Serena met my gaze from across the class as I ignored her and sat with Rebecca, she looked down as if knowing what had happened, I couldn’t blame her for anything, she was just trying to be a friend, and she was going through quite a lot even though she didn’t trust me enough to tell me. It was two days now since Sean left the country, I hadn’t even gone to say goodbye, I didn’t want to see him or talk to him ever again. After class Rebecca said she had to see a lecturer, I nodded, if she had noticed my sour mood lately she hadn’t said anything about it.
“He’s told you right..” Serena said blocking me after class, I made to go “what’s wrong?”she held my hand”is it Sean, he too was moody before he left, what happened between you and my brother?”
“I don’t wanna talk about it…am sorry about your mother” I left her standing there and made my way back to my room.
I got in my room and the first thing I saw was the Teddy-Bear he had won for me on my bed, I glared at it as the door opened.
“Emilia I saw you come in..”
Martin..he was the last person I wanted to face right now,
“Are you okay?” he asked, why wasn’t he yelling
“Yes I’m fine” I went and leaned on my study desk..
“Well iv been calling, didn’t you see my calls?”
I didnt reply “who’s he?”he asked finally, what do I tell him, he was my friend, stalker, lover..I didn’t even know what he was…
” no one..he’s no one to me”
“So he is one of your stalkers”
“No..he’s Serena’s brother.. I told you”
” Emilia you left me on the sidewalk and went with him against my better judgement”
“I was trying to prevent a fight”
“What you doing associating with an unbeliever uh..and trust me he’s more interested in you than what you think” I met his eyes”oh..you know..yet you went with him in his car?”
“I didn’t know what else to do”
“Is there something I don’t know Emilia,is there something you are not telling me , you assured me there was no one else, you led me on to believe that”
“There’s no one else..there’s nothing between us, you’re the one I’m in love with”
He stared at me “I came to your hostel..Rebecca said you left with him ”
I rolled my eyes as Martin waited for me to defend myself
“We just..we just went to eat”
There was a long silence, I actually did not need this right now, I just wanted to lay on my
“You are falling sister, I never expected this from you, before you know it you ll let him have his way with you”
My palm landed on his cheek, I gaped..he gaped
“I’m sorry..I .I’m so sorry” I didn’t even know when that happened
He shook his head “no..I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that”, my eyes misted as he took me in his arms
“I didn’t know..I..I..”
“You need to pray Emilia, you shouldn’t allow the devil prevail” he said, I held him close, he pulled away cleaning my tears
“Emilia, I believe you are the woman for me, I dont want anything to jeopardize that, God has better plans for us than what is attracting you in the world, this is all the work of the flesh playing out” he said, I nodded
“You still haven’t agreed to my proposal..I’ve waited long enough haven’t I?”.
I swallowed, I couldn’t believe he was bringing that up
“Am not allowed to date you”I said
“My Dad said..”
“You told your Father?”
I nodded “I thought it was the right thing to do”
“Forget what your father said..we should make this official, am so scared of losing you, worse I have to compete with a pagan”
,”Your in no competition with anyone..its you and only you ” chat Martinmartino on zero eight one eighty thirty fourteen twenty one to be added to his whatsapp group.
He caressed my face”let’s keep it that way”
I forced a smile against my banging heart, he was so calm, understanding and peaceful, I didn’t feel all jumbled up inside and confused when it was him..why am I comparing them..I did compare them when he kissed me, Martins lips were soft and all but I didn’t feel anything..not even a spark..I looked down as the door opened..
“Oh sorry.. I didn’t know..” Rebecca said in shock at what she had walked in on, I looked at her
“No..I ll just go..I ll see you later Emilia”he said, I nodded as he left, Rebecca came in
” Your suitors are piling..first it was Sean outside your door for an hour..now Martin”
“Just shut up..” I went to my bed and laid down, she sat on her own bed
“So what happened.. at the date, you haven’t told me”
“Nothing” I said too quickly, I just wanted to enter a cave and hide
“Really..you were crying that night Millie..just thought I shouldn’t ask then”
“Then dont ask”
Rebecca shrugged, stood up to undress..
“I let him kiss me..” I confessed, she was my best friend and I never did hide anything from her before, she turned to look at me, I thought she’d rave and judge but she said..”and..?”
“And other stuff..” I looked away
“So I shouldn’t have, shouldn’t have let him…. he’s a..he’s a..”
“Pagan?..you shouldn’t be hard on yourself Emilia, you are human”
I couldn’t believe I was discussing this
“I cheated on Martin”
“You guys ain’t dating yet..you still have options to pick who you like”
I shook my head “Nothing is going to happen again between Sean and I..”
“Thats what you are telling yourself but you know its going to happen again and again till you quit denying it”
What..i was surprised at her “Are you saying I should date an unbeliever?” did he bribe her or what..
“I’m just saying that shouldn’t be the basis of your not dating him, i’ve watched you Emilia, you have not been yourself since you met this guy and have clearly fallen for him”
“That’s so not true” what was she talking about
She crossed her arms “Did you compare him to Martins just now?”, I stared at her” that’s a yes..so babygirl its going to happen again”
“Its just a stupid crush” I said, she ignored me so I asked”he’s not even a Christian,why you on his team?”
“I look at the heart..not the badge..besides how you so sure Martin is?”
My lips parted “do you know something I don’t? ”
She chuckled “Go back on your knees and pray.. before you make a huge mistake”
I sat in silence and stared into space, the talk had made me settled but more confused, I didn’t even understand what she was talking about, Sean was bad news from the start, he finally showed his true colors tuesday night , shaking off the memory, I decided to sleep. My phone buzzed in the middle of the night with a text message.. It was from an unknown number so I knew who it was from..it read
His fingers wrapped around my hair as he kissed me like he was thirsty and I was the only water on land, my shirt had gone off, his too , he put me on the counter and went down on me..
I woke up, then put on the light in the dark room, Rebecca was peacefully asleep..my palms on my face I sighed realising I was dreaming about it again..and sweating. My phone buzzed with a message, I picked it up
“Can’t sleep, I’ve been thinking about you” it read, was he kidding
“LEAVE ME ALONE” I texted back
“Stop messing with my head” I said into the quiet room, then laid back and tried to pray, there was a long silence before he texted again
“I’m never gonna touch you again..the thing is..you want me to”
Why was I replying him again?
I sent him a glaring face”I don’t want you to”
“Ok…do please forgive me..I guess I lost it”
“You need God..”
“Yeah…maybe he could help me with this”
I stared at the phone then put off the light and slept off. I realised I didn’t ask him about his mother, maybe because I just didn’t care anymore, he had succeeded in destroying all the defences I had taken years to build up and that wasn’t safe, I wasn’t going to let him get to me again.
â€‹â€‹â€‹â€‹â€‹â€‹I put him behind me, didn’t return his texts or calls, I decided all I felt for him was plain lust, that was why he was plaguing my dreams..and I had no intention of allowing the devil to destroy my life.
Erica was on break and decided to come visit me in school, after gisting Rebecca and I about NYSC camp, we decided to try our hands on baking
“Rebecca I love you but you do not know a thing about baking”she said
” yea..give me some credit, I’ve never baked a cake”
“Word?.. Well you stir anticlockwise”
“Well I’m good with other things”
“Yes clearly, your better than my sister in many things “Erica said glancing at me for a reaction, I didn’t reply
” I hear one nigga’s been chasing you around campus”she said
I looked at Rebecca surprised
“Not Rebecca, I have my sources” I pst “hear he’s really fine, is he rich..do you like him?”
I looked at Rebecca again
“What, you not gonna tell your sister anything, I could advice you”
I didn’t need her advice but I sighed
“Yea, but he drinks and smokes”
“Yippe..he’s the one, that’s him baby.. I like a guys that’s real”
I just gaped at her then looked at Rebecca who mouthed a “Sorry” at me
â€‹â€‹â€‹â€‹â€‹â€‹” your no help” of course she ll like someone who was just like her, I kept the napkin and walked away from them
Erica looked at us “what did I say?”
I didn’t want anybody to talk about it or bring him up. I had succeeded in putting him behind me and had started hanging out with Martins again, he was safe and would never make me do something bad like commit a sin against God, I was in control and I liked that.. Sean was…dangerous.
“Yes” I told Martin at fellowship “I ll date you” I said, I already pictured myself as his wife and was comfortable with it, he took me in his arms and hugged me
“I love you Emilia” he said.
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