AGE DOESN’T 🙅♀️.
I dropped my phone on the be-d and looked sideways not knowing what to say.
Thankfully Jason is working to get over his feelings for me.
But then Neil is at the other end, he went to get himself drun!kand now he is blurting out all this, about how he loves me and I don’t love him back. And now he wants us to break up because we can never be perfect together.
That guilty feeling seized in my che-st as I saw the missed calls from Jason and Neil.
Well especially Neil, because of everything he said throu-gh the voice mail.
If only I let him k!ssme, he wouldn’t have…
I sighed and la-id back on the be-d with, dropping my phone on t©p of my drawer beside the be-d.
Everything happens for a reason and I didn’t k!sshim because I didn’t feel like it and cause I didn’t feel the same way he felt for me.
There’s a reason behind why he didn’t notice my feelings for him back then in high school, maybe we’re not meant to be, and we can’t f0rç£ what’s not meant to be.
Bananas goes with bananas, mangoes goes with mangoes, you can’t f0rç£ banana and mangoes go together.
I closed my eyes and made my head comfortable around the pillow.
And before I knew it, I was fast a sleep.
I woke up that same morning by eight a.m and quic-kly went to have my bath, my mom and dad would be home soon too.
After washing up and having breakfast, I called my mom and she told me, they just left the hospital.
I decided on calling Neil, I wanted to talk to him while he is sober, what he s£nt last night was still ma-king me feel bad. I wanted to make things right.
Thankfully Neil picked up immediately as I called him.
And his cheerful hello sounded from the other side of the phone.
“HI… Neil?” I breathed out.
“How are you doing?” He asked calmly.
“Fine… I guess, you?”
“I’m fine!” He said.
“Okay, so i revieved you voice note…” I said hesitantly.
I heard the sigh and bit my bottoml-ip. “I know, I didn’t know i s£nt that until this morning that was stupid of me!” Neil laughed nervously.
“You were really drun!klast night, are you okay now?” I asked.
“Well I’m fine now, and I really nee-ded that so it’s okay!” Neil laughed.
We both remained quiet until he added. “And about everything I said!”.
My breathing hitched as I continued to listen to him.
“I meant everything I said though, and I don’t really think we’re meant to be, you un-derstand right?” Neil stated.
“Neil, if it’s about that k!ss, we ca–
“Can maybe what?” Neil interrupted, “We can k!ssagain? You’re pretty funny Elsa, but it’s not about the k!ss, I just don’t see an us, I don’t… Look I fv¢ked up by not noticing your feelings then and now it’s the other way round. But don’t worry I am not having any regrets, we can just be friends Elsa, just like always okay?” I could feel his smile from the phone and I couldn’t believe my ears.
He is such… he is very un-derstanding.
“Thank you!” was all I could stay.
“You’re welcome. You don’t have feelings for me and I cannot f0rç£ that, just be who you want to be and love who you want to love. Lately I’ve come to be very un-derstanding and sorry if I said any word that hurt you throu-gh my voice mail” Neil said and I nodded and breathed out a “No! You didn’t”.
I smiled at his gentle words and un-derstanding heart.
“Okay thanks again!” I sighed.
“No problem” Neil said and we both hung up. The guilty feeling left my che-st as a small smile curved up on my face.
Neil is so nice.
I heard as the sound of the front door and I quic-kly rushed to the door to see my mom and Dad walking inside the house, my mom was looking good, like nothing ever happened and my Dad looked like he could really use another sleep for another forty eight hours.
I welcomed my mom with a hvg and she wouldn’t st©p smiling.
I walked her back to her room and when we both settled down on her be-d she started to ask me about work and other things.
And then she asked about Neil all of a sudden.
“Oh Neil is fine!” I replied and I don’t know what was wrong with my tone but she asked.
“What’s up with your tone, is he not fine?” she narrowed her eyes at me.
“Huh?” I was confused.
“The way you said ‘Neil is fine’ sounded like he’s not fine!”. My mom stated.
“Oh” I laughed. “Well my bad, but he’s actually fine.” I added.
“Hmm… Okay are you guys fine?” my mom blurted.
I gave her a look. “You mean, are we fine individually, or you mean our relationsh!p?”.
“Your relationsh!p!” My mom plainly stated.
“Well we’re fine being friends!” I smiled.
“Friends?” my mom gave a bewildered look.
“Yeah, we broke up few minutes ago!” I said like it was nothing, and my mom let out the loudest g@sp ever.
“What?” she yelled.
“You just c@m£ back from the hospital mom, remember your state!” I reminded.
“I don’t care, why did you guys break up, you were both a perfect couple!” my mom said.
“Really a perfect couple!?” I scoffed.
“Huh?” My mom said.
“It’s really a big ‘huh?’ mom, cause Neil and I are not the so called perfect couple you’re saying, everyone calls a perfect couple or relationsh!ps when you and your b©yfri£ndhas the perfect height distance, or when you’re pretty and your b©yfri£ndis also pretty, or when you guys laugh out loud for people to hear all the time. That is not a perfect couple, well it is on the outside for the eyes of people, but people should focus more on the inside to judge if it’s really a perfect couple or not, mom sincerely, I used to have a crush on Neil back then in highschool but he never noticed me, well it was a one sided love so it was nothing big though. And now the feeling’s all gone and he started to develop feelings for me and asked me out, I accepted his feelings out of pity cause I didn’t want him to feel bad and now I feel bad cause now I feel like I’ve made him felt worse, but he’s always so bottled up with his feelings and always tries to be un-derstanding. I like that about him but it’s not good, he told me we should break up, he knows I don’t share the same feelings for him so he decided on the break up!” I rushed the whole words i said and my mom blinked ra-pidly.
“That is… I don’t know what to say but I sure do know what thing, rejecting someone is far better than accepting them out of pity, if you don’t like them, just let them know, and being In a relationsh!pyou don’t want to be in, is just so bad!” my mom stated and I sighed.
“I know, I shouldn’t have done that, but it’s okay now, we’ve resolved everything between us!” I said with a small sigh.
“Okay dear, whatever you do just know I’m always in full support!” my mom smiled and I nodded.
“So would you like to eat anything!?” I asked.
“Nope, I ate a hvge burger on my way back, so I’m more than full, and shouldn’t you be getting re-ady for work?” my mom asked.
“Work doesn’t start until three, and it’s just twelve p.m” I reminded her and she nods.
Time was slow that day but the usual television shows helped, till it was time for me to go to work, like I sle-pt so much I feel so energetic. And also feel so happy, because of what Neil did, he’s so un-derstanding and I hope he finds someone better than me, someone who deserves the sweet and un-derstanding Neil that I know.
I smiled at the sun, when I got inside the bus, it was beaming so bright and it just gave a cheerful vibe.
I was happy and cheerful at that moment and I loved the feeling, let’s be happy, we only live once.
I got to the hvggins residence and in no time, I found myself inside the house.
I found Mrs. hvggins in the living room talking to Dessera about something and when she noticed me, she held up the most beautiful smile ever.
“Elsa!” she called happily.
“Hi Mrs. hvggins!”.
She doesn’t have to work or go to work, when you have a filthy and Rich husband you get to stay home all day in fancy looking clothes and Shoes…
Mrs. hvggins never seemed to fail me with her dresses.
“Oh, so glad you’re here, Jason has finally get a hold of himself and as a better mom, I apologized to him for what I did.” Mrs. hvggins said happily.
“Oh that’s great!” I added.
“I know right?” she smiled.
I nodded and told her I’ll be in Jason’s room now.
She nodded and I left for Jason’s room.
I gave a small knock on the door. And heard a “You can come in!” from the inside.
I pushed the white door open and walked in his alre-ady too familiar room.
Surprisingly, Jason was alre-ady waiting at his study desk for me. And I couldn’t be more proud. So good he’s pushing the feeling things aside.
I sat down beside him and adjusted the chair away from his, just a bit, so we won’t bu-mp into each other if we try to lift our elbows up or more.
I dropped my bag on the desk and breathed out a “Hi”.
“Hi” Jason replied. He remained quiet for a while before turning to me… “Okay so can we make this lesson the normal way it is before, instead of saying stupid ‘Hi’s and hellos, it’s awkward and stupid” Jason ranted.
“Well sorry to bur-st your bubbles, but you did reply me, so I guess we’re both freaks them” I raised my brows at him and he rolled his eyes.
And that was how the before atmosphere c@m£ back.
We both worked on some t©pics and Jason was really back on track cause he un-derstood everything I was explaining, no more lost in thoughts or even finding zoned out.
Well he un-derstands it’s for the best, it’s lovely how two of the guys who loves me are un-derstanding. And I used to think Jason was childish. Well I take back all my words.
Jason solved all the whole equations without ma-king a single mistake and I complimented him for his good work.
I started to fl!pthe pages of the textbook to know what t©pic to work on next, while Jason was quiet, actually busy with his phone though.
I finally found a t©pic and called for his attention and he immediately dropped his phone and turned to me.
Well I started to make an explanation on the t©pic and before I knew it, my saliva clogged on my throat and I started to cough. Well that is a normal incident for everyone. But Jason quic-kly told me not to worry that he’d get me a glas-s of water immediately and dashed out of the room before I could protest.
I sighed, as I stood straight still watching the door. Guess I was too late, well I could really use a glas-s of water, I’ve been talking non st©p.
I sat on Jason’s chair and sighed again. His phone blinked and turned on, I didn’t mean to pry but he was having a text conversation with the p@rticip@n-t ‘Donald’ I remember the Donald guy being his friend.
I didn’t want to re-ad his text conversation but the message I saw made me to. And it was Jason who s£nt it to donald.
**I act like I’m okay, but I know de-ep down I’m not, I have to be okay, unless I won’t see her again. Or at least I have to pretend I’m okay in order for her to be here**
Why didn’t he put a lock on his phone??
Curiously I re-ad the next text and the next text and the next one.
Donald: *You are never going to be okay just know that*
Jason: *Try to be positive, I’m dying here, like she’s here beside me, I can’t take it*.
Donald: *To my own thinking, I think you’ll be fine if you just go on one d@t£ with her, maybe that would take your mind off awkward things, you’ll really get to see who she really is despite the teacher role.*
Jason: *A d@t£ with her? That sounds nice but are you going to ask her out for me cause I can’t, so don’t ever think a d@t£ is happening you prick*
Donald:*Your problem, not mine, you dweeb*
And that was the message that c@m£ in.
I stood up and sat back on my chair.
And here I am thinking he was over me. But he’s not.
The door opened and Jason walked in with a glas-s of water.
“Thanks” I said as he dropped the water in front of me. Thankfully his phone has sle-pt off again.
“You welcome!” He said as he sat down.
I gulped down the whole glas-s and turned to him.. And out of nowhere I said.
“Do you want to go on a d@t£ with me?”
I gr@bb£d the glas-s of water for Elsa and head back to my room.
I opened the door and found her on my seat, seeing me, she went back to hers and sat down. I dropped the glas-s of water in front of her and she gulped the whole thing down and thanked me.
“You’re welcome!” I said and sat down.
She dropped the glas-s on the study desk and Turned to me.
“Do you want to go on a d@t£ with me?”
I thought I heard wrong but I didn’t and turned to her immediately.
“What?” I asked, to be sure.
She blinked ra-pidly and let’s out a sigh.
“Just forget I said that!” she laughed.
“Of course I would love to!” I smiled.
“So you heard me the first time!” she narrowed her eyes at me.
“I wanted to be sure.” I looked away.
“Your sure-ness wanted to leave me in an awkward state!” she added and I grinned and let out a “sorry”
“But wait!” I turned to her. “You’re still with Neil and-
“And that’s why you should forget, I ever said that, I didn’t know what I was thinking.” She said feeling awkward about asking me out.
Like Elsa, just asked me out and I’m about to b!ow it.
No, not today!
“I can never forget that and I really want to go on a d@t£ with you and I take back my words plea-se!” I quic-kly apologised.
She sighed and turned to me. “Okay so… I think that was a mistake and I want to apologise for it!” she said.
“Apologize?” I was lost.
“Apologize for what?” I asked.
“While you were getting my cu-p of water, I saw your chat with Donald where you said, you haven’t gotten over me, and so I want to apologize for prying throu-gh your messages and for also asking you out, out of sympathy, I wanted to ask you out to make you feel better because that was what Donald suggested on your text messages and I thought, maybe if you really go on one d@t£ with me, maybe you’ll get over me! I mean you will right?” She asked.
I don’t know! But what matters is that, she’s almost agreeing on going on a d@t£ with me.
“Of course!” I nodded.
“Good, but now thinking about it, I’ve been pretty selfish!” she sighed.
“Selfish? How do you mean?” I asked.
She glanced at me. “oh, it’s something I can’t explain, but don’t worry, it’s something only I can un-derstand!”
“O…kay…” I didn’t know what to say.
“So can we just continue on our t©pic!” she said and started to turn the pages of the math text book.
And I angrily closed the book. Letting the book cover slam the pages ha-rd .
“No we can’t, you can’t do this to me Elsa!” I couldn’t take it anymore. “I opened up my feelings for you, I tried to get over you but I couldn’t, I don’t care if you re-ad my fv¢king text because I am seriously happy you re-ad that, because it let you say out those words, if you’re so embarras-sed to say it again, I un-derstand but I will never be embarras-sed to say, Elsa, will you go on a d@t£ with me, just a d@t£, a one time thing and nothing else…plea-se!” I added the plea-se when it looked like she was about to disagree.
“Look Jason, I just broke up with Neil because I agreed to d@t£ him out of pity, but it didn’t work out well because I did all that because of the sympathy I had in me. And now I’m doing it again, asking you out, out of pity, I’ve been a bad person enough, and pity just ruins everything!” she yelled.
The fact that she broke up with Neil, just made today even better.
I tried to hold my excitement.
“I don’t care if you asked me out, out of pity or any selfish reason or whatsoever, I’ll take anything coming from you, I don’t care if I’m being used by you too!” I stated and didn’t know what kind of impact my words meant to her, but she remained quiet for a while, with a surprised expression written all over her face.
Finally she let’s out a sigh. “it’s just a one time d@t£, this Saturday and after that, we speak nothing about it!”
“That is better than okay, thank you so much Elsa!” I smiled.
She bit her bo-ttoml-ips till looking worried.
“What’s wrong!” I asked.
She sighed. “It’s about the d@t£, don’t you think it’d be awkward.!”
“Why do you say so?” I was suddenly hurt.
She looked at me and for some reason, I un-derstood that gaze perfectly.
“Still worried about the age difference huh?” it was really sad.
“I mean what would people say?” she shrugged at me.
“Uh. That is none of their fv¢king business and people would say nothing because I look really older than you!” I let her know.
She shut her eyes and opened them back again.
“I get the point, you’re a boy, you look almost older than Neil too. but still to me you’re still… Younger”
“Okay, I have to ask, what is it with you and age?” I calmly asked.
She shrugged. “I don’t know, my dad’s older than my mom, and most people I’ve seen are like that too. It’s like an etiquette of couples or marriage or something and I think it’s always been like that it’s gotten into my head.!”
I shook my head at her. “I don’t think thats it!”
“Then what is?” she asked.
“You’re smart, I’m not giving you a compliment but a plain white honesty, you’re really smart, you’ve been smart your whole life and know a lot of thing about almost every single thing and people around you, you feel like you know too much and don’t nee-d to be impacted by more, you feel like you could contain that smartness and can actually bring the best of it whenever you want to and that’s nice but when it comes to the case of relationsh!ps or stuffs similar to it, you bring in your smartness which is not supposed to be fully required. And I don’t know about Neil, but to me, you feel like I’m this kid who suddenly grew this stupid feelings for you and doesn’t know what he’s doing, sorry but there’s no book that warns ‘don’t fall for older or younger people’ there is no law that abides that, and looking at me, you feel like I’m not up to your standards or preferance and I’ll always be this kid you tutor, you feel like even if we happen to be in a relationsh!p, there’s nothing I can bring up to your smartness, you follow everything your head tells you and not re-ady to change that. Your smartness kills the relationsh!pimpacts in your head, I’m not saying we should be in a relationsh!por so, but in a relationsh!pyou don’t bring in smartness, because smartness kills the vibes it kills the aura, In relationsh!ps, people bring in lvst! And dumbness for it to go smoothly, they don’t let their heads judge age for them to be in love, but let their hearts decide for them!”.
Wow. I can’t believe I said all that.
Elsa let’s out a small breathable smile.
“You’re actually pretty smart yourself you know that?”.
“Yeah I know!” I shrugged.
Her smile faded and she suddenly looked sad.
” I don’t know what to say. Your words left me completely speechless, congratulations, now can we continue on our t©pic?” she said and I sighed. “Sure! Why not!”
She’s not even planing to make an impact on what I just said.
Well I’ll just let her be who she wants to be.
She started to explain the next t©pic and it looked too easy and I was getting bored, I didn’t let her explain finish, I just interrupted her and told her to give me a question to work on.
She did as I said and I started to work on the questions.
I glanced at her severly from the corners of my eyes, but she didn’t notice, she just stared at her phone.
I continued working on the questions until I glanced at her to see her stylishly wiping the corners of her eyes.
Is she in tears?
“Elsa? Are you okay?” I asked.
She turned to me quic-kly, “Why would you ask that, of course I’m okay!”
I saw no tears on her face so I quic-kly observed her eyelashes to see it we-t.
She sure was in tears, but I wasn’t going to pry or ask why so I minded my business cause that’s what a real gentleman could do.
I WAS FEELING like $h!t, I was feeling like the worst, every thing Jason said, every word he spoke about calling it a plain white honesty, every s£ntence he made was true, that is how I am.
And I’m not even that smart.
But I’m also not Letting my heart decide, but my head.
I also want to go somewhere, I also want to fall in love, I could fall in love with anyone I want to, I could have let Neil in again if I wanted to. But I didn’t, I bottled up my heart and let my head do all the work.
I was being selfish to myself and that wasn’t healthy.
I can totally be wherever I want with someone, if only I can just open my heart and let them in.
It’s time to look for the key of this rusty old beating heart at the left side of che-st. It’s time to look for the probably rusty keys too and open my heart up. I can even let the whole world in, if I want to, I shouldn’t feel smart about everything, and age… Age doesn’t really matter. All Jason had said was nothing but the truth and his speech should be said with confettis coming out of his mouth! Because that was a whole lot of sincere truth. How did he get to find out what was bottled up inside me.
But well I think it’s time.