AGE DOESN’T 🙅♀️.
I dropped my phone on the bed and looked sideways not knowing what to say.
Thankfully Jason is working to get over his feelings for me.
But then Neil is at the other end, he went to get himself drunk and now he is blurting out all this, about how he loves me and I don’t love him back. And now he wants us to break up because we can never be perfect together.
That guilty feeling seized in my chest as I saw the missed calls from Jason and Neil.
Well especially Neil, because of everything he said through the voice mail.
If only I let him kiss me, he wouldn’t have…
I sighed and laid back on the bed with, dropping my phone on top of my drawer beside the bed.
Everything happens for a reason and I didn’t kiss him because I didn’t feel like it and cause I didn’t feel the same way he felt for me.
There’s a reason behind why he didn’t notice my feelings for him back then in high school, maybe we’re not meant to be, and we can’t force what’s not meant to be.
Bananas goes with bananas, mangoes goes with mangoes, you can’t force banana and mangoes go together.
I closed my eyes and made my head comfortable
And before I knew it, I was fast a sleep.
I woke up that same morning by eight a.m and quickly went to have my bath, my mom and dad would be home soon too.
After washing up and having breakfast, I called my mom and she told me, they just left the hospital.
Thankfully Neil picked up immediately as I called him.
And his cheerful hello sounded from the other side of the phone.
“HI… Neil?” I breathed out.
“How are you doing?” He asked calmly.
“Fine… I guess, you?”
“I’m fine!” He said.
“Okay, so i revieved you voice note…” I said hesitantly.
I heard the sigh and bit my bottom lip. “I know, I didn’t know i sent that until this morning that was stupid of me!” Neil laughed nervously.
“You were really drunk last night, are you okay now?” I asked.
“Well I’m fine now, and I really needed that so it’s okay!” Neil laughed.
We both remained quiet until he added. “And about everything I said!”.
My breathing hitched as I continued to listen to him.
“I meant everything I said though, and I don’t really think we’re meant to be, you understand right?” Neil stated.
“Neil, if it’s about that kiss, we ca–
“Can maybe what?” Neil interrupted, “We can kiss again? You’re pretty funny Elsa, but it’s not about the kiss, I just don’t see an us,
He is such… he is very understanding.
“Thank you!” was all I could stay.
“You’re welcome. You don’t have feelings for me and I cannot force that, just be who you want to be and love who you want to love. Lately I’ve come to be very understanding and sorry if I said any word that hurt you through my voice mail” Neil said and I nodded and breathed out a “No! You didn’t”.
I smiled at his gentle words and understanding heart.
“Okay thanks again!” I sighed.
“No problem” Neil said and we both hung up. The guilty feeling left my chest as a small smile curved up on my face.
Neil is so nice.
I heard as the sound of the front door and I quickly rushed to the door to see my mom and Dad walking inside the house, my mom was looking good, like nothing ever happened and my Dad looked like he could really use another sleep for another forty eight hours.
I welcomed my mom with a hug and she wouldn’t stop smiling.
I walked her back to her room and when we both settled down on her bed she started to ask me about work and other things.
And then she asked about Neil all of a sudden.
“Oh Neil is fine!” I replied and I don’t know what was wrong with my tone but she asked.
“What’s up with your tone, is he not fine?” she narrowed her eyes at me.
“Huh?” I was confused.
“The way you said ‘Neil is fine’ sounded like he’s not fine!”. My mom stated.
“Oh” I laughed. “Well my bad, but he’s actually fine.” I added.
“Hmm… Okay are you guys fine?” my mom blurted.
I gave her a look. “You mean, are we fine individually, or you mean our relationship?”.
“Your relationship!” My mom plainly stated.
“Well we’re fine being friends!” I smiled.
“Friends?” my mom gave a bewildered look.
“Yeah, we broke up few minutes ago!” I said like it was nothing, and my mom let out the loudest gasp ever.
“What?” she yelled.
“You just came back from the hospital mom, remember your state!” I reminded.
“I don’t care, why did you guys break up, you were both a perfect couple!” my mom said.
“Really a perfect couple!?” I scoffed.
“Huh?” My mom said.
“It’s really a big ‘huh?’ mom, cause Neil and I are not the so called perfect couple you’re saying, everyone calls a perfect couple or relationships when you and your boyfriend has the perfect height distance, or when you’re pretty and your boyfriend is also pretty, or when you guys laugh out loud for people to hear all the time. That is not a perfect couple, well it is on the outside for the eyes of people, but people should focus more on the inside to judge if it’s really a perfect couple or not, mom sincerely, I used to have a crush on Neil back then in highschool but he never noticed me, well it was a one sided love so it was nothing big though. And now the feeling’s all gone and he started to develop feelings for me and asked me out, I accepted his feelings out of pity cause I didn’t want him to feel bad and now I feel bad cause now I feel like I’ve made him felt worse, but he’s always so bottled up with his feelings and always tries to be understanding. I like that about him but it’s not good, he told me we should break up, he knows I don’t share the same feelings for him so he decided on the break up!” I rushed the whole words i said and my mom blinked rapidly.
“That is… I don’t know what to say but I sure do know what thing, rejecting someone is far better than accepting them out of pity, if you don’t like them, just let them know, and being In a relationship you don’t want to be in, is just so bad!” my mom stated and I sighed.
“I know, I shouldn’t have done that, but it’s okay now, we’ve resolved everything between us!” I said with a small sigh.
“Okay dear, whatever you do just know I’m always in full support!” my mom smiled and I nodded.
“So would you like to eat anything!?” I asked.
“Nope, I ate a huge burger on my way back, so I’m more than full, and shouldn’t you be getting ready for work?” my mom asked.
“Work doesn’t start until three, and it’s just twelve p.m” I reminded her and she nods.
Time was slow that day but the usual television shows helped, till it was time for me to go to work, like I slept so much I feel so energetic. And also feel so happy, because of what Neil did, he’s so understanding and I hope he finds someone better than me, someone who deserves the sweet and understanding Neil that I know.
I smiled at the sun, when I got inside the bus, it was beaming so bright and it just gave a cheerful vibe.
I was happy and cheerful at that moment and I loved the feeling, let’s be happy, we only live once.
I got to the Huggins residence and in no time, I found myself inside the house.
I found Mrs. Huggins in the living room talking to Dessera about something and when she noticed me, she held up the most beautiful smile ever.
“Elsa!” she called happily.
“Hi Mrs. Huggins!”.
She doesn’t have to work or go to work, when you have a filthy and Rich husband you get to stay home all day in fancy looking clothes and Shoes…
Mrs. Huggins never seemed to fail me with her dresses.
“Oh, so glad you’re here, Jason has finally get a hold of himself and as a better mom, I apologized to him for what I did.” Mrs. Huggins said happily.
“Oh that’s great!” I added.
“I know right?” she smiled.
I nodded and told her I’ll be in Jason’s room now.
She nodded and I left for Jason’s room.
I gave a small knock on the door. And heard a “You can come in!” from the inside.
I pushed the white door open and walked in his already too familiar room.
Surprisingly, Jason was already waiting at his study desk for me. And I couldn’t be more proud. So good he’s pushing the feeling things aside.
I sat down beside him and adjusted the chair away from his, just a bit, so we won’t bump into each other if we try to lift our elbows up or more.
I dropped my bag on the desk and breathed out a “Hi”.
“Hi” Jason replied. He remained quiet for a while before turning to me… “Okay so can we make this lesson the normal way it is before, instead of saying stupid ‘Hi’s and hellos, it’s awkward and stupid” Jason ranted.
“Well sorry to burst your bubbles, but you did reply me, so I guess we’re both freaks them” I raised my brows at him and he rolled his eyes.
And that was how the before atmosphere came back.
We both worked on some topics and Jason was really back on track cause he understood everything I was explaining, no more lost in thoughts or even finding zoned out.
Well he understands it’s for the best, it’s lovely how two of the guys who loves me are understanding. And I used to think Jason was childish. Well I take back all my words.
Jason solved all the whole equations without making a single mistake and I complimented him for his good work.
I started to flip the pages of the textbook to know what topic to work on next, while Jason was quiet, actually busy with his phone though.
I finally found a topic and called for his attention and he immediately dropped his phone and turned to me.
Well I started to make an explanation on the topic and before I knew it, my saliva clogged on my throat and I started to cough. Well that is a normal incident for everyone. But Jason quickly told me not to worry that he’d get me a glass of water immediately and dashed out of the room before I could protest.
I sighed, as I stood straight still watching the door. Guess I was too late, well I could really use a glass of water, I’ve been talking non stop.
I sat on Jason’s chair and sighed again. His phone blinked and turned on, I didn’t mean to pry but he was having a text conversation with the participant ‘Donald’ I remember the Donald guy being his friend.
I didn’t want to read his text conversation but the message I saw made me to. And it was Jason who sent it to donald.
**I act like I’m okay, but I know deep down I’m not, I have to be okay, unless I won’t see her again. Or at least I have to pretend I’m okay in order for her to be here**
Why didn’t he put a lock on his phone??
Curiously I read the next text and the next text and the next one.
Donald: *You are never going to be okay just know that*
Jason: *Try to be positive, I’m dying here, like she’s here beside me, I can’t take it*.
Donald: *To my own thinking, I think you’ll be fine if you just go on one date with her, maybe that would take your mind off awkward things, you’ll really get to see who she really is despite the teacher role.*
Jason: *A date with her? That sounds nice but are you going to ask her out for me cause I can’t, so don’t ever think a date is happening you prick*
Donald:*Your problem, not mine, you dweeb*
And that was the message that came in.
I stood up and sat back on my chair.
And here I am thinking he was over me. But he’s not.
The door opened and Jason walked in with a glass of water.
“Thanks” I said as he dropped the water in front of me. Thankfully his phone has slept off again.
“You welcome!” He said as he sat down.
I gulped down the whole glass and turned to him.. And out of nowhere I said.
“Do you want to go on a date with me?”
I grabbed the glass of water for Elsa and head back to my room.
I opened the door and found her on my seat, seeing me, she went back to hers and sat down. I dropped the glass of water in front of her and she gulped the whole thing down and thanked me.
“You’re welcome!” I said and sat down.
She dropped the glass on the study desk and Turned to me.
“Do you want to go on a date with me?”
I thought I heard wrong but I didn’t and turned to her immediately.
“What?” I asked, to be sure.
She blinked rapidly and let’s out a sigh.
“Just forget I said that!” she laughed.
“Of course I would love to!” I smiled.
“So you heard me the first time!” she narrowed her eyes at me.
“I wanted to be sure.” I looked away.
“Your sure-ness wanted to leave me in an awkward state!” she added and I grinned and let out a “sorry”
“But wait!” I turned to her. “You’re still with Neil and-
“And that’s why you should forget, I ever said that, I didn’t know what I was thinking.” She said feeling awkward about asking me out.
Like Elsa, just asked me out and I’m about to blow it.
No, not today!
“I can never forget that and I really want to go on a date with you and I take back my words please!” I quickly apologised.
She sighed and turned to me. “Okay so… I think that was a mistake and I want to apologise for it!” she said.
“Apologize?” I was lost.
“Apologize for what?” I asked.
“While you were getting my cup of water, I saw your chat with Donald where you said, you haven’t gotten over me, and so I want to apologize for prying through your messages and for also asking you out, out of sympathy, I wanted to ask you out to make you feel better because that was what Donald suggested on your text messages and I thought, maybe if you really go on one date with me, maybe you’ll get over me! I mean you will right?” She asked.
I don’t know! But what matters is that, she’s almost agreeing on going on a date with me.
“Of course!” I nodded.
“Good, but now thinking about it, I’ve been pretty selfish!” she sighed.
“Selfish? How do you mean?” I asked.
She glanced at me. “oh, it’s something I can’t explain, but don’t worry, it’s something only I can understand!”
“O…kay…” I didn’t know what to say.
“So can we just continue on our topic!” she said and started to turn the pages of the math text book.
And I angrily closed the book. Letting the book cover slam the pages hard.
“No we can’t, you can’t do this to me Elsa!” I couldn’t take it anymore. “I opened up my feelings for you, I tried to get over you but I couldn’t, I don’t care if you read my fucking text because I am seriously happy you read that, because it let you say out those words, if you’re so embarrassed to say it again, I understand but I will never be embarrassed to say, Elsa, will you go on a date with me, just a date, a one time thing and nothing else…Please!” I added the please when it looked like she was about to disagree.
“Look Jason, I just broke up with Neil because I agreed to date him out of pity, but it didn’t work out well because I did all that because of the sympathy I had in me. And now I’m doing it again, asking you out, out of pity, I’ve been a bad person enough, and pity just ruins everything!” she yelled.
The fact that she broke up with Neil, just made today even better.
I tried to hold my excitement.
“I don’t care if you asked me out, out of pity or any selfish reason or whatsoever, I’ll take anything coming from you, I don’t care if I’m being used by you too!” I stated and didn’t know what kind of impact my words meant to her, but she remained quiet for a while, with a surprised expression written all over her face.
Finally she let’s out a sigh. “it’s just a one time date, this Saturday and after that, we speak nothing about it!”
“That is better than okay, thank you so much Elsa!” I smiled.
She bit her bottom lip still looking worried.
“What’s wrong!” I asked.
She sighed. “It’s about the date, don’t you think it’d be awkward.!”
“Why do you say so?” I was suddenly hurt.
She looked at me and for some reason, I understood that gaze perfectly.
“Still worried about the age difference huh?” it was really sad.
“I mean what would people say?” she shrugged at me.
“Uh. That is none of their fucking business and people would say nothing because I look really older than you!” I let her know.
She shut her eyes and opened them back again.
“I get the point, you’re a boy, you look almost older than Neil too. but still to me you’re still… Younger”
“Okay, I have to ask, what is it with you and age?” I calmly asked.
She shrugged. “I don’t know, my dad’s older than my mom, and most people I’ve seen are like that too. It’s like an etiquette of couples or marriage or something and I think it’s always been like that it’s gotten into my head.!”
I shook my head at her. “I don’t think thats it!”
“Then what is?” she asked.
“You’re smart, I’m not giving you a compliment but a plain white honesty, you’re really smart, you’ve been smart your whole life and know a lot of thing about almost every single thing and people around you, you feel like you know too much and don’t need to be impacted by more, you feel like you could contain that smartness and can actually bring the best of it whenever you want to and that’s nice but when it comes to the case of relationships or stuffs similar to it, you bring in your smartness which is not supposed to be fully required. And I don’t know about Neil, but to me, you feel like I’m this kid who suddenly grew this stupid feelings for you and doesn’t know what he’s doing, sorry but there’s no book that warns ‘don’t fall for older or younger people’ there is no law that abides that, and looking at me, you feel like I’m not up to your standards or preferance and I’ll always be this kid you tutor, you feel like even if we happen to be in a relationship, there’s nothing I can bring up to your smartness, you follow everything your head tells you and not ready to change that. Your smartness kills the relationship impacts in your head, I’m not saying we should be in a relationship or so, but in a relationship you don’t bring in smartness, because smartness kills the vibes it kills the aura, In relationships, people bring in lust! And dumbness for it to go smoothly, they don’t let their heads judge age for them to be in love, but let their hearts decide for them!”.
Wow. I can’t believe I said all that.
Elsa let’s out a small breathable smile.
“You’re actually pretty smart yourself you know that?”.
“Yeah I know!” I shrugged.
Her smile faded and she suddenly looked sad.
” I don’t know what to say. Your words left me completely speechless, congratulations, now can we continue on our topic?” she said and I sighed. “Sure! Why not!”
She’s not even planing to make an impact on what I just said.
Well I’ll just let her be who she wants to be.
She started to explain the next topic and it looked too easy and I was getting bored, I didn’t let her explain finish, I just interrupted her and told her to give me a question to work on.
She did as I said and I started to work on the questions.
I glanced at her severly from the corners of my eyes, but she didn’t notice, she just stared at her phone.
I continued working on the questions until I glanced at her to see her stylishly wiping the corners of her eyes.
Is she in tears?
“Elsa? Are you okay?” I asked.
She turned to me quickly, “Why would you ask that, of course I’m okay!”
I saw no tears on her face so I quickly observed her eyelashes to see it wet.
She sure was in tears, but I wasn’t going to pry or ask why so I minded my business cause that’s what a real gentleman could do.
I WAS FEELING like shit, I was feeling like the worst, every thing Jason said, every word he spoke about calling it a plain white honesty, every sentence he made was true, that is how I am.
And I’m not even that smart.
But I’m also not Letting my heart decide, but my head.
I also want to go somewhere, I also want to fall in love, I could fall in love with anyone I want to, I could have let Neil in again if I wanted to. But I didn’t, I bottled up my heart and let my head do all the work.
I was being selfish to myself and that wasn’t healthy.
I can totally be wherever I want with someone, if only I can just open my heart and let them in.
It’s time to look for the key of this rusty old beating heart at the left side of chest. It’s time to look for the probably rusty keys too and open my heart up. I can even let the whole world in, if I want to, I shouldn’t feel smart about everything, and age… Age doesn’t really matter. All Jason had said was nothing but the truth and his speech should be said with confettis coming out of his mouth! Because that was a whole lot of sincere truth. How did he get to find out what was bottled up inside me.
But well I think it’s time.