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TEARS OF A HELPLESS WOMAN (episode 11)

© Pauline Mumbi 

When we got home I helped take the items in the house while Stella talked to Atusaye.
Mrs. Martin’s was in the living room and he asked me to join him as soon as I finished packing.
I quic-kly packed up and joined Mrs. Martins in the living room.
“How are you dear?” She greeted me.
“Am well thank you” I responded as I settled on the couch.
“Dear I called you here to let you know that my sisters will be coming back thus evening. They have some big personalities but they are very nice. One of them is your age mate actually and the other one is slightly older” she said.
“Well I just wanted to tell you that” she said.
“Oh OK.. Thank you Mrs. Martins” she said.
I was re-ady for another chapter with the ladies around, maybe that would help me forget about Atusaye
When I stepped outside Stella and Atusaye were still talking so I [email protected] them to go to my [email protected]
“When people are talking you joy in the conversation” Stella said tea-singly.
“No I’m good” I responded as I [email protected]
“You promised to take me for a drink” Stella said to Atusaye.
I did not bother to hear Atusaye’s response as I walked on, it was really none of my business.
re-ad also: ERUKA
Stella [email protected]£ to get her few items saying she was going for a drink with Atusaye. She had just knocked off so I figured she was telling the truth.
re-ading was my comfort so every time I had a lot on my mind I chose to re-ad. However, I was feeling something different. I didn’t want to re-ad or do¢vment my life anymore. I still wanted to write but this time I had a different view. I wanted to write how i was feeling because I was feeling something. Something I couldn’t explain.
I got a pen and a new book which I had not yet scribbled in. Thoughts went throu-gh my mind but I couldn’t come up with a title except “to whom it may concern” . slowly inspiration [email protected]£ and I jotted down my feelings:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.
I don’t know how I feel but I know I feel something. A lonely girl shuttered inside, I wish i could escape my reality even just for a moment and go back to that moment when he asked me to join him for dinner.
I wish I could go back to the time he met me and change my route. Maybe if I got a bus to the village I wouldn’t be feeling this way.
Am I ungrateful? How can I describe this feeling?. Its a feeling that over powers me. I could give up on everything i have just to live that night once More. Oh life! How selfish can you be?. One moment you wave happiness in my face and the next minute I am breathing pain.
I long for that day and night, for when he fed me that cake the whole world st©pped and when he held my hand its like heaven was [email protected] for me.
I hate to admit my feelings and in fact I hate to even have these feelings. Lonely be no my heart or my b©dy will grow weary. I’m not ungrateful.. I’m just a girl who doesn’t un-derstand her feelings.
################
As I prepared dinner in the main house my heart ached as I counted the hours that Atusaye had been out. What was wrong with me? Atusaye was engaged and very much taken.
I had never felt this way for anyb©dy and I was worried this feeling would hurt me eventually.
Just went I was getting done with dinner Atusaye [email protected]£ home with Clara and Joy. The ladies were beautiful and very friendly.
They were excited to be home and they quic-kly introduced themselves.
“My name is Clara I come after Atusaye” Clara said
“And am Joy, I’m the baby of the family” she giggled.
“I am Mwansa the house maid…”
“No no you don’t use that word, you are family” Joy interrupted.
“We don’t have maids here” Joy added.
Atusaye had gone straight to the be-droom when they arrived.
I started setting the table and the ladies offered to help ma-king my job easier. I was impressed at how good the girls were to me.
Mr and Mrs Martin’s had not left there room until it was time for supper.
Mr. Martin’s asked me to stay behind for supper and i joined everyone one on the dinner table.
It was very weird sitting opposite Atusaye as we both tried to ignore each other. Everyone kept conversation except Atusaye and I.
“Atu it’s very unusual for you to be quiet.. What’s happening?” Clara tea-sed.
“I’m enjoying my food” he responded without looking at her.
After dinner the ladies offered to do the dishes and I went to my [email protected]
I was just about to tack in when my phone rang.
“Hello”..
” hai plea-se come outside ” Atusaye said.
“Outside where?” I asked.
Outside the gate. I’m parked outside the gate. I want us to talk somewhere will be back shortly” he said.
“But where are we going it’s late and Mrs. Martins might..’
” she is slee-ping” he interrupted.
“No.. I can’t.. I’m sorry” I responded before hanging up.
My heart raced and every [email protected] of me wanted to go but I couldn’t. After saying a short quic-k prayer I turned my phone off and covered my face.
Suddenly I heard a loud ban-g almost like someone was trying to break down my door.
I quic-kly opened the door and there he was, my weakness.
‘Mwansa if you don’t want to come with me then you and I will talk from here” he said.
“Its not safe here we might give the security guard unnecessary ideas” I opposed.
“Then you know what to do” he said.
“OK let me change I’m coming” I responded.
Atusaye sat and waited on my door step
as I changed.
To be continued… 
NEXT (episode 12)                                                                                       PREVIOUS (episode 10)

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