Tales of two funny ritualist episode 18
For the first three days after we sle-pt with the pr©st!tût£as advised my flex, nothing happened.
At first I thought flex had gotten the perfect solution we have been looking for, but then, on the fourth day [email protected]£ the problem.
I just woke up from the be-d with dencygirl still slee-ping when I saw a scary looking monster beside the best.
I shouted so loud that dencygirl jumped up from the be-d.
Dencygirl: what’s the problem.
Me: one big monster.
I said visible shaking and pointing to the position I earlier saw the beast.
Dencygirl: ohhh Idris you don start again o, we-tin be your own self?
Me: no I swear, one beast be dey here. As I shout the beast come run.
Dencygirl: and I tell you make you no watch that horror film last night but you no gree. How monster go just appear inside our house and disappear all at once.
I couldn’t argue with hee because I knew what I saw. Then another thing happened again, a big [email protected] appeared on her head.
Me: Jesus Christ, see [email protected] for your head.
I saw and dashed towards the entrance of our room.
Dencygirl: which [email protected]?
She asked surprised, to her, what she had on her head was her hair net.
Me: no, see big [email protected] for your head.
Then all of a sudden, the snake disappeared. Dencygirl [email protected]£ sad thinking I was pla-ying games with her.
Me; what’s the problem sweetie?
Dencygirl: am gonna leave you, today I am leaving this house.
Me: why sweetheart.
Dencygirl: I don’t like this your character you’re displa-ying.
Me: OK, sorry no vex.
Dencygirl: which no vex, you just wake up dey shout this and that, you better st©p o.
Me; OK I go st©p. JESUS!!!!!!!!!!
I shouted, three skeletons in the form of zombies just entered in side.
Dencygirl: why you shout?
Me: eem, I don miss my match finish o. Chealsy versus Kano pillars. I dey come
I said as I dashed out of the room.
Donflex ran out if his room and entered his cousin’s room shaking like a dry leaf at the mercies of the wind.
Ella: what is the problem?
Flex: flying skeleton everywhere.
Ella; na which one be flying skeleton again.
Donflex: wait, no tell me say you no dey see all these things?
Ella: I know no we-tin you dey talk. All these one na ru-bbish. Let me sleep I take God beg you.
Donflex: but… but…
Ella: abeg brother. It is too early for your jokes. No catch me April fool this early morning o.
Donflex: but I dey serious. No be April fool be these at all.
He was still trying to explain things when the [email protected], skeleton and other horrible things appeared again.
He quic-kly dashed out of the room in fear. It seems the whole house is filled with horrors.
Not knowing what to do, he entered his car and zoomed off to Idris’s house.
I couldn’t bear it any longer, worst still dencygirl didn’t believe me at all. So the best thing to do for now is to meet my [email protected] in crime, Donflex.
Dencygirl: na where you dey rush go like this?
Me; I dey come. I nee-d to meet Donflex. See you very soon.
Dencygirl: OK oo. See you very soon.
I rushed to my parking lot, revised my car and drove off.
I nee-d the fastest route to get to Donflex’s house. Maybe taking the UBA junction will be fas-ter.
I stepped on the accelerator as the car moved with high speed.
Flex: I nee-d to reach Idris house sharp sharp. Oh God save me. Maybe if I pas-s throu-gh this intersection go bur-st out for UBA junction, I go reach sharp sharp.
Flex was talking to himself as he stepped on the accelerator, increasing the speed of his car.
The UBA junction was like a crossroad, luckily cars weren’t much so no nee-d to slow down.
I quic-kly took a left turn, pas-sed by UBA bank and I felt a spiritual f0rç£ over me. I stepped on the accelerator so [email protected] and took a sharp right turn.
That was when I saw Flex’s car, coming towards my car with the same velocity like mine. I tried stepping on the [email protected] but it was too late, the [email protected] wasn’t working again.
AND THEN, EVERYWHERE [email protected]£ DARK.
baba laughed so [email protected] as he witnessed the scene from his shrine.
Baba: that is what you get for claiming to be so wise, when you are actually very foolish. Hahaha.
I woke up suddenly, feeling no pain and having no broken bones. I was filled with the unknown. No blood no hurt. Then I [email protected]£ out of the car feeling well.
The collision of our cars were too horrific. Blood was everywhere and people were busy crying.
Me: e don do o. Make una no cry again. I am fine.
I said to the wailing crowd but it seems they are deaf, they didn’t even hear me.
Me: make una no cry again now. Una dey craze?
The wailing continues, even more ha-rder this time around. I got close to one of them and tried holding him but my hand pas-sed throu-gh him.
That was when I un-derstood everything. I am dead physically, just alive in the realm of the spirit.
Donflex: Jesus Christ, we don die ooo.
Flex cried out pitifully. His spirit just [email protected]£ out few minutes ago.
Me: our own don finish oo and baba warn us.
We cried like children as we watched our life less b©dy rushed to the hospital by an ambulance. Several thoughts ran throu-gh my head. Like where will I go now, heaven or hell.
No matter how [email protected] I tried convincing myself, I knew it was hell. I stood up and disappeared.
I appeared in my house, Dencygirl didn’t see me or notice anything. She just kept on watching her television.
Seeing this innocent girl all alone pained me most. So now I can’t marry her again. She can’t hear me again, she can’t t©uçh, cook and pamper me like a baby again.
Her phone began to ring, I moved quic-kly and the number was an unsaved one .
Dencygirl: yes I am his girlfriend, fiancé I mean and you can call me dencygirl.
Dencygirl: accident?? Where? When and how.
The nurse that called was nice. She answered series of questions before she gave dencygirl the address of the hospital and dencygirl rushed out with me following her from behind.