AGE DOESN’T 🙅♀️ 🙅♂️
Lying still on my duvet and un-der my blanket, I watched the ceiling but not actually seeing the ceiling but engulfed in my own thoughts.
I was sad.
Anyone could tell.
I haven’t felt this way before.
A very hvge lump was at the bo-ttomof my throat and another lump was at the left side of che-st.
It just felt awkward cause it was something I’ve never felt before.
I knew Elsa would reject me if I ever confessed my feelings to her, I saw it coming, I saw it all coming, I expected it all, I was re-ady to take it all in.
But now it happened and I don’t know why it feels this way, is this what people feel also in cases of rejection. Cause this feeling is horrible and it’s ma-king my cold wors£n.
The door suddenly opened and Mr Marshall walked in, Mr. Marshall is our family doctor. I’ve known him to be the family’s doctor since I was three.
“Jason!” He called with a smile.
I said nothing, I wanted to say hi too but the lump on my throat wouldn’t let me.
“Heard from your mom you have a fever!” Mr. Marshall said dropping his briefcase on the floor beside my be-d.
If only she didn’t spill the beans out to Elsa first, then I would have known how to approach her.
‘But still yet she’ll reject you because she has Neil!’ my subconscious reminded me and I sighed.
What the hell is this!..
But still if my mom hadn’t say that to her in the first place.
‘St©p blaming your mom, Elsa doesn’t have feelings for you and probably never will, she’s too busy with Neil!’ my subconscious reminded me and I sighed.
I felt doctor Marshall’s hand against my forehead and looked up. He smiled at me
“Can you maybe sit down?” he said in his normal friendly way.
I sat up and let him do his doctor check up on me.
He used some doctor tools too but I was too lost in thoughts to even see what it was.
I was feeling awful and I know it.
Is this what a broken heart feels like?
If it is. I’d rather have a broken hand than a broken heart, cause this feeling is ridiculously killing me and just staring at my window, I felt like standing on it and then losing my self on air.
“Jason!” Mr marshall’s voice brou-ght me back to life and I turned to him.
“Well your fever isn’t too serious, I’ll just hand in some medicine and I @ssure it you will be fine by tomorrow and I’ll let your mom make you chicken soup because Chicken soup is an excellent source of fluids and electrolytes, which is necessary for hydration if you’re ma-king frequent trips to the bathroom. ” Mr. Marshall smiled and I just gave a brief nod.
He prescribe-d some drugs for ma and told me when to take them.
Mr. Marshall packed his things into his briefcase and as he Zi-pped the box bag, he looked up at me.
“Jason?” he called.
I turned to him.
“This isn’t just fever is it?” He asked.
What is he talking about, is it that obvious that I am officially going throu-gh heart break.
“What do you mean?” I pushed the lump back in my throat to say that.
“I mean it hasn’t been too long since you [email protected]£ down with a cold and also the same fever happening to you, and when I checked on you, you still looked the same even though your b©dy still re-ads that you’re not fine throu-gh medical tools. You were still jiltery and you still laughed, yelled and you talked a lot when i joked about giving you a sh0t! But I made that jokes minutes ago but you didn’t even hear me you were lost, I don’t know what kind of reverie you were having but reveries like that are pretty dangerous, you were completely lost. Do you mind sharing? What is wrong with you Jason!??” Mr. Marshall asked.
I sighed and looked down.
I didn’t want to say anything but I did anyways.
“I confessed my feelings to a girl but I got rejected.”
“Oh!” Mr. Marshall froze.
“Yeah” I la-id down back on the be-d.
“You’re all grown up now, ain’t that right? You’re confessing feelings to a girl!” Mr Marshall tried to joke but I didn’t laugh and he got the point.
“Well I don’t see why she’ll reject you, you’re a prince charming, I didn’t know anyone would reject you!” Mr Marshall said sitting down at the edge of my be-d. Looks like we’re in for a long conversation, cause I hope not, I’m not in the mood for conversations.
“So who Is she tell me more about this girl!” Mr. Marshall stated and I sighed.
“You’re not a love thera-pist Mr Marshall it would be best if you leave.!” I grunted sitting up.
“But I am a doctor, we heal the human b©dy, maybe I could at least do something to help.” He gave me a grin and I sighed.
“Her name is Elsa!” I began.
“Oh Elsa. What a nice name!” Mr. Marshall nodded.
“And she alre-ady has a b©yfri£nd!” I added.
“Ouch!” Mr Marshall dramatically added.
I gave him a look and he returned an apologetic look.
“She’s also my pri-vate math tutor!”
“Huh?” Mr. Marshall looked at me, bewildered.
“So… You are in love with your teacher? Is that it?” Mr. Marshall asked.
“Well yeah, but you just made it sound like she’s old. Call her tutor.” I stated.
“Does she goes to your school?” Mr. Marshall asked.
I looked up at him. I hate this conversation. “No she’s about to enroll into college.” I said.
“So she’s fast with her grades?” Mr. Marshall asked.
“No… No, she’s actually older than me.” I said.
“Oh!” Mr. Marshall paused.
“Now that seem awkward” he added.
“She’s juat twenty one what’s awkward about that? Age doesn’t fv¢king matter why is everyb©dy so spektic about that” I asked angrily.
“And you’re eighteen!” Mr. Marshall nodded. “What if that’s the reason she didn’t accept you,because you’re younger than her, I bet she also looks and feels old that’s why she rejected you and for crying out loud you’re her student!”.
“You were supposed to make me feel better Mr. Marshall” I sighed.
“I am!” he laughed.
“You know what, you can leave now, I’m getting sleepy!” I said and started to get un-der the covers.
Mr. Marshall stood up and [email protected]£d his suitcase.
“Okay then, make sure you take your medicine and don’t think too much, and like the saying love is like give and take Completely opening up and sharing your feelings and life with the person you love daily, and love must be mutual unless it can be unhealthy to the other [email protected]” Mr. Marshall explained.
I didn’t reply him though I un-derstand perfectly, what he said.
“And if she can’t love you back, you can’t f0rç£ her. Just be yourself and get back on track okay!” Mr. Marshall said and that was the last thing he said before leaving my room.
I la-id on my be-d and gave out a heavy sigh.
How can I escape from this? I know I have to stand up again, but is rejection this painful?
I feel like such a loser.
Minutes [email protected] and I was still like that on my be-d, I didn’t know what to do, I tried my best not to think but I was still lost in thoughts that I zone out at every dying minute, I didn’t even know Dessera had walked in until she called my name.
She placed a bowl of soup on my study desk and turned to me.
“I made you chicken soup,the doctor said, you should take your medicine!” Dessera slowly stated and walked out of my room.
I didn’t make an attempt to move an inch but after a few seconds of thinking, I stood up and went to have my meal.
Honestly the soup was mouth watering, I could see why mom hired Dessera, it was h0t and perfect for my b©dy, and after clearing the whole plate, I went back to my be-d to take my medicine.
I wanted to get water for myself because I had none left in my room and that required me to go downstairs, so I gave up and decided not to take the pills.
Just then I heard a knock on the door and the door opened and Dessera walked in with a bottled water.
“Your mother, said I should give you this” Dessera said and placed the bottled water beside the medicine.
“Thanks.” I said
she was about to leave when her called her back.
“Yes?” she looked at me her eyes wi-dely open.
“has Elsa gone home yet?” I asked.
“Yes, she left ten minutes ago.” I smiled
and she smiled and left.
Mom!. It’s like she re-ads my mind.
But still I’m mad at her.
I took my medicine and la-id back on the be-d and before I knew it, I fell asleep.
I threw my bag on the couch and breathed out a sigh as I walked to the fridge.
I took a half cold bottled water and chvgged down the whole thing.
I’ve had a long day.
So apparently I will not be working today, since Jason is sick and probably doesn’t want to see me again because he likes me and I don’t like him back. I’ve never been in a situation like this before and it is as weird as it is new, so I’m just clueless with whatever I’m doing.
I rested on the kitchen counter and stared at the floor. What should I have say to him to make him feel less sad. I know I did made it clear to him that the relationsh!pwe’ll be having is only that of a student and a teacher, but he likes me and I don’t like and thinking about this is just ma-king me cringe. I need a nap.
Just as I was about to gr-ab my bag and head to my room, I heard the doorbell ring.
I went to get the door and with no surprise, it was Neil.
I did text him about leaving work early cause at that moment he asked if I’m still teaching.
“So apparently I got off work early today because of you and now here I am!” He smiled.
I smiled too. “That’s nice.!”
He suddenly hvgged and ti-ght£ñ his hand around my b©dy.
“What? Did you miss me so much?” I asked in a teasing tone.
“More than you can ever imagine!” He replied not ma-king any effort to dis£ngage from the hvg.
“Okay now I can’t breathe!” I joked and he quic-kly let’s go me.
“Sorry!” he chuckled and let’s go of me.
“So can I come in?” Neil asked.
“Well sure!” I smiled and he walked in and close the door.
“So how are you and how come you’re home early?” Neil asked as he followed me to the couch of where I [email protected]£d my bag and start to heard to my room.
“I’m fine and also Jason is sick!” I replied.
“Oh. Oh I hope he gets better!” Neil said.
“Yeah!” I replied.
I opened the door to my room and Neil and I walked in.
“Wow.” Neil said.
“What?” I asked.
“Your room hasn’t change a bit!” He said.
“Really?” I laughed.
“Yeah, but wait! Your be-d used to be a little on this side” Neil said demonstrating with his hands.
“Wow, your memory is way better than I thought!” I smiled.
As I dropped my bag on my be-d, I turned to the door to see it slightly open.
“Jason can you close the door!” I said
Neil closed the door but laughed.
“What?” I asked.
“You just called me Jason!.
As I dropped my bag on my be-d, I turned to the door to see it slightly open.
“Jason can you close the door!” I said
Neil closed the door but laughed.
“What?” I asked.
“You just called me Jason!.” Neil said walked over to me.
“No. I called you Neil.” I replied.
“No I heard you call me Jason, you might be calling me by name on the inside but you called Jason!” Neil expound.
“Well” I laughed.
“That’s completely normal cause we can call someone another person’s name by mistake and that was a mistake. It’s just because I’m around him day by day and you know he’s pretty stubborn, so I call his name all the time and maybe that’s why, but if I did call you Jason I’m sorry!” I tried to smile.
“Well it’s okay, I knew it was a mistake.!” He beamed and I nodded.
I rolled my hair in a bun and turned to Neil.
“So now that we’re here. What do you suggest we do?” I asked.
What do people in relationsh!ps do?
I laughed at my question, when my subconscious replied them immediately. ‘They probably smooch and cudd-leall they long!’
“Why are you laughing?” Neil asked.
“Uhm… Nothing, just recalling some old jokes!” I Lied. I can’t possibly tell him what I was thinking.
“Okay, so how about a movie, can we watch a movie.” Neil suggested.
“Of course! We will both watch it downstairs!” I said and Neil nodded.
“So I want to change my clothes can you wait for me downstairs?” I asked and he nodded with his normal friendly smile. “Of course!”.
Neil left my room and I quic-kly changed into my sweats, at least something more than comfortable. No work today, so let’s spend more time with my b©yfri£ndshall we?.
I went downstairs to see Neil tapping his phone screen with both of his thumb and he immediately turned to me when he heard my footstep.
I sat on the couch beside him and asked.
“So what are we watching!”
“I’ve connected my phone to the TV, so a little options from Netflix won’t hurt!” Neil smiled and I nodded.
We decided on a movie and started to watch it.
It was a ro-mantic movie and it was pretty good honestly.
The movie went on for minutes going to one hour and it was getting pretty good as time went by.
“This is getting pretty good!” Neil chuckled.
“No getting, and cause you pause it, I think this might be a good time for ch!ps, it’ll definitely go well with the next scenes!” I said standing up.
“And also orange or apple jui-ce to go with” Neil added and I smiled.
I hurried to the kitchen and immediately rushed back to the living as my hands were filled with two bags of ch!ps and a big sized cup of orange jui-ce.
“You should called me to help, the ch!ps looked pretty heavy on you!” Neil said as he took a bag of ch!pand a cup from me.
“Are you indirectly calling me lazy?” I narrowed my eyes at me.
“I don’t know are you lazy?” Neil tea-sed with a sm-irk.
He just tea-sed me. For the first time since I met him again.
I mean Neil doesn’t tease people much, back then in high school, but me he teases me all the time calling me all sort of names. But since then. And now that I’ve met him he has changed a lot, he is more than a gentleman now, very quiet and well composed. He mind his words and everything, and honestly it’s very nice.
But I don’t know i enjoyed his teasing just now, maybe sometimes being all composed is not alright, sometimes we need to joke, to lighten up the mood, perfection isn’t what everyone’s looking for.
“No I am not lazy!” I rolled my eyes with a smile and sat beside him again opening my bag of ch!ps.
He pla-yed the movie and we both continued watching the movie.
“It was just a movie!” Neil tried to hold onto his laugh.
“I know but it… It’s just” I sniffed. Wiping the corners of my eyes
The movie ended so badly, the main character was diagnosed with cancer of the [email protected] and then died during surgery, leaving her fiance to commit suicide.
“I un-derstand that crying at the ending of a sad movie is a case of normalcy but I didn’t expect any of this from you Elsa!” Neil laughed.
“Well now you have so! Don’t you dare laugh about it!” I said still wiping my eyes.
I’m not very emotional but the soundtrack of the movie and with everything that happened rhymed and it was just so emotional.
“Okay, well it is okay!” Neil said circling his hand around my shoulder.
“I know it’s okay!” I sighed resting my head on his shoulder. “I was just putting on a show!” I Lied.
“Nope. You were crying for real!” He smiled.
“Oh okay fine I was, now can we drop it!” I rolled my eyes and he smiled.
Neil and I talked about a lot of things, well mostly back in high school and the silly things people of the student council did or say, it was just so fun recalling old days and all.
Neil called it a day and said it was time for him to leave and honestly it was fun being with him today.
I esc-rted Neil to the door and we both stood on the porch to bid our goodbyes.
“Okay then, till next time, I call you immediately I get home” Neil stated.
“Okay sure!” I smiled.
“It was really nice hanging out with you though!” He beamed.
“Same here, it really was!” I smiled.
“Okay then!” Neil just couldn’t st©p smiling.
Neil looked back at his car, and then turned to me, he [email protected]£ a little closer to me and started to lean closer to me.
What is he doing?
‘What else, he’s trying to k!ssyou’ my s-en-sitive subconscious replied my question and my breath hitched.
A k!ss, I’ve not had a k!ssbefore, and second of all, I don’t even want to k!ss. I’m not re-ady for a k!ssright now.
Of course he was going for a k!ssbut when he got close to me I turned my head away.
Neil paused and moved back.
“Sorry!” he lets out a little nervous laugh.
“It’s… Okay” I said and my voice was very low.
Neil suddenly looked sad and confused all of a sudden, and I suddenly start to feel guilty.
I mean we’re in a relationsh!pright? A k!ssis normal and why did I have to turn my face away.
I shut my eyes and opened them back up immediately, I got closer to Neil and stood on my toes.
It’s just a k!ss, I tell myself as I leaned closer to him.
But he placed his hands on my shoulder and pushed me back gently letting me stand balanced.
“You don’t have to f0rç£ yourself if you don’t want to. It’s okay!” Neil smiled.
I could tell he f0rç£d the smile.
“I… I’m.. Sorry!” I bent my head down.
“It’s okay now Elsa! So I better get going!” Neil still left his smile on his face as he tapped my shoulder and walked away from the porch and to his car. He said his goodbyes to me with a wave and finally a happy smile and entered the car.
I closed the door behind me and walked up to the couch.
I hvgged my knees and buried my face in between them. I am such an idiot.
And here I am thinking I’m all grown when I’m still a child.
I can’t even k!ssmy b©yfri£nd. Then why did I even agree to [email protected]£ him.
Sometimes I just hate myself.
Later on I called my mom and we both talked for a long time, she also reminded me about her coming her tomorrow and all and then we hung up.
I went back to my room, seeing it was getting late, I decided to get an Early rest.
Since I sle-pt so early surprisingly I woke up in the morning by 3am to see two voice mails on my phone.
I’ve never received voice mails before.
Cause I always pick my calls.
Surprisingly one was from Jason and the other one was from Neil.
Jason’s voice mail was s£nt at 8:15pm and Neil’s voice mail was s£nt at 10:05pm.
I decided to listen to Jason’s voice mail first and I tapped my phone screen and it start to [email protected] I listened carefully.
“Uh… Hey Elsa, it’s me Jason, so I was calling and you weren’t picking and so I decided to drop this voice mail before tomorrow, so I Just wanted to let you know that, I’m actually kind of feeling better and it would be best if you can come tomorrow so we can get back on track with our lessons. plea-se do, I guess my fever brou-ght out the childish side of me today, but well that’s [email protected] and thanks to my pills I’m getting better, and all set for school tomorrow and our lesson tomorrow and we can also drop the stuff about me… having feelings for you” Jason said that [email protected] really low and I smiled.
“so that’s all I wanted to say“ was the last thing Jason’s voice mail said before it ended. And I was really glad he was growing up. That was pretty nice.
I sighed and pla-yed Neil’s voice mail too.
“Elsa, Elsa you weren’t picking my calls and I don’t know what you’re up to but anyways I decided to drop this voice mail for you” Neil’s voice sounded hoarse and unstable like he was drun!k, and the place he was carried so much noise.
“I love you so much Elsa, I really do. But I don’t think you love me or will ever will, if only you told me back then. I won’t be going throu-gh such pains like this. If only I have looked at you back then, things would have been different by now. It was just a k!ss, a stupid k!ssand you didn’t even let me, I mean what’s the point of [email protected]!ngif we can’t even k!ssand then suddenly you call me Jason, I mean, not liking me is one thing but calling me another guy’s name is another and that really hurt Elsa. I always act like everything is fine but it’s not. I want you to look at me like I am yours but you just look at me like an older brother, I’m your b©yfri£ndbut I feel like a brother. Should we just break up? Should we! I [email protected]£ here to have a night and drink to the fullest cause I’m actually my real self when I’m drink and I like” Neil laughed and I bit my bo-ttoml!pfeeling so guilty.
“I love you Elsa. I really had fun today, I thought I was seeing a thing happening between us but you won’t even k!ssme. You won’t even open up to me. I feel so ashamed, then why did you accept my feelings for you, if you know you were going to treat me like gabbage. I don’t think we can work out… You know, being together, I don’t know if it’s that stupid Jason or who. But whoever it is I don’t know… I want to kill him so badly, but I can’t, just know that I love you so much, Elsa,… Elsa… I don’t know but I love the way your name rhymes with my voice!” Neil said and the voice mail ended…
What have I done.
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Age doesn’t matter Episode 23 & 24