain coercing throu-gh my b©dy had me curled up on the floor. The pain was so unbearable but I would be damned if I cry. I bit my shakingl-ips so ha-rd , I ended up tasting my own blood. I turned to raise glaring eyes at Alex, despite my pain and that obviously turned to a great mistake because he literarily pounced on me.
“Don’t you dare look at me like that” he roared as he rained punches all over me. I skrie-ked loudly as I curled up in a ball, protecting my child with my hands and legs as every b!ow landed. Tears c@m£ rushing down my face and I discovered that the screams I was hearing were mine.
“Mr. Alex.” Tina cried as she tried to push Alex away. The pain coercing throu-gh my b©dy was eating at my s-en-ses and I was slowly losing consciousness.
“plea-se leave her… plea-se” I faintly heard Tina cry with shaky voice. “plea-se sir… she is pregnant… aaarrrhhhh…….” Darkness engulfed me as everything faded out of sight.
CAN’T HOLD MY TEARS
EPISODE 16
“Ouch” I whimpered painfully. “plea-se be careful Tina” I said sharply.
“Sorry” she seemed to be trying ha-rd to control her emotions as she tended the bloody fist marks all over my b©dy with h0t water and a clean towel. “Just try to endure the pain” she whispered sympathetically.
I winced as the h0t towel hit my skin again. It felt like a great camp fire had been lit beneath my skin and everywhere was aching like hell. It still felt extremely unbelievable that Alex had actually beaten me up. He had sl@pped me once but even then, I never imagined that he would have the nerve to beat me to a pulp in my delicate condition. “Ow! Easy” I m0@n ed painfully.
Tina shook her head. “Forgive me, but I really wish I could kill that husband of yours. I know he is your husband but he is a demented beast. My apologies” she grumbled angrily as she squee-zed the towel aggressively.
I swallowed painfully. This is one subject I would rather avoid. “You don’t nee-d to apologize Tina, I also wish I could kill him; my life would be a lot better… Ow…” I m0@n ed in pain as she placed the h0t towel on my swollen face.
She wiped tears I hadn’t noticed from her face. “I was so scared… especially when you pas-sed out. We nee-d to get you to the hospital” she said sternly.
I sighed. “How many times would I tell you that I am not going to any hospital? I am not going” I would not want to explain how and why I turned into a punching bag to any doctor. It was alre-ady embarras-sing and degrading enough that Tola and Tina were the spectators of the disastrous event, adding the staff of a hospital to the list would be more than I can stomach.
“You are being too stubborn Amara. Your baby is involved here, even if you don’t care about yourself” she said angrily.
“My baby is perfectly fine, I am sure” I said.
“How can you be so sure? Your baby is p@rt of you; if you are hurt, your baby is hurt too” she retorted.
I swallowed and endured the pain without ma-king a sound. Tola entered the room, bringing more h0t water and left in a hurry like she could not bear to see me in that condition. I exhaled audibly. For the first time, I really looked at Tina and noticed something odd. “Tina? Why do you have that swell on your head?” I asked, sitting up sharply to examine the swollen p@rt of her head.
She brushed my hand away, avoiding my gaze. “St©p. l@ystill and let me finish what I am doing. This is nothing”
I ignored her. “This does not look like nothing. What happened to your head? Did you fall?”
“Y…Yes… I sli-pped in the kitchen and hit my head” she murmured
I shook my head. “You are a terribly liar Tina, you can’t effectively lie to me” I said, knowing that I won’t like the answer. “What happened?” I said sharply.
“Erm…” she coughed slightly. “I tried to pu-ll your husband away when he was… erm… beating you… and he pushed me away…”
“And you hit your head on something” I finished for her in extreme anger, bouncing off the be-d within the twi-nkling of an eye and hiding the sharp pain that took over my wounded b©dy.
“The wall” she stated. “But it is nothing and it would go soon. I did not ask you to stand up, you are very hurt” she murmured disapprovingly.
“How dare he?” I roared as my anger skyrocketed. “He might be able to hurt me but he has no right to disrespect my friends”
“plea-se don’t forget that I am un-der his employ” she said. “Don’t beat yourself up over nothing. He is paying me so he has the right”
“Absolutely not. He is paying you to cook for him and not bu-mp your head against the wall. I would give him a piece of my mind. If he thinks he has put me in my place by beating me up” I laughed heartily, though it was painful. “Well, he should think again. I have alre-ady been str!pped of my pride and dignity; there is nothing left to be ashamed of”
She sighed. “Well, he is not around now; thank God for that. Now, you would use your drugs and sleep, thank God the marks are not visible anymore”
“Yeah. My skin never retained marks for long, I am lucky I am not as white as that swine; Lisa.” I said gratefully.
“Yeah, if you were, your b©dy would look like a painter’s board. Now, come and lie down, you nee-d to rest”
“Let me see what I can do to your head first” I said alternatively.
“No! I have done that. I am not in the mood to feel that pain again, plea-se” she grimaced.
I smiled. “And you called me a baby for feeling pains.”
********************
I felt much better after slee-ping all afternoon. The previous night and this early morning had been too much torture because the pain burned into my s-en-ses, ma-king me cower in pain from even the slightest move; but now, I felt as good as new, even though the punch sp©ts were still hurting.
Immediately I got down the stairs, Lisa turned from the television and bur-sted into laughter immediately she saw me. She laughed until she almost fell off the chair. At first, anger took over me and I felt like strangling her. But then, I quic-kly realized that her aim was to get me angry so I quic-kly composed myself, putting an indifferent smile on my face.
“Oh, my God! I never knew Alex was such a good bo-xer” Lisa said with shining eyes and fully displa-yed teeth. “Tell me slut, how was it? Oh, how I regret missing that show” she said gleefully.
“Really? You missed it? OH, that is so painful. It would have been nice to have you in attendance dear. The drama was most entertaining. Tell me, who told you about it uhn? I know the walls have ears but I am sure they don’t have mouths”. I wanted to know who told her. I knew it was definitely not Tina, she won’t do that. The only other witness would be Tola. Even though we have become friends, I still could not trust her fully.
“Oh, why? Of course, Alex himself gave me the full gist of how he put you in your place with his fist” she laughed. “So, it is only mouth you have, you don’t have action”
I looked at her as my anger started showing up again. Alex had told her. With each pas-sing day, I always found myself wondering how Alex had been able to cover the monster in him while we were in the village. He had never given me a cause to even as-sume he would lift a f!nger against a woman, but here I am, faced with the reality of my destroyed life. “Don’t pl@ywith fire dear, you would get burnt” I said sternly, with a wicked smile. I called Tina and told her I was going for a small stroll.
I walked the length of the street until I got to a business center. I smiled at the lady there and she smiled back. “Good evening, how may I help you?”
I smiled. “I want to make a phone call” I said.
She frowned. “I am sorry, I only sell recharge cards”
“Oh” I breathed. “What if I use your phone? I would recharge it, plea-se” I pleaded.
She nodded and recharged the phone and gave it to me. I collected it gratefully. I had searched for the s£nator’s pri-vate number in the diary I found in Alex’s study and as I dialed, I hoped he was still using it. When it started ringing, I sighed happily.
“Hello” I heard the s£nator’s baritone voice from the other end.
“Hello sir, this is Amara” I answered
“Oh, how are you doing daughter?” he answered instantly, seeming really interested in my welfare.
“I wish I could tell you that I am fine sir, but I am not” I allowed the pain to seep into my voice intentionally as I walked slightly away from the shop to give myself little privacy.
“What is wrong? What did Alex do this time?” he asked sternly.
Well, it is good to go straight to the point. “Well sir, ever since I met your son, I have known only pain in my life, but right now, I’m not only have to deal with emotional pains but physical ones also”
“What do you mean?” his voice was deadly quiet.
“Alex has decided to use his fists to show his frustration sir. He beat me up yesterday until I fell unconscious”
“He did what?” the s£nator roared at the other end and the sound pierced throu-gh my ear drums.
“I just decided to inform you sir because I did not sign my death warrant when I married Alex. I would not put my life and that of my son in danger. I won’t.”
“S… Son?” he g@sped out.
“Yes sir, the scan revealed that I am carrying a baby boy” Affection seeped unconsciously throu-gh my voice.
There was a brief silence, and then the s£nator seemed to get back his composure. “plea-se relax. Are you feeling better? Oh! You nee-d to see a doctor to check you out. As for Alex, leave him to me. I would handle him. Can I reach you on this line?” he ranted.
“No… No. I am calling from a business center”
“Alright. If anything happens, call me instantly. I would get you a phone right away. Should have done that”.
“Thanks a lot sir. Erm sir, there is one other thing I want to ask. I nee-d to see my parents but I don’t know where they are now. Do you have their address sir?”
He answered in affirmative and gave me the address which I instantly put to memory.
I paid the lady and walked home. I sat with Lisa in the sitting room and a contented smile was pasted on my face. She glanced at me from time to time, apparently irritated that I was in a good mood despite all that has happened. She was busy watching a fashion show which I found irritating and I gr@bb£d the remote and changed it to African Magic.
“How dare you? Can’t you see that I am watching a program?” she bellowed in anger.
“Heeeeyy, hush! You are disturbing my baby with your cat-like voice. Will you shut up? I want to watch a movie, if you are not ok with it, go and get some sleep”
“You must be out of your s-en-ses” she marched towards me. “Give me that remote” she yelled.
“You would better get yourself out of my sight if you don’t want to find out how good of a bo-xer I am. I am warning you woman, I won’t pity your condition at all” I sh0t at her.
She glared then stormed up the stair. I laughed and relaxed against the back rest of the chair.
********************
After going to the market that same evening to get some things for my parents, I instantly decided that I would spend the night with them, if not days. I have missed them and I knew life would not be totally hell on earth if I stayed with them. As long as my dad behaved of course. I packed everything I bought and put them in the car before going inside to pick some necessities, like a spare cloth and other lady things.
I was just climbing down the stairs when the front door bur-st open and Alex stormed in. he saw me with no difficulty and stormed towards me like he would actually kill me on the sp©t. I stood firm with my head held high, even though I was shivering inside. “Is a tiger on your tail? Why do you look so…”
“Shut your mouth” he roared and gr@bb£d my n£¢k in a choking vice. “How dare you call my father to tell him trash? Do you know what you have just done? I am suspended in my own father’s company, you filthy b****” he roared.
I let my bag fall to the ground and I dig my nails into his hand until the pain f0rç£d him to let go of my n£¢k. I coughed slightly and drew in sharp breaths. “Do you know what you have done Alex?” I returned when I gained my composure. “You had the nerve to beat me up. What did you aim to achieve uhn? You want to box my child out of me right? Or you want to put fear in me so I can cower in your pres£nce” I laughed. “You have created a monster Alex, deal with it. If you l@ya single f!nger on me, I would make you pay. Calling your dad is the least of what I would do to you Alex, and when I am done, you would regret knowing me”
He glared at me. “Believe me, I regret that alre-ady”
I picked up my bag and smiled coyly. “I am happy to hear that Alex, because the feeling is mutual” I walked away from him. “Goodnight Tina” I yelled.
“And where the hell are you going?” Alex barked.
I glanced slightly at him, and then continued out the door. “None of your business. You have your suspension to worry about darling”
I smiled outside the house and called the driver. I told him the address and we were out of the house and onto the road. I ru-bbe-d life back to my strangled n£¢k and hissed in anger. I l@ymy head back and closed my eyes as darkness grew near. I knew my parents would be plea-santly surprised and I could not wait to see that surprise in their faces. I have missed my parents, my mother especially.
********************
“Why won’t you listen to reason” Amara’s mum yelled in anger as she marched behind her husband into the sitting room. The argument had been going on for almost thirty minutes, yet he won’t listen. “I know my dreams Nnayi, they always come true. Let us take Amara out of that house before they kill her for me”
“Listen to me woman. Amara is married and it is her duty to remain in that house for better for worse. Just because you dreamt that Alex beat her till she fainted, you want her to leave such a wealthy family? My God! Don’t be stupid woman”
“I am not stupid, I am a mother and naturally, I am concerned about my child. Unfortunately, you are not” she said angrily.
“Why should I be? Now, Amara is nothing more than a financial means for me. We both know that she is not our daughter; why would I be bothered?” Crashing sounds made then turn and they both g@sped in horror.
“Amara”
WATCHOUT FOR EPISODE 17